Hey there! Here's a really silly stupid drabble thingy that goes way too fast, but I just can't make any more out of this. It made me laugh writing this, and hopefully makes you laugh, or even make your mouth ends lightly curl up. If so.. Mission accomplished!

Warnings: As usual, bad grammar. Slash! Snarry! Weird objects at places where they don't belong.. Well.. normally.. Harry thinks it's ok!

Poor, naughty Harry.

Banana.

Harry hadn't really thought this over very well, had he? True, he had no idea what he was supposed to do with his life now that Voldemort was finally celebrating his retirement in the fiery pits of hell. Especially since the idea of becoming an Auror made his stomach turn. Ron had jumped on the possibility of having his NEWTS waved, but having seen the blood, gore and desperation true defensive Magic caused, Harry wasn't interested. At all.

So the best possible decision had been to go back to Hogwarts with Hermione and figure it out, right?

Wrong. The only thing he was starting to figure out, was the fact that he was slightly obsessed with two things: The delights of having something up his arse, and the dark sensual sounds of Snape's voice.

Snape!

And now he was sitting in Potions class, drooling over the man that had antagonized him for six years, and had giving him some of the most prick-wilting detentions of all time.

Still, there was no way he could make it through this year's Potions curriculum without Hermione, who would insistently kick his leg under the table whenever he was drifting off.

Like she was doing now.

Harry looked up with a start, straight into the bottomless black eyes of one Severus Snape, who stared right back at him. His one eyebrow was elegantly raised, and made the other one seem even darker. Was there a color darker than black?

"Mr Potter, I do not have all day"

A heavy silence made him realize that he had drifted off again.

Bollocks, Snape had asked him a question.

"I- I'm sorry sir." Harry stammered. He could feel his cheeks colour rapidly, and tried to will his blush away.

Snape's face twisted into a sneer that made Harry shudder. "I demand concentration and attention from every single student in my class, and as delighted as I am to be once again teaching the Boy-Hero of the Wizarding world, this includes you, Mr Potter."

"Now would you care to enlighten us to what ingredients would be contingent to use instead of a Jobberknoll Feather?"

Harry's perverted mind wasn't being helpful at all seeing he only could come up with cucumbers and bananas. To his utmost embarrassment that was exactly what he said. "A banana sir." Instantly Harry's cheeks became rose-red. Snape glared and said with a silky deep voice, "Detention Potter. Report at 8 o'clock this evening."

Harry's dirty little mind worked overtime that day. Questions from his friends only got vague answers from Harry.

"Harry, snap out of it!" Hermione exclaimed. "You've got plenty of detentions with that snarly git before. What is different this time to close yourself up like this. Talk to me." Harry just mumbled something inaudible. "Harry, you know…" Hermione started in her lecturing voice. "You both have seen and done enough, isn't it time to put those grudges behind you?" "Yes." Harry answered, "off course you are right Hermione." Harry excused himself quickly after that to go to his dorms, with the excuse to put away his stuff, and making sure he would be on time for his detention.

The word alone made him squirm in his pants. Detention!

When Harry reached his dorms he sat on his bed, ready to get busy to get the edge of, so he wouldn't embarrass himself any further at the detention with Snape. His eyes fell upon the little plastic shampoo bottles Hermione used to have in that bag of hers when they were out on horcrux-hunt. He kept some just for souvenirs from that time. His mind now however wasn't on that time, but what he could do with it now. Quickly he grabbed for his lube that he always kept under his pillow nowadays. He made his fingers slick with an amount of lube and started rubbing his puckered entrance. With experience he opened up himself and very soon had three fingers up his arse. He reached for one little shampoo bottle and made sure it didn't go too deep. The bottle was just the right size to keep him open and on the edge. He reached for his wand and casts a quick tempus. Bollocks! 5 to 8! In one movement Harry stood up, and with that movement felt the little shampoo bottle pop whole in. "No no no no no. Fuck!" Harry exclaimed. He tried reaching for the bottle, but couldn't reach it.

No time left! He pulled up his trousers, and looked around if he should bring something with him while out of habit dragging his hand through his hair. Only then realizing his hand was still covered with lube. "Bollocks!" But still, no time!

Harry started running out of the dorms towards the dungeons.

At exactly 8 o'clock Harry reached the dungeon and while still running lifted his hands to knock on the door, but tripping over a bump on the floor he smashed with a loud knock with his full body against the door and fell down in a heap. As he was trying to stand up the door opened. Harry looked up into a smirking face of one Severus Snape.

"How delightful to have your presence here, and almost on time at that," he said. Harry just gulped and kept on looking up, lips a bit ajar. "As lovely as it is having you at my feet Potter, will you stand up and get your scrawny behind inside?" Harry half crawling and pushing himself up from the floor, made harder by the shampoo bottle inside his butt, managed to get fully up and with a weird waggle entered the classroom.

"I got some encrusted first-years cauldrons waiting for you." Snape reached for something that appeared to be a toothbrush. "Clean them."

"Yes sir", Harry squeaked. Harry put the first cauldron on the floor and bends over to get to work. Only the movement made the shampoo bottle shift place, which in turn made Harry squirm. He made a grunting sound before he could get a hold of himself.

He quickly started scrubbing. Then that voice, that evil delicious voice started talking. "Do you care to enlighten me, what made you think of a banana Potter?" The words washed over Potter until he realised it was again a question he was supposed to answer. Harry couldn't for in the world make out what the question was, so he just go with it. "Yes sir", Harry stated. "So… What made you?" Severus asked.

"What made me do what sir?" Severus sighed. "A banana Potter." Bollocks, Harry thought, does he really have to ask about that!? "I was just thinking about it sir, professor". "Daydreaming about a banana Potter? Were you that starved?"

"No sir, eeehh yes sir, professor." 'Deprived young adolescents' Severus let out with a sigh and a roll of his eyes. Harry, glad he got away with it that easily, bended over again to go scrubbing, only to have the bottle shift again. This time a harder grunt came out, and harry uneasily squirmed again. He felt his cock stir and got down on his knees. He made his mind think about other things to will his penis to go down again. Only then that voice started to wash over him again and he started huffing. The next question he did hear.

"What is it Potter? Are you alright?" "Y.. Yes sir."

"Stop lying to me, Potter, tell me what the problem is." Harry looked up at Snape, and he couldn't catch his breath. Snape was looming over him. "I.. I.. I'm just out of shape sir, with all the running I did to get here in time." Nice save, Harry thought.

"I see, Snape said, well get on with the scrubbing then Potter." Harry obediently started scrubbing again, but his arousal just wouldn't go away, and within moment Harry let escape a hardly covered grunt again. He was being dragged up straight by Snape, which made him let out an undignified squeak.

"You will tell me this instant, Potter. You are acting strange, and I want to know what is up with you. That last word had Potter, he started grinning like a fool. Snape let go of Potter. Harry felt down on his butt and gasped for air. That hurt! Tears shot in his eyes. Snape eyes got bigger. "You will tell me now what is going on Potter, or I will find ways to get it out of you!"

"I.. " Harry started stammering, tears now flowing over his cheeks. "I have a.. thing.." Harry made a little pause. "Yes..?" Severus asked.

"Well, you see sir, it's.. upmyarse," Harry mumbled.

"What did you say Potter?"

"It's up my arse." There was silence all around after that. Harry with tears covered cheeks kept looking down towards the stone floor.

"I see, Severus said. Well… That wasn't exactly the reaction I thought I would get. Seeing you're embarrassed already, let's just get this over with. I want you to stand up, put down your trousers and lean with your upper body over the table."

"W.. What sir?" Harry asked.

"Get up. Pants down. Over the table Potter. Now!"

"Y.. Yes sir."

Harry did just that, although shaky. He lifted his robes up, his pants down. His breath caught again while he felt Snape's eyes on his butt.

"What have you inserted Potter?" Snape asked.

"A.. b..bottle, a shampoo bottle sir." Harry heard Severus say 'accio shampoo-bottle', and felt the bottle pop out. He started panting, and made a little squirm movement. After a bit of silence, Harry carefully looked over his shoulder to see Snape staring from his butt to the little shampoo-bottle in his hands. "Do I want to know.." Severus started asking.

"No sir! I just fell sir, in the showers.." Snape just lifted his eyebrow. "Yes sir, it was why I was so late! I was taking a shower and slipped and.." Snape came closer and sniffed Harry's hair. Bollocks! Harry thought.

"If I'm not mistaken, and I never am mister Potter. That's not shampoo in your hair, but lube. Accidentally mixed the two up?" Harry just looked helplessly up at his professor, still with his pants down, still sporting a huge boner. Harry had his Adam's apple bobbing and licked nervously on his own lips. Severus his eyes looked towards Harry's lips and came closer within his face.

"I believe we shall not speak of this again, Potter." Harry nodded in agreement, "y.. yes sir".

"Now lift up those trousers and go, detention is over." Harry quickly lifted up his trousers, careful for his still erect penis, and stumbled towards the door. "Don't forget you bottle, Potter." Snape said while throwing it towards Harry.

Snowman.

"Harry! Ron!" Hermione embraced both boys in a big hug. "Oh my god, I have missed you guys!"

Hermione was visiting the Burrow to spend new year there. The three of them went up to Ron's room and started happily chattering about the holidays and the gifts they all had received. Harry was just about to show his gifts when Hermione let out an squeak. "That just looks like a sextoy, Harry!" Harry and Ron, still not used to Hermione's new attitude, looked flabbergasted towards Hermione. "Now don't be so prudish you guys! I mean, come on! Look at it!" Hermione held out her hand, in it a snowman puppet. She clicked on a button, and the snowman started rotating, and giving a tune of 'jingle bells' away. Harry's cheeks started burning bright red, and Ron started yelling. "That was a Christmas gift Harry got from my parents, you pervert! My dad got it especially for him in a muggle store!" Harry quickly grabbed for the toy, turned it off and put it away in his bag.

Back at Hogwarts Harry was unpacking his bag, when he came across the snowman puppet. He totally forgot about that toy! That night Harry's brain was making overtime. Using the snowman would surely be blasphemy, but he really couldn't get it out of his head! Eventually he just settled to take care of his serious neglected prick, seeing he couldn't get to it at the Weasley's, and went to sleep after. But still during daytime he couldn't get it out of his mind. He had a free period before lunch, and took that time to heart, just to get that snowman out if his system.

When he woke up at the end of his history of magic class, he practically sprinted to his dorm room, saying to Hermione he needed to get his assignment for potions that he had forgotten. He quickly grabbed the toy out of his trunk, set an alarm-spell and grabbed for his lube. He tried for different spells on the toy, so it wouldn't make the noise, but would still be rotating. Eventually he tried the 'muffiliato', which apparently worked.

He pushed the button, and the snowman quietly started rotating. He slicked his hands with the lube, and started fingering himself. When he had three fingers in, he tried for the snowman. The toy was made out of three different sized balls on top of each other. Harry first tried the side with the smallest ball. It went in easily. The rotating giving a delightful sensation. He pushed the toy a little further until the second ball was in as well. He held the toy inside with one hand, and the other one started pumping his prick. He came within minutes, loud grunting. His mind was wondering if the real thing would be better or not, and straightforward his mind got to Snape again. The toy was merciless rotating in his arse, and within no time his prick started coming alive again. He went for a second round, but this time he put the toy the other side in. With some effort he managed to get the thick side in and started pumping again. He almost reached his climax when the alarm started beeping. Bollocks! Harry quickly sat up. This time again, the toy disappeared inside. Not again! Having learned from the last time how Snape had helped him, Harry quickly grabbed his wand, and said "Accio snowman!". Nothing happened. Bollocks! "Accio snowman-toy." Harry tried squirming and wiggling his butt to get it out. He only managed to switch the toy off. "Accio sextoy." "Accio rotating snowman-toy." Whatever Harry tried, the snowman wouldn't budge.

Finally Harry cast a quick tempus to see the time. Apparently he was already late for lunch. Not even that, he should be going to potions right about now. With dread he started dressing. He grabbed his school bag, making sure he got everything, and went with lead in his shoes to his potions class.

Harry obviously couldn't focus during class, and was glad there was practicum, so he didn't need to sit a lot. Until…

"Alright everyone, if everybody had followed my instructions the right way, they would have reached the end of the instructions by now. Just let your potions simmer and sit down to start on my new assignment."

Carefully Harry lowered himself on his chair and grabbed for his quill. Everything went alright until Harry's potion started giving black smoke. He got up quickly for his chair, barely holding in a shout, and tried to put out the fire under his cauldron. This action unfortunately made the toy move inside, and started rotating again. This made Harry jump, and accidentally knock over his cauldron. The content of it flying everywhere, and started biting away. Chaos was born and everybody started shouting, and running away from the potion and eventually just left the classroom. Harry made a beeline for a faraway corner of the classroom, kneeling down in a corner. To his utmost horror, the muffliato was wearing thin, and a soft 'jingle bells' was heard. When Snape finally got rid of the potion stains, and was setting the tables and chairs straight he heard a faint sound coming from the corner. "Potter! What are you still doing here?"

"I..I'm.. s.. sorry sir, I will be on my way." Harry tried to stand up and walk away.

"Don't. You. Dare. Walking away." Snape glared at Harry.

Harry stood still.. As still as was possible with a rotating thing up your bum. "Why do I hear a dreadful Christmas song Potter? Harry immediately looked towards the floor and kept quiet.

"Let me rephrase that Potter… Do I want to know why I hear a Christmas song?" "N.. No noo Sir!" Harry squeaked. "Let me guess… Another accident, Potter?" "Y..Yes P.. Professor!

"Honestly!" Snape let out while lifting his hand up in the air. "teenagers and their hormones! Is there a particular reason why this happens around me?"

"No sir, like you said, it was an accident and well I couldn't get it out on time." Harry answered. Snape just rolled his eyes.

"Pants down and over the table Potter. What is it this time?"

"What sir?"

"What did 'accidentally' came up your behind?"

"A a.. a Christmas toy, A snowman, sir."

"Accio snowman"

Harry felt a tiny nudge inside, but nothing came out.

"Accio Harry's Christmas gift"

No movement at all.

"Was it a gift Potter?"

"Yes, sir"

"Wonderful… Accio Christmas gift"

Harry felt a sharp tug, but still the toy wouldn't budge. Harry started dreading for the outcome now.

"Stay right where you are, Potter" Severus sighed, walked to the back of the classroom and disappeared behind a door. Not long after Snape returned. "Now I want you to stand still, this will be as uncomfortable for me as it will be for you.."

Harry felt slick fingers at his entrance, probing gently to enter. Harry let out a soft hiss and tried to stand still. That's not saying it was working very well. Harry stood trembling on his legs. Two fingers now entering, three… Three delicious fingers widening Harry. Harry starts moaning.

"Accio Harry's Christmas gift"

With a loud 'Plop' the toy got out. Harry slowly looked over his shoulder, to see his professor smirking at him. One eyebrow lifted. And then he looked back at the snowman in his hand, still rotating and singing a soft happy Christmas tune.

"My office, 8 o'clock tonight Potter. Don't be late."

"Yes sir."

After hours of up building nerves, Harry knocked at the door for his detention. Snape opened the door and said "enter, Potter. I want you to sit down and listen to me."

"Now I know this is not the conversation you want to have with me, but you and I shall have it." Snape glared at Harry, waiting for an interruption from Harry, but Harry maybe for once in his life knew how to stay quiet. "It is normal for teenagers to have a sexual drive, and they start researching this subject with vigor. I shall not judge you by that.. However, and I want to make this clear. This. Will. Not. Happen. Again. During my class. Is this understood?"

"Yes, sir" Harry mumbled.

"Now as for your detention, I want you to read this book, and I would like an essay about it that clearly states you have thoroughly examined it." Snape handed over the book to Harry, but held on it. "Is there a reason why this happens only in my class, or did it happened more often and I just didn't hear about it?" Snape asked. Harry was valiantly holding his cool, but then started blushing bright red. "No sir, it… It was only in your class"

Snape noticed Harry would not speak any more about it and just plunged further. "And by what do I deserve this honor?" "It was just a coincidence sir, nothing more." Snape just nodded and fortunately let it go. "Now as I don't plan my evening staying in my classroom, I suggest we shall take this to my living room. Follow me.

Harry couldn't believe his ears, but followed anyhow. He kept looking around. So this is what the home of him looks like! It was basic, almost sober, but still tasteful. A normal dinner table with 2 chairs, a couch in front of the fireplace and between them a nice looking rug to lay down on. Snape held his hand out towards a chair. "Sit down, and read." Harry did just that. The offered book, was a standard sexual education book. However the further Harry read, the more he started appreciating the book. Seeing as it was a wizards book, the guided pictures were moving. After a while reading, there was a thud in front of him. Snape had put a cup of tea in front of him. Harry looked wide-eyed towards Snape. "Seeing I have invited you into my living room I can be a proper host." "Drink, Potter"

"Yes, sir." Harry started drinking, but started feeling light after a while. He heard Snape asking a question. "Are you Harry Potter?" "No, sir." Snape just sighed. Is your name Harry James Potter?

"Yes, sir." Harry liked being questioned and waited for another. He was feeling rather lucky, cause instantly there was another question. In fact it was almost the same question that was asked before. "Is there an explanation why there have been two incidents in my class involving you and your butt, mister Potter?" "Yes and no, sir" Harry really felt wonderful, but didn't get the look on Snape his face. "Would you like to explain that further?" "Oh! Yes sir! I would love to! It did happened by accident. I was just playing with myself, but then the bottle popped in and I couldn't get it out on time. As for the second time, It was almost the same thing."

"And the reason why it did have to do with my class?" Snape asked.

"That is because both times I did it, I was thinking of youhhuhh?…" Harry faltered. What was he doing? Why would he tell this to Snape. If there would be one person he absolutely, definitely would not talk about this, it would be to Snape. Harry came quickly to his feet. "You utterly bastard! You spiked my tea!" Snape just stood there with his arms crossed leaning against the couch backrest. "One might say that one would pay better attention while in present of a potion master, especially one savior of the world, vanquisher of the dark lord.." Harry just went on yelling on Snape "You had no right! So now you know my big secret, happy now?

Isn't it nice to have some extra ammunition to bully me?"

In one instant Snape's face looked thunderous. "Let me be clear Potter. Even how nice it is to know you got a pathetic crush, I am not your father. Snape came closer while talking, and at the end he stood face to face with Potter. His face still thunderous until he saw how close he was. Slowly his face turned towards, was it lust?

This is it, Harry thought, he is either going to kill me or kiss me. He looked at Snape's lips and moved his lips towards them to cross over the last few inches, until Snape turned around. "Sir?" Harry asked. Snape turned around, opened his mouth to speak when he was being assaulted by an eager looking Harry. Harry kissed him hard and furious. He tried speaking again, but Harry just took that opportunity to slip his tongue inside Snape's mouth. Harry felt Severus his hand on his head and taking that as encouragement pressed his full body against Snape. "Potter", murmured Snape against Harry's lips. "Harry… Stop!" Snape grabbed Harry's upper arms and forcibly pushed Harry back against the table. "We shouldn't"… Harry just grabbed Snape by his arms and yanked him back towards him. This time it was Snape assaulting Harry's lips, and pushed Harry's hips up the dinner table. Snape lifted Harry's robes up again. They both started rutting against each other. Harry's cock getting friction against Severus his robes.

"Want you", Harry panted. "Want you Snape, Severus, Sir!"

Severus started nibbling on Harry's neck. "Tell me what you want, Potter."

"Want… You.. In me. Please sir!" Harry started pulling on Snape's robes. He started grumbling about buttons. Snape backed up a little, reached inside his sleeve and took out his wand. He pointed it towards the door, and Harry heard a clicking sound. Then Snape pointed it towards his robes and after he mumbled something Harry couldn't hear, all the buttons where loose. Harry quickly made work of that by pulling the coat off and then pulling up Snape his shirt up and let his hands traveling over Snape his torso. Snape helped him by pulling his shirt over his head. He grabbed Potter and turned him around and over the table. Harry heard some rustling and then was being grabbed with one hand on his hip. Two slick fingers 'how did he do that so fast? Harry thought' were at his butthole and entered. Harry started grunting and pushed back on those fingers.

"More.. he mumbled."

"Eager aren't we?" Snape asked, but still complied by pushing three fingers in. Harry grasped and mewled. Then the fingers disappeared, and Harry frustrated tried looking back. "Keep bent over the table Potter", Snape ordered. Harry stayed in the same position, and then felt Snape's cock at his hole. Just the tip entered, and Harry just pushed back on the cock until it was all in. He heard Snape grasp. They just stood there until Harry started squirming. Snape pulled almost out, and then slammed Harry into the table. After that Snape kept a brutally hard pace until both were panting. Snape reached for Harry's cock which was until that point being neglected. Harry started mewling and shouting. "C..c..coming, Oh yes, aahhh." Harry's arse contracted when he came, what gave Snape the final push to come too. Harry felt Snape falling on top of him. Just when Harry started to get uncomfortable in this position Snape stood up again with Harry following right after. He felt a slight tingle at his entrance and looked up at Snape who was holding his wand. "Detention is over Potter," he said with a smirk on his face.

"Yes sir," Harry smirked back.. He walked with a slight bouncy step towards the door. He stopped when Snape started talking. "You forgot your Christmas gift earlier, Potter" Harry's seeker reflexes caught the snowman right on time. Harry held it up while giving a big wink and walked outside. When the door was fully closed, Snape could hear an almost feminine giggle coming from the other side.

- The end -

Yes..

Really

They're just perving happily ever after.

What else?