A/N: Umm, this is just a random oneshot I decided to write for the Kudley Army, because Kudley is the best pairing ever!!!!
The house smelled like cinnamon buns. It wasn't what Thirteen had expected of their patient, a single forty something year old man. That should have been her first concern.
"Everything is so clean!" Kutner said in amazement, surveying the spotless living room. Thirteen had to agree, it was quite spotless. The person who had decorated it obviously had good taste too, everything matched perfectly. It was a beautiful room, and that should have been her second concern.
"Let's check upstairs." She said finally when their search for toxins had shown nothing. She waited while Kutner did one last sweep of the room with his eyes, then they both began up the stairs.
"So…how are your clinical trials going?" he asked in some sort of lame attempt at conversation. Thirteen rolled her eyes, contemplating whether she should answer or not. She didn't like talking about her clinical trials, even though they were going remarkably well. She didn't want people to try and make her happy by telling her they thought it would work. She didn't want false hope. But she looked at Kutner and saw the honest look on his face. He wouldn't do that to her, she knew he wouldn't.
"Pretty good." She admitted finally. Kutner cracked a small smile,
"Cool. So, uhh, do you want to start in the bedroom?"
"What?!" She hadn't been paying much attention to his words, and her face turned bright red as he smirked,
"I mean, do you want to start looking for toxins in the bedroom?" He asked, gesturing to the open door down the hallway through which a bed was visible. Composing herself Thirteen managed a nod,
"Sure."
They walked down the hallway into the bedroom and that's when alarms finally started going off in Thirteen's head. This was not their patient's room, there was no way. For one thing she doubted the dress laid out on the bed was his (though she didn't let herself be completely sure.) and for another she doubted he would need a large bureau and a vanity, complete with mirror and makeup. Then she heard it.
"Fuck! Kutner, this isn't the right house!"
"What? How do you know?" He hadn't taken notice of the quiet tone Thirteen had used and she let out a loud, "SHHHH!" before pointing to the door that connected the bedroom to the bathroom. Kutner cocked his head to the side, listening, and then his face went pale. The shower was on, someone was home.
"Fuck!" He was quieter now as they both bolted for the door. In his scramble his foot knocked into the stool set at the vanity and sent it toppling to the ground with a loud thud. Thirteen wanted to scream at him, tell him what an idiot he was, but there was no time. The shower had shut off when the stool had fallen and they didn't have much time to get out of there. In fact, they didn't have enough. Before they could remember where the back door was in the maze that was the house they heard footsteps close on their heels,
"Who's there!?" an angry female voice screamed. Both doctors stopped dead in their tracks, shooting worried looks at each other. They could either try and make a run for it or stick around and beg for mercy. Neither option seemed very appealing. And then out of the corner of his eye he saw it, a door. It was skinny, but he figured they could fit. Without thinking he grabbed her arm with one hand and yanked open the door with the other. Before she could utter any sort of protest he had pulled her through the door with him and shut it behind them.
"Kutner what the hell!" Thirteen whispered, her body sandwiched between the wall and his body. The slates in the door let some light in, but wouldn't allow anyone outside to see in. It was a perfect hiding spot except for one small detail…there was no room.
"Ow, you're standing on my feet" Kutner mumbled, ignoring what she had said. Thirteen rolled her eyes, shifting against the wall, but only managing to lift her shirt slightly. In the confusion his clothes had also gotten rumpled and now pressed together he felt a spark of electricity as her partially bare stomach brushed against his.
"What do you want me to do, there's no room in here." She hissed, continuing to squirm, rubbing against him all the while.
"Stop moving!" He said finally, his face burning up. She glared at him, then stopped and smirked.
"Do you want me to stop standing on your feet?" she asked, trying hard not to laugh. Kutner nodded slowly, she had something up her sleeve, but he didn't know what.
"Okay." Her voice was seductive now, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, earning an odd sort of throaty noise from a surprised Kutner.
"What are you-" he shut up when she moved her legs around his waist and held fast. Their bodies were pressed closer now, their faces only inches apart. He could feel her warm breath on his face, smell the fruity scent of her perfume, or maybe it was her lipgloss…Then, suddenly, he felt her began to slip. She noticed too because her face got pale, if she hit the ground they would be heard. Just as she was about to lose her grip around his waist Kutner reached down and grabbed her, one hand on her side, the other…
"Kutner, get your hand off my ass." Thirteen said, trying to act serious. Kutner rolled his eyes. He was in control of her now, she needed him, otherwise she would go crashing down.
"If I let go you'll fall down and she'll hear us, deal with it." He said. His voice was strong and confident, but his heart felt like it was beating a million beats a minute. He wondered if Thirteen could tell. After all, there was no longer any space between their torsos. He could feel her chest rising and falling against his every time she took a breath. He wouldn't make eye contact with her, and she wouldn't make eye contact with him either. It was an awkward situation, and Kutner had no idea how he should be feeling, but he did know what he was feeling, and he was determined to keep it to himself. Then, moving the hand he had on her side his fingers brushed her bare stomach and she automatically arched her back, pushing them even closer together and turning both their faces red.
"Sorry."
"I'm not." As soon as the words were out of Kutner's mouth he bit his lip and began silently cursing himself. He hadn't meant to say that aloud, he hadn't meant for her to know, he hadn't-
"Yeah, I'm not either."
He looked up in surprise and before he could ask what she meant her face moved forward the last few inches and closed the space between them, their lips smashing together. Kutner was surprised, but didn't protest, moving the hand he had on her side up to her back, holding her even closer, something he hadn't thought possible. Then the door opened.
"So, we have a new symptom!"
House stood at his whiteboard, writing their patient's newest symptom in red marker. When he was finished he stepped aside and waited for some sort of response from Foreman and Taub.
"Could be-" Taub began, but was cut off by a loud ringtone, House's. He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and glanced at the caller I.D. before grinning.
"Did Kutner and Thirteen ever come back from checking the patient's house?" he asked. Foreman shook his head and before he could say anything House had picked up the phone and hit the speaker button, setting it down on the table.
"Hello, this is a collect call from," a robotic voice began and was suddenly replaced by Kutner's voice as he said his own name, then the robotic voice started up again, "An inmate with the Princeton County jail. To accept charges press 0, to reject, hang up."
Taub and Foreman gaped at the phone, had they heard right? Kutner was in jail!?
"What, they didn't even have a quarter for the phone?" House said, seeming unsurprised. He reached to hang up the phone, but before he could Taub pressed 0. There was a beep, and then they could hear some noises from the background before Kutner answered,
"Hey, thank god you picked up."
"Didn't really have a choice," House said mainly to Taub, "What did you find in the patient's apartment?"
"Nothing, we went to the wrong place. Can one of you-"
"You went to the wrong place? How do you go to the wrong place!?" House exclaimed smugly. Taub and Foreman looked up at him, recognition on their faces,
"House, did you give them the wrong address on purpose?" Foreman asked slowly. House grinned,
"Now why would I do that? I mean it's got to be purely coincidence that they ended up in that hot clinic patient's house. So, Kutner, single?"
"Umm, no definitely not single. Really, can someone please come-"
"Sorry, gotta go find out what's wrong with the patient." House hung up and Taub and Foreman stared at him in disbelief.
"So, seizures, elevated BP, ascending paralysis, fever, hallucinations, go." He turned his back to them, studying the whiteboard,
"You're just going to leave them in jail?" Taub asked after a moment.
"You have the money to bail them out?"
The silence that followed the question was answer enough.
"Damn it, he hung up." Kutner hung up the phone in the police station and looked at Thirteen to see how she was reacting. She simply rolled her eyes,
"What did you expect, him to come down here and bail us out?" She mumbled boredly. Kutner was about to respond, but was cut off by the policeman that was watching them,
"Hey, if you're just gonna stand here and talk you're going back to your cell." He said, glaring at the two doctors.
"I can try calling my old roommate." Kutner suggested. Thirteen nodded, but the policeman shook his head,
"You already made your call."
"He can take my call" Thirteen said quickly. The policeman was quiet for a moment, then nodded,
"Fine, but make it fast."
Thirteen watched as Kutner grabbed the phone and dialed his old roommate's number. After a moment his face lit up slightly,
"Hey Roldy!…yeah, I got bagged breaking into someone's house with this chick I work with," Kutner blushed slightly when he realized Thirteen was listening to everything he was saying, "so can you come bail us out…DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!"
Thirteen brought her hand to her face and hit herself on the forehead. The policeman's face turned red, but Kutner just kept going…
"Oh, so work's more important than bailing your friend out of jail…You said you weren't gonna let those guys push you around anymore!…whatever man, FUCK YOU…no I don't wanna hear it, seriously FUCK YOU!" Kutner slammed the phone down and turned around to find the policeman red with anger and Thirteen hiding her face in her hand, her shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. Without a word the policeman grabbed them each by an arm and led them away from the phone, over to a cell in the back of the station. He shoved them in and Thirteen stumbled a little bit. Kutner, seeing this, turned to the police officer and glared,
"Hey, watch it!"
The police officer didn't bother to reply, slamming the cell door shut and walking away.
"What a jerk." Kutner mumbled, sitting down on the lone bench in the cell next to Thirteen.
"Kutner, do you realize what you were saying on the phone?" Thirteen asked with a small laugh. Kutner blushed,
"Yeah, but my roommate was being a jerk. I mean I broke him out of jail before and he won't even come bail us out."
"You broke him out?"
"Yeah, well, we were going to White castle to get burgers and our car broke down, so some guy fixed it, and then Neil Patrick Harris was hitchhiking and he stole our car and then Roldy got arrested and I had to break him out, but there was this HUGE bag of pot-"
Thirteen smacked Kutner on the arm and he frowned, looking hurt.
"What was that for!?"
"Talking about doing drugs when we're already arrested!"
"Oh…sorry." Kutner mumbled, slouching down slightly on the bench. He wondered who would come bail them out. And then his mind drifted to the closet, and before his mind could catch up with his mouth the words were out,
"Why did you kiss me in the closet?" He looked over at Thirteen, but she stared straight ahead and shrugged,
"Why did you kiss me back?"
There was silence and Kutner regretted asking the question. She didn't like him back, she couldn't, but then why had she kissed him? He needed to know.
"Maybe I like you." He said finally. Thirteen continued to stare straight ahead for a moment then turned and looked Kutner in the eyes,
"Maybe I like you too." She offered. Kutner grinned and after a moment's hesitation she gave her own small smile.
"Okay." He said, holding eye contact for just a second more, before turning and staring at the wall like she had done before. He felt her eyes on him, then her head rest on his shoulder and she sighed. All they had left to do was wait.
"Alright you two, someone came to bail you."
Kutner and Thirteen looked up drowsily at the policeman unlocking their cell door. It was late now, although they weren't exactly sure how late. It had been at least three hours, Kutner thought, while Thirteen estimated closer to the actual time, which was about five hours. They stood up and Kutner wobbled slightly on his feet, sitting for that long had been numbing…literally.
"I wonder who bailed us out" he mumbled to Thirteen as they followed the policeman down the hallway towards the main part of the station.
"Maybe your roommate?" she replied, stifling a yawn. Kutner shrugged and they continued walking silently. Then, they came into the main area and both their hearts dropped.
"On second thought, can we just stay here?" Kutner asked nervously, earning another smack from Thirteen.
"Not around the cops." She whispered, glancing at the glaring policeman who was leading them to their fate. He seemed almost happy when they came out into the lobby and he could walk away.
"They're all yours" he called over his shoulder, leaving Kutner and Thirteen looking down guiltily at their feet.
"So, the police tell me you were caught hiding in the closet of a woman's house."
"House sent us there to check it out." Thirteen said, looking up and trying to stay calm.
"I know that, but did he also tell you to make out in the closet while you were hiding?" Cuddy arched her eyebrow accusingly and Thirteen looked over at Kutner, who looked helplessly back.
"On second though, maybe we should just stay here"
A/N: Dun Dun DUUUUNN! Okay, so I'm not entirely sure where that came from, haha. Umm yeah, please review and I'll be updating all my stories and what not soon.
-Remy