This thing came to me while I was eating dinner today. I'm going on vacation starting tomorrow so I sat down and wrote this so it wouldn't be pestering me from the back of my mind all through my trip. Anywho, I probably won't like it when I read it again, but at least it is down on paper... screen... whatever. So, I'm not a huge Cam fan, but this ended up being more Cam-centric than I intended. Hopefully it's still good.
Title: Heartbreak of a Different Sort
Author: Sara (singsongyylove)
Rating: K
Spoilers: Pain in the Heart. I mean, it doesn't say explicitly what happens, but it references it.
Summary: I knew, the day I met Zack, he'd cause me pain, she had said. But on that day, two years ago, she hadn't been thinking of this kind of pain.
Disclaimer: Yeah... the only character that belongs to me is Brandy. You'll see...
Camille Saroyan, despite her exterior of an independent, authoritarian, and sometimes even harsh woman, did have a spot for all things cute. It might have, and yet might have not have, surprised the people who knew her to discover that she had a cat. A playful little grey one named Brandy. And perhaps, but perhaps not, it would have surprised them to know that the sight of a newborn baby made her smile, despite her aversion to having children of her own.
Camille's aversion, really, wasn't an aversion to children, per se. It was more a repugnance at the thought of having a belly the size of a large watermelon for several months of her life. And then, proceeding to push that watermelon out of her body. Despite this certain unpleasant image, the former cop had occasionally thought about being a mother in the past. But after the events of the past couple months, she wasn't fond of the idea much at all. In fact, the thought was miserably heartbreaking in light of recent events.
One evening over a year ago, the 30-something doctor sat alone in her apartment wondering whether it would even be worth it to cook something for herself to eat. She really wouldn't have minded cooking, except Cam always felt a kind of loneliness in cooking something, setting out a table, and then eating alone in silence. During the middle of her inner debate, a ringing set in, pulling her out of her thoughts.
After finally realizing this was the doorbell, she pulled open the heavy door to find Dr. Zack Addy with one hand rubbing the back of his neck and the other holding a piece of paper.
"Zackaroni," she confirmed with recognition, confusion, and a little bit of relief, "come in!"
"I'm sorry, Dr. Saroyan," her subordinate said as he stepped over the threshold, "for bothering you. It's just, I received the test results for our case and since I'm not very good with interpreting how such data could be important to the investigation aspect, I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't stumbled over anything extremely urgent," he explained while handing her the paper.
"Of course, Zack," she closed the door while scanning the results. Nothing stuck out at her. Cam looked up to thank him for checking with her, but was caught off guard by the sight of Zack cradling little Brandy. Like a curious boy, Zack held a tiny pink paw between his fingers and looked into the kitten's face with wide eyes. Upon discovering his boss was watching, he set down the grey ball of fur with a sheepish glance.
"Sorry. I should go," he stated after a moment of awkwardness. He pulled at the door, and just as he was about to step out, an idea came to her.
"Wait," Camille said concisely, "I have a question."
"Yes, Dr. Saroyan?"
"Do you eat macaroni and cheese for dinner as well?"
Zack stood in the doorway with a look of utter confusion upon his face. After a glance from side to side, he said, "Well, most of the time."
"Would you," Camille asked casually, "like something else?" She continued after his face remained in a look of misunderstanding, "I was going to make dinner, but I don't really like cooking dinner for just myself, so if you wanted to join me…"
"Okay," the young man slowly responded eventually. He stepped back into the apartment and Cam offered him a stool in the kitchen while she pulled things out of her refrigerator. She asked him what he had planned for the weekend, seeing as it was, after all, Friday. Zack went into a stream-of-consciousness dialogue about the pros and cons of going to the lab versus taking a trip to some historic site that Dr. Brennan had recommended to him. Cam was happy to busy herself cooking whilst the young anthropologist rattled on about his various thoughts and worries. Finally, he finished his discourse and returned the question to her, to which she replied with a simple "Oh, I'm not sure yet." Only moments later, she produced from the oven a pan with two pieces of chicken and a tin of muffins. The dinner was topped off with two little bowls of salad that she grabbed from the counter and set on the table.
"This really does look appetizing, Dr. Saroyan," Zack said as he sat across from her. She smiled as he dug into the food as if he hadn't eaten in days. He leaned close to the plate, intently cutting the chicken and spreading butter on his muffin. He scooped food into his mouth like a child whose fork was too big for his hands.
It was in the moment that Zack nodded in appreciation; mouth full of food, that Camille Saroyan realized that she loved him. Not in a romantic sense, obviously not. She loved him as if he were her own son. She loved him as if she had watched him grow up from a little child to a grown man. In a way, she had. Just in a year, she saw him go from Zackaroni, Dr. Brennan's shaggy-haired intern, to Dr. Zack Addy, a man whom many viewed as a respected colleague. And yet, to her, he was and always would be her little Zackaroni as he gently tore the blueberry muffin into little sections. Camille knew that she would always love him for the innocent Zack that hid inside.
Little did she know that a year later, she would discover the most horrifying secret about the shaggy-haired boy. Every parent seems to know that they are in for heartbreak. Every parent dreads the day when they realize that their child just doesn't need them anymore. Just like a parent, Cam seemed to dread that day of heartbreak. But this was heartbreak of a different sort, a discovery of failure. She had failed her Zackaroni. Just like a mentor, just like a parent, she had tried to show him everything she knew. But that shaggy-haired boy had been led astray and there was no taking things back now.
I knew, the day I met Zack, he'd cause me pain, she had said. But on that day, two years ago, she hadn't been thinking of this kind of pain. This lasting pain, this pain of never getting a second chance. The pain of never wanting to fail another. The pain of knowing that Zack Addy, Zackaroni, wasn't so innocent anymore. Camille Saroyan had failed him and that was what broke her heart.
Review? Maybe? Please? It's just right there. It'll take you ten seconds. I'll love you forever.
D