A/N - The GHC is aged up to 17, and are seniors in this fic. Also, it's pronounced Care-in-uh. You'll see.
Boom! Clap! Sound of my heart. The beat goes on and on and on and…
"T.J! Turn it down!" my older sister, Amber, screamed from the room directly below me. Rolling my eyes I complied.
Boom, Clap, by Charli XCX was song #14 of 128 on my playlist, C.C.C.M. Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffin. In short, songs that make me think of Cyrus.
Cyrus. Involuntarily, the corners of my mouth twitched up as I thought of him. The sound of his laughter, the way his face lights up everyday when I give him that chocolate chocolate chip muffin, the determined look he gets in his eyes when he tries something he can't do, and the pure euphoria written across his face when he does it.
But I can't have that. Because I was so fucking stupid. I buried my head in my hands and let out a choked sob. I allowed myself to drift back to that night in eighth grade. The night when everything was almost perfect...
"Cyrus! Cyrus! Guess what!" I had sprinted all the way to the swings, eager to share my news.
"Not-so-scary-basketball-guy! What's going on?" He had that smile on his face. That goddamn smile that makes my knees go weak and my stomach twist.
Shaking myself out of it, I turned the paper pressed against my stomach around, eager for him to see it. "I got a perfect score! I got a perfect score on a math test!"
"T.J.! That's amazing! Holy shit! I am so happy for you!" Next thing I knew, he had flung his arms around me and we were hugging. My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't think straight. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around him, and closed my eyes. It was perfect. We pulled apart after much longer then was normal for a platonic hug.
We made eye contact. Next thing I knew, we were gravitating towards each other, getting closer and closer, and for a moment I thought we might kiss.
But only for a moment.
Because what happened next ruined everything.
Just as we were about to kiss, I heard my name.
"Tyler? Tyler Kippen?"
I drew in a breath and turned around. There was only one person in the world who would call me Tyler. My ex-girlfriend.
"Cerina!" I said, deeply disappointed that she had chosen that moment. "Call me T.J. Everyone does now."
She nodded. "Cool, Tyler. Anyway, I was just going to go get milkshakes. You wanna come?"
"Hell, no," I thought. " I want to stay here with Cyrus." But what I actually said was "Sure, Rina. Let's go!"
And I didn't even look back as I left.
At that precise moment, my phone buzzed.
One new message from Toxic Girlfriend, the screen read. I clicked on the notification.
Hey, Babe. I'm home alone 2nite. C U there?
No, I wanted to scream. No, I don't want to spend another night reciting every math fact, trick, or formula Cyrus has taught me while I fuck you and pretend I'm enjoying it as much as you obviously are.
But I'm still just as weak as I was in eighth grade.
I'm there.
My finger hovered over send for a second as I considered the other options. What if i texted back no? And then I asked out Cyrus? I liked that option a whole lot better.
I was just about to change the message, and then I remembered. Iris. Cyrus' girlfriend. He had fucking moved on. If he had ever liked me at all. Without allowing myself any more second thoughts I slammed the send button before burying my head in the pillow and letting the tears come.
I rang Cerina's doorbell, gripping the hem of my t-shirt, trying fruitlessly to control their shaking. The door opened to reveal an empty hallway. I knew what she was doing. She was behind the door. I stepped into the house and the door slammed behind me. Cerina stood there, her long brown waves cascading over her shoulders, a wild look in her.
Her shorts were ripped denim, cut high, and hid nothing. A hot pink lace bra hid the top half of her body. I knew what was going to happen. I knew I didn't want it to. I also knew I didn't really have a choice.
Cerina pulled me in and kissed me desperately. And it only went downhill from there.
Stealth was key. Amber's bedroom was the only one on the ground floor. The only one I could sneak in through. I cautiously pulled back the glass and lifted one leg through the window. But I screwed up on the second leg.I stumbled and fell onto her floor, knocking over her desk chair.
My sister sat bolt upright. I lunged off of my throbbing leg and covered her mouth as she opened it to scream.
"Amber, it's me. T.J. Your brother." I hissed, feeling her body relax with relief.
"Mph-mfff-muphmn!"
"Oh, right." I removed my hand from her mouth and sat down in her desk chair.
"It's-" she leaned forward to check the time on her nightstand clock- "2:30 am! Why are you in my room at 2:30 in the morning?"
"I was at Cerina's." I tried to say it nonchalantly, like I hadn't been counting down seconds until I could get out of that awful place.
"That doesn't answer my question."
"You bedroom is the only one on the ground floor. I always sneak in through your window when I'm at Cerina's late."
Amber leaned forward and made eye contact with me. "Tyler Jack Kippen. Look at me."
I complied.
She took my hands. "You need to break up with her."
I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the glaring truth to her words. "Not this ag-"
"T.J.! I'm serious. We both know you don't like her. You don't care about her. You're not even interested in her as a friend, much less a girlfriend. T.J.-" Here she hesitated, taking a deep breath. I knew what she was going to say, and it infuriated me.
I yanked my hands out of hers. "Stop that! Stop saying it's not too late with Cyrus! It is! It is too fucking late to fix things. Cyrus is over me, if he ever liked me at all! I screwed everything up, and gave up our one chance! So stop, alright? Just stop giving me that stupid false hope!"
My voice cracked on the last word, and I wiped angrily at hot tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I finally looked at Amber again, and saw that the pain in her eyes mirrored my own. I spun on my heel and bounded up to my room, collapsing on the bed and allowing the tears to come.