A/N: Hullo to you all again - no I am not coming back I am sorry to say. But this story is for those lovely fans who had taken the time to draw me fanart. I think that is just about the coolest thing in the world, to be quite honest. It makes me feel pretty damn cool as well. So as thanks I am posting this.
Warning: This story contains mature subject matter and may not be suitable for all audiences - viewer discretion is strongly advised.
Dedicated to: Keytaro, DxCFAN1, Fulltimereviewer (for the thing in A Father's Love) and :D CarmillaD…I really hope you read this one! I miss your reviews!
She Shouldn't Smile
By: Calamity Now
Well I'm not saying she's my last. I'm just saying that she could have been,
It doesn't matter how rough these hands get. It doesn't matter cause I'm not her man.
- Rough Hands, Alexisonfire
This girl that's on top of me - she isn't anyone important, I just want to let you know that. Even as she kisses me, even as I whisper words into her ear, I'm thinking, 'You poor stupid slut.' Her body is meaningless as it is only an expanse of porcelain skin and breasts and nipples. Her body isn't an entity simply because there is nothing inside of her, not like you Princess.
Her hands are roaming to places you wouldn't dare touch until 2 years later and this is my second night with, 'baby'. She's eager and hungry for more and more and more. My arms slide around her waist and I bring her lips to mine and her mouth automatically opens waiting for my tongue. She tastes like cigarettes, alcohol, and weed. She tastes like someone that is the complete opposite of you, and therefore she is meaningless.
"You have the most amazing mouth," she breathes when we part,
"Yeah? I like yours too."
If only she knew what I was really thinking about, and a part of me is debating on crying out your name instead, just so she'll leave. She'll think she has self-respect, but she has none. Sleeping with a guy she met at the bar. Sleeping with someone who doesn't even know her name. There is not one desirable quality about this girl.
Closing my eyes I can't help but try to pretend that it's you on top of me, but it's hard because you never made such ugly noises in your life, and you never tried to kill me with your nails…
But even so when I close my eyes I see you and the way your eyebrows knotted together and the drop of blood that came from your lips from biting down so hard when we were trying to be quiet. I see the way that your fingertips caressed my body like it was the only one that you've ever touched so intimately. Most of all I miss the warmth that engulfed me, enveloped me when we held each other afterwards.
You're with him. Justin. The man - the boy you left me for. You said you that he was softer than me, Princess. You said that he didn't smoke cigarettes, he didn't drink or do the occasional pot and shrooms. His hands were soft and made things, mine are rough and calloused. All those things may have been true, but he wasn't softer than me. He wasn't any bit sweeter nor would he ever be better than me. Because Princess, I have the hottest girl from the club on everyone's 'To Do List' on top of me and all I can think about is you and the way that you laughed - and he'll never make you laugh like that.
The girl reaches her pinnacle and releases, I don't, but I doubt she notices nor cares. Then she lays beside me and lights up a cigarette, blowing the smoke away from me. Her body gravitates to mine and her arms wrap around my waist. I look down at her and the soft blue eye meet mine. She's ugly, she's hideous to me now, I don't know what I ever saw in her in the first place.
But you Princess, "You're beautiful." I whisper and quickly glance away from her, because I know she thinks I'm talking to her and I don't want to see her smile. She shouldn't smile.
A/N: Yes, once again thank you for the fanart!
There Is No Escape,
Calamity Now