The Fast and the Craftiest

by LithiumMashup

When SkythekidRS, CaptainSparklez, HuskyMudkipper, AviatorGaming and Deadlox agree to play on Podcrash's new racing server, they find out that they are about to receive more than expected. Warning: Though there is no Character death, there is some depressing loss of beautiful, worthy cars. Rated T for Minor Violence and Minor Coarse Language.

The Fast and the Craftiest

A Minecraft Fanfiction

SkythekidRS joined the game!

CaptainSparklez joined the game!

AviatorGaming joined the game!

Deadlox joined the game!

HuskyMudkipper joined the game!

Bodil40 leaned against the side of his ride - a 1994 Pontiac Trans Am, it's pearlie-white paint making his black suit stand out against it. He shifted a little as the messages reached the chat box, nodding. "They're here." he spoke up, his accent as thick as molasses. "Get the track ready."

Sethbling nodded, pulling a sign from his inventory and blocking off the road from any oncoming traffic which may have simply been hanging around on the server. The sign stated "Road closed for professional business.

Up in the spawn room, the newcomers gathered, turning to each other with competitive expressions.

"May the best man win." the first of them, SkythekidRS spoke up. CaptainSparklez was first to nod in agreement after adjusting the position of his red sunglasses. Deadlox fiddled with a piece of TNT, the expression on his face clear that he had an intention for using it later on in the race.

"Agreed." HuskyMudkipper chimed in, nodding. "Hand shake, for good measures of course?"

"Good idea." AviatorGaming reached over to shake Husky's hand, smiling as Husky accepted it. "And no matter what, no grudges. No hatred. Just good, friendly competition." he turned to shake CaptainSparklez's hand next, knowing that the music-artist was standing right beside him.

After everyone had gotten a good handshake in, they competitors turned to face the monitor. One by one, the competitors were called into their garages, where their beasts awaited their arrival.

Outside awaited Bodil40, who was now inside the Trans Am, his radio playing some classic rock tunes. "Rock N Roll Hoochie Koo" by Rick Derringer played as he bopped his head happily. He mouthed the words almost perfectly. He turned his radio down and looked away as he heard the familiar sound of a hooded beast exiting the garages.

Deadlox was the first one out, the jet black paint job slipping from the darkness like a monster coming from the closet, the Hennessey engine alive with deep, malicious growls. A Henessey Venom GT - a true piece of Automotive Art and History - and Deadlox's new partner. He pulled slowly up beside Bodil's Trans Am, the black siren challenging the white angel to a futile battle. Bodil motioned towards the starting line, spray-painted across the ground in a cherry-like red.

"Pull up to the line and shut off the engine." Bodil instructed.

Deadlox simply nodded with a competitive smirk and pulled the Venom up, oh so perfectly. The engine gave a loud, ground-shaking rev before dying off entirely into a shut-down. Deadlox opened the door, leaning as he stepped from the low chassis, and closed the door with a slam. He turned his attention back to the garage, as the next door opened.

With a rumble of louder preportions, less exhuast noise and more throttle force, another black beast pulled from the opening door. This beast was lined with a red stripe, extending down the long, low form of the roadster as it pierced the night like the knife of a car it was. It's engine was alive with a snarl as he pulled forwards, nodding to Bodil and pulling up beside Deadlox. It was CaptainSparklez, at the wheel of the vicious Pagani Zonda C12 F Roadster. He decided to upstage Deadlox's performance, pushing the gas and brake, creating an earthquake-like roar of the exotic engine. The race track, exactly what this monster was meant for. Once the roar died down and the luminous glow of the car's lights faded to nothing, the car fell silent and CaptainSparklez opened the door. He was more careful than Deadlox had been as he closed it. He stepped towards the Venom GT and gave it a stare-down.

"Nice ride." CaptainSparklez commented, a smirk on his face. "It'll sure be nice to beat it, that's for sure."

"Hah!" Deadlox shook his head and snickered. "1,244 Kilograms with 1,244 horsepower. That's a horse to match every Kilogram." he spoke with knowledge, having done his research. "I'm going to eat your little top-less toothpick for breakfast."

CaptainSparklez quieted down. He had to admit, he was impressed by Hennessey's work on the car. He hadn't been following them much, being a Bugatti fan himself, but he knew afterwards he'd need to look into it.

Both Deadlox and CaptainSparklez turned their heads as they heard the next garage opening, but no engine rumble to accompany it. Out rolled an Acura creation, it's shiny grey paint glistening in the lights of the map. But, even as the vehicle sped up, it remained silent. Eerily quiet. The window was rolled down, and AviatorGaming had his left hand hanging from it cockily whilst the other steered.

CaptainSparklez snickered a little. No sound? Electric car. he thought to himself. If he thinks he can take us down with an electric engine, he's sadly mistaken.

Deadlox had been thinking approximately the same thing. Oh, Aviator. Electricity may help you in most races. But when you're up against Tuner Cars, you need Octane on your side.

Aviator could see the smirks on their face, and interpreted them as underestimating his car - a 2013 Acura NSX. You both are in for one hell of a surprise. He thought as he fiddled with a certainly special button. At the moment, he kept the engine noises to the electric "whirrs" and "whees", but he had plenty more planned. He shut car off after taking his place beside the Pagani Supercar, and got out. Turning to CaptainSparklez and Deadlox, he adjusted the position of his beloved Aviators Sunglasses, a competing smirk on his own face.

The next garage opened, and a sound of pure muscle filled the air. A large, bulky, but still heavily attractive form pulled from the darkness smoothly. It's black paint made it like a shadowy monster, the white stripes only creating an eerie aura. The car roared like a dragon, even when moving slowly as it pulled up beside the three Supercars. The window rolled down and Sky sat inside, nodding. He had heard CaptainSparklez and Deadlox rev their engines before, and decided to show them the beauty of pure muscle. He slammed the gas and brake, allowing the breath-taking, horrifying and startling roar escape the magna-flow duel-exhuast system in a monsterous display. The noise wasn't necessarily louder than that of the Supercars, but certainly more menacing. Sky got out and slammed the door, not showing any signs of going easy on the tough car.

"Nice imports, guys." Sky rolled his eyes beneath his sunglasses. "I see I'm the only one here who knows the beauty of true American Muscle. Heh." he crossed his arms, leaning back against the door of the '69 Camaro Z28 302 he'd brought out from the garage.

"Okay, can we hurry this along?" CaptainSparklez urged impatiently. "Where's Husky?"

He spoke at just the right time, as the last garage door opened and a not-so-loud but certainly menacing growl sounded from within. Out pulled, in a bright blue - differing from the blacks, whites and grays of the cars driven by the other competitors - rolled a Gumpert Apollo, it's quieter engine less of a marvel, and it's looks even less, but it's performance was of speculations to fear. He pulled up beside the Acura NSX, the oceanic paint job like a beacon in the night.

After everyone had gotten from the cars and left them to wait at the finish line, Podcrash, the creator of the Map, pulled up in his 1993 Lotus Esprit, it's black paint and low form blending in with the night. He got from the car, proud of it's sleek style and wedged shape. He turned to the competitors, a strong expression on his face.

"Gentlemen," he began. "Tonight we race."

The competitors broke into applause, clapping with happiness and excitement as they grew anxious and prepared for the race ahead.

"Now, I'm going to set down some rules." Podcrash continued after the applause had died down. "Now, I'll start by telling you this. Your car is your partner, your lifeline, and your new best friend. Treat it with respect and care. Sabotage is alright, but no bumping. Damaging your own car just to get to another is like backstabbing a friend, and is dishonorable here. This is not a hardcore map, and if you are killed - be it in the fires of the burning wreckage of your ally or by any other way - you will respawn in the audience grand stands to watch the rest of the race. First one to cross the finish line 10 Kilometers from here is the victor. You will have ramps, curves, straightaways and obstacles to deal with, so race wisely. All of your cars have either been upgraded or downgraded to an even 1,000 Horsepower at the crank, so there will be no power advantages. The only advantages you have are the aerodynamics, weight, handling, and your own skill. Each car is equipped with 3 shots of Nitrous Oxide, though 2 shots will probably overwhelm your car if not seperated properly, so use with caution. Now, get to your cars and await my command."

Podcrash watched as the competitors nodded and ran off towards the waiting cars, getting in with slams of doors.

Podcrash stood tall, taking in a deep breath and giving the traditional command, straight from NASCAR itself. "Gentlemen! START... YOUR... ENGINES!" he yelled out, loudly.

The line of cars came to life, the sounds of gas burning was audible as revs and rumbles filled the air.

Sky snickered and turned to face Aviator and his NSX. "Hey, Electric!" he yelled. "I can't hear you!"

"Oh, you can't?" Aviator faked surprise. "Maybe this will help." he pressed the button, pushing gasoline into the back engine and igniting it within the combustion chamber, bringing the car to life as the electricity was drowned out entirely by the roars of the resurrecting Gasoline engine. "Better?" he mashed the gas and brake, shaking the ground with ear-drum pounding roars.

CaptainSparklez jumped a little out of surprise and Sky's eyes widened beneath his sunglasses. Okay then... Sky thought to himself, turning back to the track and waiting command.

"On your marks." Podcrash yelled. The sounds of more revs filled the air once again."Get set... GO!"

The vehicles took off with a start, rocketing forward in a blinding display. Being the quickest to accelerate with it's lightweight form and sleek wedge-shape, CaptainSparklez got an immediate lead from the get-go. It only lasted for moments, as he was overtaken by the Hennessey Venom GT in the first straightaway, it's sheer speed getting the upper hand.

Husky fought against Aviator, his Gumpert Apollo trying to claim 4th place over the NSX, whilst Sky kept just barely ahead of them as they came through the first set of curves.

Deadlox grabbed at a piece of TNT from his inventory, tired of fighting with CaptainSparklez and his damn Roadster for 1st place. While he was setting up the TNT, he hadn't turned to see the ramp ahead. He was unaware of the incline until he felt the sudden upward force, pushing him back against the seat and nearly knocking the TNT from his grip. He placed the TNT down beside him and secured his grip on the steering wheel as the car disconnected from the ramp and flew through the air in a huge jump.

CaptainSparklez had been watching the road, and shifted the wheel to take the jump almost flawlessly. He overtook Deadlox after jumping from the ramp, the Camaro, Apollo and NSX extremely close behind. He landed the Zonda on the ground, scraping and battering the front bumper on impact with a terrible screech of metal. CaptainSparklez gritted his teeth at the awful noise of his metal on concrete, and gave a swift apology with a gentle pat on the steering wheel.

Deadlox hit the ground hard, rocking the Lotus Exige chassis within the Venom GT, the paint around the undercarriage of the car chipping off a little. Deadlox hissed and fought to regain control, not a difficult task behind the wheel of the Hennessey Supercar.

Aviator let out a strained "Wooooo hoooooo!" as the NSX flew through the air, landing on the ground after overtaking Husky's Apollo and moving off in pursuit of Sky's speeding Camaro.

Husky hit the ground with less safety, feeling the awful but slight lopsidedness of the Apollo as it's front-left tire lost pressure. "Crap!" he pressed onward, despite the disadvantage that the flattening tire brought.

Deadlox was relieved as he saw the second straight up ahead. Once he pulled through the last turn of the route, he pulled out his flint and steel and decided he'd had enough of the Zonda he'd overtaken moments before. He lit the fuse, leaning out of the window after making sure there was still room in the straightaway and tossing the flashing TNT out the back.

CaptainSparklez let out a gasp as he saw the red block flying his way. He swerved to avoid it, allowing it to wiz past him with a sigh of relief. Sky did the same, just barely making it in time. Aviator wasn't so lucky, letting out a scream as the block of TNT flew his way. The TNT smashed his windshield, knocking it's way in and landing on his passenger seat.

The explosion shook the ground, throwing Husky's Apollo and Sky's Camaro off balance, startling CaptainSparklez and making Deadlox snicker. The wreckage of the once-sexy NSX went up in flames, Aviator's body annihilated in the interior.

Aviator respawned on the top row of the Grand Stands, opening his eyes after a terrible shock. "What the-?" he hesitated, before realizing exactly what had happened. "NO! DAMN IT!" he could see the burning shell that was once his Acura NSX and heaved a sigh, getting the idea through his head that the wonderful Hybrid Supercar was totaled.

Back on the track, Sky fought to regain balance, while Husky relished in the fact that it was a straightaway. He needed to take a risk, knowing that he needed to speed up, though his plan may have had further consequences on the slowly deflating tire. He sighed and pressed the first button, releasing the first shot of Nitrous Oxide into the engine. The blue Apollo rocketed forwards, catching up to the Camaro and overtaking it with an enraged Sky at the wheel of the black Musclecar.

CaptainSparklez heard the Nitrous activate and could see the Gumpert catching up behind him. Bad timing, Husky. he thought to himself, the end of the straightaway came near. He watched the Venom GT ahead of him turn, flowing into the curve quickly, and did the same.

Husky pressed the brakes, trying to slow down for the turns, though the Nitrous Oxide denied him doing so. All he could do was crank the steering wheel and hope for the best. He took the turn, the left-front tire now completely flat from the Nitrous run hampering his performance. He slid from the track, the car swerving around 170 degrees as the tire gave out, followed by another. The chassis slid across the ground, it's undercarriage scraping the ground with an awful noise that made Husky feel like his eardrums would burst. He covered his ears and waited for the broken car to stop moving, his wish coming true as the car slowed to a stop. He opened the door and stepped out, backing away slowly.

Now the only remainders were Deadlox, - in the lead - CaptainSparklez - dangerously close behind - and Sky - catching up - as they approached the final ramp. Deadlox and CaptainSparklez hit the gas, knowing that they would leave Sky and his 1960's Muscle in the dust as they did so. They had grown cocky with their tuner cars and seemed to forget those special little Nitrous buttons on their dashboards.

As the two tuner cars approached the ramp, Sky narrowed his eyes and reached for the little blue button, pushing it to release the Nitrous Oxide. The car rocketed forwards in a flurry, jetting ahead as it met the two Tuner Cars at the ramp, taking to the middle and getting large air.

CaptainSparklez and Deadlox let out a gasp of shock as the black flash beat them to the ground, landing down hard and taking off once again into the final straightaway. Deadloc pressed the Nitrous Oxide button, causing the Venom GT to jet forwards and catch up to the Camaro, CaptainSparklez's Zonda following suit. Sky hesitated, deciding whether to risk it or not. He needed to space out shots of nitrous, but the finish lines was only a few hundred meters away and he needed speed. He took the risk, mashing the second button and releasing another shot. The speed of the Camaro almost doubled, leaving the Zonda and Venom behind.

Deadlox growled and mashed the second button, ignoring the regulation for space between shots and shooting ahead. He overtook Sky with laughter, but as he gloated, he lost sight of the road in the sheer speed. The wheels shifted as the speed overwhelmed the systems, sending the Hennessey Supercar off of the track, careening into the rocky cliff walls and bursting into flames.

Deadlox respawned beside Aviator, who had gone into pout-mode, and hesitated to regain his awareness. "What... the... hell...?" he whimpered a little.

"Here they come." said Sethbling as he readied the high-speed Camera to catch the winner.

With loud roars of speeding engines, the two crossed the finish line, the two blurs seeming to rip by almost simultaneously. The cars slammed on the brakes, swerving to stop and cool the boiling hot engines.

Sethbling reviewed the tape, slowing it down to catch the winner. "We have a winner!" he called.

Sky and Sparklez waited anxiously in their cars, awaiting the upcoming results.

"SkythekidRS has won by 1.4 feet!" Sethbling called after doing the digital calculations. Sky smiled and slammed the gas, cranking the steering wheel to force the car into doing donuts along the pavement.

The sound of the muscular engine was audible from across the map as the competitors celebrated, congradulated one-another and had a good time.