Disclaimer: Characters mentioned in this FanFiction are based off the television program Steven Universe. I am not personally affiliated with Steven Universe or the Crewniverse. This story is written purely out of admiration of self-publication and individual creativity of the FanFiction community.
This is for Ash.
The soft afterglow that surrounds the Earth at the end of sundown has always been principally pleasing to witness from the roof of the barn. This was my most favorite location in the world and the first place I could think of when I had decided to take Steven's advice and invite Lapis to "share" something I have come to favor from this planet. Knowing that materialistic items were not in interests—while heavily avoiding another recording device incident— I have come to learn that experiences are more suited comfort Lazuli's style. So, here we are, during this beautiful time of day…alone.
My motive to make her see me as her equal was undoubtedly too forceful when I first tried to execute my willingness to befriend her. I have also acknowledged the error of my ways and understood how it became a very fatal mistake on my part. Steven suggested getting in touch with my empathy and sensitivity if I wanted to coexist with my new…What was that strange word he called Lapis? Ah, yes, my new roommate! …However, I don't believe I have ever had an old roommate in the past. Regardless, I will humor him and call her as such.
"They are stunning," Lapis broke the silence and it sent what felt like a course of electricity down my back.
"You're referring to the lighting bugs, right?" I cautiously asked.
She turned her head to me and spoke ever so softly, "If that's what those little blinking lights are, then yes." Lapis took a moment and added, "What an interesting name for them."
"Yes, well, Steven said they are not the producers of lightening and their organic state do not contain an ounce of it either; he said their name should not to be taken literally." I could feel myself ramble and stack my sentences over explanations that were never asked for, "How mismatched is this world, anyways? Like, why are they called butterflies if they do not yield butter or how can dragonflies have such a name if they…are not…descendants of…dragons?…"
I was met with a stoic stare from Lazuli.
There it was, within seconds I had managed to construct a situation containing that awkward silence Garnet mentioned to me. The worse part about acknowledging its presence was that the longer I thought about it the more it made me feel nervous and anxious. How in the stars is this considered a normal part of conversation?! Fusions have the oddest points of views on covering; however, I've come to trust her, to trust each of the Crystal Gems who wanted to help me make progress with Lapis. But why doesn't she just want to talk to me? I'm trying my hardest to…
"Was that supposed to be a joke?" She inquired.
It was time to own up to my pathetic attempt at lightening the situation, "Uh, yes, that was supposed to resemble some sort of humor," I muttered to myself, "so much for that.
That was the moment I heard something more beautiful then music: her laughter. It sounded like watching the sun rise after a stormy night, it was the color teal and then yellow, and then it became a hug for my ears. Everything about her giggle that transformed into laughter and ended with a slight snort was infectious, I found myself harmonizing with her amusement in my joke.
She finally settled down, "Haha, you know, that was probably the worse delivery to a joke I've ever heard," Her eyes relaxed and they perked slightly as she grinned, "I appreciate the effort. Thank you."
This was finally it, we were bonding; I very much longed for this moment. "Heh, yeah well, I'm still reading through those joke books back in the barn."
Lapis' eyes went wide, "We have joke books inside?"
"Well, yeah, Steven left them for me to read."
"That's really sweet of him. Steven is really kind to everyone, isn't he?"
"Yes."
"I wish I could possess the ability to be so accepting and forgiving… but it's so… hard. How can someone think everyone can be trusted? Trust is meant to be earned and not given away so freely…" Lapis lowered her voice, "Not everyone deserves trust."
I nodded, not knowing how else to respond. Again, we were met with silence, although this time it didn't pain me to have it as company.
"Hey, Lazuli…" I forced my gaze away from her and off towards the fields of wet grass, "how are you…you know…feeling? After fusing for so long and with a different ge…"
"Being with a different gem wasn't the issue, Peridot." Lapis was quick to answer, "It was the monster we became the second we fused together." I could hear a whimper in her voice as she continued, "She attacked me so quickly with her words. All the belittling and the yelling…the yelling was the worse. I would yell back! I would yell back just like Jasper did to me and that makes me less of a gem, just like her. I knew what I said hurt her but she never let it destroy her like her words did to me- it fueled her."
She began sobbing lightly, "Who knew a pathetic gem like you could be such an evil creation."
From the spitefulness of the sentence I could tell these were Jasper's words and not her own.
"Lazuli, you know you're not… She was so wrong about you, you know this, right?" I struggled to find the emotional support but I was determined, "That's everything Jasper wanted you to think. None of that is your own personal thoughts."
"Yes, they are. She was right about me, she was right about everything!" Lapis abruptly stopped her crying and forced herself to sound as if the episode had never occurred, "You weren't there, therefore you do not know, Peridot."
"I didn't need to be there Lapis. Look at who you are now, doesn't that matter at all?"
"No, it does not because I know what I'm capable of and that is destruction and…"
"Can you sit back and just watch the dusk fade away for a minute? Just look at how dark and scary it is out there." I threw my arm out signaling at our surroundings, "It feels like the sky is empty but it isn't. The moon and the stars and the galaxies are still there shining and glimmering."
I watched as she leaned her back slightly to look up at the sky.
"Look, Lapis, even though there is so much void in space, there is always a nearby planet, star, or satellite. There is so much beauty out there but you must be willing to see it. However, that isn't even the most beautiful part about watching the sun set for the evening, it's know that tomorrow it will bring a sunrise that will never be seen and that it will be followed by another marvelous fiery sun set. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is a lot to love from something that can seem so dismal."
Lazuli inhaled deeply and as she exhaled a tear rolled down her jawline, "No one is ever going to find beauty in the mess I've created."
"That isn't true," I set my hand on hers half expecting to feel resistance, "Your growth is beautiful. You agreed to stay here with me and you've allowed yourself to start healing. Please, please, understand that it is about the progression and not the perfection in which you learn how rebuild yourself. Truth be told...I haven't seen anything as beautiful as that here on Earth." In that moment we had locked eyes- our hands still touching.
Dusk has been the serenity I sought during the dark months in which I chose to stay on this planet. It was by far my favorite thing about living here but I had come to learn how incorrect this statement became.
Lapis is what I favored most about the Earth.