Chasing Leaves

Summary: There are things that Nico wants - grow up, become independent, be an adult. And he wants to be everything people expect of him. It's just like in autumn when you try to catch every leaf that falls from the trees - impossible. Sometimes, Nico reluctantly learns that there are some things that you have to let go - just like Percy.

Prolouge: Mirror

Sometimes you wake up and wonder, is that really you in the mirror?

Maybe you should ask which one is the real you?

You've been always forced to grow up fast, to lose your identity, to mature because you have to and you need to. You want to be an adult because it's what expected of you, that's what everyone wants to see, isn't it? (they don't want to have a troublesome kid who can't handle themselves, they want their kids to be responsible for their own things, for their own work, for everything that they do, just like an adult)

An adult to you seems like such an unachieveable goal (despite the fact that many people are one).

You wonder how so many people manage to do it, when it feels like you're already suffocating under all the expectations and stress that people place on you, and sometimes maybe you want to give up and break free.

You look in the mirror again.

The person in there frowns at you, how dare you say something this traitorous.

Maybe sometimes you want to cry instead, because all these feel too much -

weakness, showing your emotions are akin to showing your weaknesses, Nico.

Adults have no weaknesses?

Adults don't seem to have any. They walk on streets poker faced and urgently, sometimes carrying a briefcase, going click-clack click-clack on their shoes. You wish to be like them but you have no idea how everything they execute seems to be something you couldn't do no matter how hard you tried.

Even if you couldn't you had to try to emulate them.

You had to grow up fast because if you didn't, you'll be left behind. There's no room for weakness.

It feels horrible some mornings, it's like you're throwing away some part of yourself, forcing yourself to skip your childhood because somehow - somehow - you are pressured to do so.

There's no point to a childhood, playing is something that won't bear any fruits, taking it easy is something that will hinder progress, and being a child - it doesn't seem to exist in your dictionary anymore.

Adults hide their feelings well, Nico, so must you.

You try to, but really, it just bottles up and you probably have to go throw that bottle into the sea someday to free up more space.

And you look in the mirror again.

It's just you - you with black hair, you with black eyes, and you with olive skin turned pale from staying indoors for too long.

Nico di Angelo. With a father and a sister you never see, and a mom that has no time for you.

Is this who you really want to be? Is this what you really want to be - an adult?

Is this even you?

How is this not a contorted, grown-up self of you? Children aren't supposed to grow up that fast.

How is this not you? It's you Nico, you're real, look into the mirror.

Maybe it's just you. That's how you are, and it's perfectly ok.

Like it's perfectly fine to build walls around yourself, be an ass to everyone, and suspect that everyone out there is going to harm you (because adults are always so paranoid, isn't it?).

And then you decide maybe you've spent a bit too much time in front of the mirror staring and wondering about useless things, things that aren't going to help you with actual, practical matters - like getting your ass out of the house and to school. Shutting away those thoughts, you continue on with your daily routine, heading off to school a little later than you would have liked.

A/N: All raw and natural, I don't really know how much I'll like this style of writing. Hope you liked it, and please do leave a comment if you have anything to say about it.

This is the first story I've actually done some decent planning for, so I hope it'll turn out fine hoho.