This is an entry in Haruka's journal directed at Michiru.. Just, kinda describes me at the moment..

Maybe I just can't fully understand what's happening. I know it's mostly my fault. I am the one who left after all. It was kind of a mutual decision. My racing was taking me across the country, your music kept you here. Perhaps it was only for six months, but maybe, just maybe after four years together we needed a break.

I never wanted the break between us, but you said you needed it. You said you needed time to miss me. Funny, you said you wanted time. What you really meant was you wanted someone new. Why couldn't you have just told me that? All you had to do was say there was someone else.

We hadn't even been apart for a week yet. It was barely a week before you became so venomously adamant that we were not together anymore. You said you couldn't bear to hear me say 'I love you' because it didn't feel right. But I still do. I still do love you.

I was so happy to have a week off. I came home to you. Just to see you. You seemed excited to see me, happy to be with me. Until the day before I left. You said you wanted to see her. The woman who replaced me in your heart. Despite the lies she had told you, you still wanted to see her. We had one last day together and you were out with her for five hours. Five hours Michi. You were only supposed to be gone for two. And here I am, sitting alone in our home for that long with a beautiful meal getting cold on the table before me.

You couldn't understand why I was so angry. A real knife plunged into my heart would have felt better than the sting of you physically longing for another person. I couldn't help it. I had to know, but why? Why Michi? Why did you kiss her? You could have said you didn't, but you would never lie to me. And knowing you did kiss her made it that much worse.

Yet, you told me you did still want me. How is that possible? How do you want two people? How can you kiss her and come home to be with me? I don't understand how your heart can embrace more than one person when mine only longs for you.

The long trip home was sullen. I feel a void where you used to fill me. But I'm still here. I'm still waiting for you to say "I need you Ruka. I love you." Will I hear your sweet voice say that again?

We talked every day. Some times for five minutes, some times for hours. I'd call just to say hey and ask how your day was going. You'd call just to chat or tell me something funny. It seemed as if we were getting closer again. And then you said it. You told me you loved me again. I was so relieved. And I repeated it back. You said you were glad. I thought my heart would burst I was so happy that you wanted me back.

But you didn't, did you? It was just comfortable for you to say it. With me, it's only comfort you get. But I never thought you would do this to me. I never thought you would invite her into our home to stay while I was gone.

You asked me not to be angry before you told me. How could I be angry? I feel so numb now. I try and hold the tears back but I can't. I just can't anymore. My hands tremble and my body shakes as pain overcomes me. But I'm not angry at you, Michi. I'm disappointed. I'm so very disappointed in you. And now I'm numb.

All I wanted was your love, my Michiru. It's all I could ask for. Now I see where I stand in your life. I'm on the ground. Broken, trampled, dirt. Why couldn't you just love me back?