A Photo Worth a Thousand Memories

By: DKM

Rating: T+

Pairing: Danny/Lindsay

Spoilers: Season 4

Synopsis: A photo. A secret. Danny Messer's been hiding something for ten years, and when Lindsay Monroe finds out what it is, will she understand? A story of love, loss, and the courage to move forward.

A/N: Finally, a NEW story for you guys to get wrapped up in! Hehe. Again, it's on the angsty side, because I can't seem to stay away from those types of stories. I decided to write this one in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, so that should give you a hint as to what the story might be about. And don't get your panties in a twist, neither Danny nor Lindsay die. Don't shoot me just yet!

Disclaimer: Danny Messer, Lindsay Monroe, and subsequent characters from CSI: NY belong to CBS, but all original characters are my creation, so don't steal them from me without asking! And, as always, I have no intention of making any money off this, so don't send me any threatening letters!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Chapter 1: The Ocean Between Us

Even though I know you're gone
The memory lingers on
I see your footsteps on a sandy beach
The waves have been crashing on
Danger goes where emotion flows
I wish sometimes I'd never known love
It's dangerous the way I can't move on
Lost in emotion

Only an ocean could know
The weight of the world on my shoulders
Thinking of you, my love
I wish I could drown out emotion
Until only the ocean knows

- "Ocean" Darren Hayes

Who knew a photo could bring up ten years worth of repressed memories? Danny Messer was beginning to realize it now as he watched Lindsay Monroe walk out of the lab, and possibly right out of his life. He'd kept that photo in his wallet for the last ten years, eleven if you included the year it was taken, never intending to look at it, never intending to let anyone else see it either, but leaving it as a reminder of someone he once knew and loved deeply.

Banging his head against the door, he went back into his office and sat down in front of his computer. Through the large glass window he could see it had turned a deep shade of blue outside. Twilight was upon him, and he'd already punched out for the night, but he didn't want to leave. Not if it meant going home to an empty apartment. Instead, Danny opened the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out a bottle of whiskey he'd stashed there some time ago. It was supposed to be only for special occasions and the direst of situations. This was the latter.

Next to the bottle he found the old fashioned glasses he'd kept with it and proceeded to pour himself a good shot of the alcohol. He took a large gulp from the glass then set it down on his desk as he stared out the window at the darkening sky, his thoughts wandering back to that day nearly ten years ago when his life changed. The photo was still in the front pocket of his shirt. He pulled it out and stared at it. The young couple stared back at him almost tauntingly, a reminder of better days.

Down the hall, Mac Taylor was making his rounds of the lab, checking up with his crew to make sure they were on top of their cases. He knew Danny and Lindsay were headed home by now, but seeing the light on in their office, he wandered in that direction to find Danny sitting at his desk, the bottle of whiskey and half empty glass beside him, with his back to the door.

"Danny…" Mac said, startling the younger man into attention. He turned to face his boss, a blank expression etched on his face. "Drinking on my time…?"

"I punched out half an hour ago," Danny flatly answered.

"What's the occasion?" Mac asked. The distance in his employee's eyes said it all. He glanced down at Danny's fidgeting hand and saw what appeared to be a small three by two photo in it. Mac remained silent, preferring to let him speak when he felt it was right.

Danny was at a loss for words. How could he tell his boss? Nobody knew about this photo; nobody knew about his secret. There were only two people who could ever give him up, and they had already gone their separate ways. But now he was faced with a real problem: The rush of feelings that had come with the finding of this photo, this small, black and white photo that shouldn't have meant so much to him after all these years.

His encounter with Lindsay replayed in his mind.

"Hey, Danny, you got change for a five?" she asked as she stood at the door while he typed away at his final report of the day. "I'd like to get a pop out of the vending machine while I wait for you to finish."

Danny didn't think twice; he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and threw it in her general direction. "Look and see, I'm not sure," he replied, his eyes never leaving the computer screen. She'd caught him in the middle of a brainstorm so his mind was elsewhere while she searched.

As Lindsay went through the inner pocket, she felt something slip out and fall to the floor at her feet. Looking down, she realized it was a small wallet sized black and white photo of two people she couldn't make out. She kneeled and picked it up to take a closer look at it, figuring it was probably an old photo of his parents. But what she saw as she held it closer to her face was someone strangely familiar. It was definitely Danny wearing a black suit, his arm wrapped around a young woman with dark hair pinned back behind a veil and tiara wearing a white strapless dress. Her hand was on his lapel, showcasing a small diamond ring on her left ring finger. Both wore wide smiles on their faces as they stood at the front steps of the Manhattan Civil Courthouse. Flipping the photo over, she read, "Danny and Amie Messer; October 18th, 1996."

Lindsay's brow furrowed. Who the hell was Amie Messer and why hadn't she heard of her? Was she Danny's cousin or something? Looking closer at the photo, it didn't seem like she was his cousin. They appeared to be a little too close for cousins. She stiffened… "Danny, who's Amie Messer?" Lindsay finally asked, holding up the photo for him to see.

Danny's head immediately whipped in her direction at the mention of the name. His eyes were wide like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi. He stared at his girlfriend, words failing him as he read the puzzled and slightly angry expression on her face. Then he realized what she'd found and the world seemed to turn on its side. "What the hell were you doing snooping around in my wallet?" came his angry accusing reply.

Shock was the first thing that registered on Lindsay's face as she stared back at him. "What?!" she replied in disbelief as she tried to defend herself. "I wasn't snooping! It just fell out!"

Danny stood up and quickly grabbed his wallet and the photo out of her hands before she decided to play "catch me if you can." Lindsay was even more shocked now, the anger slowly coursing through her veins. "I can't believe this…" he muttered as he sat back down in his chair, the photo still concealed in his shirt pocket as he shook his head.

"Can't believe what? It just fell out of your wallet!" Lindsay nearly yelled back. He was stalling, looking for something other than this woman to talk about, and she knew it. Lindsay wasn't about to let it drop. "And stop changing the subject. Who is she?"

Danny's hard stare and the words that followed were enough to make Lindsay turn and walk away, the anger she felt towards her boyfriend hot enough to melt steel. "She's none of your business," he growled. And just like that, she was gone, walking down the hall and leaving him to brood alone.

"Danny?" Mac asked after nearly five minutes of silence.

Danny looked up at him, the blank expression remaining on his face as he stared at his boss. "Sorry, Mac… It's just been one of those days…" He wasn't about to make his problems with Lindsay a public matter, even though he knew he could trust his boss to keep this under the radar of the lab's gossip tongues. His eyes fell back to the photo in his hand, the memories slowly seeping into his mind.

"Problems with Lindsay?" Mac asked, hitting the nail on the head. For a moment, Danny gaped at him, and Mac chuckled. "What'd you do to end up in the doghouse?"

"Something real stupid," Danny answered, glancing at the photo in his hand.

"Something to do with what you're holding?"

Danny's inner struggle continued to rage as he tried desperately to figure out whether or not to tell Mac of his dilemma and his past. It was something he really wanted to do, but a part of him wasn't ready yet, so he merely gave him the photo and let him take it from there. Not much surprise registered on Mac's face when he gazed at what Danny had been holding, and he looked up at the younger man almost sadly.

"I was wondering when you'd finally tell me about this," Mac said as he continued to glance at the photo.

The expression on Danny's face changed from troubled to perplexed. "What… How did you know?"

"It's a matter of public record," Mac merely answered. When Danny continued to stare at him with that confused look, he added, "I stumbled across the marriage license in your personnel file."

"Oh…" There was a long moment of silence between them. Danny took another drink from his glass before realizing he hadn't offered any to his boss. "You want one?" he asked, holding up the whiskey bottle.

"Still on the clock," Mac said. Danny nodded before taking another drink from the glass and setting down on his desk. "You know, I also found the death certificate," Mac continued. Again, Danny nodded, his expression now turning dark as he sighed deeply. "I'm sorry…"

"Yeah, I am too," Danny softly retorted, finishing his drink.

"Have you told Lindsay?"

Danny almost laughed. "What do you think the fight was about?" he replied. Mac just stared at him. "The photo slipped out of my wallet and when she asked me who the woman was, I told her it was none of her business."

Mac sighed and shook his head. Danny immediately felt ashamed of his actions. Mac had always been like a father to him, and just like with his father, he felt the disappointment. With his head hung low and his eyes downcast, Danny knew he was about to get a stern talking to, but what he wasn't expecting was the gentle way Mac did it.

"I know it's hard to bring up the past, especially when it deals with someone you loved and lost," he said. "After Claire, I had trouble bringing it up as well, and it kept me from starting many relationships. And those I did start never went beyond a few months, until I met Peyton." There was a sad smile on Mac's face. By now, everyone in the lab knew Peyton wasn't coming back to New York and that the relationship was over between the two of them. Although it seemed like Mac was bouncing back, Danny could see in moments like these that he really wasn't, much like himself. Pieces of a broken heart were always hard to put back together.

"Peyton was different…" Mac continued. "She pursued me and in the end, I gave in. I wasn't about to let my past dictate my future, and even though I loved Claire, it was time to move on. Sure, Peyton and I fell on hard times, but we always worked things out."

"I don't know if this can be worked out," Danny lowly muttered. That dark hold of despair was slowly closing in on him the longer he sat there and contemplated the situation.

"Everything can be worked out. It just takes time and patience," Mac said as he stood from his seat. He started to make his way back to the hall, but turned around and added, "Talk to Lindsay. Tell her about the girl in the photo. You'd be surprised by just how much she'll understand once she hears the whole story, in your perspective."

Danny looked up at his boss, his expression blank like it had been before, although there was that hint of hope hidden in his sapphire eyes. Mac gave him a warm smile, turned, and left. That was Danny's cue to get the hell out of there and find Lindsay. If he knew her well enough by now, she'd be at home with a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey watching some sappy old black and white movie from her collection.