A/N: I know I should be finishing Curing the Damned but I was watching Ridulousness and this wild plot bunny appeared. Itsy bitsy one-shot, first Marauders fic ~woo~
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns everything you recognise here.
Remus pinched the bridge of his nose.
This was not a good idea.
In fact, of all Sirius's stupid notions, this had to be one of the stupidest. Really up there on the list, with everything from the snake let loose in the Great Hall on Halloween to charmed Muggle mousetraps under the Invisibility Cloak outside the Slytherin dungeons. Albeit the latter had been the highlight of his first week of Third Year, they'd been caught almost every time they performed anything that affected a relatively large number of people like that. And even when they weren't caught red-handed, everyone got the idea it was Potter-Black-Lupin trio anyway.
Atop the Astronomy tower, the sky was clear and the air was chilly. It was nearing two in the morning and Remus wanted nothing more than to go to bed. Celebrations over the victory in the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw Quidditch match had ended hours ago, but James had insisted on gathering up what was left of the Butterbeer and sneaking up here under the Cloak they'd all long out-grown.
Tearing his eyes from the worrying half-moon, Remus turned to look at his three friends, something very near pity poking the back of his mind.
James stood laughing – camera in one hand and Butterbeer in the other – over Sirius, who was lying on his back on the cobblestones, his feet in the air, pants around his knees and a Filibuster's Firecracker protruding from his up-ended pale cheeks. Peter was on stand-by, muttering 'incendio' again and again, obviously having trouble with the incantation.
For what felt like the umpteenth time in the last ten minutes, Remus sighed heavily. "Prongs, you know that this is just going to end in tears. Honestly, this is just ridicul–"
From the ground, Sirius hollered, "Me? End in tears? Ha! You bet my arse I'll cry, Moony!"
"I think by tomorrow morning, Padfoot, there won't be much left of it to bet."
"Don't be such a buzz kill, Moony!" Peter jeered.
James, still sniggering, sauntered over and drunkenly clapped Remus on the shoulder. "Trust me one this one, Moony." He said, "No one's going to get hurt."
"In case you haven't noticed, Sirius kind of has a wad of explosives sticking out his backside."
James made a face, and then slapped the camera into Remus's hand. "Just get some pictures, will you? Evans'll love this."
As Lily's Gryffindor Prefect partner, Remus seriously doubted his friend's last statement. "The only thing she's going to love about this is that Snape's not going to be the one with a pulverized arse."
"Yeah, yeah," Sirius drawled, "Prongs, grab my feet and let's get this on with. I'm getting cold."
James set his bottle on a nearby table and moved to do as he was told. "Man, at least hide your bits," he grimaced.
Decently covered and legs high in the air, Sirius propped himself on his elbows; "Alright Wormtail, light me up."
Peter stepped forward, an expression of amusement to match James's, and pointed his wand at Sirius's rare-end. "Incendio!"
Sirius flinched as a small ball of flame shot from the end of Peter's wand, blazed past his buns and caught the fuse of the firecracker.
For a second, nothing happened; Remus felt the air shift as the four of them held their breath. In the same second, he hesitated in lifting the camera – did he really want to record this? – and just as he did, the rocket erupted.
Stars of all colours burst from the cracker, emitting at a speed that should have sent the thing across a room and instead rebounded off Sirius's backside.
Click!
The firework howled, and the four of them howled with it – Sirius in absolute terror; James, Peter, and Remus in hysterics. In the back of his mind, Remus was glad they'd chosen one of the highest turrets in the castle – even then, how did they not wake half the school?
In too much of a state to support his own weight, James dropped Sirius's feet. Flailing free on the ground, his back arched in panic, he tried to rid himself of the explosive; within seconds the firecracker shot from between his legs, disappeared over the tower wall and the squealing of the firework faded, though the squealing of unmentionable four lettered words remained.
Click! Click! Click!
Eventually, after all traces of their occurrence had been removed from the Astronomy tower – save for the slight smell of charred flesh – they cleared off back to the Gryffindor common room, Remus with a wad of truly brilliant Polaroid photos in hand.
The next morning, Remus sat alone in the Great Hall, in the space reserved out of habit for the Potter-Black-Lupin trio. James and Sirius were fashionably late, as per usual.
When they did arrive, James strode in in his typical manner – he swaggered in the door, winked at Lily as she rolled her eyes, returned numerous high-fives from still-victorious Gryffindors, sat down and piled breakfast onto his plate. Sirius limped along heavily behind him, making an audible wince with every step.
Remus smirked into the pages of the book he was reading. Obviously the excessive amount of Dittany didn't help like James insisted it would.
Sirius gave a low drawn-out "ow" as he eased into his seat.
Still grinning, Remus waited until James and Sirius had their mouths well-stuffed with scrambled eggs before clearing his throat. In his peripheral vision, he saw he had both of his friends' attention. Through a smug and gruff cough, he said, "Told you so."
In a grudging response, he received an elbow to each side of his ribs.