My very first fan fiction story
Special mention to Hcrazy without your amazing story telling ability and words of encouragement I would never have made it here.
Also I'm Australian and with that comes slang words and a whole season behind most of you guys here, we also like to play our episodes over here in any order we see fit. So sorry for any mistakes or words that..you know are Aussie like.
Summary
If he was going to be honest with her he needed to be honest with himself. He would be lying if he didn't admit that despite the events of today he was beyond relief that it had made them both think about the possibility of `them'. DuCaine fic.
After `Going Ballistics' and `Resurrection'.
I don't own them.
Oh how she hated him right now, of all the years they had known each other, all the horrible things they had seen on the job together, ups and downs of family issues talked late into the night with one another….
And Ryan on the job, what all of 2 minutes and he tells him HIM! With something this….huge, major, extremely important!
She shook her head has she got out of the shower and slide the door closed with a little more force then usual. God how she hated him and poor Eric looked like he might brake right there and she had not been much better herself and in front of a lot of people from the department, oh god how stupid she felt right now.
As she dressed in a singlet top and cotton shorts flicking her wet hair out of they way she caught the mirror in front of her and looked at herself. The angry crease and tightness of her mouth slowly loosened and sadness sank in.
She had always had this crush on him not long after they meet and for years they had flirted in private and discreetly checked each other out if one or the other was wearing something in particular the other found…arousing, but they had also dated in that time, other people that was and he had even married Marisol. She figured that no matter what she would always have this tingle feeling when they where alone in the field, driving to a scene together, parties and what not but they would never of course be anything, just having fun and she was fine with that(she thought) had expected it even. She put it down to hours and hours spent working together and years and years of knowing each other.
This though had reminder her that it was all good and well to think like this now but for half a day he had been gone forever and she had a bunch of `what if's'' swimming in her head. How stupid!!
On the other hand a friendship no matter how strong had a big chance of never recovering from a "I like you, I really like you a lot, I have feelings for you' conversation. When one person felt that way and another didn't how could it go anywhere but all down hill. She had always thought it was better to have him in her life has her best friend and work colleague and see him everyday. Compared to him either not have those feelings at all, to him having feelings but it not working between them and the next thing you know there passing each other in hallways with nothing more then a casual `hi'. They worked day in day out together that just would not do.
Still she had always felt that she had never been afraid to give something ago. Plus she had known him for years now and the feelings never went away so the chances of her feeling anything less then happy in a relationship with him were unlikely and she hoped it would be the same for him. Of course though he was not the easiest person to get to open up about how he was feeling and she wasn't sure if she could live with being with someone like that forever.
She shook her head and walked out of the bathroom she was over analyzing it again, this was not a crime scene it was her life!, she owed it to herself to be happy. To find out in real life not in her head if he was the one. She had her mind telling her it was over before it even had a chance to begin; she really needed to loose that inner voice, the negative one.
She looked at the clock in the kitchen and then at the front door, it was late 11 o' clock but she thought he might have come to talk. They had not been very good at talking lately but with the events of the day there was no doubt he would be here to sort it out. He had to have known she would not be happy and for a second she thought maybe he was too scared to come over. This though was Horatio after all, he didn't play games and he was never scared…and there was knocking on her door.
She took her time walking to the door and opens the door even slower. Calleigh leaned her hip against the open door frame and crossed her arms over her chest as her eyes meet his. She new she could be this free with her anger as this was not work, it was her house, he wasn't Lt Caine and they could just be them.
####
It was late but he new nobody was getting any rest until they talked. He new she would still be up they where both night owls. The needed to do this and it had to happen now or else things between them would get more distant…..he new they had both done that.
He walked slowly to her door both hands in his pant pockets. He followed the path to her building and keyed in the code. Opened the door and made his way to the lift pressing her floor. He walked to the back wall and rested against it and let his head bang against the wall to.
What a day! He had been in the police force all his adult life and had to do some pretty extreme things. Faking your own death took its toll on anyone and all friends and loved ones included. He should know he was on the other end of those feelings when Raymond had done the same thing.
The doors opened and he shook his head and walked out and to her door. If he was going to be honest with her he needed to be honest with himself. He would be lying if he didn't admit that despite the events of today he felt beyond relived that what he done had not only achieved it's original purpose but might make them get to where he hoped they would after tonight. It was going to take time though, if she felt the same way he did. So time he was going to give it he owed it to himself now to find out how she felt.
He was not 20 any more, in fact he had a son now. He needed to live his life so he could show Kyle that if you loved someone you had to tell them and not be afraid.
Depending on how this went tonight he might have to show his son that if that person does not love you back, you need to learn to live with that. Learn how to keep them in your life because the thought of seeing her ….he needed to stop going down that path.
Exhaling a long drawn out breath, he knocked on the door.
"Hey," he said looking down at his hands. "I um, know it's late but I had to sort things out between Eric and Ryan first."
"Hey," she replied with an understanding nod, stepping aside and, just like that her anger once again faded but not her thoughts.
"Please come in."
This was Horatio of course he would have a good reason. Has for the boys things had never been all that smooth between them and the fact that Ryan had helped Horatio with something so important has his life would send Eric into self doubt. He looked up to Horatio . He would fix it though that's what he did.
Them, they would fix together.
Calleigh opened the door as Horatio smoothly walked past her and into her home. She closed her eyes briefly as the scent of his cologne assaulted her senses. You wouldn't know the kind of day he had, even at 11pm he stilled looked pressed and clean. He had taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves which was rare in it's self. A few buttons undone at the neck as always and his gun, badge and id at his waist. He looked tired though, in the eyes.
She walked a few steps into the open lounge area towards were he stood and met him in the middle of the room.
Horatio slowly looked around her apartment and finally met her curious gaze but not for long.
"I was hoping we could talk," he said in a low tone.
Calleigh managed a weak smile and nodded welcoming it. It had been too long. The distant between them had taken a toll on their relationship.
"Sit down," she offered, watching him carefully.
"I think, I'll stand," he replied with a half smile.
Silence grew as Horatio contemplated his next words. He cleared his throat and straitened his gun while the other hand rested on his hip. She walked past him towards her couch and his head followed her retreating figure. He hoped he could fix this.
Calleigh sat patiently, waiting, hoping beyond hope, that he would just say something that made sense. Something to connect them, something to rekindle the closeness and affection they once had. She silently wished for things to be as they once were. This little `stunt' he had pulled today might actually help them.
"I'm sorry," he barely whispered, with furrowing bows looking at the floor.
"I'm such a hypocrite. I was so mad at Raymond when I found out he was alive. I was angry at him for putting Yelina and Ray Jr. through hell. They were punished for what he did… and I'm here now ready to tell you all the reasons why, I did what I did, to try and justify it." he shook his head and tightened his jaw he hadn't looked her in the eyes yet.
Calleigh's heart skipped a beat. That sounded like the old Horatio she once knew, and she would do anything to get him back. She responded the only way she knew how, with love and understanding.
"Horatio, you went through that too you know… not just them, and by the way, Ray did it for the wrong reasons. He did it to get himself out of trouble for breaking the law. How can you ever compare? You did it to protect us Horatio. All of us! You did it so your son could live, so you could see him grow up. You came back here as soon as it was all over, and knowing you, you planned for it to be over quickly. Not days, weeks, months or years, with us thinking you were gone forever."
His brows arched. "I came over to apologize and here you are defending me." He looked her in the eyes, god they were beautiful, one of her best features.
Calleigh gave him a thousand watt smile. "Hours ago I was expecting that apology but now it's different. If you didn't do it, all this today could have been real."
Horatio saw a slight shudder pass through her.
"Thank you Calleigh," he sighed, feeling his exhaustion take its toll. It had all been too much and he was after all just human.
"Anytime" she smiled and walked towards him. She took him by the hand first contact they had had in forever but she was feeling bold and comfortable. She led him to the couch, where he sat down with a tired groan.
"Anytime" she repeated. " Though not totally off the hook" she nudged him with her arm softly and offered an invitation for him to talk.
He exhaled heavily staring at her. "I am sorry… for everything today". He sensed something was still unsettled with her, of course it was.
"You did what you had to do….but Ryan? I mean you know I love Ryan but….why not have me help you? Also Caldwell! You had Caldwell in on this as well…and Yelina helped".
When she said it out loud she new that was the question that bugged her deeply. Did he not trust her has much has she thought? The Yelina part killed her more then she would admit.
"You are to close… we are too close it had to come from someone else. Eric is my brother in-law and your …you…" He didn't know how to define her anymore; she was his best friend but so much more.
She nodded her head and gave him an understanding smile that didn't convince him and has if reading her mind he said "I do trust you more then anyone you know".
He had to be bare his soul he kept reminding himself, this was Calleigh. If he wanted to make changes he was going to have to stop being so closed off and him all the time!
He was being very free with her right now and it had been so long. She new Horatio unlike most men had no problem expressing feelings. Everyday with victims or children Horatio was there for them. When it came to personal things though (his feelings) he needed a little push she felt.
It was like he never wanted to put his needs before others.
She had no idea what to say to that though, he'd caught her off guard.
Horatio had received understanding from her that he didn't think he would get so quickly.
He had thought she might be a little more pissed then this. After all he had seen her face before she left CSI and it was one of anger. Now he just saw hurt and doubt and he had put it there.
He turned a little sideways so his body was facing hers. He rested his left arm along the back of the couch. Calleigh took a deep breath as she watched him turn towards her. Horatio took a deep breath as well, they both new it was about to get personal. After all these years Horatio was going to steer them into new territory.
His voice had softened almost to a whisper "It's been awhile since we..talked and there is plenty to talk about I know."
He stopped and cleared his throat and was looking at a practically interesting spot on the couch in between them.
"I put some distance been us, and I wanted to explain…" ok this was not the Horatio she was used to, she had him tongue tied.
Calleigh moved on the couch and mirrored his position. Horatio was sure she had done that to put him at ease. It didn't help though now instead of looking down at the couch he was looking at her legs and how her shorts had ridden up to reveal her tanned thighs.
"Horatio you still with me" her voice broke his thought.
"Yeah!" his head shot up fast to look her in the eyes. He was having a flash back to 17 again asking Elizabeth Lorenzo to a movie.
"The thing is I wanted to talk about you and me and how I feel about you and..."
Calleigh looked at him thinking, God this is ridicules she couldn't take it anymore. Before she new it she had one hand on the side of his face and her lips on his. He felt good, his lips were warm and soft and he smelt of Armani. How many times had she thought about this moment. All the doubt about his level of feelings for her was lost somewhere.
He felt shocked and relived, she had bewildered him again. Her lips were perfect and he could smell coconut from her wet hair. Without thinking he placed his left hand on her thigh and felt the heat from her body. His fingers where skimming the edge of her shorts and their lips where still joined, this was perfect and terrifying all at once.
He felt the slight tip of her tongue in his mouth and then his phone rang making them both jump apart there faces still close together.
"Answer it" she whispered. "It could be important"
She could see he was torn.
"Horatio its fine, you have to answer it"
He chuckled softly and gave her a one sided smile, she frowned at him. He softly palmed her check in his hand and said in his husky voice.
"I assure you we will get around to talking ok." She smiled and covered his hand with hers and laced their fingers together.
"I know "and this time he was the one to kiss her with a chaste yet soft kiss on the lips.
She watched as he stood and paced slowly while talking on the phone. He didn't appear stressed but he casually ran his fingers through his hair and she loved the way it stood up a little. God she loved this man and every little thing about him. She watched him hang up and turn to her.
He looked at her sitting on the couch, her hair still damp. He new he had to leave now or else he'd start kissing her again. There would be plenty of time for that but she deserved talking, dinner and dates. He was looking forward to it. He guessed he was a little old fashion but he preferred the term gentleman. Though he new with her it was going to be easier said then done, he'd had a taste.
"That was just the Captain, checking in". He slid his phone back in his pocket and walked slowly back to the couch in front of her. He held his hand out to her and when she put her hand in his he pulled her up gently off the couch. There bodies close together; he could feel her warm breath on his chest.
"So I should get going it's been a long day and it's late, you need to get some rest."
He ran his hands down the length of her arms and laced his fingers with hers. He couldn't stop touching her, and he didn't want to either.
"Me?" Always thinking of another she thought.
"You really need to get some sleep tonight hmm, come on I'll even walk you to the door". She had to pull away from him before she pushed him on the couch.
"I better not see you in the lab before me tomorrow either or I'm giving Alexx a call" she joked has she opened the door.
"Sure."
"I'm not kidding!"
"I know" he chuckled. They were joking again; it felt good almost like their old banter.
With time things would go back to how they were, even better this time.
Let me know what you think? More chapters to come.