AN: What? No Molly? No Carey? I'm as shocked as you are. I don't own anyone from the show, of course, and I don't own the song "I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone" by Sleater-Kinney, either. I can't really explain why I wrote this...

it's fine
when it's all mine
it's on my wall it's in my head
memorize it till I'm dead
it's yours
now I'm so bored

I want out. I really don't care where I end up--anywhere, with anyone, just as long as no one expects anything of me. Just once I want to be the one who gets to freak out. I want to be the one who gets to have a crusade. Do you have any idea how tiring it is to be the one waiting patiently at home, the one who calmly offers the logical explanation, the one who never breaks? As much as I hate to think about it, I know this role I play is entirely his fault. First I became Mom's support by default, and then Fi had to go and pick up right where he left off, trying so hard to get herself killed every five seconds with her insane theories. And I have to save them both daily. Well, it's over. I just can't deal with any of this anymore.

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I wanna be your Joey Ramone
pictures of me on your bedroom door
invite you back after the show
I'm the queen of rock and roll

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be in love with someone even though you know that person has absolutely no clue about the person you really are because you've never been able to show them the truth about you? Well, it's very difficult. Because then your love becomes completely unrequited. It was probably unrequited before, too, but this way, it absolutely has to be. There's no potential for happiness. It's completely one-sided. How could it be anything else? The object of your love can't love you, and if they think they do, which is possible but unlikely in my case, they can't love you, just what they know of you. Does that make sense?

I just don't care
are you that scared?
I swear they're looking right at me
push to the front so I can see
it's what I thought
it's rock and roll

I want to go wild. I know it sounds strange. But it's all I want to do right now. I want to wake up in the morning and not step out of Jack and into the role they all expect me to play, the person they think I am. I want them all to know me for the first time since before he died. I want to be who I am. And it's not just about letting the person I love know that I love them-that would be hard enough even without all of this other stuff. It's about wanting to smash this persona into pieces and never ever put them back together again. When that weird guy gave me the camera a few months ago, that was the closest I've ever come to feeling the way I wish I could feel all the time. But the camera's wrapped up in a box in my closet now, because who has time for real dreams when you're so busy helping others avoid self-destruction? But maybe that's not even what I wanted. How should I know what's true and what's simply convenient?

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I wanna be your Thurston Moore
wrestle on your bedroom floor
always leave you wanting more
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
throw away those old records

I remember the first time the idea of how easy it would be to just run away from everything came to me. Fi was majorly upset about finding out from John that Dad was into the paranormal and Mom hadn't told her. Mom was majorly upset that Fi had found out from John that Dad was into the paranormal and had stopped speaking to her altogether. And I was in the middle. One would come in and confess, then the other, and back and forth and back and forth. What would you do, Jack? What should I do, Jack? Does she hate me? How could she not tell me? On and on and on for days! In the rare moments of peace between their visits I began to formulate a plan--a plan I never acted on, of course, because I never act on anything. So I stayed, and I pretended to care, and I pretended to be happy for them when they resolved the issue, as resolved as it could be, anyway. But all the time I was thinking about how wonderful it was that freedom was within my grasp, which was an idea I'd never really considered before.

we go downtown
put on your best frown
give me a chance
I know I can dance

And then it happened. One day, between all of my fiendish secret plotting and pretending, you caught my eye. I'd seen you every day for so long, but suddenly it was completely different. I started noticing things about you that I hadn't noticed before. I went out of my way to be alone with you so we could talk more often and more confidentially. I abandoned my plans for escape and focused my attention instead on you. In a way, you probably saved me from myself back then. But then I realized, finally, that it would be impossible for anything to ever happen between us. For one thing, I could never be honest with you because I can't be honest with myself. And for another, you would never look at me the way I found myself looking at you now.

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I wanna be your Joey Ramone
pictures of me on your bedroom door
invite you back after the show
I'm the queen of rock and roll

So here I am. My bag is finally packed. I have plans. I have reservations. And all I really want to do is stay. For you, for them, for me. But I can't stay. I can't stand the idea of letting them down by turning out to be a liar. I can't stand the idea of loving you every day and never being able to tell you. So I'm going now. I know this won't make any sense. I know you'll be surprised. I know they'll be disappointed too, but at least this way I won't have to watch it happen. And maybe one day I'll be back. But it's time now for me to go out there and find out who I am away from them and away from you, my lovely distraction. So, do me a favor, okay? Tell them I love them. I love you, too.

it's fine
'cause it's all mine...