Bleeding Love
"Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain"
During high school, I had my fair share of heartbreak, most of it coming from the same one person. My first love, someone who I thought would be around forever, that would love me unconditionally, accepting my faults and loving me regardless of them. Someone that ultimately left me devastated, that crushed my hopes and dreams, shattered my illusion of what love was. They left me broken, scared to ever feel that way again, to open up to someone and share myself with them completely.
"Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain"
After the pain, the heartbreak, that they put me through, I returned to my old ways. I became a mere shadow of the person that I knew I could be, a ghost of the person that I aspired to become. I ached for someone to love me, to finally return the feelings that I held for them with equal intensity. I wanted someone to restore my faith in love, to show me that I was better than the meaningless relationships I settled for, the half-hearted gestures and hollow words of affection.
"Time starts to pass, before you know it you're frozen"
For a long time, I felt as though I was asking for too much. That true love was a myth, a privilege for those only that deserved it. I believed that I'd had my chance and missed out on sharing my life with someone extraordinary. I thought I was destined to be alone. To spend my days reminiscing of old loves, knowing that they were the best I would ever have. Yet, understanding that they were sheer illusions, false feelings that had not lived up to my expectations.
"But something happened for the very first time with you"
Then there was you, my love, my soul mate, and my best friend. I did something with you that I'd never done before. When you came into my life, you filled my heart completely with friendship, with stability and support. You loved me as a friend. You were there for me through some of my darkest times and saw me for the person that I was. You accepted my flaws and didn't judge me for my mistakes. You were a constant shoulder for me to lean on and I knew that I could count on you to be there for me whenever, whatever. I didn't realise then what I'd found in you, how lucky I was to be able to call you a friend, to have you in my life. You were by my side during my early relationships, a confidante who reassured me that love would find me, that I had a good heart and I deserved to be happy.
"My heart melted to the ground, found something true"
On the inside I knew that your feelings for me went deeper than just friendship, that despite your love for me you were willing to watch me with other people, because my happiness was all that mattered to you, even if it meant that we couldn't be together. I never realised that what I'd been searching for, that the thing I'd sought after for so long, was what I had with you, until that moment. The moment that you kissed me, the instant that you risked everything, our friendship, and your happiness. You changed everything and lifted the veil that had been clouding my vision. In that moment, I knew that the person I loved, that what I'd been looking for, had been beside me all along, that I'd been too blind to see, that it was you I loved.
"And everyone's looking round, thinking I'm going crazy"
No one expected it to last, that we would make it as far as we have, least of all us. People didn't understand us as a couple. They thought that we were too different to last the long haul, that aesthetically we didn't look right together. The close-minded people of my world saw us from a far. They only perceived what was skin deep. They didn't see what I saw in you. They didn't know the man that I did, the man with a good heart, who was kind and caring, who treated others with respect and could be counted on to help those that needed it, a true gentleman. Someone who was funny, and sweet, that made gestures with his heart and supported his words with actions. Someone who had faith in me, that encouraged me… someone that loved me wholeheartedly, that I loved in return.
"But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you"
You made me a better person. Your love showed me what I'd been missing out on all those years we weren't together. If I could go back and change our past, I wouldn't. I believe our love is strong because of where it started, because of the people we were when we met. Our life together started with friendship, which over time grew into something amazing. It's because of this we've remained strong through the hard times, that we've outlasted peoples expectations of us. I love you Marvin McFadden, you are my friend, my lover, my soul mate, and my world. It's because I love you, that I am now standing in front of all our friends and family, vowing, until death do us part, to be your wife.