For some reason the 'All that Jazz' performance has awoken my muse. Apologies to diehard Faberry shippers - like myself!- somehow this wouldn't let me go
Rachel needed a moment on her own, there was only so much listening to strangers telling her how phenomenal her singing was that she could take - a high threshold of tolerance admittedly but a threshold none the less. The adrenalin rush was fading and she was fast heading for the low that always followed after the performance high. Why she thought ringing Finn was a good idea she didn't know, unless it was to speak to someone who was feeling so much worse than her in a bid to make her feel better. She finished Finn's pep talk and ended the call. For her it wasn't just the taking part, it was definitely the winning but that wasn't what Finn needed to hear. Why he thought he didn't need to scrutinise the rules of the competition was beyond her understanding but was yet another indication of his unwillingness to properly commit himself to anything or anyone. She was well out of that relationship. She briefly considered giving her Dads a call but quickly rejected the idea. It would take too long to explain what winning meant and would suck all the joy from the moment. Besides her Dads had long since grown accustomed to her winning everything that their delight always felt somewhat muted and forced. There was only one person's reaction she really wanted to see and that was Ms July's.
Rachel sighed. It was thanks to Ms July that she'd decided to sing 'Being Good Isn't Good enough'. Brazen? Well maybe, but while Ms July might have been good enough to once have had a broadway lead role, however briefly, her ambitions were far more lofty. She'd tried to surreptitiously scour the audience whilst she was singing but it was difficult thing to do what with all the emoting and eye closing on high notes that were a necessary part of her performance. Still Rachel was sure Ms Jealous July wasn't there to see just how incredibly wrong she was. To understand just how badly she'd underestimated Rachel. To have her nose rubbed in it by a freshman no less. Maybe she wasn't there because deep down underneath all that bitterness, resentment and envy she actually knew that Rachel, the small town girl from Ohio, would triumphant on voice alone over the broadway royalty that was Alexandria Beentheredonethat. How that must irk. Somewhere in a tasteful but lonely Soho loft apartment Ms July was probably trying to drown her sorrows and wash away the bitterness of her resentment at Rachel's somewhat unprecedented, but in no way unexpected, triumphant. There might be cold gins where Ms July was but Rachel somehow doubted it was a whoopee spot.
Ms July would have untied that tight ponytail and her face would have sagged - Kurt suggested that the bitchy dance teacher probably looked like a walnut once the ponytail was untied. Rachel had laughed at the image conjured up by that remark which had been Kurt's intention as she'd recounted with outrage the latest barrage of insults directed her way. Yet Rachel knew from the toned tautness of Ms Julys thighs that her face's smooth planes weren't created by the poor woman's facelift, a tight pony tail. The first time Ms July had danced for them her hair had been down and falling round her shoulders. She'd ripped off her skirt and proceeded to demonstrate just why NYADA employed her. Well it certainly wasn't for her winning personality! Rachel had to concentrate on stopping her jaw from dropping through the floor and fortunately there was a table to hold on to behind her as Ms July had advanced in a predatory and decidedly sexy manner towards her. It only struck Rachel afterwards that the dance had been aimed at her. Okay there was lots of eye contact but surely that's what a good performer did, pulled you into their performance. No, what gave it away was the fact only Rachel was at that end of the room whereas the rest of the class were at the other. Yet the crawling was towards her, the dancing was towards her and the eye contact was solely at her. Rachel's mouth had gone dry at the moment Ms July removed her skirt and her heart had thundered in her chest as she tried not to focus on the shapely figure in front of her. She'd totally failed, fascinated by those legs rather than the dance moves. Perhaps it was even more impressive that such control could be exhibited by this woman who had definitely had alcohol on her breath. Rachel didn't believe the mouthwash excuse for one minute but had enough self preservation instinct to bite back " oh what the new rum flavoured mouthwash?" Instead she had ended the class with an increased heart rate and the somewhat worrying thought that she actually found Ms July attractive. Only physically of course. Anyway wasn't having a crush on your teacher part of the college experience?
In fact for all of her decidedly unpleasant personality traits, Ms July was somewhat of a stunning beauty. Rachel had always had a bit of a thing for bitchy blondes - women that is. Goading Quinn throughout her school career had been one of her major sources of entertainment. She'd been aware how her seemingly imperviousness to the insults and ridicule thrown her way had irritated the life out of Quinn. How her pursuit of Quinn's friendship had made the ex Cheerio squirm huff and almost explode with indignation. Rachel also recognised that there was just a hint of unresolved sexual tension between them and she'd started off with intense eye contact and close proximity as a means of frustrating Quinn more only for her focus to shift and her to begin to wish that Quinn would just kiss for goodness sake. It didn't happen. Quinn was still battling her inner demons and apparently now involved with a married male professor - in need of a father figure much? Although knowing Quinn there was always the possibility that it was just a ruse, a story made up to get everyone off her back about her love life. After all that supposed relationship or brief summer fling with a 40 year old skater Rachel suspected was a complete work of fiction especially when Quinn stumbled and fumbled about to try and come up with a name in response to Rachel's inquiries. Rachel liked to tell herself that Quinn had been liberated by moving to New Haven and was now enjoying a full and active sex life with whoever of whatever gender. Deep down though, Rachel knew this was extremely unlikely.
Quinn's beauty was jaw dropping. Rachel had thought that no-one would ever come close to matching those finely chiselled, delicate features. How wrong she was. Ms July was in her face from the first lesson and as she berated Rachel with an oscar winning performance of the cliched bitter teacher Rachel had found herself fascinated by shapely eyebrows and piercing brown eyes. She'd struggled to form sentences as her eyes registered the beautiful features in front of her spewing out half assed insults that would have made Sue Sylvester squirm with embarrassment at their predictable feebleness. Did Ms July really think she was the first to comment on Rachel's nose? She'd been called many names during her time, her favourite being Concorde by that plane spotting socially inadequate anorak she'd briefly shared a class with. Schwimmer was hardly inventive or even amusing, it just showed up quite how old and past it Ms July really was. It wasn't even clever. Perhaps Ms July could learn a few things about subtle hazing from her?
When she'd said "lush" at the end of that first Ms July impromptu performance Ms July had glowered at her and demanded she explained herself. Rachel had gone for wide-eyed small town girl look before replying "It's Ohio youth slang for great Ms July" she'd managed to hit the right amount of breathy nervous excitement in her tone for the dance teacher to be forced to take it at face value. The narrowed eyes may have hinted at Ms July's scepticism but Rachel was flawless in her portrayal of an eager-to-please, slightly unworldly-wise teenager. After that Rachel would take the opportunity to mutter lush just at the edge of Ms July's hearing at every opportunity, always ensuring her eyes were focussed away from the dance teacher and seemingly admiring her classmates performances. She could tell by the tightening of Ms July's already tight features that she was really getting under her skin. She knew she shouldn't goad the woman but somehow she couldn't help it. Always this need to be noticed and it was never going to be for her dancing. Or at least that's what she thought until Ms July had dared to call her unsexy. Suddenly Rachel's determination had increased another notch. Oh she'd show Ms July just how 'unsexy' she was.
Rachel knew she'd need help with the choreography but the choice of song would be all hers. Now Ms July had chosen a Lady Gaga number - no doubt the aging never-quite -was's attempt to demonstrate her hipness - so it seemed only right that a pop number was the way to go. Ms July was basically suggesting Rachel was innocent so it seemed an obvious choice to go for the whole innocence thing that Britney Spears had been so adept at selling. She trawled through her Britney playlist before 'Oops I did it again' just leapt out at her. 'I'm not that innocent' being the line that decided it for her. Rachel chose her outfit to give the vague semblance of modesty, tight fitting but with a little skirt and then decided on red sultry lipstick to help with the clashes of image. A bit of simpering and some running her hands over herself should create the desired effect.
Brody stepped in to help her out and prevent her making an idiot of herself. Apparently the 'unsexy' challenge was annually issued by Ms July who then proceeded to rip to shreds whatever performance that provoked from eager to please, trying too hard freshmen. In order to skirt the artfully baited trap Rachel needed to realise less was in fact more and crucially not go for a solo dance performance. So Rachel honed her vocals and allowed Brody to sort out all the rest. They could only use what props were available in the dance studio and it was one late friday afternoon when Brody finally walked Rachel through what he had in mind. It was perfect, not too slutty but with enough elements of risque to keep Ms July off balance. So they began intensive rehearsals with the hardest part being the simulated love routine with a table between them. Get the timing wrong and it looked like a comedy sketch, get it right and the temperature of the room rose a few degrees. Rachel didn't really feel ready enough but knew she needed to perform before Ms July's usual intimidation onslaught began, so Rachel went for it.
The timing was perfect. Ms July lounged at the back of the room as if she could barely bring herself to show any interest but Rachel could see the tightening of her hand around her cane particularly when her dance partners hands cupped her lower regions and she simulated desire. Ms July's eyes never left Rachel and her focus was particularly intense for both the table loving moment and when Rachel spread her legs going for a wanton slightly desperate vibe. Okay, maybe a bit of jazz hands did slip into her performance but there was no way that was what Ms July was concentrating on. Her eyes were glued to Rachel's upper torso. Ms July might be assessing shape and form but it was of the performer rather than of the performance. As Rachel's performance reached a close and she husked out her last few words she realised she was struggling for breath. Not because of a rigorously strenuous routine, because it wasn't, but because the awareness of Ms July's steady gaze was causing her heart to race.
So when Ms July launched into her sneering demolition of all Rachel had been trying to achieve Rachel had allowed her real thoughts to surface. She needed perspective and to exercise some tighter control on the inappropriate feelings coursing round her system so she let Ms July know exactly what she thought of her petty jealousies. Maybe the YouTube comment had hit on a sensitive spot and Rachel had a momentary flash of guilt but then once thrown out of the class she rushed home for a long cold shower to give herself a stern talking to and bring her treacherous libido under control. Rachel could worry about building bridges later even if it required revisiting the old 'sorry if my existence offends you I'll try and be invisible' act of her school years.
A basket of washing later, sufficient contrition for Ms July to feel powerful again, and Rachel was back in class. On the way she'd helped Ms July with her stretches and had a rather close view of her rear - Rachel was undecided whether that was a deliberate move or not and what message she was supposed to take from it. She'd hoped after that that maybe her interactions with Ms July would become less, well antagonistic and for a very brief period she and her dance teacher had had almost a civil conversation. Ms July advising her not to apply for a particular role and then even helping her manage the journey back to Lima to support Kurt in his need to see Blaine. What a mistake that was. She'd decided to ring Brody for a quick gossip about how she had so moved on from High school performances and to yet again thank him with his patience with her suddenly changing her plans. To her immense surprise Ms July answered Brody's phone and proceeded to boast about bedding Brody. That Ms July would sleep with her students was hardly a surprise, that she'd chose Brody was extremely uncomfortable - maybe it wasn't her Ms July's eyes had been on during her Britney performance? Rachel hoped the tears were due to her disappointment with Brody's inability to think with anything other than what was between his legs; in reality she knew it was frustration and envy. It should be her not Brody - the thought still had the power to shock her. Surely all this ridicule and humiliation Ms July heaped on her meant something? Trust Finn to appear at that moment and try and make it all about him. Consider it a painful lesson learnt, always stay in New York.
Kurt had spent the entire journey back to New York trying to tease out of Rachel what was wrong. His theories about her not really being over Finn were laughable but kept him from seeing what was in front of him. Rachel knew she spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing over her interactions with her dance teacher and working on ways to rile her. There was nothing like a haughty Ms July encroaching on her space with her words dripping with condescension for Rachel to feel alive. Brody was an irrelevance although with his contacts and choreography skills he was definitely worth maintaining a friendship with. She just needed to work on her jealousy issues. Rachel upped the time she spent rehearsing her dance moves - not anywhere that Ms July might catch her because she was trying to will her schoolgirl infatuation away. She was determined to prove something to Ms July; she just wasn't quite sure what that something was.
Rachel then had the unusual experience of trying to keep a low profile around NYADA generally and within dance classes specifically with a predictabiy short lived amount of success. To be fair, Carmen issuing her, a freshman, with one of the coverted invites to perform at the Winter Showcase hardly helped with her 'not-berry-noticeable' campaign. Suddenly everyone was pointing her out as she moved between lessons and her thoughts oscillated between a crazy mix of disbelief and total terror. She had the opportunity to make the biggest idiot of herself in front of some of showbiz's most influential movers and shakers - not to mention having to show her ability to handle disappointment when Alexandra Beloushi-wotnot fouetted her off the stage (en pointe no doubt). Fortunately for Rachel the opportunity for her to psyche herself out of being a serious contender at the Winter Showcase was halted in its tracks by the timely intervention of her favourite, and only, dance teacher. Ms July's motives were probably to achieve the opposite of the effect she had but hey, Rachel was hardly complaining.
Rachel's thoughts had been pre occupied with choosing an appropriate song for the Showcase and although the thought of shaking the audience up with Gangham style (was there time to do a Nayda style parody?) amused her she knew something with a little more actual style and class was required. So she wasn't at her most alert when Ms July decided to goad her into an interaction. Quite frankly Rachel was tired from all her extra dancing sessions, stressed about her song choice and in no mood to back off from anyone. So when Ms July threw down the gauntlet to her of a dance off Rachel didn't have the wisdom to back off. It was all she could do to contain her laugh when Ms July suggested she was a platypus. Platypus? Really? Was that all that was left in the July arsenal of insults?
Whatever Ms July's intentions were by instigating a dance off Rachel at least now had a reason to be watching her dance teacher closely. The perfect pose to display the perfect planes of that rather perfect body were definitely met by an appreciative audience. Rachel managed an exaggerated 'not bad' nod just to rile the dance teacher a little further as she moved in to a starting position. She was thankful to note she wasn't on her own. The dance routine wouldn't have worked as a solo performance. Rachel concentrated on her steps as the singing was hardly a challenge even with the high notes. As she slid herself down to the floor as her voice rose to the high notes she was gratified to watch Ms July's straight legged manouver over the dance beams. It created the impression she was eager to race towards Rachel and didn't have the patience to go round impediments. Something to store away in the memory banks.
Rachel's position on top of the piano finally gave her the opportunity to look down on her dance teacher and that literal change of status gave her some misplaced bravery. She mimed a drinking motion as she sang 'store the juice' with eye contact firmly on Ms July. The implication was hard to miss. The smouldering glare she received back made a frisson of fear run through her system. Ms July certainly wouldn't be pulling any punches at the end of this performance. Ms July pulled her firmly (but not roughly) across the dancefloor, did a high kick next to Rachel's ear as she momentarily spun into Rachel. Rachel fought the temptation to kiss the pale neck briefly available so heart stoppingly close to her and pushed Ms July away, her slightly misplaced hand accidentally connecting with Ms July's breast. She allowed Ms July her forward somersault of triumph as the song raced towards the end and Rachel's "oh I love my life' was heartfelt. She just enjoyed the few remaining stanzas of the song as they stalked each other surrounded by her classmates. Ms July indicated for the class to back off as the song reached its climax - Rachel knew she was for it.
There was a moment of silence as they stood, chests heaving, just glaring at each other. Ms July's appraising look over her did settle a beat too long on her cleavage but the woman quickly had a sneer on her face and comments to match her expression. It all seemed a bit removed as Rachel was busy having a eureka moment about her showcase performance. Dancing wasn't what made her stand out, singing was. Quite frankly she only wanted to participate in the Winter Showcase if she was going to win it. Being good enough to receive an invite wasn't good enough for her - and Barbra had the perfect song for that. She refocused on the conversation at hand and managed to thank Ms July before she hurried off. Rachel had a song she needed to prepare and some images in her head of Ms July that she needed to put on ice if she was going to be able to concentrate.
Rachel smiled and stood up deciding she needed to rejoin the post Showcase performance reception now that she'd had a brief moment of solitude. She headed for the auditorium doors only to be met by someone leaving as she was trying to enter. It was Ms July and the door swung shut behind them as they stared at each other, eyes locked together. Rachel quickly taking in the beauty in front of her as her heart thudded in her chest and her brain refused to send words to her suddenly dry mouth. They were standing mere inches apart, she could almost feel Ms July's body heat. A wave of need washed over her as she fought to keep her hands off the glorious body of the women in front of her. Ms July had seen her sing; had seen her win. Rachel's triumphant was complete.
"I.." Rachel managed to croak before being silenced by a shapely, perfectly manicured finger resting gently on her lips. Ms July leaned forward and for a heart stopping moment Rachel thought she was going to be kissed. Her eyes fluttered shut in anticipation and suddenly the warm finger was gone from her lips and she opened her eyes in time to see Ms July disappear through another set of doors. Her confused thoughts and racing feelings were interrupted by Kurt's voice in full excited mode reaching her as he barrelled through the doors she had been about to enter.
"There you are. Come on, Rachel we need to celebrate our triumphs" he gushed as he dragged her to join Brody and a crowd of her peers discussing where they should move on to. A restaurant, a bar or an impromptu party at whoever's apartment was nearest. Rachel was indifferent, she just wanted to have the space to recall the gentle featherlike touch of a finger on her lips and to try and decipher what Ms July's eyes had been trying to convey when locked in that heated gaze with hers. For the first time ever, Rachel's next dance lesson just couldn't come soon enough.