Title: Survivor
Rating: G
Summary: Arthur's thoughts on survival. One shot, major angst.
Author's note: this was totally random and I just sort of hammered it out. So, yeah. Enjoy and please review. I'll try to finish the third chapter of Legend soon and post the second chapter for those following that one.
I was once told that "it is better to live with one leg than to die with two." Survivor. The survivor with one leg. The man who lived when his comrades died before him, around him. Which is the greater curse, to die in battle, or to survive? Tell the man with one leg that he is lucky. Tell him that he is the one who gets to live still. His dreams were crushed by one moment in time on a grassy field. He will never be the same again; that survivor.
You have no idea what it is like to wake up every morning not knowing if this day will be your last. Not knowing which of your friends could be taken from you. What if this is the day in which my closest friend will be the one who does not come back. And then you think, what if it's me first. What if I am the one to be taken, not him. Then he could live, raise a family, have a home. Peace.
But I would hate to cause him pain. He has spent so many waking nights, when his dreams could not let him sleep, telling me that he couldn't bare it if I was gone. Maybe then, our time will be the same time I always thought. My last sight, my last motion...my last breath...next to him on the blood stained field of battle.
It didn't happen that way.
No...it did not happen that way. I am the survivor. I have two legs, two arms, fingers, toes... My dreams were crushed by one moment in time on a grassy field.
I see their faces, the ones I could not protect. The ones I failed. There is no brightness in their eyes, no smile on their faces, no life... That is my one leg. My failures to my friends; the ones who trusted me...with their lives.
I promised myself I wouldn't do this, I promised I wouldn't cry. He wouldn't want me to cry for him. I couldn't keep the promise I made them...I made him. I failed at this too.
It is my curse. My curse to live alone, without my friends. Without my most trusted friend, the one who knows me best of all. He was my anchor, my foothold. He was there for me. I was not there for him.
...I miss you Lancelot...