"All He Needs"
By
TheBatgirl31
Based on the 1990 TV version of Phantom of the Opera as portrayed by Charles Dance.
"Please, sit down," Erik said, motioning with his hand to a spot on the blanket. The forest surrounding them was warm and the trees shrouded them in their own, special meadow which Erik had picked for their picnic. He loved watching her eyes absorb all the colors and how the dim light seemed to soak into her skin. But most of all, he loved how he could do something so simple with her, just as other men did.
I can show her I can be like a normal man, he thought.
Christine gave a wary smile and took a seat across from him on the blanket. Erik had stocked his basket with strawberries, lemon cakes, and vanilla scones, her favorite sweets, along with a small glass decanter of white wine for them to sip on. Erik chatted away while Christine made herself comfortable; no other sound disrupted their peace.
"Of all the places in my realm," Erik said as he sorted through the goodies in the basket, "this is the most enchanted spot, I think." He lay out the treats in front of her with a "voila" and earned a warm smile from Christine. For a moment there was silence between the two of them until he paused and looked at Christine.
"Would you sing for me," he asked, still busying himself with their lunch?
He did not notice Christine's hesitance but she could not push aside a thought that had been toying in her mind all morning.
"If you wish," she answered sweetly.
Erik gave her a gentle smile as he set two places on the blanket. "Ohh…I do…very much," he said.
Erik waited for her voice to sing his heart to a steady rhythm and clear his mind like a numbing narcotic but no song filled the silence. He paused before reaching for the decanter and his gaze met hers. Christine was more than willing to fulfill her maestro's wish but she saw an opportunity to possibly fulfill a wish of her own.
She struggled for the words and felt his eyes digging into her as he waited but she looked away, worried she might upset him.
"I'm sorry…is there something wrong," Erik asked, his hand hovering over the basket and his eyes imploring for understanding.
Christine looked at him determined as she painstakingly made her desire known.
"If I sing for you will you…will you grant me a favor," she asked softly?
"No," he said curtly, returning to his busywork and breaking their heated gaze.
Christine's heart fell. "Why not?"
The softness remained in Erik's eyes as he answered her with a chuckle.
"Because, my dear, you must sing for love and joy not for gain."
Christine returned the smile and placed her hand over his as he again reached into the basket. Erik's hands were cold to the touch but he felt his skin warming under her hand. He did not move and allowed her to trap his gaze with her eyes; the soft blue oceans that softened his temperament and sorrow even when he simply imagined them in front of him. When they were together, he felt he could drown in them.
"Oh I do sing for love and joy. I sing because it is part of you that I can keep with me, and because I know it makes you happy. But there is something more you can do to make me happy."
Erik felt his heart constrict but at the tenderness of her words he felt it begin to float. "I would grant you a favor regardless of what you do. Tell me what it is you want."
Christine scooted closer to him and he could already feel the warmth from her presence. He saw how her hair fell from her shoulders and the scent of roses wafted through his senses.
"But it is not just for me," she insisted, grabbing his one hand between both of hers, "it is for you too."
Erik was stunned. What could she possibly want that was for him as well? He felt a weak smile tugging at his lips but he kept it buried. Secretly he was afraid that she would ask for something outside of his power to give but at the same time he was elated that she was thinking of something for him…something surely wonderful they could share…
"What is it, Christine?"
She raised one hand to hover above his mask but gracefully let it fall to curl around his fingers once more.
"Let me see your face," she whispered.
As quickly as Erik felt his heart soar he felt it hurtle to the ground and shatter in her chest. His hands stilled in his lap and he didn't realize he had stopped breathing. His face was frozen beneath the mask and his lips were turning white.
She asks for what will bring nothing for either of us, he thought bitterly, but when he spoke his voice remained gentle and patient.
"I'm afraid you ask for the one thing in my power I cannot grant," he said. "Please…do not ask it again."
There was silence between them now, and it hurt Erik to hear her ask for what they had agreed would remain unsaid. She had broken her only promise to him when he had done so much to keep her happy.
He sat back on his heels and watched her eyes stare sadly at her folded hands. As much as he wanted to change the subject, he felt he had to remind her of why her questions would remain unanswered.
He sighed. "You see, my dear," she looked up when he spoke, "there are many reasons why I cannot show you my face and…though I do not like hiding anything from you, you must allow me to keep this one secret. Hmm?"
Her eyes did not leave his face but it unnerved him because it seemed like she was trying to see through the mask. His insecurity taking hold, he adjusted it on his cheek, fearful it had come askew.
Erik's voice remained soft and steady as he tried to make his final point. "But I beg you to please not ask this of me again because I do not like saying 'no' to you. In future I shall like to always be saying 'yes'," he said and his smile returned. He chuckled heartily, lifting her hand delicately to place a chaste kiss on her wrist, and returned to setting out their utensils to show that the matter was closed.
The silence seemed to cut into their peaceful time together and Erik debated asking her to sing for him again but it was she who broke the silence. Her voice was so soft and it could barely fill the space between them.
"I see your eyes," she whispered, " and I know your heart…and I know your name," she said. The last words were so faint that Erik almost did not hear them but they rang in his ears like a gong.
Erik's emerald eyes widened behind the mask. Only one person had ever called him by his real name. He had never heard it come from anyone else and he suddenly wondered hungrily what it would sound like flowing from Christine's lips.
"My name," was all Erik could say. Christine spoke as if she had not just revealed her knowledge of one of his greatest secrets.
He waited, straining to hear her say it but she did not.
"I can see who you are and I want to see all of you."
Erik was still lost in what she had whispered, perhaps what he had not been intended to hear.
He eyed her yearningly. She held so much power over him and she had to do so little. "Say it, Christine," he said, "my name. What is my name?"
Christine leaned forward and spoke from her heart, ignoring his plea.
"You see how much I already know. I know your mother loved your father. I know she loved you. And I know that she looked upon your face and smiled. Why not let me know that love…let me know your face?"
Erik swallowed at the mention of his mother, and hearing the world love come from her lips. Could it be possible? I would have given her so much more time…
Christine cupped her palms to frame his face and he felt her thumbs stroke the skin by his ears and the edges of his mask. He saw nothing but her. He had wanted to hold her this close for so long but had envisioned the moment so differently. He pictured sitting by her bed at night and whispering sweetly to one another or perhaps holding her hand as they watched an opera together in his private box. He longed for that to be a reality but now he was painfully aware of where her fingers roamed.
"Show me," she said. Erik heard it but saw how she tried to soothe him with her eyes as if she knew the torment going on inside him. "Show me your face."
"I cannot," he said through a gulp. Her face did not waver from her tender plea.
"Why," she asked?
"Because," Erik faltered, "because I have no face only…I have only the semblance of a face…and no one should ever have to look at it."
Christine's hands fell to his shoulders and Erik let out a long breath through his teeth that showed his relief. Her fingers so close to the edge of his mask made him anxious.
"Please," she whispered, a tender smile lingering on her lips.
"You don't know what you're asking," he said unnerved.
"Yes I do," she said and she sat so close he could see the churning sea of curiosity in her eyes. "There is so much more that we have to share."
"Christine…this time that I have spent with you is the nearest I have ever been to bliss and I…I am satisfied with that. You say there is more…and yes there is more…but not for me," he said. His voice quivered.
Christine continued to plead with him. Erik surprisingly felt no rage but his growing fear that she would not stop until she saw...and that fear made him desperate.
"Oh please I-"
"No stop."
"But I could look-"
"No I ask you to please just…stop."
Erik could not look at her. Her persistence was wearing him down but when she spoke again there was fire in her voice and her words made him search her eyes again fearfully.
"Only if you say you do not love me will I stop," she said.
Erik was frozen and simply stared. Christine already had him partially bared before her when she spoke of his love. His love for her had been a kindling fire in his heart that had been stored away. It was like she had dug around through his mind and picked his most treasured thought and held it before him tauntingly.
He ground his teeth over his tongue and knew there was no way she would relent. She had no idea how much she was torturing him.
"I feel a chill descending. I think we had better go it…it looks like rain," Erik said hastily as he put the wine back into the basket.
"No! Please don't do that," she pleaded, reaching out to still his hand.
"I know you love me and you must let me love you in return. But I want to love you completely…and that means I will love your face as well."
"Christine…could you not love me as I am…with the mask," he asked hopefully?
"Could you love me and never doubt that my love only goes as far as your mask," she challenged?
Erik was still and he was broken. He had never thought of her love only being half full. He feared her reaction but he was unsure whether he feared her false love more. He was torn to give in to her request but what after? He was afraid of how much would change. He tried to reason that she was telling him not to simply show himself, but to let her show that her love was true. It was a calming thought but he had yet to hear her say it…
"My name, Christine…say my name for me once and I will…"the words failed him.
Christine sat up straight and held his hand between both of hers. He knew he stood on a precipice but the next thing she said was probably one of the most beautiful and addicting sounds Erik had ever heard; something that should have been so mediocre but it was like a secret being told after being hidden away for years.
"Erik," she whispered and she smiled so sweetly at being able to finally say it in front of him. Erik felt a wave of heat shoot through his body and he let out one long breath like built up steam. At that moment he was putty in her hands.
Christine had only embraced Erik once before and he had gone rigid in her arms, his body unable to respond but when Christine suddenly flung her arms around Erik's neck, breathing deeply against his shoulder, Erik slowly let his arms wrap around her back, his hands meeting just under her neck. Erik felt a pitiful mew escape his lips when he realized she was whispering his name over and over again against his neck.
He gulped and reluctantly released her. The smile on her face faded quickly as she noticed the pain in his eyes.
Erik raised shaking hands to the ties of his mask. The knot gave and the strands fell to the side where he disentangled them from his hair. He grasped the mask at the nose and gently pulled, inching the mask off his face. He could already feel the air seeping between the cracks and cooling the sweaty skin underneath. He gasped involuntarily as he pulled it away completely and he sat bare before her eyes, his deformed skin tingling under her scrutiny.
Erik couldn't stand to keep his eyes open. If she cringed, if she gagged, it she screamed he did not want the memory to replay every time he shut his eyes. It was quiet, Oh god…what if she fainted, Erik thought. But Erik was not afraid of hearing her scream, he had heard so many shriek at the sight of him but what he feared most was the look in her deep blue eyes. Would they never stare happily into his green eyes or would they bulge in terror at his monstrosity?
Braving a glance, Erik saw that Christine had not moved. Her hands were still folded in her lap, her dress pooled around her. He chanced a look at her face and saw that her blue eyes were staring right back at his own, and they were overflowing with tears.
He stared at her with saucer shaped eyes as she crawled so close to him that their foreheads touched. He gasped for air as his heart raced and he felt her breath against his bare cheek and it was softer than a feathery breeze. Her lips quivered but she spoke with unwavering sincerity. "Oh my, Erik," she whispered, "my sweet Erik."
Erik choked out a sob and before he could take in a full breath he felt Christine's lips fold softly over his. His body tensed and felt his limbs weigh him down like stone. He felt the mask drop from his hands but did not care where it landed. He felt the blood warm in his veins and he slowly let his hands cup her cheeks as they kissed. She broke the kiss to look into his eyes and she smiled…she smiled through her tears. Erik was not ready to let the moment end and have that kiss become a memory yet. He pulled her close again and felt his body melt into her. "Christine…" he sobbed and crushed her lips to his again. Her tongue teased at his lower lips and he parted his lips to invite her in. The sensation of her tongue tracing along his mouth made him moan at the unknown pleasure.
His tears continued to fall as she did not break their kiss again. Their lips parted only to take in desperate gasps of air and then they would feel each other's warmth again. Erik slid his hands down her shoulders and wrapped them securely around her waist. She felt his hands trembling and moved to hold them in her own. She slowly parted their lips and Erik realized he was breathing very hard. His breath was like a warm blast against Christine's skin. Suddenly his heart pounded louder in his chest when before his heartbeat seemed to have vanished. She brought each finger one by one to her lips and kissed each one adoringly. Erik gulped and looked into her eyes. She was focusing on planting light kisses on each fingertip. The feeling was like he was dipping his hands into warm oil.
She held his hands between them and she met his eyes. Still holding his hand, she brought hers up and stroked his left cheek with the back of her hand. Erik's hands began to shake in her grasp and he had to close his eyes and let out a long breath. When he opened his eyes again he saw that she was looking at him intensely and his eyes were wide with wonder.
"I look upon your face and see nothing more than you; nothing more than love."
Erik felt his body jolt and he collapsed against her. She wrapped her arms around him and cradled him against her body. His head sat nestled against her shoulder and he sobbed while he clutched onto her like a life preserver.
"Oh…god…" he choked as he gulped for air. Her fingers ran through his hair and it was such an intoxicating feeling. The soothing touch of her fingers on his scalp was almost hypnotizing. He continued to cry and she began to rock him slowly. Then, when he vowed he would keep his eyes shut until this memory was burned into his mind forever, he heard her begin to sing. It was a little more than a whisper but the notes climbed down from her lips and into his soul. She sang against his ear as if the song was meant only for him to hear. He felt his tears dry almost instantly and became still in her embrace. Blissfully in his mind he noted that the day he was meant to die he wanted to recreate this moment because nothing else in his life compared to what he felt with her.
When her song was finished, he slowly sat up and their foreheads were pressed together again. They both kept their eyes closed and Erik breathed heavily through is nose. She stroked his hair behind his ears and cupped his cheek. When he opened his eyes, she was staring back at him and smiling once more.
"I told you, Erik," she said sweetly, holding back a teary laugh, "my love is not for what I see," she brushed her hand across his chin and he grasped it firmly, "but for what I feel," she said and put both of their hands over her heart.
Erik never wanted to forget her face in this moment. She had proven to him that there was more for him, and that his face could be looked upon in love by someone who loved him in return.
"You are magic, Christine."
Erik took her hand and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. He held it near his lips as he spoke. "I shall never need another thing for the rest of my life. You have given me everything in this one moment. For eternity, Christine, there is nothing you could ask…that I could deny you and there is nothing in this world that I could not give you."
"After all you have already done I can hardly ask for more," she said with a fading smile. Christine looked away and stared at their joined hands. "Will you ask me to stay here…with you," she asked?
Erik looked at her longingly, praying that he had understood what she had really meant. She wants to stay with me? Could she really be happy with me? Unless…the Count…
Erik's hopes fell at the thought of the young man who had stolen her away on the night she sang at the bistro. She wanted to know if he would keep her here…away from him. The hare he felt for the youthful fool began to simmer. He saw her face and that was the extent of the beauty he saw in her. It sickened Erik to think how the Count claimed to love her but Erik saw he was undressing her with his eyes.
"I will not keep you unless you ask to stay. I know there is…much awaiting your return."
Erik let their hands drop and he sat on his heels, despair seeping over to replace the untarnished joy that had been coursing through him.
"Everyone will be so shocked to see I have a voice after all," she said trying to laugh at her stage debut as a mute. When Erik saved me…she thought.
"And you can say yes to the Count," Erik said brokenly. His lips stiffened with effort not to show his anger in his face but Christine saw the sadness in his eyes and had to look away.
"Philippe…he-" Christine began but a cry from beyond, back toward the cellars, silenced her and they were both lifelessly still.
"Christine!"
Erik turned to look back through the trees as if he could see the source of the voice but he knew. He knew. Only one other would dare to come down looking for her and a picture of the young count blazed before his eyes, overwhelming him with detestation. Suddenly, Erik was powerfully aware that Christine was looking past him at the tunnels from where they had come. When she finally looked at Erik again, the look in his eyes shot shockwaves of fear through her. The once calming green irises were narrowed in a scowl of hatred and his body began to shake with fury. His next words he spat at her with pure loathing. And in that moment, the music stopped.
"You lead him here…you lead him down here!"
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