He wakes her with his tossing and turning. Something she's getting used to again, but her subconscious doesn't let her ignore it yet. Jordan's always wanted to help TC even when he's refused it.
His breaths are coming faster, sharp intakes of air making his torso shift against her. TC turns away from her, his body vibrating with energy, like he's about to attack or be attacked by something or someone. She never understood which, until he finally admitted to himself, and her, how Thad had died.
Jordan's been through nightmares and flashbacks with TC more than once. He'd been a mess when he came home from Afghanistan. Without his older brother, that he'd always admired he was adrift.
The nightmares had been violent, as well as his mood swings and it had destroyed their relationship in the end. She'd lost her patience with his self-destructive behavior and his inability to accept help.
The anxiety and depression had manifested itself in drinking and getting in to fights, the only thing keeping him in line was work. The only place he seemed to cope and feel like he still had some sort of purpose.
She regretted leaving him to himself as soon as she realized what he'd been through. Jordan knew his exterior never really let anyone know what was going on with him. After the night when they'd been threatened by violence, and death, when Topher had almost lost his life, that's when she'd understood. Jordan had finally been let into TC's vault of guilt, hidden for years, but finally the cracks were too big for him to keep the walls intact.
Everything had spilled out in the open, and pain at radiated from him in waves that threatened to crush everyone, even TC himself. She'd been worried about him the first few weeks. Afraid the guilt would drown him and take him from them.
Suspended from the job that had kept him going, she was afraid he'd leave them. They all knew he had the means and resources to effectively take his own life. Topher and Drew had shared her concern, so they'd taken turns staying with him. Making sure he ate, that he slept, that he was never alone when the memories materialized and transported him back in time to when his brother died.
Jordan feels TC's breaths on her neck. He's still tense, but the worst seems to be over. Nightmares passing, without him waking in a cold sweat, with his heart racing and his body trembling with adrenaline tells her he's improved so much in the last few months.
Coming back to work was hard for him as he was still easily triggered. Jordan could see how his walls weren't as robust anymore, losing patients got to him in a new way. He'd never been good at not taking it as a defeat, as a failure, even if he'd always done more or even too much to save a life.
TC's breathing changes, Jordan knows he's waking up and starts to turn over to face him. His eyes are still closed, a crinkle between his eyes showing her he still remembers the dream.
Her hands come up to cup his face, her thumb stroking his forehead, trying to erase the tension. His eyes open, and she's thrown by how much pain that's still there. Her left hand threads through his hair, rubbing his scalp, while he turns and kisses the palm of her right hand still on his cheek.
In that moment Jordan knows she did the right thing leaving Scott to help TC. They've always been in each other's orbit. He's the sun and she's the planet that's getting sucked in by his gravity. Inevitably they end up in the same place.
His smile lights up his face, and she can't help smiling back at him as she leans in for a kiss.
Leaning back, mussing up his bed head hair, she can still see remnants of the dream on his face.
"You okay?" Jordan tries not to force him to talk to her. Knowing he needs time and group therapy is where he shares his demons these days.
"Yeah, I'm okay, just a nightmare," he looks down making the hand in his hair shift and she moves with him. Her hand lands on the back of his neck, and she can feel his spine move as he looks back up at her.
They smile at each other, he's trusted her to see him at his most vulnerable, and he's not afraid to let her in anymore.
The old TC would have told her not to worry and that he's perfectly fine. The new version knows she doesn't pity him; she loves him even if he's broken.
"We should get some more sleep, it's still early." Kissing his nose she let's her hand travel down his arm, then pulls his hand in hers.
"Mmmhmm… yeah, I could go back to sleep." TC's eyes shut and his hand close around Jordan's instead, holding on tight.
It's when his hand later on slacks around hers she knows he's fallen back asleep. TC's features are peaceful in sleep when she finally able to relax and try to get back to sleep herself.
Her subconscious is still monitoring him, weary of any signs of his demons returning.