Title: If Wishes Were Horses.
Author: willowwood
Fandom: Bones
Character(s)/Pairing: Angela Montenegro
Rating: PG
Words: 590
Disclaimer: Not in this lifetime.
Spoilers: Set during Episode 3.15 – The Pain in the Heart.
Authors Notes: With many thanks to Callieach for making it look as though I know what I'm doing ;) ;) ;) *massive hugs*
Summary: "She wishes that she would wake up tomorrow and this would be nothing more than a horrible nightmare".
If Wishes Were Horses.
Over the years, she'd encountered more than her fair share of murderers. Yet despite everything, she'd seen, despite everything she knew. A small part of her had always clung to the childlike idealism that murderers were like the Bogeyman. They weren't the people with white picket fencing and 2.4 kids, who accidentally crushed the child from next door. They weren't the people with nine-to-five desk jobs and reputable benefits plans, who just happened to take a sledgehammer to their pregnant girlfriend's skull. They weren't the people you'd been friends with for the past five years, who'd somehow been convinced to kill an innocent lobbyist.
She wishes she could still believe that. Wishes she could still believe that there was something different about them. Something, that set them apart from everybody else. Something, that hinted at the things they were capable of doing, but the only thing that set Dr Zach Addy apart from everybody else was his intelligence, and intelligence doesn't breed murderers.
Standing there, she longs for the sound of bleeping heart monitors, pumping respiratory machines and gossiping hospital attendants but it's surprising how affective the sliding glass doors can be, and the nurse's station behind them is unusually quiet for a ward that's housing a convicted murderer.
When Brennan called to tell her the news, a small part of her had hoped he was more than that, more than just a murderer. Maybe if he'd have gnawed on human flesh she could bring herself to be disgusted by him. Instead of just seeing him, watching her through the glass like the little brother who's been sent to bed after almost getting himself killed.
She wishes she could be angry with him, angry for betraying them, for putting them all at risk, but the compassionate part of her brain argues that he stalled to protect Jack, and ended up coming worse off for it. It argues that it could have easily been Hodgins in that bed, but it isn't.
She wishes she were crying. Crying so hard that everything was just one big blur. The concealed room. The hospital bed. The passive expression on Caroline's features. The unwavering acceptance on Zach's.
She wishes she were in there with him, listening to everything the attorney is telling him, despite the fact that's Brennan already explained it to her twice.
She wishes she could listen to his reasoning, listen to his 'logic'. Though she doubts she'll ever truly understand what really made him do it.
She wishes she knew what happened to the little boy who wanted everybody's advice and she wishes that she could feel guilty that it's taken her this long to realise he wasn't around anymore. Even though deep down she knows there's nothing any of them could have done. That it wasn't their fault.
When Jack arrives she wishes she didn't hug him harder than she probably should have, clinging to the feel of him in her arms and revelling in the tickle of his fingers at the base of her neck. She wishes she didn't have to pretend she doesn't notice the way he pulls her to him more forcefully than usual.
She wishes that she were more than this. More than this hollow shell, full of swirling emotions and broken fantasies that are refusing to settle down.
Wishes there was more hope to cling to than a lover's jacket and the familiar smell of shampoo and aftershave.
She wishes that she would wake up tomorrow and this would be nothing more than a horrible nightmare.
The End