It wasn't worth it. I hated all that surrounded me. It was in superior. There was no point to waste my selfless life in the shit hole. I was more alone then all around me thought I was. I had no choice to stay in this wretched land. I was just a prisoner, in-between life, and death. Why did I follow these rules? Why did I have to take this pain, I did not long for freedom, or love like humans do. I lived for death, and it friends, doom, and despair.
As I waited for Kurama to get home, I wondered why I sat up in that tree outside his house. Was there really anything that interesting about this old tree, there was no point. Well I really had no choice. As I saw Kurama return, I jumped down. "What do you do all day, fox?" I said sharply. He stared at me. Finally, his words broke the silence. "I was studying for my pre med. Unlike you Hiei, I have much work to do." He said it as if he, Suichi, were smarter then I. Fool, I thought. "Hn, at least I know what to do with my time then spend it with my nose buried in a book." I said with a smirk.
We walked into the house. His mother was working busily in the kitchen. I walked behind him to his room. It was smaller then Hiei remembered. "Fox, wasn't there a wall here?" I said. "Yes, but we blew it, and made one here, it was in the way of the computer, see." He pointed to the computer. "I'm not blind fox." I replied, with a smile. As he turned, he knocked over a vase, with a rose in it. An image entered my head. He pictured a rose falling to the ground. As he plummeted to his doom, and hit the ground, looking up at Makai. "Fox..." Hiei said quietly. His hand began to bleed. "Fox, I have to go now." And with that, I was gone.
Nothing ever stopped these thought and the paint attached to them. I wondered why this was all happening to me. It's that nothing I could do would distracted me when, I remembered how I shot myself in the back again. I never let me in peace. Every time something happened from my past, I re lived it. Not only the sounds, and people, but the pain, so much pain. As I looked down at my bleeding hand, I made the biggest decision of my life... I looked at the sky, and saw the blood color in my mind. Another image came to me. It was a child, a small one, and not much older then 6. I had taken the life of his mother, and he wanted me to take his, just to see her again. Just like me, the same with my mother. But I was too cruel. I wouldn't kill him. I knew him now. He tried to kill me. But I have learned. Just because you take the life of someone, will not give you the life of your loved one.
"Ouch!" Someone said. I had walked into that person as I was staring at the ground. "Geese! Are you blind you idiot!?" The man yelled. "I walked by him. Refraining from breaking his teeth. I was busy. It was beginning to get dark. My hand had been bleeding for at least an hour. Finally, it ended, I sighed in relief. As I looked around, I knew I had to tell the others. Painfully I walked back to Kurama's home. I let myself into his room, where there he was working on his computer. "Fox..." I muttered. Kurama turned toward me. He stared for a moment; his eyes were wide and suspicious. "Hiei, are you, okay?" "N-no, I'm, I'm not. I think I should get... wh-what I want to say is..." My voice trailed off. I was too stunned to speak. "Hiei...If you want to stay the night to rest you may..." Kurama said to me. "No fox, I mean I'm, I'm leaving." I said. The words painfully rolled out of my mouth. I turned, and left the small house. I would leave it for Kurama to tell Yuske, and Kuabara. I would loose my stomach if I tried. As I walked slowly down the streets, I didn't really know where I was going. I was going to go. But I could not stay. There was too much peace here. Too much, "Joy" as humans called it.
I wandered slowly down the streets. My eyes were closed as I walked. I was almost to Spirit World. I didn't want to tell Koenma. He wouldn't wan to hear it. I would no longer settle for this mediocre crap they made me put up with. I was sick and tired of all of this, these orders and all. A tear rolled down my cheek. I don't know why, but I look back know, and don't understand why I dropped down and began to cry. I had blood in my tears. The dripped forlornly down my face and on to my hands. I stood, still slightly crying. As I opened the doors to Spirit World, many demons scurried around me, talking to me, asking me why I was here. I did not answer them. They needed no answer, because they all knew. I opened the doors to Koenma's Office. "H-Hiei!!!" Koenma screeched. "You fool... I came for a reason other than to kill you." I said. "What do you want Hiei." "To leave, I am so sick of this pathetic world. So, I thought I would tell you. I knew if I did not you would send people after, and thought I ran away from all of this." I said, smiling in my mind.