The room was dark, highlighted only by flames burning from lamps, and for once, Cassia did not mind. Her fingers worked swiftly, braiding Empress Lucilla's freshly washed hair and pinning it into place. Cassia breathed in deeply. She paused a moment to stare down at her hands. She held a stream of blond hair in each, but her hands were shaking. She quickly began working again, smoothing out a few strands.
"Cassia?"
"Yes, empress?" Cassia answered immediately.
"Are you okay this morning?" Lucilla reached behind her head and pulled her hair out of the young girl's hands. She pulled it up and clasped it herself.
"Yes ma'am, I didn't get much sleep last night," Cassia tried to stifle a yawn. It was either a yawn or a need to sob rising in her throat. Either way, it hurt, and Cassia swallowed it down hard.
"I should be asking you how you are this morning," Cassia added. "It won't be much longer now."
Lucilla shook her head. "What is wrong, Cassia? You are not your useful jovial self. Have you spoken to my son?"
Cassia swallowed hard again.
Lucius barely raised his eyes to his half-brother as he passed him in the corridor. Lucius kept his eyes on the marble floor. He was in a hurry anyway. He had slept much later than he had meant to because he had stayed up most of the night. His half-brother, Servius was, of course, clad in the finest outfit provided by Commodus. Lucius had noticed that much about him. If Lucius would have looked to his thirteen year old brother's face, however, he probably would have seen the sly smirk upon it and would have been ready for Servius's childish games, but since he did not, he was not ready.
As the two boys passed each other, Servius slipped his foot in between Lucius's, nearly sending Lucius sprawling to the marble floor.
"Servius!" Lucius exploded into a fit of rage. He lunged forward at the boy with clenched fists. Lucius's teeth and lips were set into a tight snarl, but he was met with a childish laugh. It was one that made Lucius's skin crawl. Servius leaned his head back and his dark hair bounced a little as he laughed. The young boy clutched his stomach and continued laughing as if Lucius had not nearly lost his composure and hit him.
Lucius straightened his toga and shook his head in disapproval. Regaining his composure was all he knew he could do. He assumed that Servius's guards were probably not much farther down the corridor.
"Oh brother you tempt me so," Servius cleared his throat, but began laughing again.
Lucius scowled at the young boy. He wanted so badly to reach out a whop the boy's head, but he knew that he would only be told on, and Lucius did not want to upset his mother further. Any attempt at disciplining the boy would probably be seen as a threat against the boy's life in Commodus's eyes anyway. Lucius was finding that he was having a much harder time not losing his temper at Servius's childish and cruel games as the both of them grew older. As much as Lucius wanted to do something to anger Commodus, and punish Servius for his constant misbehavior, he felt that it was best for both he and his mother if he did not begin anything that Commodus would see as a threat.
"Where are you headed this morning, Lucius?" Servius asked simply as if nothing had happened between them.
Lucius clenched his fists at his sides. "I'm going to see mother and see how she is today," he answered him and turned away abruptly, beginning to walk back in the direction he had been headed.
"Wait, Lucius," Servius began walking too and quickly caught up with him. "I'm going to train with my father. Do you not wish you could go as well?" Servius questioned.
The boy tilted his head so that he could stare up at Lucius as they walked.
"No," Lucius snapped. He stopped walking and glared down at the boy.
"He told me that he had a bear brought in for me," Servius continued. His eyes sparkled with interest at the subject he spoke of.
Lucius shrugged his shoulders. "There's no skill in killing a bear…or any other animal that is incapable of fighting back."
"You're just jealous," Servius shot back.
Lucius stared at the boy for a few moments. Servius was short for thirteen, seeming as if he was never going to hit his growth spurt. He was also a little pudgy. His face still had a childlike quality although he was quickly approaching young manhood. Commodus was conditioning the boy and raising him up in ways that neither Lucius nor Lucilla approved of. Some days when Lucius watched Servius, Lucius felt as if he was staring at Commodus in child form while other days he felt as if he was staring at a normal growing child. At times, Servius could be ruthlessly destructive, but other times, he was indeed just a child.
Lucius was not allowed to participate in any sort of training. Perhaps he was a little jealous that it was forbidden for him. He knew that Commodus feared him, especially since he was growing older. He was twenty-two now, but treated as if he was just a child. He was not allowed to leave the palace regularly, and on rare occasions when he was allowed, he was heavily guarded. Lucius could remember the days before his uncle married his mother and before their relationships all became so complicated. He remembered when he and his uncle had an almost father-son like relationship, but it was really before Lucius could know any better. Worst of all, Lucius remembered all too well when Commodus killed Maximus in the coliseum. He remembered seeing the hero fall as his blood stained Commodus's white armor.
In the short time before Lucilla provided him with the pure heir he wanted, Commodus actually tried to get close to Lucius again, but Lucius was too far gone already. Lucius had made it clear that his uncle would not condition him. At eight years old, the trust he once had with his uncle was broken forever. Lucius then became nothing more but a burden to Commodus—a burden and a pawn to use against Lucilla. Lately, Lucius and Commodus's already rocky relationship and somehow gotten worse. Lucius blamed it on his age, and the idea that Commodus probably saw him as a threat now that he was old enough to think for himself. Lucius caught Commodus watching him much more lately, and he noticed that Commodus had given Servius a dagger to carry with him. Although Lucius could not be sure, he had a feeling that Commodus's actions had much to do with him. Commodus had begun teaching Servius to defend himself early as if he thought that Lucius would be a danger to the boy—his own half –brother.
Whatever Commodus thought about Lucius, Lucius had a bad feeling that his days in the palace were numbered. He was beginning to have dreams that kept him awake some nights. Lucius was beginning to feel like Commodus. Commodus had always had nightmares, but he never spoke of them. For Lucius, the dreams he had were always about the praetorians coming to get him because of his uncle. In some dreams, he was sold into slavery or taken to the coliseum where lions and tigers pursued him. In the worst ones, though, Commodus killed him himself. Lucius was always restrained and incapable of fighting back.
Lucius rubbed his wrists absentmindedly as he thought of the dreams.
As the sound of footsteps broke his thoughts, Lucius looked up to see a few guards walking towards them. Lucius swallowed hard.
"Servius, Cesar has asked that we take you to him at this very moment," one of them spoke, and Lucius let out his breath.
"I know, I know," Servius waved his hand at the guard. He took one last look at Lucius as if perhaps he still wanted to talk to him, but then the young boy turned back to the guards.
"You know, he has gotten me a bear," Servius said quickly, speaking to one of the guards. He moved forward and the guards turned to lead him back the way he had come.
Lucius shook his head tiredly at their backs. He turned and quickly continued down the corridor and turned the corner. He raised his eyes just in time to see Cassia, his mother's young chambermaid, stepping from his mother's room with an armload of cloths. She had only been at the palace for the last few months. Commodus supposedly went in search of a new chambermaid for Lucilla after the one that she had had many years passed away. The last one had been old and boring. Commodus supposedly returned with Cassia to take her place. Although among the younger servants of the palace, Cassia was a hard worker and she seemed to genuinely care for Lucilla. She was youthful at eighteen, but wise beyond her years. There was a soft, gentle quality to her, but she was also well spoken. Lucius had grown quite fond of her, although he tried not to show it around Commodus, Servius, or his mother.
Lucius watched Cassia stop and begin sorting through the cloths in her arms. Her light brown hair hung freely and caressed her shoulders and back. Cassia did not always keep her hair tied back, and as much as Lucius enjoyed seeing her brown hair tousled and natural, he felt that she should tie it back. Wearing it down could cause unwanted attention. Lucius shook his head at his own possessive thoughts. She wasn't his. She was his mother's chambermaid.
Lucius could see the usual flush on Cassia's cheeks from far down the corridor, and he smiled. Cassia was pale, not necessarily in a strange way, but it was an unusual skin tone. Lucius attributed it to the fact that she had never spent much time outside. Her work always required her to be inside, usually locked inside his mother's dark room, but perhaps it was in her ancestry as well. If anything, though, her skin tone made her more attractive—exquisite almost.
Lucius grew terribly lonely at the palace. He usually read the writing that Servius's tutors left behind, but it usually disappeared before he could finish it. Lucilla had enough control over Commodus to ensure that Lucius never went without anything, and when he was of learning age, he had a few tutors as well, but now, he was alone and bored. His mother had not been leaving her chamber. It was her decision, but Lucius felt even more alone. Nearly being a prisoner in his own home, Lucius could find little to do that did not include thinking badly of his uncle who had turned his and his mother's life upside down.
Cassia turned as if she felt a presence, and she gave him a slight smile when she noticed him, but she ducked beneath a thick curtain and escaped his gaze into another room. Lucius looked behind him to see if perhaps Servius or a few guards had followed, and that was the reason for Cassia's strange coldness, but there was no one there. Lucius stopped to stare at the doorway she disappeared in. It was rare that she would not speak to him. They had talked quite a lot the night before, but still, it was unlike her. Perhaps she had a lot of work to be done. Since last night, he'd been unable to shake their short time talking from his mind. She had reached out and grasped his hand as they sat in the dark. A shiver coursed through his body, and Lucius shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts from Cassia. It was the first time that she had touched him purposely, and for the first time in a long time, his dreams the night before had not been of the praetorians or his impending death. His dreams had been about her—her beautiful pale skin and long soft hair, lying amongst the soft blankets and cloths of his own bed. She was so alluring. It made him want to rethink everything.
Lucius shook the thoughts out of his head and swallowed hard. He promised himself that he and Cassia would have plenty of time to talk after he spoke to his mother so he made himself leave her be and head for his mother's room.
There were a few guards standing outside of her room, but they paid him no attention as he passed them. Lucius paused at the doorway as he peeked inside. He could see his mother's form on the far side of the room.
"Hello mother," Lucius said as he stepped inside. There was no one else inside- thankfully not Commodus and not even any of the maids, so he walked to the edge of the bed and sat down on the satiny bed dressings.
His mother stood, facing the balcony. Her hair was wet- freshly washed Lucius assumed. It was tied into a tight braid. She turned her face, showing her profile for a moment before she looked back into the sunlight. Lucius waited patiently for her to approach him. She first closed the long curtains, blocking out most of the sunlight and then turned to face him.
It was not until she turned that her protruding stomach became visible to Lucius. Lucius sighed tiredly. His mother looked so tired and just seeing her that way made him tired as well. Dark circles had become a normal characteristic on her tired face. And she seemed as though she may have actually lost weight. Her face and arms looked more slender. It was as if the child—Commodus's child was taking everything from her. This child seemed to be bringing Lucilla into a much darker place than she had already been, causing her to never leave her chamber. Lucius felt that Commodus had found a much younger and brighter chambermaid for his mother to try and lift her spirits. Cassia was lively, and his mother needed something to liven up her dreary room. Lucius could not help but feel that his mother was losing her spirit. Her will to live was diminishing.
"Good morning, Lucius," Lucilla smiled and moved to the bed where she took his hand gently in hers. The smile looked genuine, unlike the forced ones that she sometimes gave Commodus.
"How are you today?" she questioned.
"Sit down, Mother," Lucius said quickly. He got up from the bed so that she could lie down and prop her back on her pillows. He helped her ease herself down on the bed, and he stood beside her. Lucius hated how sickly she had become. It hurt him almost physically. She was getting too old to bear children, and he had been surprised when he found that Commodus had sired a second child, nearly thirteen years after his first.
"Let me open the curtains back. You need the sunlight," he suggested, but she waved her hand at him, cutting him off.
"I do not want to see the sun or its light."
Lucius frowned slightly.
"I've been thinking about you this morning," she said softly, breaking his thoughts.
"Do not worry about me, mother," Lucius answered her.
"I cannot help that," she whispered. "I worry for you more now than I ever have. Commodus recognizes you are a possible threat. It was much different when you were young-"
"I am careful mother," he interrupted her gently. Lucius silently wondered what had gotten his mother so worked up about himself so quickly.
"Lucius, you have turned into the respectful, handsome, loyal, and trustworthy man that I knew you would be. This is why I worry for you."
"I worry for you," Lucius countered.
"You have the four virtues that my father always spoke of," Lucilla continued. "Commodus never possessed them."
Lucius lowered his voice so that the guards outside would not hear. "It is my entire fault that we are even in this. I was an ignorant child. If I had not spoken of Maximus that day we would not be here like this."
Lucius knew that the only reason his uncle allowed him to continue living in the palace at all was to use him against Lucilla, and Commodus also used Lucius's mother against him to make him do as he was told. Lucius constantly fanaticized of the day that Commodus had slain Maximus, and he wondered what may have happened if Maximus had instead killed Commodus.
Living in the palace was a frightening day to day experience for Lucius. He feared what his uncle and emperor would do to get whatever he wanted. Lately, Lucius knew that Commodus wanted him gone. What else could Commodus want? There was nothing more that Lucilla could give him now. She had given him everything he wanted—companionship, whatever company he desired from her, and children.
"You care for Cassia don't you?" his mother raised her soft eyes to meet his.
"Uh, I…" Lucius swallowed hard and looked to the ground, surprised at his mother's sudden realization. "We only talk…who told you…who saw us together?"
"Cassia speaks of you to me when we are alone."
Lucius chewed at his bottom lip. "I did not know that-"
"She is a lovely girl," Lucilla whispered. "Beautiful…she-"
"She's a chambermaid, mother. I have made a chambermaid a friend of mine when she should have stayed as a chambermaid," Lucius murmured.
Lucilla nodded. "I know, but I respect you for treating her well. She respects you far more than Commodus and Servius, and I would not blame you if you have much deeper feelings for her. I have nothing against the friendship or whatever you have…but I'm afraid that your friendship has been noticed…by Commodus. Of course he does not approve."
"Why do you say that?" Lucius demanded.
"Listen Lucius, I only want you to be careful I…"
"What did he say?"
"He did not say anything to me," Lucilla murmured.
"Cassia?" he questioned frantically. "What did he say to her?"
"Calm down Lucius," Lucilla said sternly. "I struggled with the decision of whether or not to tell you. Do not make me regret myself."
"Why would he care if she and I talk frequently? Or even if there was more. It is none of his business. It is not as if I had plans to marry her—a chambermaid. But even if I had, it is not as if Commodus wants me to marry. He does not want me to have a life—children or a future!" Lucius hissed. "He has no plans for my future. His only plans are to end my life or send me away from here as soon as you are gone. He does not want me to have a chance at being emperor."
"I did not tell you to make you angry. I only want the two of you to be careful. Do not give Commodus a reason to punish you," Lucilla said quickly. "Do not let your temper flare to him. He will waste no time in punishing you. Cassia only told me that Commodus saw the two of you together and…she feared that he was going to purposely make you angry…to make you defy him. He wants a reason to punish you."
Lucius swallowed hard. He could see Commodus trying to do so—make him angry to make him act out and lose his self-control.
"He threatened her?" Lucius asked breathlessly.
"I do not know," Lucilla murmured.
"And did you not ask her if he harmed her?" Lucius demanded. His stomach fluttered nervously.
Lucilla breathed in deeply. She moistened her lips before answering. "I asked but she did not answer me."
Lucius squinted back at his mother. He clenched his fists.
"She avoided me this morning," Lucius muttered.
"She's trying to protect you, Lucius."
"Something has to be done about Commodus," Lucius whispered softly. "I am about ready to act on it mysel-"
"Stop it!" Lucilla ordered. Her soft expression hardened. "You will do no such thing."
"Mother…He's plotting against me, he's threatening or hurting Cassia, I hear that the beginnings of a famine are in progress, and look what he has done to you! How much longer can we wait?"
"Lucius stop it," Lucilla hissed quickly, cutting him off.
She reached over and grasped his hand in hers. "You'll get yourself killed. You are not being careful. I cannot deal with this right now. I could not lose you right now."
Lucius squeezed his mother's hand.
"But mother something has to be done. Rome is falling to pieces beneath him…we are falling to pieces here locked away in this palace. I can sense the danger I am in. I feel him thinking of me and what to do with me every time he looks at me. You are wasting away," Lucius's voice cracked painfully.
"Lucius, he's waiting for you to do something that he can condemn you for," Lucilla whispered back to him. "Whatever you do, do not let him set you up. I need you."
Lucius sighed and his shoulders sank. "I need you too."
"I need you to carry out something for me," Lucilla whispered. "Something important."
"What?" Lucius asked. His heart beat a little faster. His breath hitched.
"I will tell you soon, dear son. I am working something out."
Lucius paused for a moment. She had gotten his attention for sure. He furrowed his eyebrows at her.
"I will tell you when I am ready. Until then, don't speak of it."
"Servius's behavior is becoming unbearable as well," Lucius lowered his voice a little when he finally continued. "Something has to be done about that as well."
Lucilla sighed tiredly. She released his hand and moved hers to her stomach. She gasped abruptly, and Lucius's heart leapt in his chest.
"Are you alright?" Lucius demanded worriedly. He studied her expression.
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them again. Her face was still tight with a grimace, but she brought her attention back to Lucius.
"Yes…I'm fine," she nodded and swallowed hard.
"Mother," Lucius eyed her carefully. Her entire body was still tense. She let out an almost pained sigh.
"I'm okay," she murmured. "You were speaking of Servius?"
"He is a little spoiled bully," Lucius continued uncertainly. He watched his mother's expression carefully. He assumed that soon there would be another addition to their broken family.
"Commodus does not allow me to have much time with Servius," Lucilla murmured. "He makes sure that we do not have the bond that you and I have."
"I know that…I am not telling you this to upset you," Lucius whispered, "I just think that something needs to be done. Commodus does not allow me much time with him either and believe me…the time I have is too mu-"
"Lucius," Lucilla whispered quickly, interrupting him.
Lucius stopped talking and froze. "Wha-"
"Shh," Lucilla whispered again, and Lucius heard it what had caught his mother's attention.
Commodus was speaking to the guards outside.
Lucius turned just in time to see his uncle entering the room. He met his uncle's eyes for a brief moment, and fear struck him. Had Commodus been listening? Lucius sank to his knees and bowed.
"What a surprise, Lucius," Commodus murmured sarcastically.
"I thought that Servius said that you were bringing him a bear?" Lucius asked quickly. The words pretty much blurted out all on their own as he attempted to disguise his nervousness.
"I was on my way there just now," Commodus answered him without the slightest gaze his way. His eyes were on Lucilla. "But I decided to come here before. Do you not have anything better to do than pester your mother, Lucius?"
Lucius held his tongue, but he did move a little out of his uncle's way so that his uncle could stand beside Lucilla. He watched Commodus move forward and place his hand on his mother's swollen stomach. Lucilla stared hard past Commodus and to Lucius, and Lucius wished that his uncle would just leave. He wanted his mother to tell him what she had said she needed to, and he wanted to know what Commodus had done to Cassia. Whatever he had done, she had felt it important enough to mention to his mother and then avoid him later in the corridor. Lucius bit down on his bottom lip. Dread settled in his stomach.
Commodus leaned over and kissed Lucilla's forehead, allowing his lips to linger there for a few seconds. Lucius hated what his mother had become. She held her tongue and did what Commodus told her to do—and Lucius knew that it was because she worried for his safety.
He had heard stories about his mother's younger years; and he remembered the way she was when he was young. She was fiery. She was brave.
"I do not think that it will be much longer," Lucilla murmured softly, and Commodus reached for her hand that she had laid across her stomach.
"I know that these past few months have not been easy for you, my love," Commodus murmured softly.
Lucilla allowed Commodus to gently pat and pet her hand gingerly.
"But children are such magnificent rewards…" Commodus continued.
Lucius thought of Servius and nearly laughed aloud. Commodus acted as if his relationship with his sister was perfect now. Commodus seemed blind to the fact that Lucilla was wasting away and that any emotion that she showed him now was pure acting.
"Where is your chambermaid?" Commodus swept his eyes around the room and he met Lucius's eyes for a brief moment. "Have you seen her, Lucius?"
Lucius shook his head. He furrowed his eyebrows at his uncle, but Commodus turned back away from him.
"She should not be leaving you here unattended if the time is nearing," Commodus responded.
"I sent her away so that I would have a few moments alone. To rest." Lucilla murmured.
"Did she not rest last night?" Commodus questioned.
Lucius chewed at the inside of his cheek. He couldn't stay any longer.
"Take care mother," Lucius moved forward, passed his uncle, and kissed her cheek.
His uncle watched him silently.
As he turned and left the room, he could feel Commodus's eyes on his back.
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