Relationships and Sand

Disclaimer: Do not own.

*Cough* This is rewritten on the 17th of April, because I was inspired by the anonymous reviewer with the handle of 'animeluver' who told me this was 'Thirty percent good and seventy percent bad'. Thank you for your insight. I really do appreciate it. Mind telling me what made it so horrible? I don't know if you'll ever read this again, so if not, may I ask the other people who read this... Tell me what's wrong, and what would make it into a better story. I will do everything in my power to fix it.

If you haven't noticed in my years of writing this, I have never ever created a self-insert or a canonCharacterXOC.I have never fantasized myself with any character. I like dynamics of characters together, and I think romance is an unavoidable aspect of prose.

I write because I like it, and if I'm doing something desperately wrong, feel free to diss my writing all you want. I know I'm not that good. But I try, and I will keep on trying because I think this is fun. I look forward to people telling me things to improve, but I dislike people telling me it's bad without telling me why. Why? I'm not psychic. I need to know what's wrong to try to fix it.

I'm rewriting this, hopefully to make it flow better. I've received a comment on that. Thank you, Chocolate Berry.

PS- I'm trying to do this for most, is not all, Special A pairings. Wish me luck?


"Relationships--of all kinds--are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost."

-Kaleel Jamison

Megumi knew Yahiro always hurt inside, because of Akira. She knew it wasn't Akira's fault, and she knew that her friend deserved happiness with Tadashi.

But she knew it wasn't fair to Yahiro either. She understood Yahiro felt obligated to act the insensitive, manipulative jerk, but she knew it wasn't him.

She knew he loved Akira, and would do whatever it took for her to not worry. That meant being a jerk. She was just tired of watching him hurt himself.

Such a long time has passed now, but still, no change. He was going to live the lie for whatever reason, for Akira. Akira.

"Yahiro-kun," she spoke softly. They sat together, watching their friend enjoy themselves. He was staring moodily at Tadashi and Akira. She watched them too, but she was conscious of Yahiro sitting beside her. "Are you alright?"

He smiled arrogantly, tilting his head in order to face her directly. "What do you mean? I'm always fine." He paused, before adding, more sternly. "Stop talking, already! Don't you treasure your voice?"

She was annoyed, but she knew it was his way of coping. "Don't be silly. All this time... Ryuu-nii has Finn-san now, and Jun has Sakura-san..." Her eyes settled on each pair as she spoke, pausing before she continued, knowing that her next sentence would hurt him. "Akira has Tadashi. Kei has Hikari. You watch them, I can tell."

He smirked. "And you watch me. You also watch them. What would that make you?"

She colored briefly, but kept a resolute face. "I don't deny it," she informed him, pausing when he thrust her drawing board. She picked up the pen and wrote her next words.

You can deserve happiness too.

"Are you sure of that?"

More scribbling. Everyone deserves someone they love. Even you. Maybe especially you.

"I don't deserve your love, do I?"

?

"You love me romantically. I don't love you that way. You know it. I know it." There was no real way to lie to themselves. They were both smart.

She paused for so long he thought she'd given up, but she bent her head over the board and wrote. Love... it's a process. Like healing. I don't need to be happy now, but I'll be happy one day. You'll be happy one day.

"I drive people away. You'll wear yourself out keeping up."

Not true! Look at your friends, Yahiro-kun. Sakura is your friend. Kei... Hikari... they're both your friends. Tadashi thinks you're a good guy, and Akira is forgiving you, right? Ryuu-nii and Jun may... dislike you, but they certainly don't hate you.

"You... You're weird. You know that?"

So are you. You're far too possessive for your own good, you know? It's what drove Akira-chan to hate you.

He flinched. "Oh?"

She bent her head down and scribble madly, filling up the board with tiny, cramped, barely legible handwriting.

'Relationships--of all kinds--are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.'

"... Kaleel Jamison, correct?"

Yes. It's true, isn't it?

"I don't love you," he repeated.

I know. I've been waiting. I can wait. I'm not an impatient person, Yahiro-kun.

"You know, you're important to me." She blushed and was about to write, but he stopped her by placing his hand over hers. He let go. "You're important to me, but I can't forget her yet."

I understand.

"I won't hold on to you too tightly, you understand?"

She smiled. It was a slight upturn of the lips that he hardly noticed, but it was there. She nodded.

They sat like that, silent, as they watched the others have fun.

"I... I don't want you to slip away from me." It took him a while before he spoke again, and when he did, it was softly.

She didn't respond. When he looked at her, she was pressed against him, asleep, --had they been so close before? -- and she had her arms around him, her writing board precariously sliding off her lap. He picked up the board, placing it beside him on the bench before wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

It was comfortable, he decided, to be with her. Her personality wasn't like Akira's, who was violent at times, but Megumi was such a child sometimes. She was sensitive to other people's feelings, but she was fiercely protective and loyal. She didn't push herself towards him, aside from that silly first date.

She tried to understand, but she didn't poke into his affairs. Maybe that's what attracted him to her the most. Then again, maybe it was because she stuck to what she believed in, be it her singing or her faith in him.

Love... it's a process. Like healing. I don't need to be happy now, but I'll be happy one day. You'll be happy one day.

Her words were like prophecy. One day. One day, he'll be able to let Akira go completely. One day he'll be happy.

She'd be waiting, Megumi would. He didn't doubt that.