Author's Note: This is the first piece of fiction I've written since the Christmas story I wrote for an English assignment in 6th grade, so please go easy on me! Standard disclaimer applies: not mine, not making any money, but if you'd like to send gifts in the way of something yummy…I won't say no. :D
Flabbergasted
The sirens were getting closer. I sighed. Listening a little harder I could tell there were at least three blue-and-whites coming, a fire truck and an ambulance. I was so used to what would happen next I just wanted to get it over with. Next to me Lula started to fidget. She doesn't like cops.
"You know, you don't have to stick around," I told her. "I can handle this."
"Hunh. Yea, but I gotta see his face when he sees this one. Maybe I'll jus' wait over there…"
She waived her hand in a distracted motion towards the other end of the mall parking lot aisle we were in. At the first visible sign of the police cruisers she hopped off the back of the car we were sitting on and wandered away mumbling about "po-po up in everybody's business." I sighed again and looked down at the reason I was here. My skip, and two of his lucky friends, lay on the asphalt cuffed and unconscious.
Lula and I had been enjoying a deliciously unhealthy lunch in the food court after draining our bank accounts at Macy's when I'd spotted my skip, nineteen year-old Freddie Johnson, and his buddies heading in to Spencer Gifts. One long chase through the mall and a parking lot shoot out later and here we were waiting for the cops to come clean up the mess.
Right on cue the cruisers pulled into the lot followed by the fire truck and the ambulance. Hunh, what'd'ya know, I was right, three cop cars. That meant six of Trenton's finest. I put my head down but couldn't help but smile a little. There was no way they were expecting this. In the crowd I recognized my friend Carl Costanza and his partner, Big Dog, money already changing hands.
Seconds later Joe came screeching to a halt, his kojak light flashing. He jumped out of the car looking edgy and anxiously scanned the area over the hood of his car. When he caught sight of me relief lit his face, followed quickly by frustration before the cop face slammed into place and he turned and began barking orders.
Lovely. I got up and wandered off to the side a little to let the guys do their thing and began to survey the wreckage. Multiple people unconscious? Check. Destroyed car? Check, check, and check. Irate Italian almost-boyfriend? Check. Cops laughing and exchanging money? Check. This had all the hallmarks of a direct hit from Hurricane Stephanie. There was only one thing missing. If I knew him at all (which sometimes I doubted) he would be here any– I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up a moment before his warm hand settled there.
"Babe."
I looked over my shoulder and saw his Porsche sitting at the curb flanked by a black SUV. The windows were too dark to see which Merry man had accompanied him but I felt the amusement from behind the glass. I looked up at Ranger and gave him as innocent a smile as I could muster.
"What?"
"Babe," he said again. Ranger sounded--best I could tell for the first time ever--truly flabbergasted. "I'm looking at it, but I don't believe what I'm seeing."
I turned back to look at it from his perspective. I could see what he meant. The car I had recently been sitting on was my brand new midnight blue Saturn Ion-2. It sat, nose-in, in the middle of a U of cars that were riddled with bullet holes from the earlier struggle with Freddie and his friends. Two of the cars were still smoking from the flames that had encompassed them before the firemen put them out. The three cuffed delinquents were still on the ground in front of my rear bumper and my purse was sitting on top of the trunk. Somehow, in the midst of all the mayhem, my car had escaped without a scratch. Not one crack in any of the mirrors, not one bullet hole marred the body, and all four tires were in their proper places and still filled with air. It was a miracle of epic proportions.
The wind carried the sound of feminine laughter to us and we looked over to where Lula was leaning on a car in the next aisle holding her side and covering her mouth with one hand. I sighed again, but this time it turned into a little chuckle.
I turned back to Ranger, my mouth opened to speak, but I got a whiff of Bulgari and my brain fuzzed over.
"Uhlk," is what came out. Jeez Steph, real articulate.
That earned me another "Babe" and a twitch of his lips which for anyone else is the equivalent of a teeth baring grin. I swallowed and tried again.
"Guess I won't need a ride this time." There that was halfway intelligent.
"Guess not."
Wow. Two whole words. Someone is feeling chatty today. He squeezed my neck gently and let his hand trail down my back. Goose bumps erupted in its wake.
"Later Babe."
And then he was gone. Apparently this was a day for miracles. That was almost a goodbye. I sighed a fourth time and went in search of a cop to give my statement to. Didn't things come in threes? Maybe I could get one more miracle out of the cosmos and get this over with quickly.