Okay, so this is my first (published) FanFic. Please enjoy, rate, review, whatever. Thanks.
Ronald Weasley strode down the empty corridor, taking careful notes where and when he turned and at what points he had to double back as he met dead ends. He had a rough idea of where he was in the Hogwarts castle. His firey orange hair bobbed to the pace of his quick footsteps. "I must be close, now," he said to himself.
"Where do you think you're going, Weasley?" sneered an all too familiar voice.
"Damnit, Malfoy, didn't I tell you to shove off already?" Draco's intrusion was foiling Ron's plans, and the ginger would not stand for it.
Ron and Draco simultaneously drew their wands and pointed them directly at each others chests. The two boys glared at each other for a few moments, before the click of hasty footsteps broke their concentration.
"We'll finish this another time, Weasley," Draco hissed, and began stomping away when the source of the mysterious footsteps rounded a corner, blocking his way.
"Hermione!" Ron shouted, "What the fuck are you doing here? I told you to wait in the room of requirement."
"Well," she said, "Excuse me for leaving that dreadful place after an hour long wait! I gave you the Marauder's Map. You're a fool to get lost." Hermione rolled her eyes and tossed her wild brown hair over her shoulder. She had a very irritated expression set on her face that did not waver even when Draco accidentally let an ear-splitting fart escape his arse.
"Weasley! This is all your fault! First, you steal Potter and his ravishing 8 and 3/4 wand, unwavering I might add, and then you forceably make me shit my own trousers! Damn you and your dish rag family!" By the time his little speech was done, Draco had collapsed onto the stone floor sobbing, a large bulge protruding from his linens.
"Merlin's cock, Malfoy! That bloody smells!" Ron shoved one used tampon into each nostril, making a weak attempt to block out the stank. It wasn't long before he, too, had succumbed to his weak knees and fell to the ground next to the blonde.
Hermione chimed in: "For heavens sake, Ronald, it doesn't even sme-" then the wall of arse floaters hit her. The clouds were so thick you could cut them with a razor. She covered the lower part of her face with her hands and vomited into them. The combined smell of the gaseous turd offspring and her own barf was too much, and she uncovered her face and began projectile vomiting straight into Dracos eyes. The force was so overpowering that he flew back 50 feet down the corridor, smashing into the wall with a grotesque crunching noise.
Hermione sprayed chunky streams in all random directions, coating the walls and filling the area underfoot. Ron writhed in the growing pools of her vomit, trying to find a foothold of some sort so he could help Hermione, or at the least run away and get a professor. The only sounds came from Hermione's animalistic bellows, liquid mouth shit spewing the stone floor, and Ron's girlish screams of terror. This went on for a few minutes, until a loud bang broke the pattern. It was reminiscent to the sound fireworks make before all the glittery bullshit.
Both Ron and Hermione (who still sprayed green puke chunks) looked around, bamboozled as ballsack by the noise.
"What in the fu-" Ron began, but was interrupted by a wave of gigantic, screaming, fleshy things rolling down the corridor at top speed.
They ranged from the size of a Volkswagon Beetle to a Semi trailer. Emitting a horrible screech like that of a banshee, they tumbled toward the students as if they were in a race.
Draco had regained consciousness just in time to shout: "Cocks on wheels!" Before he was overtaken by the throbbing monsters.
Hermione had turned to run the opposite direction, but Ron stopped her with a grab on the arm. "If we're in this at all, we're in this together." He enveloped her in a passionate kiss, his respiratory system being ruptured by crashing waves of vomit and his own semen. They perished in each others arms, covered in barf, cock juice, and buttcheek sweat.
~FIN~