A/N: Hey this is my first fanfiction! It's not great but I think it's ok. Please review and let me know what you think, and maybe what you want to see in coming chapters. Thank you!
It didn't start off as much. It was just a slip up - she was mad that she had missed her homework assignment deadline. Her therapist had told her many times that it was normal to make mistakes, and not to worry - everyone made mistakes. So she didn't worry, but she also didn't tell Beca. She didn't want her girlfriend to fuss. Besides, she didn't have any reason to - it was just a mistake.
The next day, however, brought with it another 'mistake' - this time she had been cross at herself for forgetting Bellas rehearsal. Again, she thought nothing of it. Well, a little more than nothing - she debated on calling her therapist Louise, but in the end decided that it would be ok. It was just a mistake.
The third day it happened - because some bitch in her physics class made a homophobic comment - doubt filled her mind. Three times. Who makes a mistake three times? She didn't want to go back there again, where it wasn't just mistakes, but it was her life. Trying to put the doubt out of her mind, she did it again. Why? She couldn't tell you any reason why, by that time she was too scared to admit it. Four times in three days, after being clean for six weeks. That wouldn't sit well with Beca.
It was the sixth day when Beca noticed a change in her girlfriend. She was wearing long sleeved tops again, and Chloe had worn short sleeves with pride for the six weeks she had been clean. She was also more distant, and had declined Beca's several offers to watch a movie (despite knowing of the younger girl's pure hatred for them, and how it was such a rare offer) and said she wanted an early night. Beca was uncertain whether to bring it up, not wanting to upset her girlfriend after making such an amazing recovery. So, she turned to Aubrey.
"Long sleeves again, Bree, and she's been really distant. I don't know whether to ask her or not." Beca told her friend anxiously over the phone, feeling herself on the verge of tears. Aubrey fell into a thoughtful silence for a few moments.
"Ask her, Beca." She said eventually. "If she is cutting again, it has to be stopped before it gets out of hand… Again."
So she did. Friday evening - the seventh day of Chloe's 'mistakes' - found the two girls cuddled up on the sofa, Chloe's head resting on Beca's stomach, watching a 'Friends' marathon. Chloe wasn't watching, she was too focused on relishing in the sting from the fresh cuts under her Barden University sweater, sliced into her wrists just an hour ago, a few minutes before Beca came home.
Beca could sense her girlfriend's stress and worry, so she paused the show. It took Chloe a few moments to realise, and then she looked up at Beca. "What's up?" She asked Beca quietly.
Beca sighed, sitting up. "I wanted to ask you the same question." She told Chloe.
Chloe froze. What? Had Beca somehow… Noticed her cuts? No… She'd been too careful.
Beca reached out and placed a gentle hand on her girlfriend's shoulder, making her flinch under the touch. "Baby, you've been a little checked out recently. What's on your mind?"
Chloe shook her head quickly, forcing a smile onto her face. "Nothing! I'm fine!" She assured Beca a little too eagerly.
Beca raised an eyebrow. "Would you mind taking your sweater off for me then?" She asked. Fear immediately flashed across Chloe's face.
"No, Beca…" She whispered fearfully.
Beca was filled with dread as her suspicions were confirmed. "Chlo, baby, have you… Have you been cutting again?" She asked carefully.
Chloe shook her head, in a last weak attempt to save herself. "No." She whimpered, her voice panicked.
"Take your sweater off then." Beca told her firmly.
Chloe's eyes sparkled with tears. "Beca, don't please…" She begged.
"Why not, Chloe? If you haven't been cutting then you won't have a problem with taking your sweater off!" Beca told her firmly.
"No." Chloe told her, the anger obvious. "Leave me alone."
"No, Chloe. If you haven't been cutting then take your sweater off and prove it to me." Beca told her.
Chloe suddenly stood up, her fists clenched. "Just fuck off, it's none of your business!" She yelled, and she ran into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it.
Beca felt dread wash over her. Chloe was in the bathroom… With both of their razors. Fuck.
She ran over to the door. "Chlo, baby, I'm sorry. It's ok, just come out and we can talk." Beca called out gently.
"Leave me alone, Beca, I don't want to talk to you." Chloe answered. Beca felt a pang of hurt, but pushed it away. Chloe's safety was more important.
She bit her lip. "Sweetie, have you got your razor in there with you?" She asked cautiously.
There was no answer.
"Chlo?"
"FUCK OFF, BECA!" She yelled, and it was obvious that she was crying.
Beca grabbed her phone from the sideboard and dialled Aubrey's number. "Aubrey, please come quickly." She whispered into the phone.
"Why? What's the matter?" Aubrey asked quickly.
"It's Chloe. She's angry. She shut herself in the bathroom and both of our razors are in there." Beca whispered.
"I'm five minutes away." Aubrey told her and hung up.
Three and a half minutes later, Aubrey was unlocking the door and rushed inside. She ran straight to the bathroom and knocked on the door lightly. "Go away Beca!" Chloe yelled.
Aubrey took a deep breath. "Chlo, it's me."
Chloe paused. "Aubrey?"
"Yeah, sweetie. Can I come in?" She asked gently.
"And you're not here to yell at me?" Chloe asked timidly.
"No honey."
There were soft footsteps, and then the bolt slid over and Chloe quickly pulled Aubrey in, shutting the door. Beca felt hurt that Chloe hadn't wanted to let her in, but she knew she'd angered her girlfriend and shouldn't be surprised.
"Hey, Chlo, sweetie, are you ok?" Aubrey asked the redhead gently, until she caught sight of the blood covered razor on the sink. Her jaw dropped. "Chloe…"
Chloe stepped backwards, a tear falling down her face, and leant against the wall. She was clutching her right wrist as she focused on the floor intently, not looking Aubrey in the eye.
"Chloe, let me see." Aubrey told her gently.
"You told me you weren't here to yell at me." Chloe whispered to her, her eyes wide.
"I'm not yelling at you, sweetie. I just want to make sure you're ok." Aubrey told her gently.
"Please leave." Chloe whimpered.
"I'm not leaving, honey. Now let me see." Aubrey told her calmly.
Chloe let out a ragged breath. "Bree, they told me to do it." Chloe whispered. Aubrey's eyes widened.
"What do you mean, honey? Who told you to do it?" She asked, slowly approaching Chloe.
Chloe began to tremble. "Th-they did Bree. I-I'm n-not crazy." She whispered. Aubrey felt her heart speeding up. Delusions? "Th-they told m-me I am w-worthless a-a-and B-Beca doesn't r-really l-love me."
"Of course she loves you, sweetie. Don't panic. It's ok." Aubrey told her softly. "Can you look at me, Chloe, sweetie? Look at me."
Chloe couldn't look her in the eye, flinching away whenever she came close to it. Unable to make eye contact - negative symptoms?
"I'm going to let Beca in now. Is that ok?"
Chloe looked scared. "Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me." She pleaded quietly.
Aubrey began to panic. What was happening to her best friend? "I'm not going to hurt you, sweetie. I would never hurt you, ok?" She told Chloe, sounding much calmer than she actually was.
Chloe nodded uncertainly, and slid down the wall so she was sat down, hugging her knees to her chest tightly, still trembling and crying. Aubrey opened the door and peered out.
"Beca, come in, but stay calm. She's really upset." Aubrey told the brunette quietly.
Beca made her way inside the small bathroom, panic rising inside her at the sight of her girlfriend. "Chlo, baby, are you ok?" She asked Chloe gently, moving closer to her.
Chloe shrunk away. "D-don't hurt me. P-please d-d-don't come n-near me." She whispered fearfully.
Beca was shocked and scared. What was happening to Chloe? "It's me, Beca. I'm not gonna hurt you baby. I would never hurt you." She told Chloe gently.
"P-please don't c-come n-near me." She cried, her voice getting more frantic, screaming and crying out.
"Bree?" Beca asked uncertainly. "Should we call 911?"
Aubrey hesitated. Wasn't it better to be safe than sorry? "Yeah. You call I'll keep her calm." She suggested. Beca agreed and rushed off quickly to grab her cellphone. She moved closer to Chloe, who was muttering incoherent words to herself, her head down. Disorganised speech? "Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?" She asked, her voice trembling.
Chloe looked up in fear. "I'm scared Bree," she whispered. "They won't shut up. I can't think Bree."
"What are they saying, Chlo?" Aubrey asked carefully.
"Beca doesn't love me. I'm not worth it. I should die. I'm a burden. Everyone just wants to hurt me." Chloe told Aubrey quietly.
Aubrey reached out and put a hand on Chloe's shoulder. Chloe screamed and whacked her arm away. "D-don't touch m-me! St-stay away. Please!" She screamed.
The next ten minutes waiting for the ambulance to come were the longest minutes of Aubrey and Beca's life, having to listen to Chloe screaming and crying and not being able to do anything. When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics slowly approached Chloe, and then had to restrain her as she attempted to hit, kick punch them away, screaming and crying. It broke Beca's heart, and she found herself crying too, Aubrey holding her tightly.
"We'll follow behind. You won't do much use in the ambulance with her, Becs." Aubrey told her gently. Beca agreed and they were soon at the hospital, sat in the waiting room - waiting.
"She was much better, Bree. She was almost back to normal. Clean for six weeks… But now she's gone back. It wasn't even like this before. It wasn't this bad." Beca told Aubrey quietly, her eyes fixed on the door of the consulting room Chloe was behind.
Aubrey bit her lip, uncertain how to comfort the girl. "Beca…" Just as she began, the door swung open, and a doctor stood there, concern etched on his face.
"Miss Chloe Beale?"