Blackbird
Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly
I watched the sunrise. Every morning I did this. Sometimes it seemed like it would never come. It took hours just to pull its heavy self out of the ground and shine for the world to see. I was still waiting my turn to do this. I laid back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
I couldn't do this anymore, I decided. I can't just try and pray that the day comes to a close. I needed someone. But no one seemed to need me. My eyes began to well up with tears. Just five minutes, I told myself. Five minutes a day you can cry, after that, deal with it. But I couldn't deal with it, I couldn't deal with the fact that the very reason for my existence was gone. It hurt. I sat back up and sobbed. Then I forced myself to stop, and stand up. I sniffed and opened my closet and laid out my clothes for today. Very slowly, I walked to the bathroom, and took a shower. I got dressed, and got in the car and drove to school.
I couldn't face anyone. I kept my head down at all times. Stared at my feet. In class, I didn't do anything. I stared out the windows. Daydreamed about nothing. I never cried at school, even though everything reminded me of them, of him. Everything was an obstacle each day, and I was surprised at myself that I kept composure during class. No one spoke to me. Nor did I to them. I sat by myself at lunch. Nothing on my tray. Except maybe a water. I was a mess. But I wouldn't accept that plain fact. They were gone. He didn't want me. They were never coming back. They were moving on in life, moving on to better things. Something I was incapable of. I was greedy. I couldn't accept what I already had. I needed more. I needed him. I needed them. I was nothing without them. To face each day without the welcoming pale faces of the Cullens was a greater pain then I ever imagined. It's like, they ripped out a piece of me, and forgot about it. I wasn't used to being alone.
I was lost in my thoughts everyday, and I walked to my truck. Got in, and drove home. I walked into the kitchen and did my homework. I guessed most of the answers, too tired to look in the textbook for some sort of guideline, a reference. I made some food for Charlie. None for me. I walked into my room and laid on my bed. Trying to maybe catch up on my restless nights. I closed my eyes. Then I saw his face. I opened them and didn't close them. I just laid there. I tried to forget about them, but you can't forget about something when you think about that something every second of the day.
I heard the door open a little while later, and heavy footstep echo through the house. Charlie was home. And I couldn't even bear to face him. I was still laying in my bed, with the exact position I was before. My chest hurt, and it took me a minute to realize I wasn't breathing. I gasped for air, but even that hurt. Everything hurt.
---
I awoke in a cold sweat. The sun was up, and I watched it like I did every morning. Maybe today would be different I hoped, maybe with the rising of the sun, I would rise out of the grave I dug myself into. Thats when the tears came, and I knew, I would never be the same.