Summary: Jack discovers another secret that Ianto has been hiding. Read the warnings, please!
Characters: Captain Jack H, Ianto J, brief mention of the team
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: M
Spoiler: Cyberwoman
Warnings: Swearing, adult language and concepts. Sexual content – slash, pornography, prostitution, possible dubious consent.
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or any of its characters or plot lines, nor do I receive money from stories. Any similarities of OCs to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.
A/N: This incorporates a bit of an alt-universe idea I have that Ianto has had a rougher early life than he lets on. Thanks as always to my muse, my friend and my talented beta, triquetralin.
Secrets
"Dammit! Ianto!"
The door to Captain Jack's office burst open and he stood there, clutching the door frame as if holding himself back with only the barest hint of control. The sight of Jack in such a fit of rage startled both Gwen and Tosh and they sat, staring up at him from their desks, in stunned silence.
"Ianto!" Jack bellowed again, the sound echoing loud enough in the cavernous Hub to make the two women flinch. Myfanwy, the resident pteranodon, rustled in her lair but didn't pop out to see what the yelling was about. "Where's Ianto?" he asked the women. "I want him up here right now."
Gwen looked at Tosh, who looked back, mouth agape.
"Someone tell me where he is. Now!"
"Down in the vaults," Tosh said quickly, responding to the tone more than the question. She hadn't heard such anger in Jack's voice since they had discovered Ianto's little secret – his girlfriend, half-converted into a Cyberman, hidden in the basement. The fact that Jack's anger seemed to be directed at Ianto again didn't bode well. What had he been hiding now?
Jack fixed his Bluetooth device to his ear. From only a few feet away, Gwen could see his fingers trembling as he tapped the device, switching it on.
"Ianto?" There must have been an answer because Jack smiled, but there was something wolfish and predatory in that grin, not the usual teasing, flirtatious look he wore when talking to the young archivist. "Get up here to my office on the double ... No, this is not a social call. I mean now!"
Realizing that the two women were still staring at him, Jack humphed, storming back into his office and slamming the door hard enough to make the glass walls rattle.
Owen stepped up from his sunken island of a morgue, curious but staying out of the line of sight. He had clearly heard Jack's shouting and didn't want to be anywhere in the anger zone.
What's up? he mouthed at Gwen who shrugged helplessly. She furtively glanced up at Jack's office again, then turned back to her computer – not that she was getting any work done.
They all jumped again, twitchy with nerves, at the sound of Ianto's footsteps coming into the main Hub. Rolling his sleeves back down – he'd obviously been cleaning out the Weevil cells – he stepped quickly around Owen. Not pausing and with a grim look on his face, he took the steps up to Jack's office two at a time, knocking on the door before entering.
"Yes, sir?" It had been weeks since Ianto had consistently called Jack 'sir', but he definitely felt the situation warranted it now.
"Close the blinds," Jack said. He was sitting at his desk, head in his hands, elbows propped on the desk on ether side of his laptop, which sat open in front of him.
Ianto went around and quickly closed the vertical blinds, deliberately avoiding the pained and worried looks of his team mates below. When all the glass walls were covered, Ianto went to stand in the middle of Jack's office. As the silence lengthened, he opened his mouth to prompt the captain but then closed it, deciding to wait for the storm he knew was coming. He didn't know what it was about, but he knew Jack well enough to know it wasn't good. Try as he might, he couldn't think of what he'd done recently to infuriate Jack this much.
Jack raised his head and his eyes fell on something displayed on the computer. He physically winced, closing his eyes. Ianto could see the tendons standing out in the captain's neck and he wondered what was on the screen. He didn't have to wait long to find out.
"Ianto, I want you to tell me what this is." His voice was quiet now, but Ianto didn't relax. Jack spun the laptop to face out and pressed a button. Stepping closer to the desk, the tall archivist bent his head to look at the screen.
The small room filled with the sounds of heavy breathing as a video started. At first Ianto was confused. Then, the sounds and motions came together – it was a porn video, the grunts and groans clear although sounding tinny coming through the small laptop speakers. He blushed and started to turn away, then stopped.
The view pulled back enough to reveal more of the two participants and Ianto gasped. A shudder went through him and he paled visibly.
"Oh my god!" He spun around, turning his back on the video, his whole body shaking. A spot of sweat grew on the back of his shirt between his shoulder blades. He threw his hands up, covering his ears. "Turn it off! Please, god, turn it off!"
There was a sharp tap of a computer key and the sounds stopped.
"Well, Ianto? I'm waiting."
"Shit." The phrase lewdly matched a groan that had just been uttered in the video and Ianto grimaced. "Where did you find it?" he asked, struggling to keep his composure.
"No, you don't get to ask the questions right now." Jack stood, his chair scraping loudly on the concrete floor, and stepped next to his young archivist. Ianto could feel the heat of his anger, see the stiff movements as he fought for control. "I asked you WHAT THE HELL IS THAT AND WHY ARE YOU IN IT?!"
The windows rattled again with Jack's shout. Trying not to flinch, Ianto turned to face his captain. He didn't mean to be flippant but the words just came out: "It's a porn video, obviously – "
He got no further. Jack grasped Ianto by the shirt, twisting the young man's tie as he slammed him against one of the glass walls with a hard thump, Ianto's body pushing the slats of the blinds aside. Looking over Ianto's shoulder, Jack could see his other three employees staring up at the office in shock.
Still clutching Ianto by the tie, Jack leaned over and yanked open his office door.
"You three, get out! Go home. Take the day off."
"But it's only ..." Gwen started, then bit her lip, her eyes going wide. Arguing with Jack was second nature to her but entirely inappropriate now. Dropping her gaze, she quickly shut off her computer with one hand, not waiting for it to power down properly, and grabbed her coat with the other. Owen passed her as he headed for the exit and Tosh came up beside them as they all slipped through the cogwheel door before it had fully opened. Not one of them looked back up to Jack's office as the door closed behind them.
Slamming the office door closed, although there was no reason to now, Jack loosened his grip on Ianto's shirt but stepped closer, his voice low and fierce. "I want to know what one of my team members is doing in a porn video."
Ianto had got over the embarrassment enough to feel his own sense of outrage. He pushed away from Jack, striding across the room. "It's my private business."
"It's on the bloody internet! It's not private."
"It was done years ago. It has nothing to do with Torchwood."
"Dammit, Ianto. You're Torchwood. You've seen the files and storage facilities. Even dead, you'll still be Torchwood."
Jack moved back to the desk, leaning heavily on it, head down. He must have caught a glimpse of an image paused on the computer screen because he slammed the laptop closed.
"How old were you?" His voice was still tight and angry, but he had stopped shouting.
Ianto leaned against the bookcase opposite from Jack and the desk. He straightened his tie, then crossed his arms defensively. "I don't have to tell you anything."
Jack sighed heavily, trying to calm down. "You don't have to but I'm asking and I would like you to tell me. No more secrets, you said, after Lisa."
"I meant no more Torchwood secrets."
Jack pushed up off the desk, spinning around to face Ianto, glaring, anger bursting forth again. "I'm trying very hard to be reasonable and to understand what the hell is going on here!" he shouted.
"I can't believe Mr. Fifty-First-Century with his evolved sexual morals is having a problem with this!"
Jack laughed and it sounded harsh even to his own ears. "Well I can't believe I just watched Mr. I-Won't-Kiss-Jack-In-Public being screwed while someone FILMED IT! Damn it, Ianto stop being such a defensive hypocrite and answer the question!"
"All right!" Ianto shouted. "I was nineteen. My dad had just kicked me out of the house for kissing a guy in his front parlour!"
Ianto slammed his fist against the bookshelf as his voice broke. He quickly turned away, hands on his hips, as he tried to remember to breathe. "Fuck, I wasn't even serious about him, we were just having a laugh and he leaned over and kissed me and Dad caught us. I had no money, no place to live. I met this man who said he'd pay me five hundred quid if I shagged some bloke on film, so I said yes."
Ianto started to pace, from the windows back to the bookcase. "It was my choice. I was of legal age. I even got to pick the guy so it wasn't too creepy. The entire shoot took two hours and I got five hundred pounds. It got me enough to live on until I got a job. I did it once and that's it. Happy now?"
Jack sighed again. "No, Ianto, I'm not happy. Shit." He plopped down in his chair.
"How did you find it, anyway?"
Jack scrubbed his face, exhausted. "I was running the face recognition software through the Net. There was a hit on your face. Why didn't you tell me about it?"
Back at the window again, Ianto slid down and sat on the floor with a thump. "To be honest, I had put it completely out of my mind. Maybe I blocked it out, I don't know. I'm not exactly proud of it, but ..." he shrugged.
"Don't tell me you don't care that that is out there?" Jack couldn't hide his distaste.
"I don't think about it," Ianto said, his voice emotionless. "At all."
They sat in silence for a long time.
"I watched it." Jack said quietly.
Ianto snorted. "Well, you've read my diary, so why not."
"Dammit, Ianto, you don't get to be high and mighty about this."
"You violate my privacy and call it Torchwood business. I can be however I want."
Jack leaned back in his chair. "This is not the same as your diary. This is on the Internet. Do you even know how many hits it's had? How many downloads? People are wanking to your pretty arse getting ..." He stopped. "I can't even say it. And that's a first for me. Have you watched it? Do you have any idea what it looks like?"
"I was there. If I want to remember, I'm sure I can dredge up the memory."
"Well, tough." Jack stood up and gestured to his chair. "I'm not going to be the only one in this room with those images in my head. Come on, let's wander down memory lane."
Ianto blanched, tucking his arse closer into the corner where the window met the floor. "I don't want to watch it, Jack. What is this, some kind of sick intervention? I told you I only did it once."
"I want to know what your oh-so-mature sensibilities think of it now. Get the hell up here and sit down."
"No!"
Jack reached down and grabbed Ianto by the arm. Not quick enough to avoid him, Ianto tried to yank Jack off balance but he was inexorably tugged upright. With his arm twisted roughly behind his back, Jack shoved Ianto across the room and into the chair, holding him down with his hands on Ianto's shoulders.
"Let me go, dammit!"
"Listen! Just listen to me for one moment."
Ianto stopped struggling. He knew that Jack wasn't just being perverse, that he really did have a point. Unfortunately the point involved Ianto watching himself in a porn video and that just made him cringe.
Feeling Ianto's body relax slightly under his fingers, Jack continued. "You made this decision under stressful circumstances and with a nineteen-year-old's mind. For what it's worth, that is not really full consent."
"I knew what I was doing and I didn't do anything I didn't want to."
"Really?" Jack removed one hand and propped open the laptop again, waiting for it to start up from its sleep mode. "Because it sure doesn't look like it."
The video was there, paused in a graphic, frozen image of a cock buried halfway between a pair of furry arse cheeks. Ianto squinted, half-turned away, trying not to look as Jack started the video.
"God, at least turn the volume off, please! I don't want to hear myself."
Jack clicked the mute button.
The two figures started moving silently. The younger Ianto was lying face down on a cream coloured duvet. He was already quite tall and well-furred, looking older than his years if you didn't notice the knobbly elbows and knees. The man on top of him was younger-looking, wiry but handsome.
Even without the sound, it still looked sordid. The thinner man thrust roughly into Ianto's arse, leaning heavily on his shoulders, pinning him to the bed. The camera panned up to Ianto's face.
Seeing the room and the other guy again, Ianto felt the sweat trickling down his back. It all came back to him in a rush – the stale smell of the duvet, the creaking of the mattress and the nasal voice of the film-maker, telling him and the other young man, who he only knew as Sean, what to do and when to stop moving so he could get into position with his small camera.
Sean had done shoots like this before and he and the film-maker – Ianto never had discovered his name – seemed quite excited that this was Ianto's first time. Sean agreed to be the top and had told Ianto, "I'm going to give you a wild ride" with a grin that didn't seem to reach his eyes. Ianto remembered that he had smelled of cologne and sharp masculine sweat and his breath had tasted of cigarettes and mint toothpaste.
As the images played out on the video, Ianto saw how uncomfortable his younger self looked. The camera stayed on his face for a few moments and even without the sounds he looked like he was in pain. Not having thought about the experience for years, Ianto had forgotten how uncomfortable it had been – Sean was big and there was no time to take it slow. At the time he kept repeating to himself it only hurt because he was nervous about the camera. Relax and it'll be over soon, he had told himself. He needed the money and didn't want to wimp out. It got easier as it went along and although it hadn't been the most pleasant of experiences, it certainly hadn't been as bad as it looked.
And it did look awful. Even though, at the time, it was nothing more than a bad shag – something he got over easily – seeing it now he realized what Jack was talking about. The editing showed Ianto taken roughly, highlighting his discomfort. The people who were watching and downloading this were getting off on what looked like a very borderline rape film.
Ianto finally slapped his hand on the keyboard, stopping the film more by luck than intent. Abruptly he was brought back to Jack's familiar office – the scent of the oak desk and the stone wall behind him, the sight of Jack's eclectic clutter. Feeling Jack's hands still on his shoulders, more gentle now, Ianto squirmed out of Jack's touch, pushing the chair back from the desk.
"Don't," he said. "Don't say anything."
Jack didn't. He knew Ianto well enough to know when to leave him alone. Instead he stepped to the side of the desk, pulled the laptop closer and started tapping keys.
Ianto watched him for a few moments but couldn't quite see what he was doing. Finally curiosity got the better of him and he asked.
"Toshiko taught me a few things." Jack answered, smiling softly. "I'm sending a virus to his web page. Anything that gets uploaded, downloaded or viewed will be a pixelated mess. It won't affect the videos already downloaded and it won't affect any files this film-maker has stored off the Net, but it'll screw him over enough for a while."
Ianto let out a snort of a laugh. "That's something." He scratched the back of his neck, feeling itchy and clammy. He didn't want to talk or think any more. "Are you finished yelling at me?"
Jack stood at the desk. Staring down at Ianto, he saw how disturbed and upset he was. He wanted to hold him, comfort him, but he could see that wasn't what the young man wanted or needed right now. Stuffing his clenched fists in his pockets he nodded. "For now, yeah."
Ianto got up and skirted around Jack, escaping out of the office.
TWTWTWTWTW
It took three days before Ianto realized that Jack was not going to initiate any sexual activity after that last fight. Which meant that Jack wasn't through processing it and there would be more discussion, whether Ianto wanted it or not. This time he decided he wouldn't let Jack bully him. He was fine, had dealt with the damn video in his own head – it was in the past, he was over it and he wanted to get on with life. So, taking the bull by the horns, he stopped in at Jack's office as everyone else was filing out after a long day.
"Knock knock," he said, as he leaned around the doorpost.
"Who's there?" Jack grinned, pushing papers aside on his desk.
"Me," Ianto answered.
"Me who?"
"Me asking if you'd like to come to dinner? At my place," he added.
"That's a terrible knock-knock joke, but I'll be happy to."
Ianto stepped in and helped Jack on with his coat, purposefully sliding his hands seductively down Jack's arms as the captain tucked them in the coat. Jack smiled coyly but didn't reciprocate, just leaned over to turn off the small lamp on his desk before exiting the office.
Deciding to take the bull by the horns and actually doing so were two very different things. Ianto kept putting it off – all through the drive back to his place and through the making and eating of dinner, the conversation stayed light and casual.
Finally, as he got up to take the plates over to the sink, Ianto decided to let his actions speak. With his hands full, he stopped at Jack's side and leaned over, brushing his lips against Jack's forehead.
"Mm, that's nice," Jack said. "Are your lips going to move lower?"
"On the way back, they might."
Ianto placed the dishes and cutlery in the plastic washing-up tub in the sink, filling it with water. He contemplated finishing cleaning the dishes before going back but a glance over his shoulder made him think that Jack wouldn't wait very long and Ianto wanted to keep the upper hand. So, quickly drying his hands on a dish towel, he walked back to Jack's chair.
Pushing the chair back a few inches, Ianto straddled Jack's lap, deliberately rocking his hips against Jack's crotch. His hands caressed up the back of the captain's neck, into his hair, as he kissed a line from Jack's forehead to his lips.
"Dessert upstairs," he whispered.
Jack curled his arms around Ianto's waist and pulled him closer, one hand sliding up his back, the other down to cup Ianto's buttock, squeezing it gently. "You sure?"
Those weren't the words that Ianto had hoped would come out of Jack's mouth, but he had half-expected them. He sighed, forehead touching Jack's even though it made him slightly cross-eyed.
"I don't want to discuss it. I want to shag. Like we were happily doing before you found that damn video."
"I saw how you looked after seeing it. You had no idea it looked so ... wrong."
"True, I didn't. But it wasn't. The reality is different from the fantasy here. This is not a situation of a real rape being sugar-coated to look fine. I consented to the act and other than it being not the best shag I've ever had, or even close, I am perfectly fine with what happened. I was in no way traumatized then or three days ago watching it again. If making that video had traumatized me, it would have shown when we first fucked. Which it didn't."
"I know. I just want to know you're okay ..."
"The only one not okay is you. Why the hell is it bothering you? Do you think of me differently now that you know I shagged for money?"
Jack thought for a moment. "A little, but I'm more upset by how that boy brutalized you and you don't even care."
Ianto got up off Jack's lap, pacing in frustration. "Shit, how many times do I have to tell you? It was not brutal. I've had rougher sex with you. For fuck's sake, I've had rougher sex with Lisa! I wasn't hurt; no bleeding, no drama! I didn't feel traumatized. It was an anonymous, crappy shag. Surely you've had a few of those in your life?"
He could see that Jack was still trying to get his head around Ianto having rougher sex with Lisa and he nearly laughed. It wasn't that Jack was narrow-minded – at least not when it came to himself, but he sometimes treated Ianto with kid gloves, thinking he couldn't possibly handle all the innovative and mind-blowing sexual experiences Jack was into. Well, so far, Ianto had kept up pretty well and he was sure that was one reason Jack liked him, and would again, when he eventually got over being scandalized.
"No, actually, I can't think of any," Jack said.
"You have got to be kidding." Ianto scrubbed his hands through his hair. "So every sexual experience for you has been nothing but pure pleasure? Rainbows and happy times?"
Jack grinned. "Pretty much, yeah."
"Well, welcome to the 21st Century where most people have sex – good, bad or indifferent – for many, many reasons and not all of them pleasure."
"I'm learning that." Something in the way he said it made Ianto think of the times he had shagged Jack to distract him from Lisa hidden in the Hub basement. Jack was thinking of it too. "What would have happened between us if Lisa had lived? If you had found a way to remove all the Cyberman technology?"
"Don't ask me that, Jack, please."
"I am asking."
Ianto paced back to the sink, leaning heavily against it. "I don't know."
"Not good enough."
"I really don't, Jack," Ianto said, turning around. "I shagged you to keep your mind off asking questions, but I shagged you," and he made a distinction with that word, "because I was attracted to you. Owen was far more dangerous since I was nicking his equipment and supplies half the time. If I had bolloxed up any of the supply orders he would have become suspicious. But it was you I wanted to be with."
"But you loved Lisa. You wanted her alive and well. So you could what? Go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend?"
"I didn't think much beyond fixing her, but yeah."
"Would you have stayed with Torchwood? Would you have continued fucking me?"
"I don't know. Probably not." Ianto dropped his gaze, staring at a worn spot on the floor.
"So the only reason you're here with me now is because Lisa died," Jack declared almost smugly.
Ianto felt like he was losing control of the conversation again, but Jack saying "died" in that tone infuriated him. He straightened from where he was leaning against the sink, his hands curling into fists, but he held himself back.
"You mean because you killed her," he said, his voice low. "If we're talking about reality and fantasy here, let's get our facts straight!"
"All right, yes, I killed her."
"And it's not the only reason. I'm still here because I'm falling in love with you, Jack!"
Silence filled the small kitchen. Ianto held his breath, bravely holding Jack's gaze, afraid that if he looked away Jack would let the moment pass. Jack didn't move, still sitting in the old kitchen chair, half turned around with his elbow negligently draped over the back of the chair.
"So," he finally said, "Any more secrets?"
Ianto paused a long time before shaking his head. "Lisa – old porn video – falling in love. Nope, I think that's all. Except for that one summer I spent as a belly dancer in Greece, but you wouldn't want to hear about that."
Jack chuckled, getting up from the chair and striding over. This was the Ianto he knew – glib and flirtatious. "Careful, I might make you prove it. Put a jewel in your belly button and make you dance for me."
Ianto pulled Jack into his arms. "For you, I'd do it," he said, and Jack's heart thumped faster.
"You said something about dessert ...?"