"Maurice! It's time to leave!"

Maurice was slightly aggravated that his mother had called him, for he was quite interested in spying on Roger through a pair of binoculars. Roger lived across the street, and Maurice found amusement in his old pal's strange routines. At the moment, Maurice was propped up against the window sill, leaning on his elbows, staring out through his binoculars as Roger passively beheaded another one of his sister's dolls. Maurice grinned. He sure was something, that Roger.

"Maurice! Get down here! Your father needs help applying lotion to his back and I have to load up the car with out suitcases!"

Maurice was sad, because applying lotion to his dad's back was gross.

Nonetheless, Maurice put down his binoculars and wandered down the stairs where his father was waiting for him. His father was strange, because he liked to dress up in Maurice's sister's old prom dresses and dance around. Maurice didn't know why, but he kind of liked it.

"Maurice!" Maurice's father paused his frolic to grin. "The lotion is beside my pocketbook!"

Maurice sighed. "Okay, Father."

Maurice felt like Cinderella sometimes.

(ohhaiderepagebreak)

The journey to the airport was long and hard, kind of like his sister's fairy wand. But different, because it didn't sparkle. Or perhaps it did, but Maurice wasn't paying attention because his mind was still focused on Roger and how the hell he was going to spy on him when Roger was back in England and he was vacationing in Italy. He wondered if somehow maybe Roger would be on the plane too, and then they could sit by each other and play tea party with the free condiments.

When they finally reached the airport, Maurice's dad embarrassed him again by trying to eat the excess stuff from their luggage because it was overweight and he was a cheap ass bastard. Maurice screamed when his father ate his binoculars which had been safely situated in Maurice's suitcase. He shed a tear for the binoculars that had witnessed so many wonderful Roger moments with him, then followed his family to board the airplane.

Maurice liked airplanes, mainly because the last time he had been on one, he got to sit next to Roger. He liked sitting next to Roger, because Roger didn't like him, which made him all the more the challenge. Even Maurice didn't like challenges, he liked Roger because he got really angry when Maurice tried to tickle him. Maurice liked tickling people, and he felt lonely when he tried to tickle himself but never laughed.

Once they boarded the plane, Maurice started to feel sad again. There were no signs of Roger, and after all, why would there be? Why would Roger just randomly decide to take a trip to Italy with Maurice's family? But then, all of the sudden, through his peripheral vision, Maurice caught sight of a mop of black hair, which he then realized was really just a mop. But then out of the other side of his eye, he saw two dark eyes staring wildly at him. He looked again and recognized it was just the creepy pervert from down the street, who stalked Maurice, who stalked Roger.

With a heavy sigh, Maurice was ready to give up, but then, he looked forward, and he saw him...in first class, of course, sitting there next to a Hot Babe.

It was Roger, in first class, because he was a rich little twerp. Maurice's heart leapt within him, and ignoring the stares from the people around him, he bounded over to his friend.

"Roger!"

Roger glanced of warily and gaped, completely and utterly shocked.

"Maurice! What the fuck."

"You're going to Italy too!" Maurice cried, pushing Hot Babe away and taking her seat.

Roger seemed frightened. "What? You're going to Italy? With who?"

"My family!" Maurice said proudly, grinning. He noticed that Roger's family was staring at him weirdly, so he smiled and waved before looking back his friend. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"Not really," Roger huffed, miffed. "You're pretty annoying."

"I just love you!"

"That's creepy."

"Who's the hot babe?"

"I don't know. She was here when I sat down. Could you leave? I'm trying to enjoy my time alone before I'm stuck in a cramped up hotel room."

This made Maurice sad again, firstly because Maurice didn't want to leave, and secondly because he liked hotel rooms and was offended that someone would insult them.

Maurice sighed, resigned and tired. "Fine. But I'll see you when we get off the plane, right?"

"Whatever." With that, Roger brushed him off, and Maurice idly wandered back to his seat.

(ohhaiderepagebreak)

Forty minutes into the flight, Maurice's attention was still completely fixed on Roger. Suddenly, Roger arose to go to the bathroom, and being his usual creepy self, Maurice decided to go with him.

It will be fun, Maurice thought, skipping through the aisle and knocking over an old lady, two pregnant women, and stepping on a six-month old baby. His excitement gave strokes to five veterans, but he ignored it because Roger was in the bathroom and he needed to get there ASAP. Then, he could tickle him by surprise.

My god. Maurice was a brilliant son of a bitch.

Because Roger was stupid, he didn't lock the bathroom door, but because Maurice was also stupid, he thought that the door was locked, so he would wait there until Roger came out, and then he would tackle him. And tickle him. With his hands. Or perhaps his feet. Maurice hadn't decided yet.

He heard the toilet flush and the door opened. Roger was greeted presently by Maurice's open arms as he flung Roger back into the bathroom and closed the door behind them.

He didn't lock it, because Maurice was stupid.

Roger screamed, "RAPE!" even though Maurice was tickling him. And then Roger laughed and cried because he was being tickled and it really felt weird. Maurice grinned.

"Ha! I found you!"

"What the fuck!" Roger seemed pissed off.

"I wanted to tickle you!" Maurice exclaimed, smiling. "Can I hug you?"

Roger huffed and flicked his long hair. "No. You can't. Because you have Maurice germs."

"That's what my mum says when I try to hug her." The thought settled on Maurice for a moment for he gasped and grinned. "YOU COULD BE MY MUM!"

Roger gaped and suddenly was felt with a ravenous anger. He went to shove Maurice through the small window of the bathroom, but Maurice was already going for the hug, so as Roger pushed him out the window, Maurice's arms landed across his back and pulled him out as well.

As they fell, Roger screamed and fought away from Maurice's grip, but Maurice just undid his belt.

Oh god,Roger thought. He's going to rape me! Before we die, he's going to rape me!

But Maurice didn't rape him. Instead, he just pulled off his underwear and grinned at the befuddled Roger.

"My dad makes me wear extra large underpants, so we can use them as a parachute!"

Roger barfed, but all the vomit just went up. Maurice cringed back.

"What did you think I was going to do?"

Roger was silent, then realized that they were falling through the air and into the ocean and screamed. Maurice, because he was a little hero and all, let his underwear act as a parachute and the boys safely landed in the ocean with a splash.

There was a random plank of wood in the water that both boys clasped onto, gasping for air. Thoughts bombarded Roger as he realized their situation.

"This feels familiar," Maurice said, ignoring Roger's concern. "Have we done this before?"

"YES!" Roger grimaced. "Don't you remember?"

Maurice thought for a minute, but then was sidetracked because he was alone with Roger.

"Hey Roger! Guess what?"

Roger huffed. "What?"

"I just peed."

Roger sighed and leaned on the plank of wood. This would be a long, long ride