Double-D: Wish Upon an ED

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Can't you see the moths flying out of my wallet?

Summary: For the last ten years of Double-D's life he has gone through some very difficult times. Late one night, the day before high school starts, he makes a wish on star for some big changes in his life. Good changes. But little does he realize, that true changes can only come from within.
There will be NO slashing in this fiction! This as a rated Teen story for language and some violence.

A/N: This story will be cut in between Double-D's POV and the author's POV...
When you see this: "" it's a cut between Double-D's POV and the author's.

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Chapter 1: Misery Loves ED

September 3rd, 2009 - 8:46 p.m.
Peach Creek, New Jersey

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Once upon a time...

This is how every story begins. At least, for happy stories anyway. For the last ten years of my life, I- Eddward Miriam Howard, have undergone some of the most troublesome, shameful, downright humiliating hair-brained schemes; more times than I can count they have all failed! Alas, the only thing that has been accomplished for myself is the meager and dreaded pariah status within this small suburbia; where there is no room for me to shed my loathsome title!

Sometimes, I wonder how is it I ever ended up in this predicament but its then that I remember that I only came to this hindering limitation in my life is because of Eddy. Edwin Skipper Narciso (1), the self-proclaimed leader of our group. Eddy, the greedy con-artist. Eddy, the tyrannical, cruel, slave-driving, megalomaniac has done nothing but cause me a great amount of grief. He would sooner choose money over his friends if the opportunity ever came up. The only consolation I have from this haphazard friendship is Ed.

Ed Horace Fitzgerald, with his non sequiturs (2). Ed, with his unfounded sense of humor and happiness. Ed, a dearer and true friend than Eddy will ever be. No matter his illogical sense of reality and bizarre tastes in food. Even if he was gullible enough to be manipulated into doing some embarrassing and extremely destructive things to everyone in Peach Creek and I. At least he makes it a point to care about my feelings, listen to me, and actually help me. He seemingly understands what it means to be an honest friend. If ever a trustworthy friend were to be found, it would be Ed.

Sighing softly beneath his breath, Double-D looked toward the heavens, perhaps looking for an answer among them. But the only thing he saw was a cold dusk sky staring at him. Offering absolutely no solace to the desolate boy that stared back into its infinite cosmos. Lowering his head glumly Double-D lay his sore and bruised body unto his bed. Yawning loudly, Double-D began to re-account all the days events and before he knew it he was out like a light.

"Um, Eddy?" Double-D softly mumbled. "Are you sure about this?"
"Sure I'm sure!" Eddy proclaimed arrogantly. "I mean, the park is the perfect place to hold 'Eddy's Gambling Slot Machines'!"
"If you say so Eddy."
"Of course I do! Now get to work Sock-head! Jeez, surrounded by a bunch of lazy asses..."

With that the 'conversation' ended and Eddy left for his house; leaving Double-D to do all the work. Watching Eddy's back as he walked away, Double-D began to feel even more insecure about this dilemma both he and his fellow comrades have entered by the second. Sighing at his lack own lack of devil-may-care attitude Double-D just decided to wait out the inevitable with his friends. After all, the children weren't even remotely as stupid as Eddy would have liked to have believed. It bothered Double-D; the fact that Eddy thought he was so much better than everyone else. Anybody with a cerebellum could see that Eddy was just a foolish, run-of-the-mill, ne'er do well, fool! But, Double-D being Double-D, knew himself well enough to say that he was very cowardly and wouldn't even think to try and disband this group of ragtag social misfits. Who else would be willing to accept him? No one he knew of, that was certain. Silently, in the back of his mind, Double-D couldn't help but hope that Eddy's plans for this new scam would actually work just this once.

Shaking his head, as if to banish those depressing thoughts, Double-D pulled out his trusty towel from his back pocket and placed it carefully on the ground and sat on it, then, he waited for Ed to bring him the supplies. While he waited, Double-D thought about the objective Eddy assigned to him- to design and complete six different giant slot machines set to be rigged and to take all of the kids quarters. Each slot was to be designed in such a way that the teenagers would only focus on the slots; not to focus on what was going on inside the machine. To give those suckers a real run for their money! As Eddy phrased it. Whether or not he chose to admit it, Double-D really had to applaud Eddy on his new underhand scheme.

"Hello-o!" a loud voice shouted.
Snapping out of his thought, Double-D turned to look at the voice's owner.
"Ed!" Double-D shouted aloud in joy and jumped up to embrace his friend, but stopped almost immediately when he saw what Ed was eating.
"Um, Ed, what are doing with that doggy treat?" Double-D watched in disgust as Ed began to eat it.
"Sorry Double-D! There was no sugar in my tea cup," was all Ed responded with.
"Uh, well, yes," seemingly flabbergasted at his companion's lack of thought (though that really should not have surprise him...), Double-D began to walk around Ed and lifted his head upward, towards the pile of junk that Ed had amassed for this scam.
"Ed, where in the world did you find all of this?" Double-D asked as he began to scavenge the needed items for his task.
"Chickens, chickens, chickens." Pulling out a ladle full of gravy, Ed began to drink it along with his doggy treat.

Shaking his head once more, Double-D began to look for what he needed. After a few minutes of some fruitless searching, Double-D found and grabbed three large, white, round, cylinder pipes and began to saw each pipe into six equally large pieces and painted them with nine different pictures- three of Ed, three of himself, and, three of Eddy. After that was done, Double-D set them down to dry and began to pick out six boxes; each was roughly equal in size and height. Opening them up, Double-D began to make three open spaces on the front of each box for the slots and took six long, thin, silver rods stuck them in between the open spaces of all six boxes and had Ed bend the ends so that he could wire it a little later. Picking up six different rods, Double-D placed them on the right side of each machine so the players could pull on it and make the slots move. Grabbing the already dried slots, he placed them into their appropriate places and gave them a bit of a spin to see how smoothly they moved. After completing that task , Double-D salvaged some wires that looked usable and grabbed a needle nose pliers and hooked the wires onto the ends of the metal rods, after that, he added a big battery and a small device that was designed to make every turn that was played on the machine fair or unfair, depending on what it looked like the sucker- customer was about to do. When all the slots were completed, Double-D began to test each slot a few times and made the needed adjustments and tried again, each time it looked like he would win on a slot machine he would click the red button on the small remote control he had and it would always lose, and for every time it would like he would lose, he would click the green button and he would always win. With everything completed, Double-D sent Ed to fetch Eddy.

Sitting patiently on his towel, Double-D began to make a sign saying: "Eddy's Gambling Slot Machines!" When that was finished there was really nothing left for Double-D to do but wait for Ed and Eddy- he didn't have to wait too long. While sitting quietly waiting for Ed to come, Double-D began to hear a loud ruckus, turning his head to the left, he listened closely and realized that it sounded a lot like Eddy. But the cacophony of noise made it hard to discern if it was him. As the noise got closer, it got much worse, because, the words that assailed his ears left Double-D's face burning with shame. Eddy couldn't possibly know half of those words! But alas, it was indeed his self-proclaimed leader. Double-D could just make out the silhouettes of Ed's hulking frame and Eddy's smallish stature riding atop Ed's head.

"Hey! Mono-brow! Lemme go! Seriously, let me fucking go right now!" Eddy shouted loudly, when Ed didn't respond Eddy smacked Ed's head soundly, making Ed forcibly drop him.
"Eddy! Seriously! Must you lower your self-standard?" Double-D asked in a hushed tone, looking around, hoping nobody heard what Eddy said.
Brushing himself off, Eddy countered with: "Stop acting like such a wet blanket! Gawd, you act like my mom. How gay can you get, huh Ed? Ed?"
"Butter toast!" was all Ed said.
Shaking his head at Ed's stupidity, Eddy focused his attention towards Double-D.
"Do they work?" Eddy asked, pointing towards the slot machines.

Still miffed about being called gay, Double-D just nodded his head and handed the remote to Eddy, explaining its function and uses and why it was smart to use it fairly; so that the kids wouldn't think the game was rigged. Eddy seemed attentive, at least, Double-D hoped he was, if he wasn't than all that would happen would just be complete failure. Like always. Sighing he picked up his chef costume and dressed up as the 'casino's chef' and gave Ed his own tuxedo so he could dress as the casino's comedian with Eddy dressing as the host and attracting the teenagers of the cul-de-saq's attention. And sure enough, like a moth to a flame, they came with their money and star shine in their eyes.

For a while, it seemed to be going just fine, everyone simply loved the cake and pizza Double-D made and they kind of liked Ed's curious way with words. That was until everybody kept losing at the slots. Feeling a knot of fear develop in his stomach, Double-D realized that Eddy did notlisten to his warning about making the slots lose repeatedly. Looking towards Eddy, he saw that madman's gleam in his eyes, and realized that he had no chance of convincing Eddy to stop. Looking back, towards the crowd, Double-D noticed the way that their eyes narrowed; everyone was starting to suspect that something was going on with their slot machines. Unfortunately, it was Kevin that made any real move towards finding out what was happening with his money. Lifting the slot machine, he threw it right at Eddy, knocking him out and forcing him to drop the remote control. Everyone stopped and stared at what was transpiring between the two.

Walking towards Eddy, Kevin stepped right on the control and looked down at it, bending down he picked it up and asked aloud: "What is this?" and placed a quarter into the slot machine and pulled the rod.

Taking a guess at the the remotes' function, he pressed the red button and activated the small device inside the slot machine and lost; along with everyone else. Enraged at being tricked, Kevin punched the slot machine open took out all of his money. Of course, upon seeing this, Sarah and Rolf followed his lead got out all of their money- including Nazz's, Jimmy's, and Jonny's. After retrieving their money, everyone turned towards the two conscious Ed's and the awakening Eddy. Forcing them into a corner, Ed, Double-D, and Eddy tensed, preparing themselves for a beating...

Gasping for breath, I sit up suddenly as I awaken from my nightmare- at the same time Kevin's fist meets my face. Turning towards my clock I see that it's 11:57 p.m. and upon closer inspection I see my own face reflected against the clock's face- wild-eyed and scared. Leaning up against the headboard of the mattress, I look around my room and realize it was all just a bad dream. Thank goodness. I rub my neck, feeling horribly foolish for thinking that Kevin was in my room, getting ready to beat me up. I mean, Kevin caught in the Double-Dork's house? Never! I stop rubbing my neck and feel my face contort into grimace; my neck is covered in sweat!

Looking up towards the night sky, I see that its' dark veil is dotted by stars. At least there is one good thing about suburbia life; a clear night sky. I gasp suddenly when I catch sight of a shooting star. Turning towards the clock, I see that its 12:01 a.m.- a brand new day, a brand new start. Biting on my lip, I begin to think about all the trouble I've gone through today and all the other troubles I've been through too.

Looking up towards the heavens, I just let out a gusty sigh and decide to make a wish.

"Normally, I'm not so superstitious. But today, it was possibly the worst day of all my life. I mean, right after getting beaten up by all the kids of the cul-de-saq, Nazz said to everyone that her mother warned her not to hang out with us because we're absolute miscreants! Eddy is understandable! But me? I'm about as harmless as a the common household spider! I, I wish that...that I could have a chance to prove to everyone that I am notlike Eddy. That I am my own person, and that Nazz wouldn't believe what her mother said to her! I just want things to change," sighing I just stare at the sky. "I just want one chance. Sincerely yours, Eddward Miriam Howard."

A.N.:
(1) Edwin Skipper Narciso: If you notice carefully, Eddy's name is actually a pun; i.e. Narciso is actually a variation of the word 'narcissim'. And, the word 'win' in Eddy's name is a term he likes to use for himself; i.e. he likes being called a winner.

(2) Non sequiturs: Literally, it is Latin for "it does not follow". In literature, a non sequitur can denote an abrupt, illogical, unexpected or absurd turn of plot or dialogue not normally associated with or appropriate to that preceding it. It's actually pretty fun to make up some really weird one-liners for Ed! But, if you have any lines you'd like to share, please, feel free to e-mail me and I'll put it into the story for you!