Qui-gon: You Gotta Listen To The Man

by The Professor

In 1978 BC a manuscript was discovered in a monk's pajama drawer. This is an excerpt.

Title: Qui-gon: You Gotta Listen To The Man.

Author: The Professor

Section 168: Qui-Gon's Puritan Etiquette for
Raising a Submissive Padawan.

Disclaimer: Nope, The Professor by no means owns
Star Wars or its characters.




1. When first receiving the Padawan, the boy shall go
through a small period where the Jedi master purely observes
his behavior with out altering any of it.

2. Females are unworthy Padawans. Despite the Jedi council's
opinion on the matter, a true follower of the Jedi way
will see them as inferior as you cannot raise your fist
to a lady's fair features.

3. Once observation ends, (usually after a fortnight) the young
padawan's flaws are revealed. Begin molding the young mind by
means of strict and often violent punishment. Forge hospital
records if necessary.

4. Once the young Padawan bends to your wrath, do make sure that
the young being's mind and spirit do not enter a state of autism or
catatonic schizophrenia. If this happens the student
will pull within himself and into an escape fantasy.
The council will begin questioning your methods if this happens.
Ways of avoiding the situation include offering the Padawan a
word of comfort every month or so resurrecting their painful
search for self-worth.

5. Because ruling with an iron fist often inflicts anger in
a student, make sure that the resentment stays within and
does not extend to other padawans and you as a master. Ensure
the padawan feels unworthy and build a strong sense of low
self-esteem. This often humbles the young student to the
mighty power of the force.

6. Never accidentally inflict death on a Padawan. Punishment should
not exceed unconsciousness.

7. When being reviewed by other masters for help in technique,
check first that you achieved a level of God in your student so that
they will not speak ill you. Usually this means they will connect
their pain to self-fault.

8. At the age of 13 a Padawan receives his Bar Mitzvah. At this time
the student no longer needs strict rule because he is a man now. If
he still remains defiant at this age frame him for sodomy and
henceforth his banishment secures.

9. Now that physical punishment no longer presents a need, gain the
reputation as an all-knowing wise man in your student through
words and lecture.

10. Although the student my still fear you inwardly, his respect
grows in the procession that he first felt inferior in fault or
stupidity and now, he will feel as though your intelligence
will forever exceed his.

11. Finally you have created a humble and tortured padawan who
commits his life to good deeds in order to make up for his painful
past. "It must NEVER happen again," he thinks. Ha! You know the
saying: "like master like padawan". Good luck Anakin.

And we wonder why Anakin (that innocent child), transformed into
Darth Vader.