Butterfly
by Kuma
Disclaimer: I don't own the charaters. Joss owns them, blah blah blah. However, I do own Laura and Dominique.
Spoilers: Just little minor ones for Season 2 and 3.
Author's note: I'm writing this story having not seen Graduation Part II. So if there's anything wrong, I didn't see the episode. Also, like I've heard, the Buffy crew sometimes visits Angel to help out. This is obviously set after season 3. Oh yea, and Faith is good again. If possible, listen to Backstreet Boys' 'I Want It That Way'.
Chapter One
Buffy stood in the doorway of Angel's new apartment in LA. It was small, but looked comfortable. He had a black leather couch in the middle of the living room. There was a coffee table in front of it. He had several old large weapons hanging on the wall in front of the coffee table. Underneath the table was a navy blue chinese rug. This was her first time seeing it and it would be her last.
"Angel, I'm not comming back." The young blonde girl said as she moved to lean against the wall to support her. Her hair was pulled into a tight pony tail.
"What do you mean?" Angel asked a confused voice. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his legs. He sat on the black leather couch. He didn't, couldn't take his eyes off her.
The Slayer's heart beat faster. She felt like she was going to melt every time he looked at her with his chocolate brown eyes. Especially when he looked at her like he could see into her soul. All she wanted to do was to go over and kiss him, but she knew it was for the better to keep her distance. Otherwise, she might never be able to tell him.
Buffy took a deep breath. "I'm not comming back," she repeated, keeping her voice firm. Buffy closed her eyes, as if she was gathering the courage she needed to tell him what she was about to. She opened her eyes back up, revealing her shiny hazel-green eyes. "I..I'm moving to Maryland-"
The vampire stood up. "That's all the way across the country." he interrupted, his voice raised.
Her reply was simple. "I know." She licked her drying lips and swallowed. "I'm leaving in two days so I can get comfortable in my new apartment before I have to start a new semester at the college there." Buffy looked at him, trying to read his motionless face. She took another deep breath. "I'm staying with one of my mom's friend's daughter and her friend." She clasped her hands together and looked in his eyes. There, she could see that he was hurt. It hurt her to hurt him.
Angel knew that he didn't want her to leave, to never have her even come to visit him again. He stepped close to her and looked down at her. "Why are you going?" he asked in a soft voice.
Buffy scooted out sideways to escape him. She walked across the living room to the oak coffee table in the center. "When you left me, you wanted me to have a normal life," she shrugged. "Maybe I can find that there. But as long as I'm here, I can't have a normal life. I'll still be visiting you. It'll be too hard. The deal was for you not to be in my life right? You'll always be, but if I'm not here, you can't be in it physically. And I don't want to do this any more," she let her hands slap down on her side.
She walked over to the door and then turned to face him. "I don't want to keep comming here, acting like there was nothing between us." Her eyes filled with water, but she was holding the tears back. "This is for me," her voice caught in her throat.
Buffy blinked back the tears that threatened to fall from the pool that had formed in her eyes. She sniffed. "Besides, there's some heavy vampire activity going on. They need me up there so another hellmouth doesn't break lose."
"Like a butterfly," Angel murmured.
"What?" Buffy asked in confusion.
"Someone once told me that everyone turns into a butterfly. You have to get out on your own and fend for yourself." Angel replied. The situation with Buffy reminded him exactly of a beautiful butterfly.
"I've already been out on my own, fending for myself, remember? I'm the Slayer. That's what I do," she replied.
"I know. I haven't forgotten," he replied. He stood a few feet away from Buffy. "Can't Faith go?" Angel knew he was being selfish, practically begging her not to leave. He had did the exact same thing to her a few months ago. But seeing her as little as he did, he loved and cherished every moment of it. For Angel, most of the time he regretted ever even thinking about leaving her, but he knew it was for the better.
"You can't leave me, not even wanting to say good bye, and then expecting me not to leave. At least I'm saying farewell. You know that we can't be friends, we can't be enemies, and we can't be lovers." Buffy said a little hotly. Her eyes started to pool with water again. "Like you said, we're a freak show," she said. She spit the exact same words that he told her when he mentioned that he was leaving right back into his face. She let a tear fall and then, quickly as it fell, she wiped it off of her cheek.
Angel gave her a cold stare. "You know I didn't mean that." he practically yelled at her. "You know that I love you," he said a little more softly.
"Don't. Not now. I'm leaving. I already told Wesly that I was going to do it." Buffy let out her tears. She couldn't hold it all in, no matter how strong she was trying to be. "I'm going to go now. They're waiting for me outside."
She opened the door and took a deep breath. She turned to face him once more. "Bye, Angel." She whispered.
Angel stood there, not wanting to believe that she was really leaving. "Bye, Buffy." His reply was solid, as if the life was drained out of him. It was the only thing he could think of saying.
She gave him a smile and turned to walk out the door.
"Buffy, wait!"
Buffy turned and looked at Angel.
He gave her a small smile. "Are you still my girl?" he asked.
She smiled back. "Always," she replied. Then, she walked out of his life.
Chapter Two
"Yeah, Faith, the slaying is good." Buffy Summers spoke into the cordless phone that she held on her shoulder. She picked up some clothes on her bed and went over to her dresser. She opened a drawer and put her clothes away. "Faith! How could you even think that? Much less say it? You might get that little urge when you're slaying, but not me."
"How's Wesly, the wuss?" asked Buffy with a laugh.
"You're kidding! They re-hired Giles?" The Slayer asked with excitement. That was great news that Giles was hired as a watcher again.
"So, you weren't obeying Wesly and obviously neither was I, or tried not to, and they re-hired him because of it?" Buffy still couldn't believe it. She thought once the council fired you, that was it.
"I'm glad that they re%2dhired him." Buffy said. "So, have you broken Giles yet?" She added with a giggle. "Ahh, I remember that time that he was commenting on how I made him look like a penguin."
"I might get to finally come home this Christmas." She let out a small sigh. "That's *if* nothing goes wrong. Last year, if you remember, the vamps tried to crash and feed on the little kids." Buffy said as she recalled her last Christmas.
She took the phone into her hand and fixed her hair in the mirror. "So, how's everything there?" Buffy picked up her brush, but stopped when she saw Mr. Gordo sitting on her dresser and picked him up.
//"Come by to visit Mr. Gordo?" Buffy asked him as she stepped through the window of her room.//
//"What?" Angel asked in confusion, turning to face her.//
//Buffy replied walking over to him, "The pig."//
//Angel replied in a soft voice, "Oh." He smiled as he put the pig back on her shelf.//
Faith's voice brought Buffy back to reality. Buffy set the pink pig down quickly. "Yeah, Faith I'm here." Buffy shook her head. "I just zoned out there for a moment, sorry."
A knock on Buffy's door filled the silence in the room. "Hold on, Faith." She said. "Door's open." She called out as she covered the receiver of the phone with her hand.
Dominique walked into the room. "Are you busy?" The brunette asked. She was a little on the chubby side and had sparkling blue eyes. Her hair was put up into a ponytail.
"Just sit on my bed, I'll be done in a minute." Buffy replied to Dominique.
"Faith, tell Giles that I'm going to call him tomorrow and tell everyone hi for me." Buffy said to Faith. "Wait. Let me speak to Mom."
"Hi, Mom." Buffy spoke to her mom. "I'm doing fine." She sighed. "Everything's just peachy." She listened to her mom ask her about twenty questions at once. "Mom? I promise you I'll talk to you tomorrow all about that stuff. I just can't right now," Buffy told her mom when she asked about the slaying. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" Buffy asked. "I love you too, Mom. Bye." She clicked the off button on the phone.
"So, what's up Dominique?" Buffy said to her friend.
"Someone called for you this morning." Dominique said.
Buffy walked over to her bed. "Well, who was it?" Buffy asked a little annoyed that she didn't tell her the first time.
"Let me think, I know that it's a name that I don't hear often." Dominique thought for a moment.
Buffy shifted her weight on one foot, waiting for the person's name so she could call them back.
Dominique perked up and answered in a higher voice, "Oh, I remember! His name was Angel."
Buffy dropped the phone. It clashed down on the hard wooden floor. Her eyes opened wide and her heart was beating faster. "Who did you say it was?" She picked up the phone and set it on the bed. She thought she didn't hear the name right.
"Angel." Dominique repeated. "He had to of been someone important for you to drop the phone," she commented.
'How can it be him? We haven't talked in over two years.' Buffy thought. "Ar..are you sure it was him?" Buffy stuttered.
"Yes, I'm sure." Dominique insisted.
"Did he leave a message?" Buffy asked, wanting to know more about his phone call.
"Yeah. He said to tell you that he's not at the same place as before." Dominique told Buffy. "And I'm assuming you what that means, because I don't know."
Buffy took in a deep breath. "I'm not sure." Buffy asked hopefully, "Did he leave a phone number?"
"No phone number." Dominique said as she shook her head. She added, smiling, "But he had the greatest voice."
Buffy smiled to herself. She remembered what he sounded like, what he looked like, felt like. She let out a small sigh.
Dominique studied Buffy's expression. "I'm also assuming that you two were going out."
Buffy's smile disappeared. "Yeah, but things didn't work out."
Dominique felt sorry for her friend. Buffy looked like she was in love with him very much. "I'm sorry. Want to talk about it?"
"Well, he was my first guy that I ever truly loved. We went out for a while, but he decided that I needed better things in life. That he couldn't give me everything he wanted to." Buffy took a deep breath. "We had a lot and I mean *a lot* of hard times. He didn't want to put me through any more, I suppose. So, eventually he broke it off with me.
"He moved and I was still planning on visiting him, but I found a better college here. I decided I would move here. Being there and still visiting him would tear me up," Buffy told Dominique.
Dominique whispered, "You're were really in love with him, weren't you?"
"Yeah," Buffy replied. 'Still am,' she thought. She took a deep breath. "Enough about that. Let's go out for something to eat. Laura should be home by now." Buffy offered. It helped take her mind off of things.
"Okay," replied Dominique. She stood up and waited for Buffy.
Buffy went over to her mirror and quickly brushed her hair.
"Buffy!" Laura yelled out from their living room.
She yelled back, "What?"
"There's this really hot guy standing in here and he wants to see you."
"I'm coming!" Buffy sighed. Laura always did this every time Riley came over. This isn't what she needed.
Buffy picked up her leather jacket on her chair on her way out and slipped it on. Dominique followed.
"Riley, I've got plans." Buffy said, not looking up. She was fixing the stake that was hidden in the sleeve. She had to make sure she could get it out easily, in case there was trouble, yet not let it be seen.
After she didn't receive an answer, she looked up. "Angel?" Buffy asked in shock. For that moment, she could swear she felt her heart stop.
Chapter 3
Buffy stood there shocked. "Angel," she repeated. Her voice was low.
"This is Angel?" Dominique asked. "You didn't tell me he looked like one too."
Buffy glared at her.
"Yeah, he is gorgeous." Laura added. She had her hair pulled back into a pony tail and was smiling at Angel. "If only every guy could look as good as him," she sighed.
Dominique shot a glare at Laura, telling her to be quiet.
"How about me and Laura meet you down at the Doppers?" Dominique asked, trying to let Buffy and her friend have some time alone.
Laura instantly disagreed with her friend. "No one said anything about going to Doppers," She wined, obviously wanting to stay.
Dominique grabbed her arm. "Remember about our plans?" She said through gritted teeth. Laura opened her mouth to say something, but Dominique put her hand over it. She smiled sweetly. "We'll be going now. See you in a while, Buffy." She shoved Laura out the door and followed, shutting it behind.
"Doppers?" Angel questioned.
"Yeah. It's the club here." Buffy brushed little stands of hair on her forehead to the side with the tips of her fingers. "You'll have to excuse Laura," she apologized. "She's ... she's ... we haven't figured her out yet." She gave a small laugh and a smile.
Angel took a deep breath. "How are you?" he asked.
"I'm doing good." The Slayer crossed her arms and shifted her weight onto one leg. She let out a sigh. "Why are you here?" Buffy questioned.
"I missed you," he said truthfully.
"Yeah, well you seemed to be just fine when you left," she said hotly.
"Why are you all of a sudden being a-" Angel stopped himself.
Buffy glared at him. "Go ahead. Say it." She said angrily.
Angel spoke in a soft tone, trying to calm her down. "I'm not going to say it because it's not true."
"Well, since you have no apparent reason to be here, I'm going." She gave one last look at Angel. "I trust that you will let yourself out and lock the door behind you." With that, Buffy grabbed the set of keys on the table and went out the door.
* * *
"That was so much fun." Laura giggled as they walked down the dark alley.
Dominique spoke up. "That guy Matt was so sweet and cute!" She squealed. "Don't you think, Buffy?"
Buffy let out a sigh. "Yeah, I guess."
Laura broke her thoughts. "You're thinking about that guy, Angel, aren't you."
Buffy smiled, being caught. "Yeah."
"What happened to him? Dominique asked.
Buffy shoved her hands into her jacket. "I didn't want to see him. He hurt me a long time ago by breaking up and leaving." She shrugged. "Just didn't want to see him."
"Well, well, well. What have we got here?" A vampire said as he stepped in front of them. He had black hair and was dressed in a suit.
"I think we have three girls out past their bed time." Another said with an Australian accent. He wore dark blue jeans and a worn out white shirt.
Dominique shrieked. "Wh..what's wrong with their faces?" she asked terrified.
Buffy slipped out a stake. "Run," Buffy told them.
Laura shook her head. "I'm not going to leave you alone with these things," she whispered.
"Then, you will all die," the one in the suit said in a low voice.
"Do. It." Buffy said the two words seperately. When they didn't move, she yelled, "GO!"
Laura and Dominique took off, running towards the safety of their home.
The Australian stepped closer to her and sneered, "And look, this one is so brave,"
"Have you two ever considered a bath?" Buffy asked, trying to divert their attention.
The one in a suit asked, "Have you ever considered being dinner?"
The other one charged at her, only to be tripped face down. Buffy staked him quickly and prepared to stake the other one.
"He was just a child." he quipped. "I'm a lot stronger than that." He also charged at her, succeeding in punching her jaw.
Buffy grabbed her jaw, wiping the blood coming from her lip. "Big mistake."
She punched at him and kicked at him, but it seemed like it wasn't working against him.
He let out a deep, rusty laugh. "You see, I've been alive for over three hundred years. A vampire can get quiet strong in three hundred years." He punched her in the stomach and it sent her flying into the wall.
Moaning, she got up. She ran at him, stake in the right position to hit him in the heart. He grabbed her hand and flipped her over. He clamped his hand over her neck, cutting off some of the air supply. "I've never tasted slayer blood before, but I've heard it tastes good."
Buffy tried to wiggle free, but to no avail. She tried using every muscle in her body, her legs, her hands, but true to his word, he was strong. Her face started turning purple.
The vampire lowered his head down to her neck and whispered, "This is going to be good."
He was suddenly yanked off her. Buffy gasped for breath, rubbing her throat.
Angel tossed the vampire on the ground. "If it isn't the famous Angelus." The vampire said. "I've heard about you. Last time, they told me you went and got your soul."
"That's right, but I can still torture." Angel said in a snarl. His face was like the face of a vampire now. His yellow eyes, ridged face, and long pointed teeth.
He produced a stake of his own and made quick work of the vampire. He immediately went over to Buffy. He shifted his face back.
"Are you okay?" Angel asked her. He reached down for her hand and helped her up.
Buffy got up and dusted herself off. "I'm fine, thanks to you." She smiled at him. "Why do you always show up at the right time?" she asked. Then she added, "Even when I've treated you like dirt?"
"Because Laura and Dominique told me that you were in trouble." He smiled at her. "And because I love you." Angel gently touched her split lip.
Buffy gasped in pain and in confusion.
"I'm sorry," he apologized.
She didn't care about the pain and instantly forgot about it. "Angel, you're warm." she said shocked.
Chapter Four
"Angel, you're warm." Buffy repeated in disbelief, for getting the pain. She covered his hand with one of her own.
Angel smiled. "That's what I came here to tell you," he said softly.
Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Angel let out a small chuckle at her attempt. She tried again. "But...but you can use your game face." She took a deep breath. "I'm so confused."
"Willow made this spell that allows me to use my game face and still have my strength while I'm human."
"Then can't other vampires use it? You know, to stalk people in the day?" Buffy asked worried.
"Willow destroyed the spell after she used it on me. The only slightest record of the spell being done is in the Watcher's dairy."
"So, you're human for good now?" The Slayer asked hopefully.
"All human," Angel answered in a low, sexy voice. He tipped her head up and
kissed her gently. When he broke the kiss, he asked her, "Go back to Sunnydale with me?"
Buffy shook her head. She was still mad. "No, we need to talk."
* * *
They walked along the path in the park. The path was lit by several lamps on the side.
"You just can't come back here and expect me to accept you back into my life," Buffy said. How could he do this to her? To just waltz back in here and try to take her away?
Angel looked at her. "Is it because of Riley?" He asked. He remembered how she thought it was him when he first saw her.
She shook her head. "No. He likes me and we hang out and stuff, but it's not him. I don't like him."
They came upon a bench and sat down.
He looked at her. "Then, what is it?"
Buffy looked at him. "I told you. You can't just waltz back into my life, expecting me to go with you. It doesn't work that way."
"I just thought-"
She interrupted him. "That's also a problem. You always think. You thought it would be best for *me* if you left. You always decided what was best for me. I'm a big girl, I can decide for myself."
Angel sighed. He knew he was wrong two years ago when he left her. "I know and I admit I was wrong."
She smiled. "My life has turned around without you in it. I dated normal guys, well, normal by saying they were human," she let out a small laugh. "They could take me out in the sun, make love to me."
Angel instantly got jealous as soon as he heard her say that. He was sorry he ever told her that.
"And now just because you're human and can do those things with me, it seems like you just didn't want to be with me because of it," she told him. She never thought of that until now.
"It's not that," Angel replied.
Buffy looked straight into his eyes. "Love is more than sex and sunlight. Love is so amazing that it can last with those two things. It's where two people will do anything for each other. They put the other person before themselves. And they can sleep together, without having to you know, have the sex. Just sleep. Two people that want to spend the rest of their lives together. It's more than that, but that's love. And sex and sunlight are two things I can live without."
His voice was soft and rough. "I wanted you to have those things. I didn't want you to be in the darkness with me."
Buffy eyes started to pool with water. "Don't you see? That's exactly where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with you." She let a tear fall.
Angel reached up and wiped the tear off of her face. "I know that, but like you said, 'they put the other person before themselves.' Everything I ever did was for you."
She realized what he said was true. Everything he ever did was for her. "So, where does this leave us?" she asked.
"I don't know," he said softly. He wanted to ask her to go back with him. That was the original idea, but he didn't think now was the right time to ask her.
Buffy smiled. She didn't know how he did it. He could make her mad one minute and calm and smiling the next. It made her feel a little better that he was unsure of where they stood.
"So, what have you been doing?" He asked wondering about what she did in the two years that they were apart.
"Well, when I came here, it was a little strange. I had to keep me being a Slayer a secret. It's like I just got called again. Anyways, I met Riley my first year here. I liked him at first and we dated for about a year. I broke it off because he just wasn't the one for me. As you can tell, we remained friends.
"I haven't really been interested in anyone else. I've thought about you, calling you, visiting you. It was hard to stay away when I went back to Sunnydale this summer and especially when I went to visit my dad," she said. "I can't really sum up two years. It's all basically been the same as before. Terror for evil at night and school girl by day."
Buffy made a small smile. "I better get back before Dominique and Laura get worried," she said.
Angel took her hand and held it in his large one. He stood up and pulled her up to stand with him.
She smiled and led the way back to her apartment.
* * *
"Oh God, Buffy, you're okay!" Laura shrieked as Buffy and Angel entered the apartment. She ran to her and hugged her tightly. She had paced back and forth until Dominique yelled at her to stop.
Buffy embraced her friend and then moved to hug Dominique. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Dominique asked, "What were those things anyways?"
Buffy couldn't think of an answer. Luckily, Angel did.
"It was just a couple of teenagers in masks."
"I guess we just gotta watch out for ourselves. No more going into that alley for me," Laura said. Dominique nodded.
"Well, I'm going to talk to Angel," Buffy said as she led Angel to her room. Laura and Dominique smirked at her.
Buffy shut her room door behind her. She moved to sit on the bed and patted the area next to her. Angel sat down.
"So, what have you been doing all this time?" Buffy asked.
Angel turned towards her. "I'm running my own business. I investigate, help people in trouble. I found a business partner named Doyle. He's a demon. He can see when people are in trouble. So, he helps a lot with the cases. Cordelia's working for me. I found her at a party and since then, she's been working for me. She grows on you." He smiled.
"Wow," she whispered. She never even had the thought of Angel running his own business.
"Buffy, will you come back to LA with me?" Angel asked.
"Angel, I've got this wonderful life here. I'm going to a great college and I'm doing extremely well. I just can't go back because you want me to." Buffy wanted to go back with him, but who was he to just come into her life and expect her to leave with him?
Angel nodded. He was disappointed that she said no. "I understand. Hey, listen, my plane leaves in a couple of hours, so I better go. Traffic and all."
Buffy felt awkward. "Yeah," was the only thing she could muster out.
Angel stood up and walked to the door. "So, I'll see you sometime?"
She gave him a small smile. "Definitely." She watched him leave.
She sighed and plopped down on her bed. She wanted to go, but she just couldn't give in. Like she said, she had a wonderful life here. Him coming here really messed her up. It made it easier for her not to think about him. Now that he came here, she didn't know what to do.
Buffy laid on her bed thinking about everything. Angel just came to visit her for only a day and then leaves? She thought he would stay for a few days at the least.
* * *
Buffy looked over at her small clock that sat on her dresser. It was eight after ten. 'Angel's plane will be leaving soon.' She thought. She heard a soft knock on her door. She didn't answer. She just felt like being left alone.
The door opened slowly and Laura walked in. "Buffy?" she asked softly.
She didn't answer. Hopefully Laura would get the hint and go away.
Laura sat down on Buffy's bed near her. "Listen, whatever that Angel guy said, you don't need to be moping over it."
"Was I wrong to let him leave?" Buffy asked. Her voice was almost a whisper.
Laura looked at her. "Do you love him?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"Then why'd you let him go?"
Buffy sat up. "He just came into my life again and wanted me to go back with him. How can I when I have the life he always wanted me to have?"
"Why do you do this? Obviously he wants you back in his life, otherwise he wouldn't of came. And you want him to back in yours. So, why don't you go catch him?"
"His plane leaves at ten thirty."
Laura glanced at the clock. "So, you've got about twenty minutes."
Buffy got up and grabbed her jacket. "You're right," she said right before she left.
* * *
'Stupid traffic.' Buffy thought as she sat in the back of a taxi. "Isn't there any way around the traffic?" she asked urgently. She had about five minutes to get there.
"No, sorry Miss," replied the driver.
She leaned back into her seat. She let out a long sigh and closed her eyes. It seemed forever for the traffic to move, but finally it did.
Soon as he reached the airport, Buffy paid him and quickly got out.
She ran into the place and looked at the glowing sign of all the departures. She found Los Angeles and ran towards the gate.
A lady stopped her at the scanning point. "Sorry, ma'am, but the plane's already left."
"How long ago?" Buffy asked. She hadn't even bothered to check the time.
The lady checked her watch. "It left about thirty minutes ago."
"Oh, thank you," Buffy said softly. The lady smiled at her. She turned around and walked back out.
* * *
Buffy entered the apartment with her coat on her arm.
"Did you catch him?" Dominique asked. She sat on the couch with Laura.
Laura looked at her. "That's a stupid question. If she caught him, wouldn't he be here with her right now?"
Dominique smiled. "That would make sense." She looked at Buffy. "Why not just go back?"
"Like I said, I've got a wonderful college here. I can always go back after college. No biggie." She shrugged. She didn't let them know that she really wanted to go back with Angel.
"Buffy, you just told me you wanted to be with him," Laura said.
She walked over to the couch and sat down. "Who am I kidding?"
"So, why not just go back?" Dominique asked again.
Buffy shook her head. "It's not that simple."
"Yes, it is," replied Dominique.
"No, it isn't."
"Yes, it is. You're just making it not simple," Laura said. "People are what makes things hard or easy. You can choose to have an easy life and deal with everything or make everything hard and complicated. It's up to you."
"I don't know," Buffy replied. She got up. "I'm going to bed." She walked over to her room. "Thanks you guys," she said before going in.
As soon as she opened the door, she gasped when she saw Angel. "What are you doing here? I thought you left."
Angel walked over to her. "I'm not going to leave here without you. So, if you don't leave, I guess I'm just going to have to move here."
Buffy smiled. She didn't know why she always tried to make things complicated for them, but she was glad that Angel seemed to always make it easier. "I think I need to go back. I miss everyone too much."
by Kuma
Disclaimer: I don't own the charaters. Joss owns them, blah blah blah. However, I do own Laura and Dominique.
Spoilers: Just little minor ones for Season 2 and 3.
Author's note: I'm writing this story having not seen Graduation Part II. So if there's anything wrong, I didn't see the episode. Also, like I've heard, the Buffy crew sometimes visits Angel to help out. This is obviously set after season 3. Oh yea, and Faith is good again. If possible, listen to Backstreet Boys' 'I Want It That Way'.
Chapter One
Buffy stood in the doorway of Angel's new apartment in LA. It was small, but looked comfortable. He had a black leather couch in the middle of the living room. There was a coffee table in front of it. He had several old large weapons hanging on the wall in front of the coffee table. Underneath the table was a navy blue chinese rug. This was her first time seeing it and it would be her last.
"Angel, I'm not comming back." The young blonde girl said as she moved to lean against the wall to support her. Her hair was pulled into a tight pony tail.
"What do you mean?" Angel asked a confused voice. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his legs. He sat on the black leather couch. He didn't, couldn't take his eyes off her.
The Slayer's heart beat faster. She felt like she was going to melt every time he looked at her with his chocolate brown eyes. Especially when he looked at her like he could see into her soul. All she wanted to do was to go over and kiss him, but she knew it was for the better to keep her distance. Otherwise, she might never be able to tell him.
Buffy took a deep breath. "I'm not comming back," she repeated, keeping her voice firm. Buffy closed her eyes, as if she was gathering the courage she needed to tell him what she was about to. She opened her eyes back up, revealing her shiny hazel-green eyes. "I..I'm moving to Maryland-"
The vampire stood up. "That's all the way across the country." he interrupted, his voice raised.
Her reply was simple. "I know." She licked her drying lips and swallowed. "I'm leaving in two days so I can get comfortable in my new apartment before I have to start a new semester at the college there." Buffy looked at him, trying to read his motionless face. She took another deep breath. "I'm staying with one of my mom's friend's daughter and her friend." She clasped her hands together and looked in his eyes. There, she could see that he was hurt. It hurt her to hurt him.
Angel knew that he didn't want her to leave, to never have her even come to visit him again. He stepped close to her and looked down at her. "Why are you going?" he asked in a soft voice.
Buffy scooted out sideways to escape him. She walked across the living room to the oak coffee table in the center. "When you left me, you wanted me to have a normal life," she shrugged. "Maybe I can find that there. But as long as I'm here, I can't have a normal life. I'll still be visiting you. It'll be too hard. The deal was for you not to be in my life right? You'll always be, but if I'm not here, you can't be in it physically. And I don't want to do this any more," she let her hands slap down on her side.
She walked over to the door and then turned to face him. "I don't want to keep comming here, acting like there was nothing between us." Her eyes filled with water, but she was holding the tears back. "This is for me," her voice caught in her throat.
Buffy blinked back the tears that threatened to fall from the pool that had formed in her eyes. She sniffed. "Besides, there's some heavy vampire activity going on. They need me up there so another hellmouth doesn't break lose."
"Like a butterfly," Angel murmured.
"What?" Buffy asked in confusion.
"Someone once told me that everyone turns into a butterfly. You have to get out on your own and fend for yourself." Angel replied. The situation with Buffy reminded him exactly of a beautiful butterfly.
"I've already been out on my own, fending for myself, remember? I'm the Slayer. That's what I do," she replied.
"I know. I haven't forgotten," he replied. He stood a few feet away from Buffy. "Can't Faith go?" Angel knew he was being selfish, practically begging her not to leave. He had did the exact same thing to her a few months ago. But seeing her as little as he did, he loved and cherished every moment of it. For Angel, most of the time he regretted ever even thinking about leaving her, but he knew it was for the better.
"You can't leave me, not even wanting to say good bye, and then expecting me not to leave. At least I'm saying farewell. You know that we can't be friends, we can't be enemies, and we can't be lovers." Buffy said a little hotly. Her eyes started to pool with water again. "Like you said, we're a freak show," she said. She spit the exact same words that he told her when he mentioned that he was leaving right back into his face. She let a tear fall and then, quickly as it fell, she wiped it off of her cheek.
Angel gave her a cold stare. "You know I didn't mean that." he practically yelled at her. "You know that I love you," he said a little more softly.
"Don't. Not now. I'm leaving. I already told Wesly that I was going to do it." Buffy let out her tears. She couldn't hold it all in, no matter how strong she was trying to be. "I'm going to go now. They're waiting for me outside."
She opened the door and took a deep breath. She turned to face him once more. "Bye, Angel." She whispered.
Angel stood there, not wanting to believe that she was really leaving. "Bye, Buffy." His reply was solid, as if the life was drained out of him. It was the only thing he could think of saying.
She gave him a smile and turned to walk out the door.
"Buffy, wait!"
Buffy turned and looked at Angel.
He gave her a small smile. "Are you still my girl?" he asked.
She smiled back. "Always," she replied. Then, she walked out of his life.
Chapter Two
"Yeah, Faith, the slaying is good." Buffy Summers spoke into the cordless phone that she held on her shoulder. She picked up some clothes on her bed and went over to her dresser. She opened a drawer and put her clothes away. "Faith! How could you even think that? Much less say it? You might get that little urge when you're slaying, but not me."
"How's Wesly, the wuss?" asked Buffy with a laugh.
"You're kidding! They re-hired Giles?" The Slayer asked with excitement. That was great news that Giles was hired as a watcher again.
"So, you weren't obeying Wesly and obviously neither was I, or tried not to, and they re-hired him because of it?" Buffy still couldn't believe it. She thought once the council fired you, that was it.
"I'm glad that they re%2dhired him." Buffy said. "So, have you broken Giles yet?" She added with a giggle. "Ahh, I remember that time that he was commenting on how I made him look like a penguin."
"I might get to finally come home this Christmas." She let out a small sigh. "That's *if* nothing goes wrong. Last year, if you remember, the vamps tried to crash and feed on the little kids." Buffy said as she recalled her last Christmas.
She took the phone into her hand and fixed her hair in the mirror. "So, how's everything there?" Buffy picked up her brush, but stopped when she saw Mr. Gordo sitting on her dresser and picked him up.
//"Come by to visit Mr. Gordo?" Buffy asked him as she stepped through the window of her room.//
//"What?" Angel asked in confusion, turning to face her.//
//Buffy replied walking over to him, "The pig."//
//Angel replied in a soft voice, "Oh." He smiled as he put the pig back on her shelf.//
Faith's voice brought Buffy back to reality. Buffy set the pink pig down quickly. "Yeah, Faith I'm here." Buffy shook her head. "I just zoned out there for a moment, sorry."
A knock on Buffy's door filled the silence in the room. "Hold on, Faith." She said. "Door's open." She called out as she covered the receiver of the phone with her hand.
Dominique walked into the room. "Are you busy?" The brunette asked. She was a little on the chubby side and had sparkling blue eyes. Her hair was put up into a ponytail.
"Just sit on my bed, I'll be done in a minute." Buffy replied to Dominique.
"Faith, tell Giles that I'm going to call him tomorrow and tell everyone hi for me." Buffy said to Faith. "Wait. Let me speak to Mom."
"Hi, Mom." Buffy spoke to her mom. "I'm doing fine." She sighed. "Everything's just peachy." She listened to her mom ask her about twenty questions at once. "Mom? I promise you I'll talk to you tomorrow all about that stuff. I just can't right now," Buffy told her mom when she asked about the slaying. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" Buffy asked. "I love you too, Mom. Bye." She clicked the off button on the phone.
"So, what's up Dominique?" Buffy said to her friend.
"Someone called for you this morning." Dominique said.
Buffy walked over to her bed. "Well, who was it?" Buffy asked a little annoyed that she didn't tell her the first time.
"Let me think, I know that it's a name that I don't hear often." Dominique thought for a moment.
Buffy shifted her weight on one foot, waiting for the person's name so she could call them back.
Dominique perked up and answered in a higher voice, "Oh, I remember! His name was Angel."
Buffy dropped the phone. It clashed down on the hard wooden floor. Her eyes opened wide and her heart was beating faster. "Who did you say it was?" She picked up the phone and set it on the bed. She thought she didn't hear the name right.
"Angel." Dominique repeated. "He had to of been someone important for you to drop the phone," she commented.
'How can it be him? We haven't talked in over two years.' Buffy thought. "Ar..are you sure it was him?" Buffy stuttered.
"Yes, I'm sure." Dominique insisted.
"Did he leave a message?" Buffy asked, wanting to know more about his phone call.
"Yeah. He said to tell you that he's not at the same place as before." Dominique told Buffy. "And I'm assuming you what that means, because I don't know."
Buffy took in a deep breath. "I'm not sure." Buffy asked hopefully, "Did he leave a phone number?"
"No phone number." Dominique said as she shook her head. She added, smiling, "But he had the greatest voice."
Buffy smiled to herself. She remembered what he sounded like, what he looked like, felt like. She let out a small sigh.
Dominique studied Buffy's expression. "I'm also assuming that you two were going out."
Buffy's smile disappeared. "Yeah, but things didn't work out."
Dominique felt sorry for her friend. Buffy looked like she was in love with him very much. "I'm sorry. Want to talk about it?"
"Well, he was my first guy that I ever truly loved. We went out for a while, but he decided that I needed better things in life. That he couldn't give me everything he wanted to." Buffy took a deep breath. "We had a lot and I mean *a lot* of hard times. He didn't want to put me through any more, I suppose. So, eventually he broke it off with me.
"He moved and I was still planning on visiting him, but I found a better college here. I decided I would move here. Being there and still visiting him would tear me up," Buffy told Dominique.
Dominique whispered, "You're were really in love with him, weren't you?"
"Yeah," Buffy replied. 'Still am,' she thought. She took a deep breath. "Enough about that. Let's go out for something to eat. Laura should be home by now." Buffy offered. It helped take her mind off of things.
"Okay," replied Dominique. She stood up and waited for Buffy.
Buffy went over to her mirror and quickly brushed her hair.
"Buffy!" Laura yelled out from their living room.
She yelled back, "What?"
"There's this really hot guy standing in here and he wants to see you."
"I'm coming!" Buffy sighed. Laura always did this every time Riley came over. This isn't what she needed.
Buffy picked up her leather jacket on her chair on her way out and slipped it on. Dominique followed.
"Riley, I've got plans." Buffy said, not looking up. She was fixing the stake that was hidden in the sleeve. She had to make sure she could get it out easily, in case there was trouble, yet not let it be seen.
After she didn't receive an answer, she looked up. "Angel?" Buffy asked in shock. For that moment, she could swear she felt her heart stop.
Chapter 3
Buffy stood there shocked. "Angel," she repeated. Her voice was low.
"This is Angel?" Dominique asked. "You didn't tell me he looked like one too."
Buffy glared at her.
"Yeah, he is gorgeous." Laura added. She had her hair pulled back into a pony tail and was smiling at Angel. "If only every guy could look as good as him," she sighed.
Dominique shot a glare at Laura, telling her to be quiet.
"How about me and Laura meet you down at the Doppers?" Dominique asked, trying to let Buffy and her friend have some time alone.
Laura instantly disagreed with her friend. "No one said anything about going to Doppers," She wined, obviously wanting to stay.
Dominique grabbed her arm. "Remember about our plans?" She said through gritted teeth. Laura opened her mouth to say something, but Dominique put her hand over it. She smiled sweetly. "We'll be going now. See you in a while, Buffy." She shoved Laura out the door and followed, shutting it behind.
"Doppers?" Angel questioned.
"Yeah. It's the club here." Buffy brushed little stands of hair on her forehead to the side with the tips of her fingers. "You'll have to excuse Laura," she apologized. "She's ... she's ... we haven't figured her out yet." She gave a small laugh and a smile.
Angel took a deep breath. "How are you?" he asked.
"I'm doing good." The Slayer crossed her arms and shifted her weight onto one leg. She let out a sigh. "Why are you here?" Buffy questioned.
"I missed you," he said truthfully.
"Yeah, well you seemed to be just fine when you left," she said hotly.
"Why are you all of a sudden being a-" Angel stopped himself.
Buffy glared at him. "Go ahead. Say it." She said angrily.
Angel spoke in a soft tone, trying to calm her down. "I'm not going to say it because it's not true."
"Well, since you have no apparent reason to be here, I'm going." She gave one last look at Angel. "I trust that you will let yourself out and lock the door behind you." With that, Buffy grabbed the set of keys on the table and went out the door.
* * *
"That was so much fun." Laura giggled as they walked down the dark alley.
Dominique spoke up. "That guy Matt was so sweet and cute!" She squealed. "Don't you think, Buffy?"
Buffy let out a sigh. "Yeah, I guess."
Laura broke her thoughts. "You're thinking about that guy, Angel, aren't you."
Buffy smiled, being caught. "Yeah."
"What happened to him? Dominique asked.
Buffy shoved her hands into her jacket. "I didn't want to see him. He hurt me a long time ago by breaking up and leaving." She shrugged. "Just didn't want to see him."
"Well, well, well. What have we got here?" A vampire said as he stepped in front of them. He had black hair and was dressed in a suit.
"I think we have three girls out past their bed time." Another said with an Australian accent. He wore dark blue jeans and a worn out white shirt.
Dominique shrieked. "Wh..what's wrong with their faces?" she asked terrified.
Buffy slipped out a stake. "Run," Buffy told them.
Laura shook her head. "I'm not going to leave you alone with these things," she whispered.
"Then, you will all die," the one in the suit said in a low voice.
"Do. It." Buffy said the two words seperately. When they didn't move, she yelled, "GO!"
Laura and Dominique took off, running towards the safety of their home.
The Australian stepped closer to her and sneered, "And look, this one is so brave,"
"Have you two ever considered a bath?" Buffy asked, trying to divert their attention.
The one in a suit asked, "Have you ever considered being dinner?"
The other one charged at her, only to be tripped face down. Buffy staked him quickly and prepared to stake the other one.
"He was just a child." he quipped. "I'm a lot stronger than that." He also charged at her, succeeding in punching her jaw.
Buffy grabbed her jaw, wiping the blood coming from her lip. "Big mistake."
She punched at him and kicked at him, but it seemed like it wasn't working against him.
He let out a deep, rusty laugh. "You see, I've been alive for over three hundred years. A vampire can get quiet strong in three hundred years." He punched her in the stomach and it sent her flying into the wall.
Moaning, she got up. She ran at him, stake in the right position to hit him in the heart. He grabbed her hand and flipped her over. He clamped his hand over her neck, cutting off some of the air supply. "I've never tasted slayer blood before, but I've heard it tastes good."
Buffy tried to wiggle free, but to no avail. She tried using every muscle in her body, her legs, her hands, but true to his word, he was strong. Her face started turning purple.
The vampire lowered his head down to her neck and whispered, "This is going to be good."
He was suddenly yanked off her. Buffy gasped for breath, rubbing her throat.
Angel tossed the vampire on the ground. "If it isn't the famous Angelus." The vampire said. "I've heard about you. Last time, they told me you went and got your soul."
"That's right, but I can still torture." Angel said in a snarl. His face was like the face of a vampire now. His yellow eyes, ridged face, and long pointed teeth.
He produced a stake of his own and made quick work of the vampire. He immediately went over to Buffy. He shifted his face back.
"Are you okay?" Angel asked her. He reached down for her hand and helped her up.
Buffy got up and dusted herself off. "I'm fine, thanks to you." She smiled at him. "Why do you always show up at the right time?" she asked. Then she added, "Even when I've treated you like dirt?"
"Because Laura and Dominique told me that you were in trouble." He smiled at her. "And because I love you." Angel gently touched her split lip.
Buffy gasped in pain and in confusion.
"I'm sorry," he apologized.
She didn't care about the pain and instantly forgot about it. "Angel, you're warm." she said shocked.
Chapter Four
"Angel, you're warm." Buffy repeated in disbelief, for getting the pain. She covered his hand with one of her own.
Angel smiled. "That's what I came here to tell you," he said softly.
Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Angel let out a small chuckle at her attempt. She tried again. "But...but you can use your game face." She took a deep breath. "I'm so confused."
"Willow made this spell that allows me to use my game face and still have my strength while I'm human."
"Then can't other vampires use it? You know, to stalk people in the day?" Buffy asked worried.
"Willow destroyed the spell after she used it on me. The only slightest record of the spell being done is in the Watcher's dairy."
"So, you're human for good now?" The Slayer asked hopefully.
"All human," Angel answered in a low, sexy voice. He tipped her head up and
kissed her gently. When he broke the kiss, he asked her, "Go back to Sunnydale with me?"
Buffy shook her head. She was still mad. "No, we need to talk."
* * *
They walked along the path in the park. The path was lit by several lamps on the side.
"You just can't come back here and expect me to accept you back into my life," Buffy said. How could he do this to her? To just waltz back in here and try to take her away?
Angel looked at her. "Is it because of Riley?" He asked. He remembered how she thought it was him when he first saw her.
She shook her head. "No. He likes me and we hang out and stuff, but it's not him. I don't like him."
They came upon a bench and sat down.
He looked at her. "Then, what is it?"
Buffy looked at him. "I told you. You can't just waltz back into my life, expecting me to go with you. It doesn't work that way."
"I just thought-"
She interrupted him. "That's also a problem. You always think. You thought it would be best for *me* if you left. You always decided what was best for me. I'm a big girl, I can decide for myself."
Angel sighed. He knew he was wrong two years ago when he left her. "I know and I admit I was wrong."
She smiled. "My life has turned around without you in it. I dated normal guys, well, normal by saying they were human," she let out a small laugh. "They could take me out in the sun, make love to me."
Angel instantly got jealous as soon as he heard her say that. He was sorry he ever told her that.
"And now just because you're human and can do those things with me, it seems like you just didn't want to be with me because of it," she told him. She never thought of that until now.
"It's not that," Angel replied.
Buffy looked straight into his eyes. "Love is more than sex and sunlight. Love is so amazing that it can last with those two things. It's where two people will do anything for each other. They put the other person before themselves. And they can sleep together, without having to you know, have the sex. Just sleep. Two people that want to spend the rest of their lives together. It's more than that, but that's love. And sex and sunlight are two things I can live without."
His voice was soft and rough. "I wanted you to have those things. I didn't want you to be in the darkness with me."
Buffy eyes started to pool with water. "Don't you see? That's exactly where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with you." She let a tear fall.
Angel reached up and wiped the tear off of her face. "I know that, but like you said, 'they put the other person before themselves.' Everything I ever did was for you."
She realized what he said was true. Everything he ever did was for her. "So, where does this leave us?" she asked.
"I don't know," he said softly. He wanted to ask her to go back with him. That was the original idea, but he didn't think now was the right time to ask her.
Buffy smiled. She didn't know how he did it. He could make her mad one minute and calm and smiling the next. It made her feel a little better that he was unsure of where they stood.
"So, what have you been doing?" He asked wondering about what she did in the two years that they were apart.
"Well, when I came here, it was a little strange. I had to keep me being a Slayer a secret. It's like I just got called again. Anyways, I met Riley my first year here. I liked him at first and we dated for about a year. I broke it off because he just wasn't the one for me. As you can tell, we remained friends.
"I haven't really been interested in anyone else. I've thought about you, calling you, visiting you. It was hard to stay away when I went back to Sunnydale this summer and especially when I went to visit my dad," she said. "I can't really sum up two years. It's all basically been the same as before. Terror for evil at night and school girl by day."
Buffy made a small smile. "I better get back before Dominique and Laura get worried," she said.
Angel took her hand and held it in his large one. He stood up and pulled her up to stand with him.
She smiled and led the way back to her apartment.
* * *
"Oh God, Buffy, you're okay!" Laura shrieked as Buffy and Angel entered the apartment. She ran to her and hugged her tightly. She had paced back and forth until Dominique yelled at her to stop.
Buffy embraced her friend and then moved to hug Dominique. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Dominique asked, "What were those things anyways?"
Buffy couldn't think of an answer. Luckily, Angel did.
"It was just a couple of teenagers in masks."
"I guess we just gotta watch out for ourselves. No more going into that alley for me," Laura said. Dominique nodded.
"Well, I'm going to talk to Angel," Buffy said as she led Angel to her room. Laura and Dominique smirked at her.
Buffy shut her room door behind her. She moved to sit on the bed and patted the area next to her. Angel sat down.
"So, what have you been doing all this time?" Buffy asked.
Angel turned towards her. "I'm running my own business. I investigate, help people in trouble. I found a business partner named Doyle. He's a demon. He can see when people are in trouble. So, he helps a lot with the cases. Cordelia's working for me. I found her at a party and since then, she's been working for me. She grows on you." He smiled.
"Wow," she whispered. She never even had the thought of Angel running his own business.
"Buffy, will you come back to LA with me?" Angel asked.
"Angel, I've got this wonderful life here. I'm going to a great college and I'm doing extremely well. I just can't go back because you want me to." Buffy wanted to go back with him, but who was he to just come into her life and expect her to leave with him?
Angel nodded. He was disappointed that she said no. "I understand. Hey, listen, my plane leaves in a couple of hours, so I better go. Traffic and all."
Buffy felt awkward. "Yeah," was the only thing she could muster out.
Angel stood up and walked to the door. "So, I'll see you sometime?"
She gave him a small smile. "Definitely." She watched him leave.
She sighed and plopped down on her bed. She wanted to go, but she just couldn't give in. Like she said, she had a wonderful life here. Him coming here really messed her up. It made it easier for her not to think about him. Now that he came here, she didn't know what to do.
Buffy laid on her bed thinking about everything. Angel just came to visit her for only a day and then leaves? She thought he would stay for a few days at the least.
* * *
Buffy looked over at her small clock that sat on her dresser. It was eight after ten. 'Angel's plane will be leaving soon.' She thought. She heard a soft knock on her door. She didn't answer. She just felt like being left alone.
The door opened slowly and Laura walked in. "Buffy?" she asked softly.
She didn't answer. Hopefully Laura would get the hint and go away.
Laura sat down on Buffy's bed near her. "Listen, whatever that Angel guy said, you don't need to be moping over it."
"Was I wrong to let him leave?" Buffy asked. Her voice was almost a whisper.
Laura looked at her. "Do you love him?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"Then why'd you let him go?"
Buffy sat up. "He just came into my life again and wanted me to go back with him. How can I when I have the life he always wanted me to have?"
"Why do you do this? Obviously he wants you back in his life, otherwise he wouldn't of came. And you want him to back in yours. So, why don't you go catch him?"
"His plane leaves at ten thirty."
Laura glanced at the clock. "So, you've got about twenty minutes."
Buffy got up and grabbed her jacket. "You're right," she said right before she left.
* * *
'Stupid traffic.' Buffy thought as she sat in the back of a taxi. "Isn't there any way around the traffic?" she asked urgently. She had about five minutes to get there.
"No, sorry Miss," replied the driver.
She leaned back into her seat. She let out a long sigh and closed her eyes. It seemed forever for the traffic to move, but finally it did.
Soon as he reached the airport, Buffy paid him and quickly got out.
She ran into the place and looked at the glowing sign of all the departures. She found Los Angeles and ran towards the gate.
A lady stopped her at the scanning point. "Sorry, ma'am, but the plane's already left."
"How long ago?" Buffy asked. She hadn't even bothered to check the time.
The lady checked her watch. "It left about thirty minutes ago."
"Oh, thank you," Buffy said softly. The lady smiled at her. She turned around and walked back out.
* * *
Buffy entered the apartment with her coat on her arm.
"Did you catch him?" Dominique asked. She sat on the couch with Laura.
Laura looked at her. "That's a stupid question. If she caught him, wouldn't he be here with her right now?"
Dominique smiled. "That would make sense." She looked at Buffy. "Why not just go back?"
"Like I said, I've got a wonderful college here. I can always go back after college. No biggie." She shrugged. She didn't let them know that she really wanted to go back with Angel.
"Buffy, you just told me you wanted to be with him," Laura said.
She walked over to the couch and sat down. "Who am I kidding?"
"So, why not just go back?" Dominique asked again.
Buffy shook her head. "It's not that simple."
"Yes, it is," replied Dominique.
"No, it isn't."
"Yes, it is. You're just making it not simple," Laura said. "People are what makes things hard or easy. You can choose to have an easy life and deal with everything or make everything hard and complicated. It's up to you."
"I don't know," Buffy replied. She got up. "I'm going to bed." She walked over to her room. "Thanks you guys," she said before going in.
As soon as she opened the door, she gasped when she saw Angel. "What are you doing here? I thought you left."
Angel walked over to her. "I'm not going to leave here without you. So, if you don't leave, I guess I'm just going to have to move here."
Buffy smiled. She didn't know why she always tried to make things complicated for them, but she was glad that Angel seemed to always make it easier. "I think I need to go back. I miss everyone too much."