Chapter 1 -- Hopeless Romantic or Dead Meat?

Uzumaki Naruto was your everyday junior high school student. He got decent scores sometimes, and the other times, he would get scores that were below decent. There were days when he felt like he was the king of the world. On some days, he would feel as if everyone was stepping on him. Or, as his friend and upperclassman, Hyuuga Neji, would say, "fate was against him." He was pretty social and had lots of friends which he hung out with quite often. He chatted on the Internet. He bought the occasional magazine that should never ever be seen by children lest they wanted to taint their minds. And, most of all, he had a crush. Though it might be more accurate to call it an obsession.

Haruno Sakura was his class's president. She had shoulder-length pink hair and bright green eyes. She was charismatic. The fact that her fists packed a pretty powerful punch made her even more... charismatic, if not rather threatening. She was quite friendly, too. She was at the top of their class. She had been studying ballet since she was eight. She had a voice coach. She had the most beautiful smile. She was very popular and a lot of guys asked her on dates everyday. But no guy was as devoted as Naruto and some senior named Rock Lee.

Naruto asked her on a date five times each day. His first proposal was during homeroom, second would be on recess, third would be on lunchtime, and fourth would be during dismissal time. The fifth time was sometime during classes and it was made through the PA system, suggesting that he'd gotten sent to the Principal's Office. It happened every single day. It was actually a surprise that he hadn't gotten suspended or expelled with the troubles that he made everyday.

It just so happened that in their school, there was this stupid rumor – though with the amount of students that believed it, it was probably more appropriate to call it a legend – that if one put a can in the hallway where the Principal's Office could be found and someone tripped on the aforementioned can, that person was going to be the soul mate of the one who put the can. The legend had brought together a lot of couples. Although it was unsure if they were still together after high school.

As fatalistic as he was, Neji did not believe stuff like soul mates, contrary to what Naruto said and what his fan club thought.

Naruto, on the other hand, was a hopeless romantic and fully believed in the concept of soul mates, or perhaps it was only because he'd become so desperate at earning Sakura's ever-elusive heart. Well, whatever the reason was, he decided to test the legend today – it was a Monday. He was hoping (against all hope, but nobody would dare tell him that) that the one who would trip on his can was Sakura.

Tripping on a can was hard. Naruto thought that that was why the person who would trip on it was someone who really was meant for the person who put the can on the hallway in the first place. He knew that Sakura was made for him. Surely she would trip on the can. Well, that might also hurt, but it was all for the sake of love! Once she found out that it was him who did it, she would forgive him because she was just that nice.

Naruto was so excited. He put the can during lunchtime. It was on a horizontal position. It had taken him quite some time to make it stop moving, but he did it. He would be able to do anything if it was for love and for Sakura. Reasonably, of course, because he had some logical friends that would make him think about it.

Not a lot of people were on the hallways, especially this one, during lunchtime so he knew that if she came across this hallway at this time and tripped on the can, they really were meant to be together. His friends had told him to give it up before they went outside to enjoy their lunches. They knew that he would come around sometime. Or at least they endlessly hoped and wished that he would. There were lots of fish in the sea of students. At least there were some fish that would actually consider going out with him. Neji's endlessly timid cousin, Hinata, would be an example.

So Naruto waited and waited and waited. After fifteen minutes, he began to felt the pangs of hunger. There was still no Sakura in sight. What if his friends had been right? What if he and Sakura really weren't meant to be together? He had found out long ago when not given his ramen during the appropriate periods of eating – basically when during the times when someone was supposed to eat : breakfast and such – he became quite the negative thinker. He was in deep distress. His ramen or his love? His ramen or his Sakura? Who or what would he choose?

Ramen had always been by his side. Hell, he'd been named after a ramen topping. But then there was sweet Sakura. Sure, she'd never really done anything for and to him, but the sight of her just made him feel happier and made him more alive. Perhaps it was possible to love both of them at the same time? Naruto shook his head of those evil thoughts. He would only stick to one! He was a one-person man. Not that ramen was a person or that he had ever been in any sort of romantic relationship before. The latter was because he had always been chasing after Sakura since time immemorial – this could also be said to be his grade school days.

In most of his friends' opinion, love made him stupider than the usual, though even they didn't have the heart to say that to him. Okay, so maybe they did. As cruel as it sounded, Naruto's wooing of Sakura gave them a lot of entertainment.

Naruto was soon pulled out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps. He didn't know why but he'd always had excellent hearing. The footsteps made him excited. That was Sakura, for sure! It could be nobody else. Now was the time to see the truth. And he was sure that the truth wouldn't disappoint him. People had always said that the truth set others free, right? That should apply to him, too. He could finally be at peace and not worry that Sakura would end up being with someone else other than him. He felt tears gather at the edge of his eyes. After all of his hard work... she would finally see him.

He knew he was being overly melodramatic, but still! This was quite of an achievement. He was actually a little bit surprised at how things were turning out because they usually didn't go his way--

And it seemed as if they never would. He damned Fate the way Neji did.

It was not Sakura's footsteps. She was nowhere in sight. There was only a boy carrying a lot of books, probably on an errand from some teacher. Luckily, there was still some time. He could stop that boy. It had, as said before, taken him quite a while to make the can still. He wouldn't let all of his effort of arranging the can in a perfect manner go to waste.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Naruto was thinking somewhere along the lines of didn't someone once say that the truth hurt? Well, he now had proof that that saying was actually quite true. So abysmally, dismayingly true.

"Hey, you!" he shouted.

The guy looked at him, a frown on his face, but he wasn't stopping. Naruto was beginning to panic. His hard work! His... seventeen minutes and counting of lunch without ramen! Of life without ramen! Ramen's patience and sacrifices would not be put in vain if he could help it!

"Stop right there!" he said.

By the time he said that, the guy had already reached the can. With the luck that Naruto had with things like those... the guy slipped on the can. He stepped on it and it rolled away. His foot had slipped and then he fell. The books fell on him, too. Though with the way things were, Naruto guessed that the guy had worse luck than him having all of those stuff piled on him.

Then the things that had just happened hit Naruto like a truck. The can that had a small dent on it that was rolling away and just managed to fall off the stairs, soft clinking following it as it bounced through each step. The guy on the floor that was slowly sitting up and caressing his head, mostly likely checking for injuries. The books on the floor. Did that mean...? Did that mean that this guy was his soul mate?! He began to hyperventilate. No way in hell. That guy wasn't Sakura. He was nowhere near her!

First off, he was a guy. Sakura was a girl, a pretty girl at that. He had dark-colored hair. She had bright and nicely pink, albeit it was quite an unusual color, hair. He had dark-colored eyes. She had bright and green eyes. And of course, he was glaring at him. She would never ever glare at him... at least with that intensity–

Oh, shit! The guy was glaring at him and was now standing! Now Naruto was really hyperventilating. If he had been any lesser being, or if he wasn't already having breathing problems, he would've peed in his pants for sure.

"You moron!" the guy exclaimed.

Naruto gulped, sheepishly laughed, and scratched the back of his head in the same sheepish manner. When that didn't pacify the guy, he began running as if there were a pack of dogs after him. But when he saw the angry and slightly crazed look in the other boy's eyes, he began to think that maybe being chased after dogs was much better.

A lot of screaming was soon heard.

Uchiha Sasuke wasn't usually this openly hot-tempered. Today was just a particularly crappy day. His fans had been extra rabid and Hatake Kakashi – the guy was his supposed guardian, but on his opinion, it seemed as if he was the man's guardian – had been more annoying than the usual. There was also another reason. Something that nobody would've ever suspected except for Kakashi. His brother, his dearest older brother, had forgotten to send him an e-mail the night before.

It had been an unwritten rule between the two Uchihas that they would always exchange mails, even if they were short in content, every single day ever since Itachi went to England to pursue his studies. Sure it was a somewhat cute and, in fangirlese, waffy or fluffy, way of showing just how much they cared for the other and such, but it was only to be expected. After all, they only had each other. And Kakashi. But the thing was, Itachi was only Sasuke's living immediate relative.

This was the first time Sasuke's brother failed to send him a mail. He was really trying to be as positive as he could, but it wasn't working. The only reason he could come up was that his brother had forgotten. Itachi had never ever been hassled by homework before and finished them quickly with a flourish. Not to mention he was somewhat paranoid and he also took great care of himself so he couldn't have been caught in an accident.

Because if he was and he still wasn't dead, Sasuke would personally kill him for making him worry so much.

The point was... Itachi had forgotten about him. He was sorely suffering from that and was licking his wounds. He decided that instead of moping around, he should let out his sadness in a different way. Anger had been this different way. So far he hadn't killed anyone...

Well at least that was before he got asked by Kakashi, who was also his Literature teacher, to give back ten absurdly thick books which the latter had borrowed from the library a week ago. Kakashi had ushered him outside with the books in his arms before he could protest. Though Kakashi wasn't the one whom he seriously wanted to kill. That was commonplace. No, it was the guy he met on the way to the library. The blond guy who shouted for him to stop and distracted him from paying attention to his surroundings, thus making him slip on some conveniently – far too convenient in his opinion – near can.

And so, that was why he was acting not like his usual calm and cool self. He was far from it right now. In fact, he was chasing after the blond with a look that would make any criminal, murderer to be more specific, proud. He was going to unleash all of his anger on that stupid blond.

Uchiha Itachi felt a cold tingle shoot up his spine. It must be the air-conditioning system of the plane. Even though he'd spent a few good years in England and had lived most of his life on Japan, he was unaccustomed to the cold. He loathed it. It was so funny because a lot of people described him as a cold man.

He hadn't been able to e-mail his little brother yesterday. He let a small smile, barely noticeable really, creep on his face. He knew that Sasuke was probably making everyone else's life hell. That was just how his brother was. Ah, well. The boy would probably be happier at having the real person by his side. He was finally coming home after five years of absence.

Soon enough, he sneezed.

Apparently, the answer is "Dead Meat."
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Please comment if you've found any mistake. Any mistake at all. Except, perhaps, for OOC characters. If they're OOC, it's either intentional or I know about it and just can't manage to fix it. I also want to know what people think about what I've written or whether my writing style (whatever it may be) is nice. Basically, just comment on whatever you might think is... worthy of a comment, good or bad.

This story is partially a response to Kaikouken's comment on me writing angst-ridden NaruSasuNaru (despite writing humor for GaaSasu). In this story, I'll also be trying to fix the way I write Sasuke usually. Try. I hope that I don't make him far too much of an uke (compared to the other things that I've written...).

I also want to thank Lisea18 for her encouragement and 'lol's.