Weird Dreams

Hey guys, a new story, and my first TF fanfic! Woo!

NOTE: You'll notice (*) in two places in the chapter. (*) is to notify you that something is outside material, and I have NO ownership of said material. You'll know it when you see it.

NOTE II: THIS STORY IS COMPLETE CRACK! THIS STORY IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BASED ON A DREAM THAT I HAD, AND THE REST OF THE STORY IS MY TAKE OF THE FOLLOWING REACTIONS.

Cyber-Terms

Femme- female

Mech- male

Frag- Cybertronian cuss; basically meaning "fuck"

Servo- arm/hand

Helm- head

Frame- body

Pedes- I pronounce it as "p-EE-ds" but I could be wrong. Means "feet" or "foot" if singular. Sometimes means "legs" as well, but not in this case.

(Facial) Constructs- basically means (facial) features.

Spark- Means "heart" in this case, sometimes means "soul" as well.

Optics- eyes

Creator- parent. Usually, a Creator is specified as "Mech Creator" or "Femme Creator" which is just "Father/Dad" and "Mother/Mom" respectively.

Processor(s)- I'm referring to it as "brain(s)"

Primus- Cybertronian God; basically a Cybertronian Jesus. Brother to Unicron, of which is basically the Cybertronian version of the devil.

Lip Plates- lips

Purge- barf/throw up

Tanks- I'm referring to it as "stomach"

Spinal Strut- spine

Thoughts

"Translations from Cybertronian to English"

I was a femme. That was the first thing that I noticed. A human femme. But that didn't make sense; was I not a Cybertronian mech? I shrugged it off as a familiar Decepticon scuttled closer, Alarm, I should be alarmed, why am I feeling such camaraderie? It doesn't make sense...

"Hey Scorponok," I heard myself say, and felt a big smile grace my organic mouth. "You almost done?" I heard him chirp and whir in response, "Yes almost." I translated in my mind. "Perfect." I looked around at my surroundings, I was in a fairly large building "lobby", painted and decorated in bright colours; bright blue, yellow, orange, and pink being the most prominent. Very spacious and professional looking, in her -his?- opinion. She -He- briefly recognized Frenzy helping some men load boxes into a cart, before his attention was occupied. Was the war over? A truce? Did some 'Cons defect? What was going on?!

"Hey sweetheart," An adult human femme wrapped a servo around my shoulders and pecked my cheek with a kiss. Mom... by human brain supplied. "Is Scorps done? We have incoming Decepticons and we need him to activate the locking mechanism."

"Alright, I'll go let him know," I said, and walked over to the metal scorpion-looking Decepticon. "Hey, we've got incoming. Activate the locks, please?" I asked sweetly. Scorponok chirped before beginning to shifting into the strangest looking safety locks he had ever seen. "You're going too fast, you'll scare someone." He slowed down the process. "A little slower." He then slowed his shifting process down to a "snail's pace" as I'm sure the humans would say. "You can speed up just a tad." When Scorponok fixed his shifting speed to more reasonable pace, I giggled and clapped in joy. "Perfect." What... the actual... FRAG! Did I just giggle? I don't giggle!

I turned around and saw an Asian man -Wang- looking quite frantic. Pacing and muttering under his breath, so I walked over to him and asked what was wrong. He looked up looking rather affronted.

"What? You want some of me? You want a piece of this?!" He hissed, wiggling and dragging his hands down his torso in an uncomfortable manner.

No, of course I don't... "Maybe I do." ... Excuse me?... I watched as he contemplated and then grabbed my human servo, before dragging me to the restroom next to us. No... NO... NO! In my panic, I only mildly noted the black tiles on the floor and half-way up the walls to meet the lovely, bright yellow walls, and the black granite counters holding stainless steel sinks and faucets. My panic eased when I was pushed into a separate stall as him, but my discomfort increased when I heard the organic male unzip his pants and rustled them around. Seeing him try to hand me a long slip of paper over the bright yellow stall, I snatched it with a soft "Gotcha," before looking up in time to see a classic Decepticon-styled bomb float above said stall. "Oh no." I heard myself groan, before bolting out the stall in time to hear Wang cry out "Go! Leave me! It's all over for me!" with anime tears flowing down his face as he reached for me, and just opening the restroom door in time for the bomb to explode.

At this point, my view shifted into a third person point-of-view as I watched a tall, young femme with blonde tresses was thrown to the other side of the room. I cringed when I witnessed the force of the blast had forced her helm to leave semi-large cracks in the dim yellow tiled wall, then slam it into the dark grey tiles of the floor. With that, I once again slid back into my first person point-of-view.

I opened my optics to a blurry Sam try and bring me 'round to consciousness, saying a muffled, unfamiliar name. I watched as her shaky servo attempted to give Sam the completely undamaged roll of paper that still resided in her hand. "Hide... Hide it..." She murmured. I watched as he quickly shuffled the paper into one of his many pockets as Ratchet leaned over, most likely to check my injuries that I had sustained in the blast, before leaving just as quickly.

"Come on, up you get." Sam muttered, pulling my frame to its pedes, patting the dust off my clothes, and helping me stay upright as my hearing and sight returned to normal. Whoa, whoa, whoa! It is not possible for a human to recover from a hit to the helm so quickly! I should still be on the ground, unable to process properly! My confusion took on a whole new level as I gently took Sam's servo and lead him down a hall, perfectly fine.

"We need to get those pieces of paper sorted out and give them to Lennox..." I was saying, before I spotted a bald man in a wheelchair and froze, in both speech and body, in fear. I didn't recognize him, for we were back on to him so I couldn't see his facial constructs. But apparently, my host knew him quite well, because she was all but dragging poor Samuel back the way we came.

"Who? What? What's wrong?" He yammered.

"Charles Xavier." I hissed. Hmm, if I recalled correctly, Charles Xavier was a fictional character created by a well-known human. Why would he exist? How could he exist? I felt my confusion and frustration levels rise some more.

I watched different hallways and humans of all sorts pass us as Sam and I winded down the many passageways that made up this unusual building. After passing countless hallways in what seemed like only just a few seconds, Sam spoke up.

"Hey, hey stop! Stop for a sec!" he squawked, tugging on my hand roughly.

"What is it now, Sam?" I closed my eyes in exasperation as I sighed just before I turned around.

But I opened my eyes to a drastically different scene.

I opened my eyes to a never ending pit of darkness, flames licking the ground beneath the earthen pedestal I stood on, causing a devilish glow to provide little to no light. I gasped as ungodly screams began to utter forth from beyond the reaches of the light of the flames. I began to flail wildly as I spun around, before freezing as familiar, dark, cruel, unholy cackling echoed around me.

"No..."

No...

"No, no, no, no!"

No, no, no, no!

Both me and my femme body screamed as a face -just a massive face, so big that it and the flames and their glow was all my optics could take in- appeared out of the curtain of darkness.

"Well, well, well! What do we have here?" the face drawled, crimson eyes glowing. He said the odd name of my host, softly, almost reverently, like a lover's caress.

"No, you're supposed to be dead! YOU. ARE. DEAD!" She screamed. My own confusion and disbelief fuelling her own.

"Ahh, so naive. Did you really think that the Auto-scum could defeat me?" Megatron sneered.

"They did it before, a-and they'll do it again!" Yes...

"And how do you think that will happen... IF THEY'RE ALL DEAD!" He roared, a just-as-massive hand appeared out of nowhere, pointing to the side... where the corpses of the Autobots lay brokenly, optics dim, and armor brutally damaged. No, my comrades, my friends, my family, my brothers, and sisters... I felt grief weigh down on my shoulders and chest, my spark quivering painfully as the femme I occupy screamed. "Now... it's time..." I felt my gaze be torn from the gruesome scene and to the optics of my greatest and most hated enemy.

"To... PARTY!" I blinked as the massive hand snapped its bulky fingers and the entire view changed once again... and the mech wasn't sure if this was preferable...

Still on the pedestal, he now gazed into a big, open metal room, decorated in human streamers, balloons, and confetti of various bright colours. In front of him stood Megatron, dressed in a... pink... tutu?... arms spread wide and terrifyingly happy smile gracing his jagged features. "Hit it!" He boomed, pointing to Soundwave, who was stationed in the back corner behind a DJ board, using his tentacles to control the music and strobe lights, both of which turned on at Megatron's request. One lone tentacle slithered up and placed a pair of all-black sunglasses over his visor, and his expressionless face began to bounce to the beat.

Looking just to the side of Soundwave he felt the femme's optics widened when they caught a glimpse of Ravage sat on his haunches playing a trombone* and Lazerbeak opening and closing an oven door* to the beat Soundwave had set, both wearing identical all-black sunglasses to their Creator.

Beginning to freak out, the femme turned her optics back to Megatron... who promptly began doing the salsa... with himself. The utterly baffled mech vaguely heard the femme scream, before turning her eyes to the right...

...In time to see Barricade doing the worm, the smuggest and most content look on his face the mech had ever seen on the front liner. I didn't know we could bend like that...

The femme shrieked once again before whipping her gaze to the other side of the still-dancing Megatron... To see Starscream and Shockwave getting it on.

MY OPTICS! MY PROCESSORS! NOO! For the slightest of seconds, both human femme and Cybertronian mech stared at the two frames in disgusted horror as Starscream pinned Shockwave to the wall, their glossas visibly intertwining, causing drool to coat both orifices and... begin to drip onto both participates chest plates -said participates otherwise too preoccupied to notice- as -OH DEAR PRIMUS!- Starscream began to shamelessly hump his current lover... not that Shockwave seemed to care. Or, rather, quite to his enjoyment.

I, my confusion long since been lost to the metaphorical wind, clenched my jaw shut and slapped a non-existent hand over my lip plates, struggling not to purge my tanks at the view that will undoubtedly haunt my processors for many eons to come.

After what felt like much too long, the femme finally turned away from the sight, a screech that was much louder than the previous ones erupting from her mouth. Before turning back to Megatron, who had changed his... dance styles...

The mech was fairly certain the humans called the style... twerking.

And did Megatron twerk with a gusto. To the point that the small bit of processor power that wasn't stalled at the horror of Megsie's bouncing bottom was concerned about his spinal strut bending in such a way.

His femme host ripped their gazes away from the twerking monstrosity in a desperate attempt

to find something -anything- that wouldn't melt their processors. Alas, every turn they made only resulted in the same visuals spinning around their pedestal, as the background faded to black, and purple and green smoke tendrils wove in and out and in between the Cons as they shamelessly danced, bobbed, banged, blew, and humped, further driving both the femme and the mech into insanity.

No... this isn't happening... this... this can't be real... The mech thought over the woman's screaming. No... this can't be happening... this... this has to be a dream, a nightmare-no, a night-terror!

NNNNOOOOOO!

So, there you go. That's the first chapter. That's the crackiest it's gonna get. Maybe. I haven't decided yet...

Anyway, I want your suggestions on whose reactions you want to see! I've already got three or four in mind, but Ratchet is off the list automatically because he was in the dream -briefly albeit, but in there nonetheless. To have a chapter dedicated to his reaction would mean I'd have to tweak this chapter, and I'd rather not...

I'm thinking I'll update in about a week or two, so stay tuned...

Don't forget to R&R and VOTE!

Write On

~BMB