Disclaimers- hmm, well, there's the obvious that I don't own these characters. This is slash. Adult content is forthcoming. You know the drill.

I've had this on my hard drive since last Christmas, and I decided to stick with that for the timeline (that way we get to see their first time). Some of what happened with Brian on the show didn't for this story.

There isn't a crossover in this story per se, but you might see some things that make you go, 'hey, isn't that?'

Till You're In My Arms Again

Part One - Separated

Noah Mayer wasn't entirely sure that moving back to the farm was a good idea. After the disaster that was the election fiasco, Noah and Luke were in such a bad state that he'd moved out. Despite the fact that he had decided months ago that he wasn't going to run away anymore, it didn't feel right to continue to impose on Luke's family. Of course, that was his current concern; it still felt like he was imposing. Although he and Luke were back together again, it still felt more like Luke's home than his (this despite the fact that Luke was still going to be living with his parents). He wondered briefly if he'd end up having to move again the next time he and Luke were having problems, but shook the thought off as defeatist. The last thing he needed was to get bogged down again in his insecurities.

He just wished that he knew for sure that he and Luke were going to make it.

Noah had picked a day when everyone else was busy away from the farm to move back in, saving himself the embarrassment of being welcomed back by one and all. So it was surprising that as he went up the stairs, he could hear sounds coming from the second floor. Since the only person that knew he was going to be moving back that day was Luke, Noah dropped what he was bringing in and climbed the narrow staircase upstairs. What initially sounded like some kind of rattle resolved itself into the sound of bedsprings creaking. Coming from Luke's old room. Remembering the time he and Luke had once jumped on Noah's bed, Noah opened the door with a smile. He just hoped that it was a playful Luke, and not another family member who had decided to take advantage of the vacant space.

The smile fell off of Noah's face, as he tried to rationalize the image in front of him.

It wasn't possible.

Brian Wheatley had left town after Lucinda realized he wasn't into her. While she'd never learned the truth about Brian coming on to Luke, Noah thought that maybe she suspected more than she'd let on. The last time he and Luke had seen Brian, they'd all agreed that it was a narrow escape. That Brian (and Brian's secret, though both he and Luke thought keeping it a mistake) would be a lot safer on the other side of the country. It made no sense for him to be back.

Or to be openly gay.

Or to be fucking Luke right in front of him.

Brian had backed off of Luke, startled, the second he'd heard the creaking of Luke's door hinges. He then did something else that Noah could add to the list of things that he couldn't process. Brian looked at him, more puzzled than anything else, and asked him, "Who are you?"

Luke turned to Brian, surprisingly irritated for being caught by his boyfriend in bed with his grandmother's ex. Weren't people supposed to feel guilty when they cheated? But apparently Luke didn't think he'd done anything wrong. He glared at Noah as if NOAH was the one intruding. And maybe he was, because Luke seethed, "Brian, this is my ex, Noah."

Noah was stunned by the vehemence in Luke's reaction as much as his words. Noah knew he had to do something, say something to get Luke to explain why they were suddenly over. But there was just too much that wasn't making sense, and his mind was moving like cold molasses. Not to mention the heavy smell of sex in the room was making his heart and stomach lurch. Despite how much being with Luke had changed him, how he'd tried to be as brave as Luke was, in that moment he reacted the way he always had before he came out.

He ran.

Luke entered his parents' family room, desperately trying to find Noah. He'd skipped out early on the Foundation business he'd had that morning to help Noah move in, only to find Noah's belongings, Noah's truck, but no Noah. Noah's cell phone was inexplicably 'not in service', and no one had seen him since yesterday. That wasn't like Noah, at all, and made Luke worry that something had happened to him. Luke briefly wondered if Lucinda could hurry the police into putting out a missing persons report, when he heard a rattling noise coming from the living room.

Luke nose twitched as it often did when he entered the over-scented living room. He'd half expected to see Ethan, but Noah was there instead, and Luke ran to embrace him. As soon as he did, Luke knew something was wrong. Noah stood in Luke's arms like a dead stick, the look on his face sheer discomfort at them being so close.

"What's wrong?" Luke asked, as he reluctantly broke off.

"I think you know what's wrong," Noah told him. He was shaking, which even after all this time was a weakness Noah only let Luke see on VERY serious occasions. If Luke wasn't sure that Noah's father was dead, he'd guess that they only had a few minutes to live.

Luke thought back over the last couple of days, trying to think of what could have set Noah off like this. And came up blank. "Noah, you know that whatever happens, we can get through it as long as we're together."

"I used to think that," Noah admitted, looking even more pained. "But we have to face facts. This little love affair of ours was doomed from the beginning."

Luke was shocked. He was absolutely sure that nothing either of them had done over the last few days had warranted them breaking up forever. Not even their previous break-ups had been so bad as to cause Noah to doubt their entire relationship. He couldn't think of anything that could be so bad.

Unless Noah felt horribly guilty about something. Something that triggered all that paranoia that he tried so hard to keep buried. Had he cheated? Was he in love with someone else? Luke couldn't imagine either possibility. A nasty part of Luke's mind, part that he didn't like acknowledging the existence of, wondered if Noah was feeling guilty about Maddie.

Which was stupid, unless Maddie had returned unexpectedly. Which she hadn't. She left town almost immediately after she'd walked out on Noah. Luke's mind briefly flirted with his occasionally recurring nightmare that Maddie had come back with Noah's child.

And you can stop that line of thought right now, Luke Snyder, he told himself. One, you saw Maddie last Christmas and she was clearly not pregnant. Two, you're letting your insecurities run away with you.

Three, Noah is right in front of you. Why not ask HIM what's bothering him. "Noah--"

Noah winced. "I'd rather you didn't use my given name right now. I can't bear it. Not on today of all days."

Luke stepped towards Noah and was stunned to find Noah stepping back. Okay, now Noah had moved from inexplicably upset, to crazy upset. Luke stepped forward again, though this time it was with greater caution. Noah didn't move that time, and Luke moved forward again, getting almost within physical contact before deciding that was as far as he should push his luck for now. "What's going on? I don't understand why you're so upset."

Noah stared at him like Luke was stupid or crazy. It was not a pleasant reaction. "You don't understand?" he repeated. "What do you mean you don't understand?"

"I get that you're scared," Luke told him, soothingly. There was still the matter of WHY, but then he was hoping once Noah was calmed down, he'd get to that. "But Noah. Don't you know by now that no matter what happens, we're us. Nothing is going to change that. Nothing CAN change that."

"I really wish I could believe that." But Noah was, thankfully, listening for now. And looking less panicked by the second.

Luke just hoped that he could keep it going. "I love you. And you love me. Right?" Although given how fatalistic Noah was right now, Luke wasn't sure he wanted to hear Noah's response. It wasn't going to be much fun if Noah started denying his feelings again.

Noah was still that much Noah, though. Even if Luke did miss the brief flash of surprise on Noah's face. "I- I do love you," he insisted. "Can we really do this?"

Luke shivered, uncomfortable. If Noah was starting to calm down, why were Luke's nerves still raw. This still felt wrong. Noah felt wrong. Luke didn't know how to fix it. Or how to take that sad haunted look from Noah's face. So he did what he often did when he was confused and shaken. He kissed Noah.

It wasn't anything like it had been up to this point. Noah was almost frantic in his response to Luke's kiss. Not really a surprise given where Noah was coming from, but it wasn't making Luke any the less out of sorts.

It did help that Noah was yanking off Luke's tie. Luke hated it, even for Foundation business, and he briefly wondered if it was his physical comfort that was sending his instincts racing. This was his Noah, his baby. Nothing out of the ordinary about that.

He believed that right up until the second that Noah ripped Luke's shirt right off of him. "Whoa. A little public for that, isn't it?"

Noah blushed. "You're right," he murmured, though his voice was low with need. Need, and still a little bit of fear. "Let's go upstairs."

Well, that was unexpected. Not unwanted, obviously. But Luke was surprised that Noah was so suddenly willing to throw caution to the wind. "Really?"

Noah frowned, puzzled for some reason. But the fear and heat in his eyes drowned that out rather quickly. "Luke, I'm so scared. I need you. I need to be with you today so that I'm sure that I can still do this. So that I know that we aren't going to be all over."

"Well, I was kind of hoping that we could enjoy ourselves, too," Luke teased, hoping to inject some levity into Noah. He didn't want their first time together to be completely bogged down in angst.

It worked. Noah smiled, so unexpected that Luke almost didn't recognize it. "You're right. I'm being a fool. But it got you to tell me you love me, so I suppose it wasn't completely a waste." They kissed again, Luke starting to get a better feel for this new, intense Noah.

Luke knew that there was something bothering Noah, some problem that the possibility of sex had pushed into insignificance, but would eventually be back. But they'd waited so long, out of Noah's insecurities, and his own. That the day was finally here, and Noah was initiating it (meaning that Noah had overcome his own insecurities, and saving Luke from his own fear of rejection), made it hard for Luke to say no. Surely they could deal with whatever problems they had just as well after they'd been together as before.

The front door opened. Luke knew that the time had come to duck up the back stairs, up to his room, but whole sections of his brain were shorting out from the intensity of Noah's mouth and hands on him. The decision to pull back was agonizingly slow in coming (damnit, this was exactly the reason why they kept getting interrupted). Luke resigned himself to the inevitable(all the while hoping that once they dealt with whoever it was, that they could get back on track upstairs), but neither he nor Noah was able to focus on the task at hand when they heard a familiar voice call out, "Mayer? What are you doing here? Who is-- Good Lord!"

Luke turned to meet eyes that went from shocked and angry to flabbergasted in a split second on seeing him.

Because Luke found himself staring at … himself.

Noah ended up at Java, more from sense memory than anything else. Noah's legs ached, and he realized that he'd left his truck at the farm. Back where he'd seen--

No. It didn't make any sense. Not only would Luke never sleep with Brian, they both acted like Brian had never met Noah before. What was going on? Maybe it was him. Maybe he had some kind of brain tumor. Those were supposed to cause mental disruption, weren't they? At least he could rule out a stroke; that was definitely the smell of coffee, and not burnt toast all around him.

Now that his mind seemed to have been unstuck, finally, it didn't seem to be able to stop. His head was still whirling when Jeff stepped out from behind the counter and headed to him. "Where have you been? You were supposed to start work fifteen minutes ago." Anyone else might have been angry, but Jeff merely looked concerned. "You didn't run into your ex, did you?"

"Luke?" Noah asked, surprised by a second person using that term in one morning. Okay, that blew away half a dozen of Noah's theories, and substantiated about a dozen more.

"You have another ex?" Jeff asked.

Noah was sure that he was going to grind his teeth into nothing if people didn't stop referring to Luke as his ex. Noah was about to drag Jeff aside and ask him what the hell was going on, when he heard a familiar voice behind him. "Jeff, I'm so sorry I'm late. My truck--"

Noah turned around. Noah was struck momentarily dumb. And Jeff looked in shock from one Noah to another. "Whoa."

Faced with yet another impossibility, Noah's mind was desperately close to shutting down. He clung to rationality, knowing that if he had a mental breakdown right now that he'd likely wake up in an institution. Assuming that he woke up at all. He was dangerously tempted by catatonia, and that didn't even take into account the possibility that his becoming distrustful other self might decide to get violent. It wasn't something he would likely do himself, but he didn't know if this other guy was like him inside, and even if he was, these were extreme circumstances. Noah grasped desperately for a reasonable explanation. When one wasn't forthcoming, he groped for an unlikely answer. By the time he was searching for a crazy theory, he did think of something.

It Happened Here.

One of the few old Science Fiction movies Noah had seen as a child, and the only one that opened him up to the possibility of other realities. If there was a universe where Hitler could win the World War Two, could there be one where Luke had broken up with him and hooked up with Brian? It was definitely crazy, but it was also the only theory he had at the moment. Noah remembered that Jeff wrote fan fiction, and realized that that might be his only hope in getting someone to believe in him.

Once he'd thought that, though, it occurred to him that no one in Oakdale seemed to know who he was. Wherever 'here' was, it certainly wasn't HIS home. His next immediate thought was the realization that he didn't know where 'his' Luke was. Not surprisingly, that scared him more than possibly being lost forever.

Jeff must have been thinking the same things though, because he was looking from one Noah to the other, confused but with determined concentration on his face. He ultimately turned back to Noah (the Noah that was him, not the other Noah who wasn't him and damn, that hurt his head) and noted with surprising, if gratifying calm, "Okay, given that that one knows he was supposed to work today, I'm guessing he's the real Noah. So who the hell are you?" It was also gratifying that again, while someone else would have sounded angry, Jeff was reacting only with concern.

Not that Noah knew how to answer that question. Yesterday, it was an academic question, one best left for philosophers. Now it seemed vitally important, not only for his sanity, but also very possibly his life. "I wish I knew." Luke, where are you? He thought. I need you.

(to be continued)