Don't worry "What a World" peeps. I'm still continuing that story. This is just something that I had to write first. Please review. I don't write these things for my health...well, maybe I do.
Disclaimer: This is a fanfiction of a fanfiction of a fanfiction. In other words, I don't own the characters.
It was lunch time, but Galinda stood in the bathroom looking at her reflection and taking deep breaths. She had decided, after having done this same thing the night before and almost broke down into tears, that she couldn't keep this heavy secret inside her any longer. She didn't know why she needed to tell someone; she just knew she had to. So, she determined during her morning classes that she would confide in Elphaba at lunch.
Lately she had been eating lunch with her roommate since she had inexplicably started showing up to the lunchroom earlier than her other friends. Elphaba was always there early since she did not have a class right before this time, and Galinda could always anticipate her sitting at the same two-person table, munching on some kind of vegetable, and reading a book. Galinda could also tell that Elphaba had started waiting for her too, trying to hide the smile that played across her lips before she looked up to see Galinda approaching. Galinda's other friends wondered why she suddenly seemed to enjoy the company of her green roommate, to which Galinda replied, "I can't very well sit by myself and wait for you to come. What would people think?"
"What will people think if you sit with the green bean all the time?" Phannee retorted.
"I'd like to finish my meal in peace, thank you." And with that Galinda dismissed them, much to Elphaba's delight.
In this way the two roommates became friends, though the two did not talk very much at first, knowing they had very little in common. But they both enjoyed each other's company, and each girl inherently knew how to make the other laugh. Galinda also quickly learned that she could trust Elphaba if she ever needed to tell her something in confidence.
And this was big. She decided she wanted to tell her friend this secret during lunch instead of the intimacy of their room so that Elphaba wouldn't get the wrong idea. She had gone over what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it over and over again, until she realized she was taking too long and that she better get out of the bathroom if she was going to do this. She took one more deep breath, and with all the courage she could muster, she entered the lunchroom.
She decided to skip the food and just head for Elphaba's table. She was stopped halfway there, however, by Phannee. "Oh, good, Miss Galinda. You can sit with us today," she said as she pulled the young woman into a chair. The gossip immediately started, and Galinda could not think of an excuse to leave. She chanced a short look toward Elphaba, whose back was to them, and wondered if the green girl was disappointed she did not join her.
After a short while, Elphaba went on her way, and Galinda figured it was no big deal, that she could just try and have the conversation with her tomorrow.
Galinda felt fine the rest of the lunchtime and on her way to her next class. It wasn't until about halfway through the lecture that tears suddenly came to her eyes. Why am I crying? she thought. She slowly slouched into her chair and subtly placed her hand on her forehead, feigning a headache, in order to shield her eyes. The tears had not started falling yet, so she thought maybe there was hope of making them go away. But she still wondered why she wanted to cry in the first place. I was so ready to tell her, but I took too long. I just need to tell someone. I can't hold it inside anymore, but I have to. She felt a heaviness come upon her once again and looked past her fingers to the students that surrounded her. She felt disdain toward them, that they were the ones forcing her to keep up this façade. What's wrong with you people? Can't you see that I am crying? Can't you see that something is wrong? I'm screaming at you, but you have deaf ears and blind eyes! She felt first tear fell. Galinda discreetly wiped it away, gathered her books, and left the classroom. She felt a breakdown coming on, and she couldn't let it happen there in the middle of class. As she was walking out, the professor turned to ask where she thought she was going, but seeing the look of distress on his pupil's face, he said nothing.
Elphaba walked down the hall of the science building, heading toward the library after her last class that Friday afternoon. "Miss Elphaba," she heard someone call behind her. She stopped and turned around.
A frail girl with light blonde hair hurried up to her. She had never seen this girl before and wondered what she could possibly want, though she did look sweet and innocent enough. "Can I help you?" she asked the girl who had a concerned expression on her face.
"Well, I know you are Miss Galinda's roommate, and I thought maybe you should go and check up on her. I don't know what your room number is, otherwise I would—"
"Wait. Is something wrong with Galinda?"
"I believe so, Miss Elphaba. She left our class today, rather abruptly and without a word to the professor, when the class was only halfway through. She looked very upset, possibly crying."
Elphaba could see the sincerity on the girl's face and could tell that this was one of the many young women here at Shiz who looked up to and admired Galinda. "Don't worry," she answered. "I'll see to it that she's alright. Thank you for telling me." She changed her direction and headed for her room. But once she got there, Galinda was nowhere to be found. She decided she would sacrifice an afternoon at the library just in case Galinda came back and needed to talk.
Galinda meanwhile had decided to go out that Friday evening with her usual friends in order to take her mind off things. They sat at a table in the bar, and Phannee and Shenshen were relentless in their quest to grab the attention of the boys at the neighboring table. Galinda was having none of it.
"Come on, Galinda," Phannee pleaded. "If you don't at least bat your eyelashes, they'll never come over to talk to us."
Just then, Fiyero walked in. "Galinda, look! There's Fiyero, and he's coming right toward you!" Shenshen squealed quietly.
Galinda smiled faintly at him as he approached. "Hello Misses Phannee and Shenshen. Miss Galinda."
"Good evening, Master Fiyero," Galinda responded.
"Mind if I join you?" He eyed the other two girls who picked up on the hint.
"Uh, we'll just be over here." They moved to another table, closer to the other boys, but they made sure they could still try to decipher Galinda's conversation with the Prince of the Arjikis.
"Can I buy you a drink, Miss Galinda?"
"No thank you. I'm not drinking tonight."
He chuckled. "Alright, fair enough." He paused then got right to the point. "I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me some time."
Phannee shot Shenshen a bemused expression. Figures, she thought. All Galinda has to do is sit there, and she's got princes coming up to her asking her out. It's just as well, I suppose. At least being her friend I might be able to bask in her radiated glory. The two friends awaited her response.
"No thank you, Master Fiyero," she finally said with her head down. Phannee and Shenshen could not hide their shocked expressions. They knew she had been acting weird lately, but this was a new level of craziness.
"What is she doing?" Shenshen whispered.
"Look, Galinda," Fiyero said in a lower voice as he took her hand. "I think you are the prettiest girl at this school. You don't have to be intimidated by me."
Galinda took her hand away and laughed at his assumption. "Trust me, Master Fiyero; I am not in the least intimidated by you. I am simply not interested."
"Fine," he said without looking at her, and instead of risking further humiliation, he got up and left.
Phannee and Shenshen hurried back to the table, flabbergasted. "Galinda, what is wrong with you? Every girl in this school would give their right arm to be with Fiyero!"
"Phannee, please, stop being so dramatic. He's just a boy who's no different from the other boys. He might look different and have more money, but on the inside he has nothing more to offer."
Shenshen looked worried as she sat down. "What's wrong, Galinda?"
"Nothing's wrong, Shenshen. I'm just in the middle of figuring some things out," she couldn't help but say. They still glared at her, Phannee looking disgusted and Shenshen looking confused. "I'm sorry to have disappointed you two," she said as she got up, "but after all, it's my life." She left the bar and went on a long walk.
She got back to her room not long after it had gotten dark to find Elphaba pacing in the middle of their room. She stopped when she realized there was another presence in the room, and looked up to meet Galinda's gaze.
"Are you alright?" Galinda asked.
"I should be asking you that," Elphaba responded, trying her best to sound calm. "Where have you been?"
Galinda's confusion was apparent. "What's it to you?" She didn't mean to come off so harsh, but she had no idea why Elphaba was acting this way.
Elphaba stepped closer to her, still annoyed. "A girl from one of your classes said you left the lecture about halfway through, possibly in tears."
"Oh, that…um, I wasn't feeling well—"
"You weren't feeling well?" Elphaba crossed her arms. "Well then, do you mind telling me where you've been the past four hours? The infirmary?" she asked sarcastically.
"What are you, my mother?" Galinda pushed past her to her side of the room and sat down on her bed to take off her shoes.
"I had planned on spending the afternoon in the library catching up on research, but instead I've been here worrying about you—"
"No one asked you to."
"I don't know why I should. It is completely out of my nature to spend my time worrying about someone else. But that girl had me believing it was my duty somehow, as your roommate. I'll never make that mistake again."
"Elphaba, you're making a big deal out of nothing. I'm sorry you wasted your afternoon for no reason, but that's not my fault—"
"You can at least tell me where you've been—"
"It's no big deal, Elphaba!" Galinda felt herself about to crack again. Instead she grabbed her nightgown and went into the bathroom to change. Once inside, she didn't bother to look in the mirror. She couldn't risk catching a glimpse of her true self again. She quickly exited the bathroom and climbed into bed facing the wall away from Elphaba.
The green woman again found herself confused. It was not even nine o'clock yet, and it was a Friday night. She knew something was up, but she also knew better than to press the issue. And she was still upset with Galinda for not telling her what was wrong. They were friends now, right? Isn't that what friends are supposed to do.
She was glad, though, that at least Galinda was back safe in their room, and she could go back to studying. She sat at her desk, milling over the pages, taking in as much as she could. But thoughts of Galinda kept entering her mind. Even while she had been waiting for her, she couldn't figure out why. She should have known that whatever was the matter, Galinda was a big girl, and she could handle it on her own. Elphaba couldn't remember ever worrying about anyone, not even her sister since she was never left alone. And Elphaba made it a point to never worry about anyone, being positive that no one would ever worry about her. And giving up valuable library time? Why was she suddenly being so selfless? Especially when in all likelihood the whole ordeal was probably over something so juvenile.
She glanced over at the seemingly selfish Galinda who was sound asleep. She noticed it was half past eleven, so she got ready and went to bed, knowing that it only took a glance in the other girl's direction to understand why she cared.
Galinda awoke. She didn't know what time it was, only that it was still dark and that her roommate was still asleep, as evidenced by her slow breathing. She could feel the tears lodged in her throat after a full day of holding them back. She knew from experience that she couldn't cry during the day because she would not have been able to hide the subsequent redness around her eyes. Then she thought about why she wanted to cry in the first place. Who would ever understand what it's like to be the exact opposite of what you're supposed to be? She pondered the alternative, of just pretending her whole life. But she knew that even if she could pull it off, it wasn't an option. She would become a shell of a person, something resembling Grommetik, a tiktok being. She would be dead inside, dead to the world, and soon enough dead in reality.
With such grim thoughts in that bleak night, her tears threatened to turn into sobs. But she couldn't allow Elphaba to hear her. She didn't know why. She supposed it was her pride because the one thing she most certainly could not handle was her best friend's disapproval. There was no one in the world who meant more to her than Elphaba. The idea of losing her friendship too, caused her to ache physically as she tried to stay quiet and muffle her quiet gasps. She could literally feel her soul being ripped in two, and she knew once that was complete, the numbness would sink in.
But before it could, she felt a weight on her bed and warm arms wrap around her waist, pulling her close. She felt Elphaba's breath on her neck and shoulder as the green woman placed the side of her face against her own. Galinda closed her eyes, succumbing to this newfound comfort, the pain and the tears having fled. She was encased in her friend at the moment, and she wondered how she could ever doubt Elphaba's loyalty.
"I'm not who they think I am, Elphaba," Galinda muttered into the darkness, her voice shaky. "I can't be who they want me to be."
"Hush, my pretty," Elphaba whispered with her steady voice, as she raised her hand to stroke golden waves of hair. "They are not worth your tears."
And Galinda believed her.
~O~Z~O~Z~O~Z~O~Z~
The next day, Galinda took Elphaba on a picnic. They set up in the middle of a grassy meadow on a clear spring afternoon, technically off Shiz grounds so as not to be disturbed. They sat across from each other, nibbling on fruit after they had finished their sandwiches. Elphaba had decided to wear the dark gray sundress, embossed with gray leafy patterns, which Galinda had picked out for her on their first trip to the city together the weekend before. She also wore her hair down so that it could flow in the breeze, just as Galinda liked. Galinda had not asked her to do these things, and she never cared about her outward appearance before. But she cared today, for her friend's sake.
Galinda seemed more beautiful today than usual, Elphaba noted, with less makeup and a simpler dark green dress. They had both discarded their shoes in order to feel the soft grass between their toes.
Galinda finished eating as she wrapped her arms around her thighs and looked down into the grass contemplatively. Elphaba put a grape in her mouth as she observed this beautiful young woman, who could just as easily been a spring fairy at that moment, Elphaba fancied with a smile. Her smile ceased, however, when she observed the melancholy expression return to Galinda's face.
"Out with it, Galinda," she spoke softly but firmly. "You're not going to shock me."
Galinda did not look up as a sad half-smile graced her lips. She lifted her toes and sat them back down over and over, causing her to rock back and forth. Then she stopped. "I'm gay, Elphie," she muttered.
Elphaba froze completely, her hand holding another grape halfway to her mouth. Had she heard correctly? Yes, there was no mistaking it, and the girl wasn't joking either, as Elphaba might have expected if she hadn't seen the look on her face and the pieces of the puzzle all coming together. She had to think of something to say quickly, but she couldn't think of anything that would make sense. All she could think of was how much she wanted to protect Galinda from everyone else in the world who would surely ridicule her. But she couldn't very well say that.
"Did you hear me, Elphaba?" Galinda asked angrily as she started to cry. Elphaba did not waste another second before she walked over, sat next to her friend, and scooped her up in her arms. Galinda clung tightly to her as she was finally able to sob to her heart's content.
When they eventually pulled away from each other, Elphaba kissed her on the forehead. "Don't be afraid, my sweet. I am here for you."
"Oh, Elphie, I was stupid not to realize that sooner."
"You're not stupid, Galinda. You just weren't ready yet."
~O~Z~O~Z~O~Z~O~Z~
As the weeks wore on and summer began, Galinda realized that although her best friend knew her secret, she was still hiding something from her. She was hiding the fact that it was her growing feelings for her roommate that made her come to terms with who she was in the first place. But it was too dangerous to tell her that right now. Galinda needed her friendship. And although Elphaba wouldn't hate her if she knew she saw her in that way, she might start to become distant, and Galinda couldn't have that. So again, Galinda was forced into pretense; because it was obvious to her Elphaba would never feel that way about her, right? She was obviously protective of her, but that didn't mean she had romantic feelings for her.
Meanwhile, Elphaba was starting to realize that her protectiveness toward Galinda was turning in to something more. Elphaba couldn't even begin to fathom what it would feel like to fall in love whenever she would hear someone talking about it. She was cynical, and couldn't bring herself to believe that true love existed. But soon she couldn't deny that she wanted to be near Galinda every second of the day. Every time she thought of her, she would daydream for an indeterminable amount of time—something she had never done before. And whenever Galinda came into view, her heart would flutter. She knew it had to be love, but she also knew it couldn't be true love because that was supposed to be a two-way street, and Galinda would never want someone like her.
Elphaba never thought of herself as gay or straight. She never really even gave much thought about who she found attractive, let alone sex itself. She didn't know why everyone gave so much time and effort to these things; writing poetry, singing songs, becoming depressed, killing themselves. She knew she would never take such drastic measures. She loved Galinda, yes. There was no denying that anymore. But what shocked her even more, was the fact that her love for Galinda rendered her utterly selfless at the mere thought of her, and there was nothing she wouldn't do for her as long as it was for Galinda's own good. She would even let someone else have her if it meant she would be happy. Elphaba decided she was never meant for happiness anyway.
One day that summer the whole gang decided to attend the annual Shiz Street Festival, complete with carnival rides, ethnic foods, and games with prizes. Galinda's other friends conceded to the fact that Elphaba would be a regular staple to their circle if they wanted to keep Galinda around. After a while, they didn't seem to mind so much, and the group had fun. Of course, a group of good looking girls is bound to draw the attention of every guy around. There was one guy in particular who had his eye on Galinda, as if they all didn't. But he was the most persistent. His name was Averic.
Galinda decided that she would humor him for a while, in order to keep up appearances. At least that's what she told herself. It wasn't at all that she was trying to make Elphaba jealous. Of course not; that would be silly. Nonetheless, she kept her eye on Elphaba as Averic tried to impress her by winning several stuffed animals for her. Elphaba didn't seem pleased, but Galinda couldn't be sure. So she decided to ride the Ferris wheel with him. Again, Elphaba put up no protest, but still glared at Averic as he escorted her to the ride.
Elphaba noticed how Galinda seemed to laugh at all his jokes and didn't pull away when he took her hand several times. Elphaba knew that Galinda was just putting on a show, but she couldn't help but become jealous that she couldn't be the one to take Galinda's hand out in the open, or really at all for that matter. When she noticed Averic's hand on the thigh of the seemingly unawares Galinda, however, that was the last straw.
As the two exited the ride, Elphaba yanked Galinda away from the crowd. "Can I talk to you?" she commanded more than asked.
"Elphie, what's the matter with you?" Galinda was glad that Elphaba was walking in front of her so that she couldn't see Galinda's mischievous smirk.
"I'll tell you what the matter is with me," she said as she turned around, out of earshot of the others. "It's one thing, Galinda, to flirt with a boy, but it is quite another to allow him to put his hands all over you."
"Elphie, it's no big deal," Galinda answered smugly.
"It is a big deal if—" Elphaba stopped suddenly as she felt a raindrop on her forehead. "Come on." She grabbed Galinda's hand as they raced under the nearest tent that had been set up with tables and chairs, for the carnies presumably because it was behind the rides and practically empty of people even though it began to pour.
"I didn't even notice the clouds come in," Elphaba breathed as she stared wide-eyed into the rain and the people past the rides rushing around, laughing, and trying to get out of the downpour. "You will be the death of me Galinda." She looked over at her friend with a smile on her face.
Galinda smiled back then gazed outside the tent. "Oh, perhaps the rain could have done some damage, but I would never let it truly hurt you, Elphie," she said as she kissed Elphaba on the cheek.
Elphaba just shook her head, grinning.
"It is rather romantic, though. Don't you think?" Galinda asked. "Just listen to it," she added quietly.
They stood there in silence, and Elphaba had to admit to herself that the sound was beautiful. Nothing about rain had been beautiful to her until that moment. Galinda slowly put her hands around Elphaba's waist and placed her head on her shoulder. Elphaba held her close, closing her eyes and taking in the moment, knowing that it would be over too soon.
Elphaba whispered absently into Galinda's hair, "I just want you to be happy, my sweet…even if it's not with me."
Her eyes shot open as she realized what she had uttered.
Galinda lifted her head up and looked at her with adoring eyes. "I could only be happy with you, my Elphie." Then she kissed her under the tent as the rain poured all around them.