The Team's Misadventures

by Jade, Flight, and Susie


Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Don't own them.
Feedback: jadekirk007@yahoo.co.uk

Summary: The team search for the author of some annoying emails and it leads
them to England... Although I'm from England I wrote this in
American... Tell me if I got it wrong... Thanks to Flight who gave me the
idea for this part.


***


Prologue


A dark shape paused in the doorway of the bedroom. What was that sound? It
wasn't the owners as they were out for the night. The house was empty. A
flashlight danced off the walls. The shape stalked forward until it came to
what looked like a light switch. The light flicked on. A tall dark haired
man stood in the place of the dark shadow. He slinked catlike to the closet
on the other side of the room. He opened the closet door and was almost
buried under all the junk that had fallen out.

"Shit!" He cursed.

He stumbled to his feet and looked inside. A shocking pink cat suit was
hanging there. He lifted it off the hanger and put it up against himself.
"Mmmmm! baby you'll do me." He mumbled to himself as he admired himself in
the mirror.

Another voice interrupted his thoughts. "I was wondering
when........ Hey! Who are you?"

He turned and saw an angry looking black cat, bushed up and ready to fight
if necessary, glaring at him.

"A talking cat!" the man said to himself in astonishment.

Before the cat could protest any further it found itself bundled into a
bag. "Mff mmff mfmff mfm mfmfmmffmmf." It struggled to get free but could
not.

The man, after emptying the closet of all the clothes, climbed out the
window and ran towards the waiting car. The driver another dark haired man
sat up when the car door opened. "Well?"

"Matt, I got a surprise for you..... You're not going to believe what I
found in that house......"


***


Part 1

BA scowled at the computer because it was sending him junk mail and adverts
for Viagra. "Damn computer. I don't want Viagra." He yelled at it, smacking
the screen with his fist.

"BA what's wrong? Why are you smacking the computer screen?" Hannibal
asked.

BA yelled, "Because man they sendin' me adverts for Viagra. Don' need no
Viagra man!!!"

Face, hearing the commotion, rushed over. "What's wrong?" BA grunted and
pointed to the screen. Face read what was on there and said, with an evil
smile, "Why BA I didn't think you needed that."

BA growled. "That's jus' what I was tellin' the colonel I don' need it."

"Need what?" Came a slightly cheery southern drawled accent. BA groaned
this was getting worse and worse.

Hannibal stifled a laugh and turned to look at Murdock, "BA's been told he
needs Viagra.....We know he doesn't need it right Face?" He turned to look
at Face who was wearing an evil smirk on his Face. "Face?"

Everyone turned to Face, and noticed the evil smirk.

BA snarled. "Faceman wipe that silly smirk offa your face. I mean it."

Murdock started to gesture wildly. "I don't see why you're getting so
worked up Big Guy, it's just junk mail."

BA grunted, "Look at the return address... the foo' who has that email
address also sent me an email detailing on how to seduce women and all the
other junk on here."

Face read the email address silently, "So? just block the sender and lets
get on with it." he adds evilly. "Although, He may have a point there."

BA growled again. "I don' need no Viagra, an' I don' need no e-mail tellin'
me how ta seduce women."

Face smirked even more and said, "Why don't you just block the Viagra ads
and keep the seducing women one? I mean you don't know when it will be
useful in the future..."

BA growled. "Keep smirking like that and you'll be smirking on t'other side
of ya face." BA got out of his chair and started towards Face.

Hannibal stepped in between BA and Face and said. "Save it for the next
mission BA... Face, stop smirking. You only anger him more."

Without anybody noticing Murdock slipped into BA's now empty seat. He was
trying to be helpful, and started to delete some of the mail. When "Uh-Oh I
think I messed up." Instead of deleting the mail he'd hit the reply button.

BA turned around. "What ya done you crazy fool?" BA asked leaning in to
look at the screen.

"I was only trying to be helpful." Murdock said, giving BA the big puppy
dog eyes look. "All I did was hit a button. It's no big deal..." His voice
trailed off as BA lifted Murdock from the seat.

"Crazy Foo' leave the computah alone." He was about to do something when
Hannibal intervened.

"Leave him alone BA. If you're so worried about all these e-mails then
let's go see who the sender is." BA dropped Murdock who landed silently on
the floor.

Face, who was looking at the screen, said, "That's not an American address.
Look!" He said pointing to the email address. "it says dot co dot uk. That
means it's in the UK somewhere."

Murdock said, "Alright we're going to teabag central."

BA crossed his arms and said, "I ain't flyin'. No way NO HOW!!!! I am not
flyin'."

Murdock pouted. "Oh you big baby. When are you ever going to let go of your
fear of flying." BA growled in Murdock's direction, but turned his full
attention to Hannibal.

Hannibal said, "BA if you don't go you'll never find out who was sending
those emails... We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." He turned to
Face. "Face I want you and Murdock to go and scam us some T's and FP's." He
said, meaning tickets and false passports.

Face nodded, then leaned towards Hannibal, "Uh What's T's and FP's?" Face
asked.

"Face I want you and Murdock to scam us some Tickets and False Passports.
After all we can't be in a foreign country without passports. We are
fugitives after all." Face nodded, and he and Murdock headed out the door.
Leaving Hannibal alone with BA, who seemed edgy not knowing what to expect.

Face walked into LAX, after scamming the false passports from a friend who
owed Face a favour, and walked over to the first available desk. The young
girl behind the desk smiled at the two men. Face smiled back and sat down
on the chair, Murdock lurked behind him.

"Can I help you two gentlemen?" She asked with a smile.

Face smiled at her. "Uh yeah, my friend and me would like to get four
tickets to England. ASAP. Maybe on the next flight."

The smile never left her face, and as she stared at the man before her. She
fluttered her eyelids, and Murdock rolled his eyes. He didn't see why women
went ga-ga over his best friend anyway. He still said not a word. She got
her attention off of the two, and looked at her computer. She gave him the
total for the tickets, and Face gladly paid.

"Thanks alot, uh ma'am." She fluttered her eyelids again, and the two men
walked off.

Back at the house BA was twitching and pacing back and forth, Hannibal was
about to tell him to sit down when the computer beeped and a message popped
up saying, "YOU GOT MAIL!"

BA sat down in front of the computer and growled, "If it's another Viagra
advert, I'll shove the mouse down someone's throat."

Hannibal shook his head, and watched as BA sat down again and opened the
message. The message was a little cryptic. It read "Being held prisoners by
two men hell bent on taking over the world. HELP ME!!!!! Max."

"Uh Hannibal you gettin' this? Now we gotta save this Max dude. Or
dudette."

Hannibal took the cigar from his mouth and nodded. "Yep BA we've got to
help him. But we've got to fly and since you're not willing to fly...." His
voice trailed off as he looked expectantly at BA.

BA growled, "Alright I'll fly as long as that crazy foo' ain't flying it.
We gotta help this Max. When I get hold of the sucker that have captured
him....."

Hannibal patted BA's shoulder "Atta boy BA." He smiled behind BA's back. "I
knew you couldn't let a prisoner remain one."

BA growled. "Just cause I agreed to fly don' mean I hafta like it..." His
voice trailed off just as Murdock and Face came in.

Murdock had heard BA's comment. "So you sly devil you, you decided to fly
after all? I'm so proud."

"All you gonna be is dead meat if you don't watch youself sucka."

Face turned to Hannibal. "So what brought about his change of heart
Hannibal?"

Hannibal answered, "Take a look at this new e-mail BA got."

Face and Murdock leaned in towards the computer and read the message. "So
we gotta rescue a person named Max as well as get the Viagra dude. Viagra
dude's gotta be holding Max prisoner because it's the same email as before."
Face said.

"Good point Muchacho. So now it's not only a mission of revenge, but a
mission of rescue and peace too?" Murdock grinned this was his kind of
mission. He whooped and hollered, until BA started to mad again.

"Sit down you crazy foo'," BA growled. He half rose out of his seat but the
computer beeped again and the 'YOU GOT MAIL!' message appeared again. BA sat
down and opened the message, which read, "Help me. All I'm being fed is tins
of cheap cat food. Max."

BA growled "They're not only holding him prisoner they're feeding him
animal food. What kinda suckers would do such a thing?"

Murdock sat down and pondered. "Yeah who would feed somebody cat food and
cheap to boot? I mean if you're going to feed somebody cat food it shouldn't
be cheap."

By this time Face had sat down beside Murdock and added his two cents in as
well. "Well don't worry Murdock when this Max is free he won't ever have to
eat cat food again." The two others nodded.

Hannibal said, "When's our flight, Face?"

Face looked at the tickets. "Not until 5pm.I'd better pack." He leapt up
out of his seat and ran towards his bedroom and started throwing things
into a suitcase.

Murdock followed suit, and so did the rest. Except for BA. He dreaded the
idea of flying. Especially when it came to turbulence. He hoped he'd make
it all the way to the other side of the world.

Soon Hannibal came back into the living room. "Get packed BA, we leave at
Five. That gives us three and a half hours." BA rolled his eyes and dutifully
went to get packed.

The computer beeped again. It was Max again. "Help. They're making me watch
Barney video's and the Tweenies. Please save me. Max."

Hannibal took the cigar out of his mouth and said. "It seems Max's captors
are torturing him. We had better hurry."

BA nodded again, and the two left the room to pack. "Barney and the
Tweenies?" BA muttered. "How sadistic can captors be? We gotta hurry we
just gotta."

Finally finished with their packing, the four met back into the living
room. Again the "YOU'VE GOT MAIL" thingy sounded. "HELP ME I CAN'T TAKE
THIS TORTURE ANYMORE..."

This was worse then ever. They went out to the van. BA came back in and
turned the computer off and unplugged it. He went back out to the van after
locking the front door. BA climbed into the driver's seat and started the
engine and drove away from the drive. Face turned the laptop on. He punched
a few keys and soon there was a map of the UK on it.

"Good. Now we won't get lost or hurt." He soon had was checking out all the
possible sites of any places to take prisoners. He was so immersed in his
quest that he didn't hear Murdock as a new personality took hold.

Murdock warned them. "Guys I feel a new personality comin'." He suddenly
transformed into a British speaking person....There was no peace in the van
till they got the airport. Yahoo! Messenger has joined the conference.

A little later they boarded the airplane, with no protest from BA
surprisingly, apparently the need to rescue Max pushed the fear of flying
out of his mind. He settled as comfortably as he could into the seats and
felt the tremble yet surprisingly it wasn't that bad. He put his head back,
and listened to the drone of the planes. He would've gone to sleep if
Murdock wouldn't have been so bouncy. He was singing blues tunes, and
drumming his hands on the sides of the seats. BA glared down at the aisle
seats, and growled warningly. Murdock sense BA glaring at him but he paid
no attention.

Across the aisle Face was sitting next this little old lady who was
knitting what looked like a sock and muttering to herself. Face leaned back
to go to sleep. He was about to drift off when a little boy came up and
squirted him with a water gun and ran off. Face spluttered and looked
around but he couldn't see the kid anywhere.

Face turned bright red, how dare a little kid just run up to him a squirt
him with water? He started to get up and find him when the little old lady
let loose her yarn and Face tripped down the aisle.

The little boy peek from out behind one of the seats and squirted Face
again. Face got up and went after him.

"LT, leave the boy alone," order Hannibal.

"Hannibal, he is ruining a good suit."

"Get over it LT it's only water." replied Hannibal.

Face sat down again and leapt up again. The little boy had placed a moldy
old cheese and mayonnaise sandwich on his chair leaving a nice stain on his
backside. He gingerly picked up the sandwich and dumped it on his seat
tray.

"Ew that is so disgusting", Face muttered. But he didn't see the stain on
his backside. However Hannibal thoughtfully pointed it out to him, and Face
groaned. He fled to the bathroom.

Murdock laughed. Better Face them him, but then it was always Face. Face
got to do this, Face got to do that. Face Face Face. Oh if he didn't care
for Face so much he junk him right out the window.

Face, after hastily wiping his backside, came and sat down this time
checking his seat before he sat down. The little boy had decided to leave
Face alone for a bit. Face breathed a sigh of relief. He settled down in his
seat next to Murdock, and muttered under his breath.

Murdock glanced over at him and grinned. "Wanna listen to some tunes
Muchacho? It'll make you feel a whole lot better..."

Face glanced over at Murdock. "Sure. What are you listening to?"

Murdock grinned. "You'll see Facey boy you'll see."

Face took the head phones and place them on his head all he heard very
loudly was. "I kiss my girl last night and in the dark of light " She was
such a sight." He gave them back to Murdock . "What in the world was that my
ears are still ringing."

"That Face man was The Kids around the corner."

"Oh I don't know that one." Face said, sheepishly. He could hear that
another song was starting.

Murdock placed the headphones on his ears. It was a rap song. "Me with the
floorshow, kicking with your torso." Murdock said so the whole plane could
hear. "I like this song! Do you like it Muchacho?"

Face groaned. He covered his face in his hands. This was so embarrassing.
Why is it that whenever the four went anywhere someone or something always
made it into something more? Suddenly Murdock got up in between the aisles
and started to dance.

BA hearing the commotion got out of his seat. Then suddenly remembered he
was on a plane and sat back down again. 'I'll take care of that fool
later,' he thought. 'Now I wish this plane would land.'

Hannibal looked at Murdock. "Captain sit down you of all people should no
better then to dance on a plane."

Murdock dance over to Hannibal and grab his arms and pulled him up. "Come
on Colonel dance with me. There is no safer place to dance then a plane."

Hannibal danced a few steps grudgingly. "There I danced now can I sit
down?"

The air stewardess came over and said, "Excuse me but will you two
gentlemen please sit down? They'll be serving the meal soon."

Murdock let go of Hannibal and instead grabbed the air stewardess's hands.
"Come on let's dance. Just you me and the clouds... I'm in Heaven..."

The stewardess blushed and she quickly let go of Murdock's hand. "Please
sir take your seat." She scrambled out of the area as fast as she could.

Murdock wink at Face "Hey I thinks she likes me. Me not you hehehe."

"Murdock knock it off." replied Face.

Soon the food came Murdock had order sloppy Joes and french fries. "How can
you eat that stuff?" asked Face.

"Simple. Want some?"

"No thank you. I will eat a more nutritious meal. Liver and onion."

Murdock turned his head and put his finger in his mouth to make a gagging
sound.

Face ignored Murdock and dug into the liver and onions. All the while
making satisfied noises.

Murdock shrugged and ate his sloppy Joes and french fries but not in
silence. He put his hand like a mouth and was feeding his hand.

"All right there Snookie here are your fries. You're hungry aren't you?"

The mouth/hand talked back. "Oh yes Murdock I haven't eaten in
months... just look at me."

Murdock made soothing noises, totally ignoring the glares he was getting
from Face and the other passengers. "Here you go Snookie..." The hand/mouth
'ate' with glee. "Is that better?"

"Oh yes yum yum yum delicies. How about some of those onions I love
onions."

"No way Snookie yuck."

"But I love onions."

Murdock hand snake over to Face's plate and grab for an onion.

Face, seeing the hand going for his plate out of the corner of his eye,
smacked the hand with his fork, which was covered in gravy, Murdock yelped
in a high pitched voice and the hand withdrew. "That'll teach you to mess
with my liver and onions Murdock."

Murdock grimaced and caressed his hand. "It wasn't me it was Snookie. He
likes onions and you had some onions."

"Well Snookie no onions for you. Leave my plate alone or I'll be forced to
use the knife. Capiche?" Face asked. Shaking his head and hoping the plane
landed soon.

Murdock glared at Face. "Hmm keep your stinking onions. Anyway, phew, they
stink."

"Murdock onions don't stink."

"Yes they do. Move somewhere else." Murdock pushed Face's plate causing
what was left of the liver and onions to get all over Face.

Face groaned and retreated to the bathroom again. Hannibal who had fallen
asleep woke up with a start when the captain came over the intercom and
said about landing soon. Face who came out of the bathroom muttered, "Thank
God!"

Murdock who had by that time taken off the ear phones howled, because he
was very happy to be landing and seeing the UK. He pulled out his trusty UK
guide, and waited for the plane to land. Hannibal watch BA as they slowly got
up to get off the plane.

Suddenly BA storm his way through the plane. "Get out of my way sucker
move. Don't be getting in ma way." People scrambled out of the giant's way.
BA moved very fast. He just wanted off the plane.

Face had just came out of the bathroom and got knocked back in again. Face
picked himself off the floor and dusted himself off. As he climbed out of
the plane he noticed how cold it was. He wished he hadn't just worn a
t-shirt.

TBC