Dorian was lounging on the Inquisitor's couch, book in hand. Spending his evenings here definitely had its perks. The most obvious was escaping the incessant noise of Leliana's birds, but he couldn't deny that the view was quite nice. He couldn't help but steal glances at the Inquisitor himself, who was currently sitting at his desk, hunched over with quill in hand. Then, of course, there was his reading spectacles. Adaar was large and intimidating in appearance, but with those perched on his nose it completely ruined the illusion. Also, it was incredibly endearing. He seemed a bit restless tonight, however, and Dorian caught him staring fixedly at the same sheet of paper for much too long. It didn't exactly surprise Dorian when he finally set his quill and spectacles aside and spoke.
"I need to talk to you," Adaar said, standing from his desk to approach.
"About how much you adore me, I assume? I hear it so often."
Dorian spoke casually, making sure no hint of concern was evident as he moved his feet so the Inquisitor could sit beside him. The comment had been facetious of course, but it was better than addressing the sinking feeling in his chest whenever he heard those words, wondering if this was it, if this was when it all blew up in his face and he was reminded painfully, once again, why he shouldn't let himself care so much, why he shouldn't hope. And the flippancy and arrogance was so much easier. Perhaps for the Inquisitor as well. If he was going to break things off, Dorian would rather he hurry up and get it over with.
"When I said I wanted to take things slow, I wasn't being completely truthful," the Inquisitor began rather awkwardly.
"There are oh so many ways that can be taken, Inquisitor. I'm afraid you'll have to be a tad more specific."
Adaar looked so apprehensive, something completely unfamiliar given his usually stoic and confident features. Although he generally appeared serious, Dorian had seen his fellow mage friendly and generous to his friends, fierce and unyielding against his enemies, even excited when his research paid off, but this was only the second time he'd seen him like this, so nervous and out of his element. The last time had been the very conversation he was referring to. Dorian tried not to think about how adorable it was, and how nice it was being able to see new sides to him. That wasn't going to make anything easier for either of them.
"I, um, I like you, a lot," he began. "And I enjoy our time together, but I don't want you to enter into a relationship with me without all the facts. I've had relationships before, of course, but they never exactly ended well." He was rushing through, speaking quickly as if afraid he might lose his nerve and that was too damn endearing too. He even glanced away, rubbing at the back of his neck.
"And why, pray tell, is that?" Dorian asked as casually as he could.
"Um, well, I'm not particularly fond of sex." That wasn't what Dorian had expected and it sort of took him by surprise. Adaar hurried on, seeming almost desperate to explain himself. "As I'm sure you've heard, sex under the Qun is much more casual, just another need to take care of. Quite a few of the others in my mercenary group came from there and treat it the same way. But I never really had that need. I was told I just needed to sleep around more to get used to it, or that I just hadn't found the right partner yet. I was even told by one partner that it's because I'm too cold, that I'm incapable of ever truly loving someone because I didn't want anyone that way. I don't know, maybe he was right."
It was absurd, thinking that Adaar couldn't fully love someone, that his romantic relationships could have ever been considered lesser for it. Dorian had seen his deep passion, his affection that was nearly overwhelming just in a glance let alone the way he practically enveloped Dorian when they kissed. Adaar was considerate and kind and never made Dorian think something was lacking with what they already had right now.
It was true that there were things Dorian had fantasized about, but what they already had felt so much more important than anything he had had in the past and he would never dream of asking Adaar to do more than he wanted. The Inquisitor had nothing to prove, he wasn't missing anything or incapable of a fulfilling relationship. Dorian was stunned for a moment and Adaar looked away, perhaps assuming the silence was his answer, but Dorian reached out and took one of his large hands, holding it securely.
"I care about you, I want to make you happy," Adaar said, eyes downcast. "But I think I'm never going to change. I've tried and it- it doesn't work that way. I don't know if I can give you everything you need, everything you deserve in a relationship."
"Now that right there is ridiculous," Dorian said more sharply than he'd intended.
"Which part?" Adaar asked with a nervous laugh
"That last bit," Dorian said. "You've already given me more than I thought possible. You do make me happy, as saccharine as that is. You're fine as you are. So do you want this relationship or not? Because I am a very busy man and-"
"Yes," Adaar said with so much certainty and conviction it brought Dorian to a halt.
"Well all right then," Dorian said, feeling his lip twitching up in a smile.
"And you're sure you're fine with trying this?" Adaar asked, still apprehensive. "A relationship, I mean, and everything that comes with it, just...no sex."
"Of course," Dorian replied. "So long as you specify your boundaries, I see no problem at all."
"Would you mind very much if I kissed you?" Adaar asked, a relieved smile on his lips that was also oh so endearing.
"I rather insist on it, actually," Dorian said, grinning at him. "You've been ignoring me all evening and I am quite offended."
"And here I was waiting for you to interrupt my work," Adaar said, chuckling as he brought a hand up to gently stroke his cheek.
"My, Inquisitor, if we keep this dance going we'll never get anywhere."
"So are you going to kiss me? Or would you rather continue this banter-"
Dorian interrupted him, pulling him close and kissing him. Adaar's arms wrapped around his waist and he felt content, at home in a way, and happier than he thought possible. He didn't know what the future held for them, but he knew he cared for Adaar and he knew that this, at least, they could figure out together.