I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

In the Burg, news travels fast. News, or, as it is more accurately known, gossip, is a popular spectator sport especially if one is armed with a cell phone to record the juicy details as evidence. Evidence is validation. How this news was interpreted in the voracious sharing process was rather curious because they frequently bent and stretched the truth. In all reality, they are not really interested in the truth. Having a phone ensures the word spreads fast, like a wildfire. "I heard it on the grapevine," has almost become obsolete and more frequently replaced with text messages, photos and malicious Facebook posts, at least with the younger Burg gossips. With the availability and convenience of mobile cell phones with cameras, nowadays, the rapidity of the news and evidence are outrageously fast. Defamation? Libel? Pfft. Slander? Shoot first, ask questions later, create a storm in the meantime. Who gives a shit about the fallout! That's what it's all about. Post it on Facebook and send it to all your friends and the world wide web does the work for you. Shame and gain fame. The women of the Burg are consumed by their insatiable appetite for gossip. And, like children playing a game of Chinese Whispers, the rumours became more twisted the further they spread, and in no way ending up the same as the original message. In the case of Stephanie Plum, the news is always twisted into something more sensational than it actually is, or more typically, it's just a motive to disparage and deride yet another one of her exploits as a bounty hunter. That events are often taken out of context matters nought to the salacious gossipmongers, those Bitter Bitches of the Burg. But the older generation of the BBB still depend and prefer the landline phone or just their cell phones, since hearing is believing from their ever so 'reliable sources'. Besides, all the comparisons such as, "Did you hear that Betty Szabo's daughter Hanna is pregnant again, with her third baby, all from different fathers?" would be less effective and hateful via text than word of mouth. Text and images cannot replace and compare to the malevolence and sarcasm that a scathing and scornful voice can do so much better. Sarcasm is profoundly better verbalised. Judgements and insinuations have more clout when spoken with criticism and contempt. Old habits are hard to break. News is news, whatever way it comes, no matter at what expense to the victim of the televised or verbalised event. In a warped kind of way, it was a means to bolster their own miserable existence by drawing attention to the plight of others.

However, Stephanie's very own mother is one of the leading authorities … er … proponents, in perpetuating the gossip of the life of Stephanie Plum and others. And her dear Grandma, Edna Mazur, is often not much better since she always wants to have the inside scoop to tell the old girls at the Clip 'n Curl. One-upmanship is rife. Helen Plum has always been the Martyr of Martyrs. Between the "Why me's?" and "What will the neighbours think?" and expressing her constant embarrassment and disappointment in her second child's appearance, her work choices and life choices, Helen Plum was so embroiled in the melodrama, that she had forgotten to be the mother protector of her very own daughter. In fact, she regularly perpetuates and prolongs these wild stories about her wild child for whom she has "sacrificed so much". "How could she do this to me?" "Oh, poor Helen, you poor thing. Tsk, tsk, tsk." "Mary Kowalski's daughter Janina wasn't seen running after criminals with her clothes torn and shredded exposing her underwear." "Oh, not again. How embarrassing for you." "Magdalena Sokolowski's daughter wasn't seen crawling out of a dumpster covered in food scraps and goodness knows what in her hair." "You don't see Stella Martini's daughter hanging around with those thugs." Never mind that Stella Martini's favourite hangout is at that downtown strip joint with the bikies. Such a sleazy dive. They revelled and wallowed in scandalous news and the salacious appearance of Stephanie Michelle Plum. Wallowing was for Helen Plum, of course.

Everyone loves a juicy bit of gossip, it is after all, part of human nature. But in this little pocket of Trenton, their minds love to stay in the gutter. If there is no real news, they'll make it up, or twist it to add more meat to their news. When Stephanie Plum comes into their sights they are like circling hyenas and vultures hoping to expose her downfall and disgrace. Vicious is putting it mildly. If it is not the old biddies trying to outdo one another, then the TPD cops are just as bad. Whoever said only women gossip was a blatant liar. Men are often the worst. They even bet on her exploits, her appearance when bringing in a skip and let's not forget the demise of her vehicles. The media have also been known to make a complete circus of the events surrounding Stephanie Plum. That a picture tells a thousand words is true, but the pictures only portray a virtual snapshot. That she may have escaped death by mere inches or seconds did not concern them since it is not considered newsworthy. They are more interested in the headlines, and the fiery demise or destruction of a vehicle, or a building, in her proximity is much more sensational. Regardless that it is frequently not her fault, Stephanie Plum headlining the front page sells papers. Go figure. Sadly, the bystanders were just as bad as the perpetrators and bullies who hurt or harmed Stephanie in her role as bounty hunter. Bystanders! Never did they render assistance or call 911, lest they miss a photographic opportunity! It was disgusting and utterly disgraceful behaviour. Paparazzi wannabes! The number of phones taking in all the details, with video-ing, texting and phone calls, made at the scene was extraordinary to see, as they all stood there, flat-footed, too busy recording the drama to even consider that Stephanie was in danger or in any way harmed. That Stephanie survived all this criticism and constant interference and undermining was testimony to her resilience and fortitude. She no longer looked at them, ignoring their taunts and 'bystanderistic' behaviour. She never reacted nor responded, even though part of her wanted to give them the bird or some nice firm Italian gestures. That only made matters worse. She was a survivor. With Ranger and all of Rangeman having her back, it enabled her to be the survivor even more. Mentally they, the bystanders and gawkers, no longer featured in her perception other than a bunch of pesky, sticky flies on a hot and humid summer's day.

Amazingly, the news and antics of Stephanie Plum became fewer and far between lately. Their lives thrived on salacious gossip and she was, after all, their favourite topic of discussion in their otherwise dull and dreary lives. Focussing on the misadventures of others made them feel safe and secure, deflecting focus from any of their own indiscretions and misdeeds. While hidden safely behind the curtains of their gleaming windows and well-dusted window sills, it took the attention from their own demons and skeletons in the closet. People in glass houses should not throw stones. Seeing this 'wild child', in her thirties, running around, living on the edge; doing things they would never dream of being caught dead doing; taking risks; living dangerously; doing a man's job when she could be working in the button factory or the feminine products plant; was music to their ears. It fed their voracious appetite whilst also secretly living vicariously through her adventures and infamy. The envy was constantly veiled in sinister maligning and criticism. Their holier than thou mindset empowered them and at the same time made them feel secure, secure from prying eyes. There was also a degree of envy which fed their skewed hatred of Stephanie Plum. She had escaped the hold, the expectations and the traditional tentacles of the Burg while they maintained their smug yet dull and miserable and boring lives in a Stepford mould. Fear of breaking the chains that bind them to this Stepford existence would expose them to the vilification of the Burg. In an even more twisted aspect, none of them actually disliked Stephanie; it was part of following the herd, safety in numbers lest they draw attention to themselves.

Regarding these reports and sightings, never at any time, did they wonder openly if she was hurt or harmed or upset. Never did they applaud her substantial good-heartedness with some of her skips who were doing it tough. Never did they acknowledge that once again she had successfully brought in a dangerous or reckless skip who had escaped the law. There were no thank you's or praise for a job well done. Stephanie was not doing her job for praise but when things went well, they, the gossipers and the TPD betters, were not interested. It was uninteresting, and, they were disappointed, never mind the danger and risks involved. The other extreme of their perpetual gossiping was that she was in her thirties, single and not settling down, getting married and popping out babies like a proper Burg girl was expected to do. "Oh dear, that poor Helen." "Will she ever give you grandchildren?" "What about poor Joseph Morelli?" Helen and his mother Angie were poised and waiting for a Morelli-Plum wedding. That it didn't involve an active decision from Stephanie was immaterial. It was expected and like some weird urban myth, it was a Burg prophecy, after all, they had been engaged, more than once, and they had lived together, in Joseph's house on Slater. Oh dear, their shallow narrow-mindedness and ever-present bias to old traditional ways fed the prejudices of their dull daily lives. Weddings, babies, birthdays, communions and funerals were lauded, divorces frowned upon and those who flaunted and rebelled against the traditions of the Burg were shunned. Stephanie Plum was the perfect scapegoat and they relished in maintaining that. Even more contorted was how mothers threatened their daughters if they dared follow in her footsteps lest shame be brought upon themselves and their family.

Days and even weeks went by with very little fodder for the Bitter Bitches of the Burg. Glimpses of Stephanie at Point Pleasant with that handsome Ranger were brief and seemingly insignificant. The night at Pino's was a much wondered and talked about event. It seemed to be a celebration of sorts, loud with lots of merrymaking. Pino was not forthcoming with information which disappointed the curiosity and wonderment of the snooping, nosy Burgites. Even the local TPD cops who frequented Pino's had little detail to offer regarding this event. The hunger and thirst for information was seconded only by their lust for sensationalism and scandal. But the observations dwelled on how Stephanie was seen in the company of so many men in black, large muscular men. That there was only one other woman present didn't appease their wild ideas and speculations. "Omigod. She's been kidnapped!" "Kidnapped? That's terrible. Poor Helen." Helen thrived on their pity and it pitched her higher in the Burg hierarchy as it simultaneously lowered Stephanie's standing. "Maybe she has that Denmark Syndrome or whatever it's called like that Patti Hearst had." "Stockholm Syndrome it is." "She must be sleeping with all those men. How disgusting." "She must be their moll, like bikies have. They do wear black and look pretty scary and intimidating." "They're thugs and criminals and I heard some are even gangbangers." Oh, what a wicked web they weave these deranged and pathetic nosy Bitter Bitches of the Burg. This was like the still before the storm.

In their small-minded bigotry, wild ideas of Stephanie consorting with so many men, not just white men, but Hispanic and black as well, sent their minds reeling. That it was a happy celebration, sober and sensible and supporting a popular local business such as Pino's, didn't occur to them and thus was considered inconsequential. That Stephanie looked happy and content puzzled them even more. Was she pregnant? Was she involved with all these men? Why was she no longer seen around the neighbourhood and her regular known haunts like the Tasty Pastry and the Bonds Office. Connie and Lula were no help in illuminating or satisfying their curiosity. They too wanted in on the goss!

Thanks to Pino's fondness of Stephanie Plum, he chose to maintain his discretion and keep things on the down-low. His staff were especially chosen, since there were many fans and supporters of Stephanie Plum. Not everybody lived in the Burg. Chambersburg was just one little part of Trenton seemingly stuck in a 50s old world mentality. Pino was specific and selective with his staff for this occasion. Besides, the servers were keen to get a good look at those yummy men in black. Pino himself brought in a variety of specially prepared platters of his best pizzas, meatball subs and calzones. Salads and chips and wedges were plentiful for this hungry horde. He appreciated Rangeman's loyalty to his business. He also knew that he had considerable competition from Shorty's, but he knew that his premises had the capacity to put on a substantial spread in the back room for a function such as this. To say that he was delighted was putting it mildly. He knew it was a celebration honouring Ranger's retirement from other out-of-country duties for the government. Like Frank Plum, he too was a veteran of the Vietnam conflict and was keen to support these honourable men, especially Ranger. Unlike the prejudices of the Burg, he recognised that these men had all served our country with many deployments and further undisclosed missions, like he did in the 60s and later, but still they worked hard in the community protecting the people of Trenton.

The ring was spotted as it sparkled in the sunshine while her hand moved, pointing in the direction she and her driver were heading. It was a diamond ring for sure. A diamond ring on the left hand, on her ring finger could only mean one thing. "She's engaged! It must be a secret." In no time messages and phone calls were going off like crazy. The Burg went absolutely berserk with this new juicy information. The grapevine was alive and kicking again and with their favour subject du jour. "Stephanie has a diamond ring. Selma Antonini's daughter Maria saw it when she drove past and then confirmed it when she stopped at the traffic lights." "Omigod! Stephanie is engaged!" "Stephanie and Joseph are engaged." "How come Helen has not shared that wonderful news?" "Helen Plum. You sly vixen. How come you didn't share this wonderful news?" "What are you talking about?" "The engagement!" "Engagement? Who's engagement?" "Omigod! You don't know? Stephanie is engaged." "Engaged? Oh, oh that is wonderful, I think. Omigod, she must be pregnant!" "Stephanie is pregnant." "Stephanie is pregnant, and Helen Plum had no idea. And now she's engaged. As if!" "You're kidding! Helen didn't know. Oh my!" "Stephanie is up the duff!" "Stephanie has a bun in the oven." "But she's not even married. Oh my! A shotgun wedding!" "She's knocked up." "She's in the Pudding Club." "Who is? Tell me!" "Stephanie. Stephanie Plum." And so, the salacious twisted news hit the grapevine and went like a fierce wildfire through the Burg.

Helen Plum rang Angie Morelli as soon as the phone stopped ringing. "Angie. We have a wedding to plan." "I know. I just heard. I tried calling Joey, but he must still be on a case out of town. His phone keeps going to voice mail." "We have to organise the hall, the flowers and … Omigod! The invitations. She can't wear white now." "Do we have a date, Helen? A Spring wedding is not going to be possible and much too late. We could ask Father Vincenzo to preside and marry them quickly before she shows." "We'll have to book the VFW Hall as early as possible." "And the cake. We'll need a wedding cake, and bonbonnieres." "I'll get on to People's Bakery. They make a good Italian wedding cake." "And we'll go to the bridal shop and see what's available in a non-white dress suitable for her condition." "Okay. You arrange the flowers, the VFW and the invitations, I'll organise the priest and the cake." The two meddling matriarchs were on a mission. "Helen Mazur Plum! Are you crazy?" Edna scolded her daughter making her jump at the intrusion as she put the phone down. "What do you mean?" "When was the last time you talked to Stephanie? Did you think to call her yourself? Or are you too busy spreading the 'woe is me news', before finding out the truth from your own daughter?" Helen struggled to answer each of the rapid-fire questions. "You're a real piece of work, ya know." Helen blinked and had to catch herself. Why did Stephanie not tell her she was pregnant? Now she hasto get married. But Joseph and Stephanie were destined to be married, everybody knew that. Surely, she would have told us over dinner. Breaking her reverie, Edna, having read her daughter's train of thought, "And when was the last time Stephanie came here for dinner? When was the last time Stephanie and Joseph were seen together?" Like a goldfish, Helen Plum stood there, confused and bewildered. But she had a wedding to organise, at short notice and in her mind, that took precedence. Never mind the small details. Edna walked away, shaking her head in disdain at her daughter. In this sort of mindset, there was no way of getting through to Helen Mazur Plum. So, she let it go knowing this was all going to go to the shit in a handbasket. It would blow up in her face. She and Angie would end up with egg on their smug, sanctimonious faces. Edna rubbed her hands gleefully in anticipation. This could be fun after all. She knew her daughter well, but she knew and understood her granddaughter even more. No way would her Stephanie marry a horse's patoot like Joseph Morelli.

Rumours were rife around the Burg. There was very little visual evidence but that did not deter the nosy busybodies. Any morsel of information was pounced upon with gusto, almost like a feeding frenzy, or, closer to home, like the Black Friday sales for which they were gearing up this week. Regarding the Plums, it was both Stephanie and Helen Plum in the goss. Stephanie's focus was for being seen with a sparkling diamond on her ring finger, being seen with that handsome Ranger and all those muscular Rangeman men in black, being pregnant and now the secret wedding and let's not forget the kidnapping. The lack of Stephanie sightings fuelled this even more since when she was seen she was always accompanied by one of those "thugs" and never alone. She no longer frequented the Tasty Pastry; nor in the TPD, not at the Bonds Office and not at the boardwalk or Point Pleasant. The tasty Pastry did, however, get orders made to go on a regular basis which included her favourites. "Perhaps she has another stalker and they are her body guards." "Maybe because Joseph is away on a work case, he has asked Ranger and his men to protect her." The speculation was ridiculous. Unsubstantiated sightings were becoming more desperate in being the source of the news. Rivalry was a big issue in the Burg.

On the other hand, Helen Plum started to feature in the grapevine as well. People were questioning her lack of knowledge and awareness of her own daughter's affairs. They were suspicious about the lack of excitement with Stephanie's pregnancy and this secret wedding. The whisper campaign became more noticeable especially at places like the Italian People's Bakery, the Tasty Pastry and particularly at Giovincinni's. It was the hub of the Burg gossipmongers. When Helen came through the glass doors the sudden silence and furtive glances were not hard to miss. She braced herself and plastered a fake smile on her face and made a forced effort at conversation. A tactic commonly used by these women was attack and deflection. "Oh, Hello Marissa. How are you? How is your daughter Sandy? Is she back home yet from that rehab centre?" Oh, Helen Plum knew how to play dirty. Amid gasps and more whispers, she cast her eyes to her next target. "And Elena, I heard that your daughter Jazmin was seen leaving a downtown motel with a married man. How embarrassing for you." Keeping her run going while she held the power seat, she stepped into her next victim's space. "I wonder how your Sofia is managing on her own with three little children, Rosanna? Didn't he run off with his secretary?"

Uh oh. Playing too close to the bone there, Helen Plum. "I thought that was your other daughter, Helen. Valerie, wasn't it?" retorted Rosanna angrily. Ignoring her, unperturbed Helen quickly retaliated with, "And Judith," while she inwardly chastised herself, "Is Michael happy now since he moved in with his … boyfriend?" Amid titters, gasps and tut-tuts Helen stepped forward to the wide-eyed server and made her order. She glanced around and smiled wickedly, all eyes following her glance. A collective intake of breaths ceased any further mud-slinging as Angie Morelli strolled in with her mother, Bella. They were all afraid of Bella Morelli especially with her evil eye and those hideous visions. Everyone cleared a path to the counter, watching as Angie and Helen greeted each other, kissing cheek to cheek. Bella glared and scowled at the other women who suddenly had other shopping to do, quickly avoiding eye contact lest she curse them.

Grabbing her parcels of cold meats, antipasto and cheeses, Helen made a quick visit to the butcher. She couldn't get out of there fast enough. Helen and Angie both bought their bread from the bakery and departed together, heads held high, with Bella in their wake. "Hallelujah!" She crossed herself. That could have turned very ugly within moments. Never had she been more pleased to see Bella and Angie. In her car, Helen checked her mirrors warily before letting out a sigh of relief and drove gracefully out of the parking lot. If anyone had been watching her, their observations would confirm how calm she seemed. Looks can be so deceiving. Fortunately for Helen, no one had the courage to bring up that both of her daughters had been married and divorced. That's a big black mark in a Catholic community such as the Burg. Stephanie's divorce was an ugly, loud affair and it was probably the catalyst for her high profile in the gossip pool. But then again, Helen Plum had bemoaned her second daughter's challenging behaviour constantly from when she was a young child growing up. Valerie did come back home from California with two daughters after her husband Steve left with the babysitter, and absconded, with all their life savings, leaving Valerie high and dry far away across the country from family. Then in full view of the Burg, a pregnant Valerie, out of wedlock, and after a failed wedding attempt, runs off to marry the Kloughn, father of her third baby, in Disneyland. That Helen can cast aspersions upon others is so hypocritical but her status on the grapevine is, like Angie Morelli's, unquestionably highly esteemed. People were afraid of them, of what they could do but especially about how much they knew about everyone's business. The two together held so much power that vilification was remorseless. But there was already a chink in Helen Mazur Plum's armour and someone had already chipped at the wound. Rosanna was the first to challenge Helen and it sent a ripple of fear through her entire body. Helen Plum arrived home, unloaded her shopping and went immediately to find comfort from her friend Jim, Jim Beam.

"Helen? Where's lunch?" Edna called as she entered the kitchen to find Helen scrabbling for the bottle, knocking it so it wobbled precariously. As if in slow motion, they watched it tip over, losing the balance against gravity, watching the remaining contents pour onto the table, her skirt and on the floor. The look of horror on Helen's face was frozen as she stood up, too quickly, and slipped in the spilt liquid falling heavily to the ground. Her head bounced off the floor. Edna was thinking about chastising her drinking habit but then realised this was serious when she saw blood. The EMTs came and all the neighbours were gawking curiously. The neighbours knew it wasn't Edna and Frank was not home yet for lunch, so, that left Helen. The grapevine was already working its tendrils into the Burg. Fannie D'Angelo's daughter Shari said Helen reeked like a still. She must be drunk. She was babbling about pregnancy, an engagement and a wedding. She had a concussion and her head had to be bandaged like a wide white bandanna. Lucky for Helen there were no broken bones or fractures. She did sprain her wrist from the fall when she tried to steady herself. It was her right hand of course. Oh, the Burg was going to reel with drunk Helen news.

The Rangemen heard about the alleged sightings and chuckled at the chaos Ranger and Stephanie had apparently caused by not being seen. Stephanie had already heard from her best friend, Mary Lou Stankovic and they had laughed hysterically with each rumour. She could imagine her mother running around like a headless chook organising a Morelli Not Plum wedding. She must be frantic. Well, the ring was true but to assume it was Morelli. Eeuwww! No way. Knowing her mother, she would have called Angie Morelli for sure. They have been conspiring to get a wedding for quite a while. Well, they'll have to wait, a long, long while. Never. No way was Stephanie letting her mother organise a wedding for her ever again! Once was enough and what a performance. She was exhausted just thinking about it. "Mrs Richard Orr," her mother had uttered with a sigh so many times as if it elevated her self-importance even more. It was all about Helen. Her mortification when Stephanie said it was off was too much to bear. She had told her, "Go back and be a good wife. If he was sleeping around, then you are not doing enough to keep him interested!" Shaking her head, Stephanie saw her Mother in a different light. She already knew all the favourite whines of "Why me?", "What will the neighbours think and say?" and "How could you do this to me?".

Hal approached Stephanie in the control room. He fidgeted a bit and Stephanie stood up and said, "Out with it, Hal." He chuckled. "It seems you are now pregnant and that's why you're getting married." And they both laughed wickedly. It was fast becoming a joke. "You know," he said conspiratorially, "We could have some fun here." Stephanie's eyes lit up. "Lay it on me, Bro." He settled next to her in her cubby and rubbed his hands. "Let's add to the mix and really stir them up." Her eyes widened with delight, so he went on. "You're already showing because you are pregnant with twins." When they both hooted and howled hilariously, Cal and Woody came over to investigate. "I love how you're thinking, Hal." And patted him on the cheek. It was a tight fit in her cubicle now. "Let's see how the Burg handles this. It might implode before it goes into meltdown." She giggled.

Everyone wanted to add some more spice to the rumours. Stephanie had long gone past being affronted by her Mother's antics and the torrid mess that the grapevine could wield. "Let's go to the conference room and put up some ideas. Operation Marvin Gaye." Her Merry Men couldn't argue with that moniker. It was perfect. Using post-it notes each Rangeman posted a suggestion on the whiteboard. It was quickly filled with a colourful array of weird, wild and wonderful ideas. Getting news on the street was an added challenge but that was half the fun. There was no rush. They would review them and choose which ones were plausible and would create the most heat and entertainment, of course. "Fight fire with fire." Ranger was in on the fun too. He'd had enough of this Burg grapevine. "It's payback time. Let's mess with their heads some," suggested Lester.

Grabbing a sharpie, Lester entered the bathroom at Pino's with Bobby keeping lookout. He scrawled a message on the wall between the urinals. "I heard a certain Plum was ripe and ready, showing with twins." They sauntered back to the table with Vince, Cal and Ram as they ate their subs. Who was it that said men weren't gossips? They watched with fascination as one customer after another walked in slowly only to run out furiously texting and grinning. At one time four men rushed for the bathroom. The Rangemen sat there seemingly oblivious busy in their own conversation. "Let the games begin," sniggered Ram. Pino looked up suspiciously, concerned that something may be off with his pizzas. He wiped his hands on his apron and when the traffic slowed he strolled inside. He came out shaking his head. He looked at the Rangeman table. A few minutes later he walked to their table with a fresh pitcher of beer. "Can I get you boys anything else to eat?" Then more quietly, "Interesting news on the wall, dontcha think?" as he removed their empty pizza boxes and plates. "What news?" Lester questioned with a wink. Pino gave a knowing look. "Let's just say the grapevine needs to be stirred up into a hot mess." Cal clarified. Pino chuckled. "This one is on me. Cheers. Let me know if you need anything else." And he wasn't implying any more food or beers. He knew exactly what they were up to and was all for it.

"Red hot plump Plum, a red Burg bride." Now that would really send them into meltdown. Mary Lou was the sharpie wielding scribe this time. On the back of one of the bathroom doors should suffice. She and Lenny had taken the boys for a Pino's lunch, like a lot of Burg families do. And as before, Mary Lou watched discreetly with contained delight as the women did much the same as the men did yesterday. The looks of shock and awe caused such a stir. Pino glanced around and looked at Mary Lou. Bringing over a pitcher of cola for the boys and a bowl of meatballs with marinara sauce for their table, he winked at her, "Especially for the beautiful lady. Enjoy." With the course of events it was remarkable how his turnover had increased, and people were prepared to queue for a table. He sent a silent "Thank you," to Stephanie.

Arriving home from her grocery shopping, Helen found her mailbox filled with cards. Strange, she thought. No one has died. As she sat on a chair on her neatly swept porch to open the extraordinary flood of mail, she casually opened the first one. A card. "Congratulations Grandma Plum. Twins. Such wonderful news." "What?!" she shrieked quickly covering her mouth as she gathered up the pile of cards and her bag of groceries. Inside she sat heavily at the kitchen table. Each card said much the same. "Omigod. She's showing!" she gasped, glancing quickly at the phone as it rang. "How could you do this to me?" she muttered as she wiped her nervous hands on her skirt and answered the phone politely. Grandma came downstairs and looked at the mail. "Hot diggity-dog! We're having twins." Helen was frantically fielding calls, trying to appear in the know, unwittingly spreading the myth. A car tooted outside as flowers were delivered with more congratulations for the upcoming Plum-Morelli baby, and twins. Edna escaped the mayhem to attend a viewing with her friend Betty, grinning and snickering. Ranger suggested for flowers to be delivered from various 'locals' and it really worked a treat. It endorsed the bathroom messages. The florists were delighted with the extra orders and business was booming. Another silent "Thank you Stephanie" was uttered with a winning smile. The Morelli household had a similar flood of cards and flowers. Angie beamed with pride. Her Joey had made twins!

People from all over the Burg went to the Italian People's Bakery. They were flooded with requests for red cupcakes, in pairs. Some were requested for delivery to the Plum and Morelli residences. The original order for a traditional Italian wedding cake was changed when Angie and Helen discovered the awful red bridal dress request. Shock and horror. They crossed themselves and Bella was in a faint, conjuring up visions, spells and curses. "A red velvet cake would work. Let's do it." Shaking their heads in dismay and embarrassment, the order was modified. Loretta and Giuseppe were enjoying the influx of orders. Business was good. Stephanie Plum was good for business.

Every report that came in was celebrated with cheers and pizza, from Pino's, of course, in the conference room at the end of that week. Sally had been especially invited to assist Ella with bridal gown ideas. Being the cross-dresser that he was, Sally had some wild ideas which Ella laughingly had to tame down. They had gone on line and made a request for a red bridal dress, with gold lace trim and the matching lingerie and underwear befitting a beautiful red bride. A deposit was made to be paid in full after fittings at Julietta's Bridal. Outfits for flower girls and bridesmaids were to be white with red and gold lace trim. A date for fittings were considered but they decided to let the shit hit the fan before 'confirming' a date. Perhaps when they notified them when the dress was ready. It turned out that there were a few more requests for red brides in spring. My oh my. How crazy was this Burg? There was a rush for red lace and gold lace overlays.

Vince came rushing in with the announcement that Morelli had made an appearance. He and Manny had tailed him and video-ed the reactions and fallout as each blast of information hit him square between the eyes. His Grandma Bella had clipped him firmly upside the head when he came to visit as predicted. The conference room was quiet as the big screen showed the live feed, and everyone watched Morelli's expressions change from total surprise to a smug swagger and then that edge of worry and concern. Hector had already confirmed that Joseph Morelli had been busy while on this 'case' and had despatched a photobook of his 'adventures' at various motels and undisclosed places. Red heads were popular, in keeping with the red theme. Stephanie sat on Ranger's lap and giggled as Lester and Cal ran a running commentary to the feed. It was hilarious.

Inside a day, the red-wrapped photobook landed on the front porches of the Morelli and Plum residences. A third was delivered later with helium balloons and red wrapping to Morelli's Slater Street house. A fourth was contemplated but they decided to see how things would pan out. After all, Operation Marvin Gaye was a stab at the backbiting Burg grapevine. But seeing that Morelli was part of the Burg and had used the old rumour mill against Stephanie in one way and another, a special delivery was made to the TPD. Helen Plum featured with her white bandanna and her empty bottles of Jim Bean and Jack Daniels. Angie Morelli and Bella were captured in true character inflicting fear at Giovincinnis. This edition included the money changing hands as bets were made on Stephanie. Hector had tapped into the feed for incriminating shots from the police station which had Stephanie with her skips, Morelli remonstrating and at times grabbing her both at the station or scenes of when her cars exploded. His expression and body language needed no captions. It was a shameful selection of mockery and derision. The special noticeboard showing her cars' demolition table was also included. And many a photo of the lousy bystanders and groups of the gossipers as well were included. The timeline was sad and sordid when it was all put together. Let the shit hit the fan. Sleep well people of Chambersburg. Tomorrow is a red-letter day.

Next morning was a memorable one for sure. The shit certainly hit the fan. The Morelli house erupted in shrieks of pain, shame and despair. The Plum household was much the same. All the residents of Chambersburg received a red envelope with a thank you on behalf of Stephanie for all their wonderful support and gracious help when growing up in the Burg. A small sample of photos depicting their unceremonious lack of support with those of Helen, Angie and Bella, the TPD and some incriminating Morelli shots of course, were included on a special bookmark. Yes, Monday was a red-letter day.

Ella brought flowers to Stephanie with tears in her eyes. "I had no idea how badly those horrible people treated you. They don't deserve you. I am so relieved and pleased that you found your way to us here at Rangeman. Thank you for always being true to yourself. You have brought so much light and love to these wonderful men and Ranger especially. Luis and I have seen the impact you have had on every one of these men. Your love is unconditional. You accept them and you don't judge. That you came from such a toxic place and survived is truly remarkable." Ella hugged her fiercely. Ranger held Stephanie as she was overwhelmed by Ella's words. "Let's go downstairs." As he ushered her into the larger conference room the room was ablaze with red balloons and streamers. In the centre table amid a wonderful feast was a red velvet cake and three tier cupcake stands with mini red velvet cakes and mini Boston creams with red and gold sprinkles. The music cranked up and the celebration was loud and joyful. "Proud of you Babe."

... The End ...