Dying Again
Prologue
This chapter isn't edited in any way, shape, or form.
Disclaimer: I do not own KHR, HP, or any of its characters.
Warnings: SLASH pairing. Death. Angst. MOD!Harry. Tsuna's POV.
A/N: What is this trash? It's something I wrote out because I was feeling rusty in my writing, and I just kind of let it happen. I didn't have a clear goal in mind when writing this, keep in mind, so if it seems a bit disconnected, a bit vague, or anything, I didn't intend for it to happen, it just did. -^-;
It's also a Tsuna/Harry pairing. Huh.
That being said, enjoy!
Only Tsuna's first friend would be the Master of Death.
-0-0-0-
Tsuna whimpered when the other kids left him alone, after cornering him after school to taunt him about how useless he seemingly was with, well, everything. And Tsuna couldn't say anything back, because it was true! He felt useless at everything, even more so after his papa left back to Italy. He felt more clumsy, more cold, more sickly, and, in his mind, less... motivated to do things. It was totally weird.
And it left him bullied.
Picking up his things, and shoving them back into his bag, he sniffed and started his way home. At age 6, his mother deemed him old enough to walk to school and back, because Tsuna was a big boy and could do that. Namimori was a safe town. He'd be fine. At least, that's what his mom said to soothe him and convince him to do it, anyways.
It was a good 20 minute walk, and Tsuna had memorized new routes and ways to get home, courtesy of some older kids opting to chase him around some days of the week to taunt him. Luckily, Tsuna glanced around suspiciously, none seemed to be present today. That- that was good, Tsuna thought, still wary but hopeful. That was good!
(It was good if Tsuna ignored the faint itch of warning in his mind. If they're not here, then where are they...?)
As Tsuna walked past a park, he stopped short at a familiar sight.
It was only a familiar sight because it was usually Tsuna standing in front of the crowding older kids. Instead of Tsuna this time, though, a delicate looking kid around Tsuna's age was standing, and looking at the bullies with a blank expression. His features were youthful, exotic, and his eyes a brilliant jaded green- something about him gave Tsuna the creeps. It was like someone... painted a human, but something wasn't quite right, something off. Close, but not quite.
It was kind of scary.
But Tsuna couldn't be frightened of a kid who was literally being picked up by the front of his shirt and being shook around. "Look at this, guys, a sarcastic little shit, isn't he?" The group of boys laughed as the seemingly leader of the group leered.
"..." The boy only frowned.
"What? Cat got your tongue, gaki?" The boy, Dazai, huffed.
"...Sorry," the boy mumbled, "I got distracted with how bad your breath smells."
Tsuna gaped, along with the other kids, at the boy's lack of deliverance in that sentence. That- that was blunt, Tsuna thought frantically, as Dazai blinked before looking enraged.
"You little-"
Tsuna couldn't bear to watch after the first few blows landed, but he was too scared to move. Instead, he whimpered and dashed to the nearest object to hide behind. He watched as the boy didn't even try to fight back, only accepting the blows with something akin to acceptance, even as he fell to the ground and curled up, as kicks were starting to go his way. It was only a minute or two, before Dazai stopped and sneered at the boy. Spitting on him, he said to his friends, "Come on, let's go see if Dame-Tsuna's around. This boy isn't fun to mess with."
Tsuna almost fainted.
As they left the park, Tsuna wilted against the tree and whined under his breath. Going home now would be dangerous. He should have just went home when he first had a chance, and not have stayed to watch the other boy get-
The other boy!
Stepping out from behind the tree, Tsuna dropped his stuff as he headed towards the other boy. The other boy hadn't moved from his spot, though he was now sprawled out on the ground as opposed to curled up. He was staring up at the sky with an unreadable expression, eyes conflicted and dark. He didn't even react as Tsuna slowly toed up to him, fidgeting silently and biting his lip.
At last, Tsuna asked, "U-um, are you alright?"
"...Just peachy," the boy responded, lightly. "You were watching." It wasn't even a question.
Tsuna blanched, feeling suddenly so ashamed of just hiding like that. He should have- he should have done something. But what? He was just useless. "Y-yeah." Tsuna agreed, cheeks burning. He glanced away from the boy's solemn expression. "I- I'm sorry."
"...Don't be. You were scared, weren't you?"
For some reason, that made Tsuna wilt even more. "...Yes," he mumbled. He was. He was a scaredy cat, wasn't he? "Sorry."
"It's alright," the boy replied, sitting up slowly. He winced slightly, and Tsuna felt worried. "It's not your fault that people like them are around. They should be the sorry ones." Tsuna only fidgeted as the boy struggled to get up, before hesitantly holding out a hand to help. The boy focused on the hand sharply, and Tsuna almost whimpered and yanked his hand back.
"D-do you need help?" Tsuna asked in a rush, awkward and shy.
"..." The boy gave him a soulful look, before grabbing his hand and allowed Tsuna to heft him up. "Thank you," the boy sounded so genuine that Tsuna flushed and fidgeted, looking away awkwardly.
"S'not a problem," Tsuna mumbled. "...My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi, what's yours?"
"Hari." The boy replied, blunt. "Nice to meet you, Sawada-san." The boy's soulful and dark look was replaced with light contemplation, and green eyes seemed to glint as they eyed him casually. "...You wouldn't be Dame-Tsuna, would you?"
"Hieeeee," Tsuna shook his head, shuddering and wrapping his arms around himself. "I am," he admitted, sadly. "Those people are looking for me," he said, unhappily. Dame-Tsuna. No good Tsuna. That was- well, true, but it wasn't a good thing to be called. It made Tsuna feel more useless when people called him that to his face.
Even his mother was starting to call him that...
Hari surveyed him, calmly. His expression wasn't blank so much as it was apathetic. It was like he was seeing everything and accepting naturally, rather than not seeing anything at all and not reacting to it. Tsuna realized with a start that that type of expression wasn't something a kid should wear.
"...You don't seem dame." Hari offered, at last.
Tsuna laughed weakly at that, scratching the back of his head. He wouldn't meet Hari's eyes. "I'm pretty useless, though. So I guess it's true..." Tsuna jerked when Hari grabbed his hand suddenly, and he stared wide-eyed at the suddenly intense look on Hari's expression.
"If it's true, then it's only true because you believe it is," Hari insisted, stubbornly. "Not because they call you that. You are whatever you think you are. If you believe yourself to be dame, then you will become dame. Don't let them fool you into thinking you're something you're not," the boy frowned. "You don't want to become something they want to see."
Tsuna felt flabbergasted. He sputtered.
Hari stared at him, before he looked vaguely uncomfortable. His ears turned red, and Hari said, "...Sorry, I'm not making any sense, am I? You're probably too young to understand." But you're my age! Tsuna thought, flusteredly.
"N-no, no," Tsuna waved off his apology, slowly. He think he got the gist of it. "You-," Tsuna swallowed slowly, a giddy feeling shuddering it's way down his spine and he fought to keep the small smile off face. "You don't think I'm dame, r-right?" His hopeful feelings rose his chest, and Tsuna couldn't help but feel embarrassed about that.
Hari just nodded, intense look in his eyes, "Because you're not. You're just you."
Tsuna grinned at him, goofily, before realizing that they were still holding hands and shrieked, jerking his hand back as if burned. His face was on fire, even as Hari blinked and he fidgeted, trying to laugh it off awkwardly, "S-sorry, Hari-kun, I- didn't realize- we- hands," he bowed his hand, ashamed.
Tilting his head slowly, Hari asked with complete innocence, "You don't think I'm good enough to hold hands with?" Something warm was in his voice, a teasing lint along with an amused look in his eyes showed that he was teasing Tsuna. It was different from the other's teasing, though, it wasn't meant to hurt or belittle Tsuna, it made him feel oddly flustered and hot at how Hari was looking at him and- and- hieeeee-
"That's totally not the point!"
-0-0-0-
Nana took to Hari excitedly. "My useless son has finally got a friend~" She cooed, excitedly and smothering both Tsuna and Hari in a hug. Tsuna flushed, ashamed at being called useless by his own mother in front of his new friend, while Hari only blinked before frowning deeply. "Such a cute friend too," Nana pulled back and let go of both of them to squish Hari's cheeks, expression one of pure happiness.
Hari mumbled something as she squished his cheeks, and Nana let go of him, albeit reluctantly. Clearing his throat, he repeated himself firmly, "Tsuna isn't useless." Nana only tittered and petted his hair, leaving them to rush to the kitchen to make some snacks for Tsuna and his new friend. Hari glared at her direction, as Tsuna's feeling of embarrassment rose tenfold.
"D-don't worry," Tsuna offered, after a few beats of silence. "She- she always says that..."
Hari's eyes narrowed. "...I see," he mumbled, folding his arms and frowning at the floor. "Then she's just as dumb as those other kids, then."
"My mama isn't dumb," Tsuna protested in defense. "She's just-" rather oblivious, which was something Tsuna took notice of more and more as he was growing up. He couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing, yet.
"What kind of person calls their own son useless?" Hari shot back, frowning. "No wonder you seem so insecure." Tsuna only groaned, wrapping his arms around himself and glancing away sullenly.
"What's that even supposed to mean...?" Tsuna asked, before shaking his head. He looked at Hari. "Here, let's go to my room." He spent a good few days of cleaning it before he invited Hari over, and he wasn't going to let his work go to waste. Hari nodded and followed him upstairs.
As Hari surveyed his room, Tsuna stood off to the side. He wanted his friend's opinion of his room for some odd reason. As the silence went on, Tsuna grew more and more flustered, before Hari finally said, "...It's a nice room." Tsuna let out a silent sigh of relief, beaming at Hari's expectant look.
"I'm glad you like it," Tsuna admitted, honestly. He was pleased. "What do you wanna do? I got manga to read, or we can go back downstairs to play a video game, or we can go out to the backyard and play with this old ball I got...," Tsuna realized his was rambling and flushed, falling silent. He had a lot of scenarios drawn up in his head about Hari finally being his room and hanging out with him rather than the park, and now that Hari was here, he was too giddy at him being here to really decide on one thing or the other.
Hari seemed contemplative, as he narrowed his eyes in concentration. "...I guess playing ball would be nice," he said, slowly. "I never played that before." Tsuna brightened, and both of them went back downstairs to head to the backyard. Tsuna wondered thoughtlessly about what Hari meant by that. Does that mean he never played with a ball at all? Or did he have no one to play with?
Hari was an enigma of a 6 year old. He seemed too old to be a 6 year old, and yet, at times, he seemed completely playful and teasing with a certain crooked smile that did funny things to Tsuna's tummy. His green eyes sometimes lost all life in his contemplative moments, a look of apathetic acceptance on his expression. Though, as scary and unnaturally as that side of Hari was, when he actually looked alive and was playful, his green eyes glittered with mirth, he looked really pretty. Beautiful, one might say, and Tsuna wasn't afraid to admit that.
Well. Okay. Maybe a little.
...
Well, he wasn't afraid to admit that to himself, at least.
That being said, er, thought, there was a lot about Hari that Tsuna didn't know. Despite meeting every day after school in the park in Tsuna's neighborhood, Tsuna still didn't know Hari's family name, or where he went to school. He knew a bunch of random stuff about Hari, like his favorite color, or his view on how he doesn't understand how sweets make his head hurt but can devour chocolate like no tomorrow. He was always wearing a short-sleeved fleece hoodie, and dark capris with a pair of beat up sneakers. His fingers and slim pretty hands were often covered in small scratches and band aids, bruises swelling to the surface of his pale skin from bullies and possibly hard work. He sometimes walked with difficulty, though his chin was always jutted up determinedly, even after what seemed like a brutal beating or teasing, eyes glinting as if daring the world to throw more at him, because he could take it.
Tsuna was in awe.
Tsuna's feelings confused him as well. Sometimes, while in Hari's presence, his heart would get very loud in his chest, and something wormy in his stomach appeared. It made him feel all awkward and uncomfortable, more easily flustered at Hari's actions and words. Other times, something in him felt warmth and right with Hari beside him. It- at least- it had to be friendship, right? Tsuna never had a friend before. So these feelings were...
Friendship.
"You're staring again," Hari stated, bouncing the pink bouncy ball at his head. Tsuna squealed and flailed backwards, falling on his behind with a thump. Hari huffed in amusement and Tsuna flushed. "Are you alright, Tsuna?" Hari walked forward to crouch in front of him, frowning at him. Tsuna's tongue felt like lead in his mouth at how close Hari was, and his heart thumped in his chest.
"'M fine," Tsuna mumbled, quickly. His face felt hot. "Just- clumsy."
Tsuna valued Hari, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable he sometimes made Tsuna be. That would never change. "...If you say so," Hari shrugged, standing up and stretching with a loud yawn. "I want to take a nap." Tsuna sweatdropped. Even if Hari seemed rather odd in conversation...
"Y-you can use my bed, if you want," Tsuna offered, as Hari swayed in spot. "I got homework to do anyways."
Later, as Hari snoozed away in Tsuna's bed, Tsuna was trying to do his homework. He was often distracted by the other boy, though, and soon Tsuna was just blatantly staring at the sleeping boy. Hari was his friend, one of Tsuna's most precious person so far in his life, and probably for the rest of it. Despite Hari's delicate and slightly off appearance, his old soul ways and dark humor, he was also there, something very alive and beautiful, and how he treated Tsuna-
Tsuna didn't feel so dame in his presence. He felt like...Tsuna.
He would do anything for Hari.
-0-0-0-
Obviously, after coming to that realization, that was put to the test.
That being said, this happened:
Tsuna watched Hari die.
-0-0-0-
Tsuna didn't mean to stay out so late, but it was dark and the sun had set, the street lamps flickering on. He was too busy trying to convince Hari to come spend the night again, despite Hari's protest and stubbornness on him being fine. The only reason Tsuna was so persistent, despite being rather meek and submissive, was because he found out that Hari didn't have a home, or parents-
He was all alone.
And slept on the streets.
That- that didn't sit well with Tsuna. Not at all. He felt literally sick at the thought of his most precious person living like that, not when he had a bed and a home, and full cooked meals. "You can stay with me, Hari," Tsuna insisted, frowning. "It's not like mama would mind."
"I don't want your pity," Hari replied. "I'm fine with just visiting."
"But-"
"No buts, Tsunayoshi," Hari frowned, and Tsuna flinched. Hari only used his full name when he was annoyed. "I'm really fine by myself," Hari continued, softer. "I'm fine with being alone." Hari shrugged. "It's like I'm destined to be alone, or something." Something struck Tsuna with those words, and he looked at Hari, stricken.
"I'm not fine with you being alone," Tsuna said, still stricken. Hari blinked. "I'm not fine with the thought you not having something to go home too, or not having a home at all- I just-" Tsuna sniffled. "I just don't- like- the idea of you being alone," tears burned at his eyes, but he still stared at Hari intently. "You don't deserve to be alone, Hari. I- I want to be there for you like you are for me," Tsuna admitted lamely.
There was a few beats of silence, with Hari staring at Tsuna and Tsuna staring back. Hari looked completely swept off his feet, the rug pulled out so fast underneath him, while Tsuna was stubbornly trying to keep his eyes on him, despite how dry his mouth suddenly was and how hot his face felt.
He felt...awkward. Awkward and honestly embarrassed, but he couldn't take his words back. Wouldn't take them back if he could, because he wanted Hari to know how much Tsuna cared for him, and was willing enough to be there for him. He wanted to help, and he wanted Hari to let him.
But it was getting awkward and stuffy, despite how both of them are just sitting in the open air on swings.
Tsuna thought he might die, but Hari thankfully spoke. With a slow tilt of his head, Hari asked, "Was that a love confession, Tsu-kun?" Nevermind, Tsuna was totally going to die from embarrassment. His face felt hot, and Tsuna let out a shallow groan, hiding his face in his hands. He peeked through his fingers at the loud laugh that came from Harry, unable to tear his eyes away from the pretty enrapturing sight. With the use of the nickname 'Tsu-kun' and the warm teasing lilt, Hari didn't take any offense or react strangely to Tsuna's...confession. N-not a love confession, but still a confession nonetheless.
"You're still teasing me, despite how serious I am," Tsuna mumbled, with a forlorn sigh. He smiled rather bittersweetly at Hari, feeling strangely distraught at not being taken seriously. Especially by Hari.
Hari instantly sobered up, and he eyed Tsuna. At last, he glanced away, a hint of red on his cheeks, and said, "...I'm not... that opposed with staying with you. Not if you obviously feel so strongly about me being by myself," Tsuna and Hari's face both reddened slightly, but Hari was much more poised and he shot an almost shy look at Tsuna, "I don't mind."
Tsuna felt a sense of jubilation rise in his chest, and he couldn't help the sunny smile sent Hari's way. Hari looked oddly struck, blinking. "I'm glad, then." Tsuna admitted, almost breathlessly. Standing up, he held out a hand for Hari, still grinning so hard that his cheeks were starting to hurt. "Let's go home, then."
Hari looked a bit lost, "Home." He repeated, slowly, a bit unsurely. A brief look of sorrow passed his face, making something protective and fierce swell up in Tsuna's chest, before it replaced with solid resolve. "Y-yeah," Hari smiled, almost shy and awkward, and he took Tsuna's hand.
It was when they were exiting the park that something happened.
There was a heavy sound of footsteps heading towards the way, the way Hari stiffened and his hand tightened painfully around Tsuna's. Tsuna could barely register what was happening until they were being bumped into by a frantic and rugged looking man.
And then there was a loud crack in the air.
"Shit- shit- a kid, I shot a kid-" The man was mumbling, but Tsuna could barely hear him over how loud the blood roared his ears, his fear making his blood race and heart rate accelerate to almost inhuman degrees. He could only focus on how Hari fell back, into an ungraceful heap on the ground, he could only focus on how something bad happened to Hari, something bad and there was something warm and wet spreading-
"Firearms aren't permitted in Namimori, herbivore," a dark voice promised, and the man took off running. Tsuna could barely register the person behind the voice, though he could feel the person seemingly hesitate for a brief second behind him, before taking chase after the man who- shot- Hari.
Hari.
Hari.
"H-hari," Tsuna whispered, voice cracking. He didn't realize he was holding him, kneeling beside him, even as the warmth wetness spread and was staining his fingers. Staining Hari. Hari. "I- I'll get the police, or the ambulance- Tsuna was mumbling, brokenly, despite not doing anything, just holding Hari.
"It's fine, I'm fine," Hari rasped out, and Tsuna wanted to shout at him, you're so not fine! "Just- let me-'m tired, so tired," Tsuna's face was above Hari's, and as something wet dripped off of Tsuna's face and onto Hari's, Tsuna realized that he was crying. His vision was blurry with wet tears, and something was tearing in his chest. "I- rest. Just let me sleep. I'll wake up...fine..."
Hari's raspy breathing stopped, his chest that was heaving hapaharzedly slowly deflating to a stillness.
The hand Tsuna was gripping tightly, painfully, was lax.
Tsuna felt like everything was numb and meaningless now. So so numb. He couldn't tear his eyes off of Hari's face, Hari looking like he was sleeping. Sleeping. He was sleeping. That's what he said, wasn't it? He was just- sleeping. Tsuna could almost bring himself to believe that. Almost. Just almost. There was something wet and torn in his chest, it was painful and hollow and left Tsuna devastated, as his breath was short and he didn't- he just-
Hari.
He should really get help.
Hari, please.
Tsuna didn't want to let go of Hari, though.
Hari, stop teasing me.
But he couldn't hold him forever like this, could he?
Hari, wake up. Please.
It was hard to imagine the world would still move after this. How could it move? Hari was dea-
Please...
Tsuna didn't react when the footsteps came back. He didn't react when the person knelt in front of him. He didn't react when the person stared at him with sharp grey eyes, and a pursed expression. He did, however, react when the boy tried to pull Hari out of his grasp.
"Don't. Touch. Him," Tsuna snapped, pulling Hari tighter to him. Something in him burned, fierce, it flared in him, giving him a brief moment of a power high. He glared at the surprised look on the person's face, before everything stuttered to a stop, and he just felt so hopeless again. "Please," Tsuna begged, the power high fading and leaving him broken. "I- he-"
He'll wake up, just give it a moment.
"..." The person's eyes narrowed at him, mouth pursed in a stubborn line. "...Fine, herbivore," the person muttered. "But we can't stay here, in the park. We need to move him somewhere else. Does he have a family or-"
"He has me. He only has me," Tsuna mumbled, pulling him tighter. Realization struck him at the worse moment. "He only has me, and I just let him-" It wouldn't have happened if I was stronger.
It was all his fault.
It was all because he was dame.
"Do you actually believe that?" The person looked disgusted. He stood up and brushed dust off his clean slacks. "Your friend just died, and that's all you're concerned about?" Tsuna only let out a wounded noise. "Just follow me."
Tsuna didn't want to move.
The other person raised an eyebrow, voice curt, "Well?"
Tsuna was about to reply with something, anything, but it felt like the world blinked out for a moment. One moment he was there, holding Hari tight to him, the warmth spreading stickly everywhere, and the next he was- he was-
...
..
.
"-Tsuna?"
Tsuna blinked, feeling like he was going to throw up. He felt dazed and confused all of a sudden, a wave of sudden emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. That voice, though... Tsuna jerked when a hand was waved in front of his face, and he dimly realized that he was standing in front of a swing, in front of Hari. Hari was frowning at him, confused and waiting, hand still waving in front of his face.
"Hari," Tsuna gasped, and lurched forward, startling Hari as he pulled him into a tight hug. "Hari, Hari, Hari," Tsuna mumbled into Hari's neck, heart beating erratically in his chest. He didn't know how or when or why, but Hari was here, in his arms, breathing and alive. "You're- here-"
Hari's hands rose up to pat Tsuna awkwardly on his back, and his voice was slow, unsure, "I- I am? I thought we were going home, Tsuna. What's wrong with you?" His voice was concerned, and he pushed Tsuna away from him enough to stare at his face. "You were just fine a few moments ago."
Tsuna stared at his face, feeling a sudden chill shudder it's way down his spine.
W-what...what did happen?
Was that all just a dream? A vision? What?
Seeing Hari's worried face, though, Tsuna realized he didn't care. As long as Hari was here, with him, Tsuna didn't care what happened. As long as Hari wasn't still and silent and seeping warmth, Tsuna didn't care. Swallowing hard, Tsuna cracked a smile at Hari, "S-sorry, I- I'm fine. It's nothing."
Hari looked ready to disagree when a loud crack tore the air, and Tsuna didn't think, just reacted. He slammed into Hari, shoving him to the ground with him on top, and stilled, squeezing his eyes shut. That- that- That-
Footsteps ran through the park, and Hari was struggling with him on top, trying to get him to move, or run, or maybe to see what was going on. Tsuna didn't budge, though, breathing hard through his teeth. "Firearms aren't permitted in Namimori, herbivore," a dark voice murmured, and Tsuna heard them giving chase. He didn't move, though, only waiting until the footsteps faded away.
Hari had stopped struggling when he heard the dangerous silky voice.
"W-what," Hari swallowed, and Tsuna allowed himself to be pushed off of him. He was still gripping onto Hari's arm in a painful grip, though. "What was that?" Bewilderment was coloring his voice, lining his face, and wide green eyes stared at him, demanding an explanation.
That. That was...a close call.
Tsuna only shrugged, unable to force words out. Hari only scoffed, glancing at Tsuna and at the direction the footsteps had left in with disbelief. Hari looked vaguely uncomfortable, and his gaze shifted to Tsuna, and he said quietly, "That was a gun." Tsuna blinked, before nodding, slowly. Yeah. A dangerous gun that wasn't supposed to be in Japan, let alone Namimori. "You-," Hari's expression was incredibly lost and confused, "You shielded me."
Tsuna's face flared red, and Tsuna sputtered to come up with an explanation, before stopping short. Why should there be an explanation? Tsuna was very willing to take a bullet for Hari. That- that should scare him, right? In a way, it kind of did, but the thought of losing Hari scared him more. "Yeah, yeah, I did," Tsuna confirmed, soft but firm, staring at Hari intently. And he would do it again.
An emotion crossed Hari's face, but it was gone before Tsuna could really register it. A cautious, but honest, expression was on his face, and he looked at Tsuna with such genuine warmth that the familiar churning in his stomach returned, chasing out it's hollowness and chill. "Thank you."
Thank you.
Tsuna only smiled, getting up gingerly, and holding out his hand again. He forced all the questions and general confusion away, in order to heft Hari up.
"Let's go home, Hari."
And this time, he'll make sure of that.
-0-0-0-
It wasn't as easy to brush it off as just a weird moment, though.
Tsuna had nightmares for months on end, and everyday, he wondered what exactly happened. Hari had cornered him after a few weeks, when Tsuna felt sick and had bags upon bags underneath his eyes. "Do- is this because of me?" Hari asked, sullenly. "You never had this problem before I moved in..."
"Don't think like that," Tsuna assured him, quickly. I could never blame you. "I'm just going through a weird phase, that's all, haha," Tsuna shot him a quick grin, trying to assure him more. Hari bit his lip, but didn't say anything else, just resolving his expression and nodding.
Whatever this was, Tsuna wouldn't blame Hari. Couldn't blame Hari. After all, Hari didn't remember what had happened, or what could have happened, he didn't know that Tsuna had nightmares of that night, where time didn't seemingly reset and Hari continued to lay in his arms, silent and d e a d-
Hari didn't need to know that.
And it was a burden Tsuna would carry if it meant Hari wouldn't find out.
He couldn't help but wonder, though...
It came to him in a dream.
It came to him in a dream, and with it, an explanation.
Death stood before Tsuna, and Tsuna was trying not to piss himself in sheer terror. "Hello, Tsunayoshi," Death's voice was cold and raspy, and though it didn't have a face, Tsuna had a sinking feeling it was staring at him intently.
"H-hi," Tsuna squeaked out. He was shaking with how terrified he was.
"I'm here concerning my master," Death intoned, without a care with how Tsuna was just a trembling little thing. "Hari, is he called?"
Hearing Hari's name coming from this, Tsuna's stomach dropped and all that fear was shoved aside. "What about him?" Tsuna asked, warily. His stutter was gone, and though he trembled, he was staring at Death suspiciously. Something protective was rising in his chest, bringing a burning sensation through his body.
Death made a pleased purr. "So, you really do care about my master."
Master. Master. Hari? Was Hari this...thing's master?
"Of course I care about Hari," Tsuna said, feeling the burning inside him burning away any anxiety and terror he had, until all he could feel was calm and steady burn that was helping him think more clearly. "I would do anything for him."
"Even with your Dying Will?" Death sounded amused, of all things. "Yes, yes, this was a good plan."
"What are you talking about?" What plan? Tsuna narrowed his eyes.
"Even though Hari is my master, I have always been a petty being," Death mused, quietly. "Those items he collected were created for foiling whatever the Peverell's silly notion of cheating me. Me, of all things. So, it's only reasonable that mastering them would be more of a punishment than anything, don't you agree, Tsunayoshi?"
Tsuna was silent.
Master. Hari was Master of...this thing. Death, apparently. Objects, Hari had to have mastered them somehow, the objects being Death's creation. A mockery, a way to foil someone's notions of actually getting a hold over Death. Tsuna's mind whirled at the information, blanking out after a few overwhelming seconds of information overload. Slowly, his mind turned back on, and then all Tsuna could think about was-
"Why are you telling me this?" Tsuna asked, quietly. Death was telling him this for a reason, his gut was saying. But what? Tsuna almost didn't want to find out, but if it was for Hari...
Death seemed even more pleased, more eager, "I'm telling you because you are apart of his punishment." Tsuna's heart dropped into his stomach, the burning feeling coursing through his veins wavering slightly. Death only cooed, "I can't really punish Hari himself, he's too accepting, too apathetic, already expecting anything I might do to him and is willing to go along with it. He might not be happy with whatever I might do to him, but he will sure as hell not be miserable, not understanding that being my master is a punishment more than anything. He's much too stubborn. But I can do one thing that will absolutely make him miserable."
Tsuna glared, feeling ice drip in his chest and into his stomach. The fiery sensation of calm seemingly intensified, his breath coming slow, deep, and even. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"You wish to save Hari, right?" Tsuna hesitated slightly before nodded, firm. Resolved. "Then it's settled. What better way to torture him than with his closest friend, who is forced to keep saving him lest he keep watching him die, over and over again?" Death sounded pleased. It made Tsuna want to throw up.
"..." Tsuna couldn't find any words to grit out at the thing.
He doubted anything he'd say would make a difference to anything at all.
It could never understand how Tsuna's chest tightened, or the dread that was piled up in his stomach, or how resigned Tsuna was to just do this for Hari. It could never understand the lengths Tsuna would go for Hari, the warmth that blossomed in the pit of his chest, the understanding and acceptance Tsuna felt when Hari was in the same room with him. These emotions were completely primitive, and utterly human, and Death could never understand them.
Because Death wasn't human.
"Fare thee well, Tsunayoshi."
-0-0-0-
The next time Tsuna watched Hari die was when Hari was pushed down some stairs at school. Nana had taken time to enroll him with Tsuna, and so, by some stroke of fate, they were in the same class. Tsuna was afraid that Hari would have needed help to catch up, because Tsuna was still bad in class, but luckily, Hari was pretty smart and caught on quick. With clothes that actually fit, and starting to fill out some more due to Nana's large meals and smothering of him, Hari looked less delicate, less fragile, still small but no longer looking like a strong wind would blow him over.
Girls were enthralled. Boys were irritated.
It didn't help the fact that Hari was firmly sticking by Tsuna's side, and glared at anyone who would try to make fun of him. "They're all idiots." Hari would confide in Tsuna, grumpily. "You don't need their approval."
Tsuna only shot him a wan smile. "Thanks, Hari."
It didn't help soothe all the guilt of watching Hari get treated almost as bad as he was, but it did soothe it a little. At least Hari had Tsuna, and Tsuna had Hari. That was enough.
Both Hari and Tsuna were about to descend some stairs, eager to get home because both of them were promised by Nana that she'd have ice cream. Tsuna was a little bit more excited than Hari, but Hari was still eager, smiling indulgently at Tsuna when he mentioned it. It was after school, and some kids were still lingering in the hallways and stairways.
A flicker of something in his gut told him, for a brief startling moment, watch out.
And then he was aware of Hari being shoved roughly from behind and watched with horrified eyes as he tumbled down the stairs. Tsuna swear he heard a nasty snap somewhere along the way, and Tsuna was already on his way down, almost tripping over his own feet to reach Hari. The boys who pushed him had sputtered out a laugh, but stopped short when they realized Hari wasn't moving.
Tsuna clung onto Hari, his neck at an odd awkward angle, and felt a sick sense of deja vu. Flashbacks over that night rang in his head, and he could only stare helplessly at dimming green eyes, bright blood slipping from a slack mouth. That odd sense of despair rang through his chest, and Tsuna could feel that familiar tear, hot and wet, rip through his chest.
And beneath it all, the familiar burn of I could have saved him. I should have listened to my instinct. I could have saved him.
The world blanked out again, and Tsuna found himself standing beside Hari, at the top of the stairs. He felt dazed, before his spine tingled, and he was yanking Hari out of the way before he could think. The boy that was going to push him looked startled, settling a dark glare at Tsuna, "What's your problem, Dame-Tsuna?" He sneered.
Hari had stumbled into Tsuna, but quickly righted himself. He glanced at the boy, Nanase, suspiciously. "You were going to push me," he stated, bluntly. "What's your problem, idiot?" Nanase's face flared red, and he gritted his teeth.
All Tsuna could feel was a stomach-dropping sense of relief.
"I was just playing, Tachibana," Nanase muttered.
"Go play by yourself," Hari snapped back. Tachibana was a common Japanese last name, and Hari had chosen it simply because it was that.
Nanase only grunted, sending a dark look at Tsuna, before gesturing to his group of friends and they left. Hari glared at their backs, arms folded, mouth pursed in a thin line of displeasure. He shot an appraising look at Tsuna, making Tsuna's face heat up. "What?" Tsuna asked, awkwardly.
"You saved me." Again. "...Thanks. How did you know he was going to do that?"
Because he did it once before.
Tsuna shrugged, wryly, "I didn't. I just had a gut feeling."
Hari eyed him some more, before relenting with a sigh and a crooked smile. "Well, thanks, again. Now let's get home. You waxing poetics about ice cream made me want some." Tsuna let out a startled laugh, and nodded, not hesitating in grabbing Hari's hand and tugging him down the stairs, careful of the steps, careful of the spot where Hari had lain. He didn't let go of Hari's hand until they arrived home.
He couldn't let go.
-0-0-0-
It happened again and again, seemingly more times as they grew older. It would happen by getting struck by a truck, where Tsuna found out that it didn't fit the plan if he took the blow for Hari and died in his place. It happened when they were walking to the movies, and someone's air conditioner somehow fell from their apartment window and right onto Hari. It happened when Hari was accidentally pushed into the river and drowned. It happened when Hari was shot, again, and that same person from before was there, demanding that he'd do something instead of just sitting there, waiting for time to reset, and had a tonfa pressed dangerously into his windpipe.
It happened.
It kept happening.
It just wouldn't stop-
Tsuna wanted it to stop.
-0-0-0-
Hari woke up Tsuna from a nightmare, again. Tsuna clung onto Hari, breathing raggedly through his teeth and shivering. His face felt wet and sticky, and he knew that he must have looked pathetic, pale and shivering, tear-stained face. Hari didn't say anything, only petting his hair and cooing soft nonsense words, as Tsuna clung onto him desperately.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Tsuna whispered, voice raspy and hoarse. The words scraped along in his throat and mouth, spilling from his mouth in a pathetic garble. "I'm so sorry." He couldn't tell Hari what exactly he was sorry for, because how does one say that? I'm so sorry that I let you die so many times. I'm so sorry that I'm not fast enough or strong enough. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Instead, he pressed his nose deeper into Hari's neck, breathing in the scent of apples and sakura petals, trying to calm his beating, and beaten, heart.
"It's okay," Hari's breath was warm as it ghosted over Tsuna's ear. "It's okay. There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm here. It's okay." It was okay because Hari was here. But maybe tomorrow he won't be and Tsuna would have to wait for time to reset again. Or in the next moment, Hari would somehow die, and force Tsuna to relieve this moment over and over again until he found out exactly what was happening and would have to resolve it, even if it's at the cost of his own health. That had happened before, and Hari's worried stricken face was better than his slack and unresponsive one.
"I'm sorry," Tsuna breathed, more calmly. He was silent for a moment, before pulling back and sending Hari a bitter smile. "I keep waking you up with my nightmares. I'm sorry." Hari shook his head, piercing green eyes on him.
"Don't be. I don't mind." Hari insisted. He hesitated slightly, before continuing, "Can you tell me what's wrong? I'll do anything I can to help, I promise." He sounded so pleading that Tsuna's heart ached. Tsuna only shook his head, and couldn't help the self-depreciating smile on his face.
Having Hari know what he was doing to Tsuna would devastate him.
And that's what Death wanted.
Tsuna couldn't allow it.
Hari's face scrunched up, and he look so worried. Even now, in the dim light of his room, he was pretty and beautiful. His features were slimming into delicate aristocratic features, dark hair tousled and charmingly messy on his head. Tsuna only stared at him, mere inches from his face, and was once against taken aback at how much he felt for Hari. Something swelled inside him, warm and fluffy, his stomach contracted at being this close to him, and Tsuna leaned forward, unconsciously.
And kissed him.
It lasted a few blissful seconds before Tsuna realized what he was doing.
He yanked back with a girly scream, slapping a hand over his mouth, and felt like he could die from embarrassment. His face felt hot and he was staring at Hari with wide eyes, embarrassed and ashamed and oh god, I kissed him, oh god, he might hate me, oh god oh godohgodohgod- "I'm sorry!"
Hari's face was flushed red, and he looked bewildered. "It- it's okay," Hari was quick to reassure him. He had trouble keeping his eyes on Tsuna's. "I-..." He looked a bit lost, before glancing away awkwardly and saying softly, "...I didn't dislike it."
Tsuna was going to die.
"I-i'm glad?" Tsuna sounded like an idiot. He wanted to crawl back under his covers and just have his bed swallow him up. But Hari's words made something flutter in his chest, giving him that giddy feeling of flying, and-
"That's all you can say to that?" Hari replied, dryly. The blush was still fading on his cheeks, and he looked endearing, as he shot a bland look at Tsuna. Tsuna only let out an awkward sound, still embarrassed beyond belief and was afraid of saying anything more less he'd really would die from embarrassment. Hari shook his head, amused, "Let's just go back to sleep, right?" Tsuna could only nod, laying back down quickly.
He was surprised when Hari leaned over him, and pressed a quick peck on his lips, close-mouthed and slightly reluctant, before flopping down beside him and smothering his face into Tsuna's bed sheets. Tsuna's heart lurched into his throat, hot and beating, and with how fast blood was rushing to his face, Tsuna thought he might pass out.
"G'night," Tsuna heard Hari mumble into his pillow.
How...cute. Tsuna quickly muttered, "Sweet dreams, Hari."
This was a new development in their relationship, Tsuna understood. It was going to be awkward and embarrassing, but Tsuna felt giddy at the thought of exploring it further with Hari. There was going to be a lot of things they were going to have to toe around in, and things to explore, some good, some bad, but...
Right now, it felt fine with Hari just beside him.
The nightmares didn't stop completely after that, but they did lessen enough for Tsuna to get a good few nights in and stop looking like the walking dead.
It was enough.
-0-0-0-
Hari hadn't died in a while, ever since getting into a relationship with Tsuna. There was a few close calls, but Tsuna's intuition was growing sharper with each experience, and he was getting pretty good at dodging situations where Hari would die in a pretty much trial-and-error type of way.
He still liked to think that someday, he would just wrap Hari up in bubblewrap and lock him in the house. Just to have complete reassurance that nothing was going to happen to him. But Hari didn't like being locked up, or anything remotely coming close to being tied down, so that was out of the question. Tsuna was growing confidence in his instincts, though, but it still would have been nice to know that Hari would be safe with complete assurance.
Just when he was getting used to this, a relationship with Hari and serving Death's punishment with as much patience and sanity he had left, of course something had to happen. It had to, because life and fate didn't like Tsuna, and maybe Hari, and things had to happen.
Something, or rather someone, barged rather rudely into his life and managed to tip the world on it's axis once again.
Someone who greeted with a:
"Ciaossu!"
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What am I going to do with this story?
No one knows, not even I~
Fun.
-mms