Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, or I would have given characters like Yutaka Himi and Shinya Kanbara greater prominence than the season did.
Jealousy.
One simple word that held a world of definitions.
On the surface level, at its mildest, it was just only a bitter sour kind of feeling that unfailingly left one with a bad taste on the tongue and coiled tightly in the pit of the stomach. Take a few steps deeper and its interpretation would be a battlefield that knew neither rest nor end, but still not serious enough to warrant merciless bloodshed. At its innermost depth, the very worst, it was a lethal and flawed double-edged sword that crowned no victor, but left all losers.
Fortunately, the current situation that we are all looking at now was only – arguably – a mid-level effect.
Yutaka Himi would confess that he was no stranger to jealousy. No, he most definitely was not. It would be the stupidest, most obvious lie for a nineteen-year-old who observed as much as he could in silence and constantly endeavoured to make the very best out of both his school and social lives to say that he had never, ever once craved for someone or something that exclusively belonged to another, and felt oh-so bad as he either had no right to it from the start, or the possessor was one of his intimates or his foes. He had fought on the battlefield several times, most notably when he lost the position of valedictorian to the person who was simultaneously his dearest friend and his most ardent rival by just one mark, and when his crush rejected him in favour of his most favoured protégé.
The remembrances of these incidents caused – even now, years later – a razor-sharp pike of envy, but none of them could compete with this latest…what should he call it…trial, perhaps. What was unexpected was that the originator was the one person whom he always believed to be the least dear to him in the entire world: his younger brother, Tomoki Himi.
An honest individual, Yutaka would admit that he was hardly a candidate for "The World's Best Older Brother Award" if it existed, but then he always reasoned that he did not want it, or needed it anyway.
Why should he?
Tomoki was, after all, not exactly an ideal younger brother himself, though a healthy portion of the blame had to be laid with their parents, as much as he loathed admitting it.
When Yutaka had been born, the company their father worked at had been just starting out, and money had been tight from what he understood. It had proven to be both a burden and a blessing: the times where he could not have what he wanted and had to make do with what he had were frequent, but it also instilled in him, more powerfully than any teacher ever could, the values of empathy and understanding. He came to realise that, sometimes, one had to look at the bigger picture, and that everyone in a family had to play his or her part well for things to effectively function. Even the littlest one (the child who had the most reason to be pampered and adored) had to help in whatever way possible when the parents needed it. Honesty might draw out from him the confession that he liked neither the lessons nor the process in which he had been forced to accept them, but maturity would make him add in his relief at having been made to embrace them, given that it molded him into a better person altogether.
When Tomoki came along years later, however, their parents had the funds to not only care for an unexpected arrival, but also to act like Aladdin's Genie (only almost entirely without the "restrictions" part) with regards to him. What made Yutaka shake his head all the more was their seeming inability to say "no" to him. The ending result was that an – oh, all right, he will admit it – an adorable baby whom Yutaka initially had absolutely no qualms about publicly displaying his tenderness for evolved into a spoiled, selfish brat who learnt to employ the two most common but strongest powers that his kind could have over adults with ruthless efficiency: the "puppy-dog" eyes and the easy dissolution into cries and tears.
But what Yutaka found most infuriating about Tomoki was his constant expectation that everyone should be nice to him, should always do what he wanted, and his belief that life will always be a bed of roses for him no matter what.
That was not true!
Since someone in the family had to be the "bad guy" responsible for shattering the golden illusion to ensure that the youngest one turned out fine on his own, he took on the mantle – not one that he enjoyed in the least, but still one he took up for the Greater Good of Tomoki Himi. As unlike his parents as possible, he refused to indulge Tomoki in his whims, did whatever he could to stop their folks from going too far with their pampering, and always tried to teach his brother the hard facts of life.
Hence, the severely strained relationship between the Himi brothers.
The comments Tomoki made about hating him, about being jealous, and his later behaviour of taking to deliberately avoiding him at almost every chance had hurt more than he would like to admit, but still he gritted his teeth and preserved.
An older brother has to do what an older brother has to do.
But then, one day, everything changed.
If what he recalled was accurate, his younger brother had gone to the Shibuya as the brat he knew so well, but he came home a different person.
Yes, an extremely different person indeed, almost as different as day and night.
The little "tyrant" had been transformed into a polite, quiet, and soft-spoken boy who tried to be as self-reliant and helpful as possible, be it with homework, or household chores, or other things. He had demonstrated a particular interest in cooking as well, going as far as to persuade their Mom to give him lessons. Yutaka had trained himself to be hard and critical whenever it came to the much-indulged Tomoki, but he was forced to admit (not vocally, of course) that his brother could make the most delicious burgers, and the most astonishing, most unbelievable part was that they were made all by himself. He had spied on him to make sure.
But why the sudden change? Why do any of it without being requested, without being prompted, and there was nothing in it for him?
The watchful brotherly eye he discreetly kept on him to ensure that he was not overly abused or taken advantage of by the big, bad world (irritation aside, he loved his younger brother dearly) concluded nothing, except that he had attained five new, mysterious, but oh-so intimate friends that neither he nor their parents had ever heard of before. What he simply could not understand was why they were so genuinely fond of him and valued him as part of the group. He knew that someone like his brother had no real friends, and was unable to make them anyway.
Okay, this might be harsh, but let's face it. What kind of people would want to be friends with a spoiled, selfish brat whose demands for protection, attention, and even affection were so constant and so absolute?
He had therefore initially thought that they were using him, but after observing them (he was turning into a regular eavesdropper by now) he was forced to conclude that there was not anything seedy about their desire to spend time with a younger child. In fact, he was surprised by how tight their bond was despite their very notable differences. The twins, Kouji and Kouichi, had a marked tendency to keep to themselves. Junpei and Izumi were relatively sunny, but had the occasional trouble with opening up to others. Takuya, the ringleader of them all, was a spirited and spontaneous boy, but could be surprisingly thoughtful and understanding when the situation called for it. And Tomoki…
But his younger brother was exceedingly fond of each and every one of them. He talked frequently of them.
The weeks went by, and Yutaka kept waiting for his brother to throw a tantrum, to demand something unreasonable, to use his age and immaturity to get his own way, and he grew frustrated when it did not happen. There was simply no way that such a metamorphosis could occur over the course of a day and Yutaka kept waiting for the other shoe to fall.
But now he was not.
He was jealous.
He was jealous that Tomoki was fonder of and looked up to his friends more than he did himself, or even their parents.
He was jealous of Tomoki's intimacy with him, how he always came alive in the most genuinely lovable way in their presence. He laughed, he chattered, he even sang once or twice like he had not a care in the world in their company.
But he was especially jealous of Takuya Kanbara and Kouichi Kimura.
Day after day, night after night in the Himi household, it was always "Takuya Onii-chan this" or "Kouichi Onii-chan that" the most whenever Tomoki spoke of his friends…
And it was sickening!
He, Yutaka Himi, was Tomoki's older brother, not them! Not some brats that neither he nor his parents knew very well at all!
"Yutaka, are you all right?" Haruhi Himi's voice jolted her older son back to reality.
"Oh. I'm perfectly fine, Mom. Why?" Yutaka turned to face his mother, his handsome face again the cipher that betrayed none of his true emotions. He had perfected it on his family, especially the younger brother who was now, most unbelievably, causing him to feel more jealousy and spite than he had ever had in his life.
Haruhi studied her older son for a moment, then shook her head and sighed. "Nothing. It's just you seemed…on another planet entirely there. Come along now, dinner's ready."
"Great. Tomoki –"
"Tomoki has gone to meet up with his friends. He has already left. It would be just the three of us tonight."
That's it! "On second thought, Mom, I'm not hungry. I'm going out for a walk…"
Enough is enough! After all that I have done, after all that I do, this is the thanks I get?! Time for Yutaka Himi to make a stand!
Author's Note:
I have always been fascinated by the relationship portrayed between Yutaka and Tomoki, which contrasts that of Yamato and Takeru. I believe that, in his own way, Yutaka could be an older brother as jealous and possessive as Yamato had been originally, and I have always wondered how he would react if he knew of Tomoki's idolising Takuya since he treats him as a younger brother that needs love and protection more than he himself ever did. So I decided to go along with those thoughts and...Voila!
To those who find this unsatisfactory, I am genuinely sorry, but it is the best I could come up with so far.
As for the extremely subtle Kouichi/Tomoki part...well, to all those who go for this pairing, I hope you would enjoy this. I myself find it absolutely adorable.
Of course, whether or not I turn this into a full story would depend entirely on the no. of reviews and suggestions I get. So please kindly assist me in making a choice. Thanks!