A/N not mine, I own nothing but the plot.
Many of you know that I have been fighting to stay out of the hospital, having Pulmonary Hypertension makes that almost impossible. I am currently sitting in my bed, in the ICU. Hoping to break out of here soon.
Anyway, Lois, posted Israel singing In This Life, saying how the song reminded her of Steph and Ranger. This may be a bit sad, as I am feeling rather melancholy. I hope you enjoy.
In This Life
I sit on the bedside, holding her hand. Thirty years, it wasn't enough. I wasn't ready to let go. It wasn't fair, she wasn't supposed to go before me. She is my world, my life, my heart. Our son will be lost without her, I'll be lost without her. She brought so much into my life, things that I never knew were missing until I met her.
"Carlos," she whispers to me. "Don't be sad. We had a great life. CJ is going to need you to lean on now. He's going to need your help raising that precious little girl. I know..." She began to cough.
I held her and rubbed her back as the coughing calmed down. I felt pure terror, praying that this was not the last time. I just needed a little more time with her. I needed her more than heaven. Why was this happening to us? Why Steph?
I help her lay back on the pillows, and watch her grey pallor start to gain a little pink in her cheeks, and that mischievous twinkle that had always been in her big blue eyes. Those blue eyes are what first drew me to her.
Flashback...
I was waiting in this diner for this chick. She probably won't even last five minutes before she quits. I hear the bell on the diner door ding and swing my glance towards it.
I am stunned by a pair of blue eyes that have something in them. Something that pulls me in. When she starts heading towards me I realize that this is the woman Connie wants me to show the ropes too.
I am surprised by what she orders. Even more impressed when she eats it all, it looks like she could out eat Tank. When she turns those eyes on me and points out her car, I can see the fire in her eyes. She will do this with or without my help.
I have to help her, something in her calls to me. I told her that we were gonna be like Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle do Trenton. The laugh she gave me, stopped me in my tracks. That's the moment I knew I would love her for the rest of my life.
End flashback
It took three years and a lot of mistakes and heart aches, but she never gave up on me. She stuck by me, even when I tried to push her away. I looked down at her beautiful face, I don't see a single imperfection. To me she is as flawless as she was on our first date.
Her dress that night, her smile. I remember the song we first danced too...
flashback...
I couldn't believe that she said yes. Tonight is the night my future begins. I check that my tie is straight, it's the purple one that she loves with my black suit. I can't seem to get it just right. I have no clue why I'm so nervous. It's Steph, we had been out a few times before. This time though, it's a real date.
I knock on her apartment door at exactly 4:30, we have reservations in Philly and I want to avoid rush hour traffic.
"Joe! I've told you, we're done! it's been six months, get over it...oh, Ranger. I'm so sorry. Joe has been pestering me for the last few weeks. Can you give me a couple of minutes? I need to grab my shoes and bag."
"Babe, take all the time you need."
I melted inside, at the smile she gave me. How this woman did not see the beauty that radiates from the very core of her being, is beyond me. I've often heard the disparaging remarks she has made about herself. I can only blame those that supposedly loved her, putting her down and comparing her to others, all her life.
She comes back out and takes my breath away. Why didn't I step up to the plate when I first met her? Clearly, I've been an idiot.
I help her into my car and we make the journey to Philadelphia. She is strangely quiet the entire ride. I generally enjoy the silence, but it made me worried when it was her.
"Are you alright, Babe?" I asked, as we pulled up to the restaurant.
She raised those baby blues to me and smiled. "I'm fine, Ranger. I'm just a little unsure as to how I should act. I mean we've gone out before as friends, but I'm worried that I won't act the way you want me to on an actual date. I'm not really dating material. No one really bothered before, and I don't want to mess up and lose your friendship..."
I raised my finger to her lips to still her. "I don't want you to be anyone but you. You are my best friend and always will be. We are just adding more."
She flashes that beautiful smile at me and nods her head. I can't stop from smiling back and leaning in for a tender kiss.
We talked and laughed all through our meal. I saw a side of Steph, that I had never seen before. I never realized how much she held back from me. Tonight as I opened up to her, she seemed to blossom before me. It felt like the smile would never leave my face.
After dessert we made our way upstairs to the small nightclub. I was surprised and pleased by the song that began. I held out my hand and asked her to dance.
I pulled her close and sang along softly in her ear...
"For all I've been blessed with in my life,
There was an emptiness inside me,
I was imprisoned by the power of gold,
with one touch you set me free...
Let the world stop turning,
Let the sun stop burning,
Let them tell me loves not worth going
through.
If it all falls apart,
I will know deep in my heart,
The only dream that matters has come true,
In this life, I was loved by you..."
She looked up at me and smiled as I sang that line. I leaned forward and whispered, "I love you."
The tears made her eyes watery, as she replied, "I love you too, Carlos."
end flashback
I sit here watching her, remembering all the memories we've shared...
Our first date
Our first fight
The day we moved in together
The day she told me she was pregnant...
flashback
"Steph, what's wrong? Did something happen? Are you okay? Are we okay?" I asked. I was beginning to panic, she was crying and I had no idea why.
She crawled into my lap, and cried harder. It felt like the world was ending. I hated seeing her so upset. After a few minutes she calmed down enough to speak.
"I'm not sure what happened, and I know you don't want this. I just don't know how to tell you without losing you," she said softly.
"There's nothing you can say, that will make me leave."
"I'm pregnant..."
I couldn't stop the smile if I wanted too. A little piece of both of us. How could I not want this? I fell even more for the woman sitting in my lap.
"You're not mad?"
"No, you're carrying the greatest gift you could ever give me. This child may not have been planned, but they will be well loved."
end flashback
The day CJ was born, was amazing. Steph was the best mother, despite what her harpy of a mother tried to say. He was always happy and healthy.
Our son grew into a very strong young man. He is a single father, to our amazing granddaughter. He is a combination of the two of us. He has her wild curls and blue eyes. He has my height, but her big heart. I smile as, I see him walk in to the room.
"Hi, Momma," he says as he gently kisses her forehead.
"There's my baby. Just the person I needed to see today."
"Of course I'm here. Where else would I be?"
She chuckled lightly at his reply. It broke my heart bit by bit, watching her struggle to say what she wanted to tell him.
"I need you to watch over your Dad for me. Keep him out of trouble. You and Uncle Lester should be able to do it." The teasing light on her face was nice to see.
She reached out and grabbed both of our hands, and whispered as she drifted off gently into that goodnight.
"The only dream that mattered, came true. In this life I was loved by you..."
We watched as she slipped away from us. Tears unabashedly running down our faces. Our light, our world, has passed to the outside.
A/N So a tissue warning may be needed. This was a combination of things going on. I hope it wasn't too confusing.
Lynda