Good Morning Sunshine
Okay, this is based on the morning after scene after Nathan spent the night with Haley for the first time, post fall. I was listening to the lyrics of Swtichfoot's Learning to breathe and was thinking how much it could go with this morning after scene. This story is told from Nathan's perspective because I have so much fun writing about this guy! Hope you enjoy. Disclaimer: This is simply a work of fanfiction by a fan. The characters in this story belong to the makers of One Tree Hill. I am receiving no profit for this…I don't own these characters…ahhh…unfortunately!
{Hello, good morning, how do you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?}
As the sun's morning shine began to overshadow the darkness, he lazily opened his eyes.
And found himself in surprising circumstances. This wasn't his room. This wasn't even his bed.
And the warmth that lay on his body…
The frown of confusion turned to a smile, a rapidly growing one. Ahhh, it was her room…her bed…her sweet warmth. He stretched his arms upward carefully. She was still asleep.
Hmmm, good morning he thought dreamily. Dreamily? He was thinking in a dreamy way? This was not him…not the guy who he was used to be.
But of course he wasn't in his room. This wasn't his bed…and she was not the usual girl he would wake up with. Sure, he had woken up with his token amount of admiring females, usually irritably and with a hangover. Now he had a headache and his body still felt kind of weak and weird, but he wasn't in a bad mood. How could one be in a bad mood with such sweetness lying against their chest?
He finished his long stretch and moved his hand downward to let his fingers interlace with her cinnamon waves, such soft waves of hair that silkily blanketed his fingers. And her face, so peaceful in its slumber, pretty eyelashes falling against her usually big alert eyes, now closed as she slept. She had a type of beauty he had never encountered before. It was soft and gentle, not abrupt and flashy like the way most girls appeared with their hair teased and curled to perfection, their makeup so perfect that you worried it would crack. No, she wasn't like that. She was feminine without a doubt. Every curve of her body that lay against his firmer one proved that now. The way she dressed in old fashioned grandmother sweaters and wore flowery shirts sometimes proved that. Looking around her room and inhaling the sweet fragrances she sprinkled it with proved that.
She was very feminine, but in her soft unassuming way.
{I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new}
But it wasn't just her outward beauty that appealed to him as he moved his foot to find where it would touch…uh…nothing, except the end of the bed. He peered downward carefully; that head of cinnamon waves was still cradled against his chest and he didn't want to disturb it. Her bed was too small. His was way bigger…almost king size. And yet hers was so small…so short…so…
Ahhh, it didn't matter when she was laying on it with him. It felt just perfect. It felt fresh and new. She felt fresh and new. He nearly laughed now at all his silly crazy thoughts. This was not him…this was not how he woke up with a girl in bed. They usually had close to nothing on and his first thought was usually about his own physical satisfaction. Now he was struggling to make sure he didn't wake this girl…no, not this girl…it was so wrong to think of her as just some girl. She was so much more. She was girl, woman…comfort…someone he could come to and be himself with…someone he could turn to when the night became so dark that it felt like it was swallowing…that…
He didn't want to dwell on the dark thoughts now.
He wanted to find where she ended. Looking downward again, he saw her feet near his shin, curled a little, but not so much, displaying clearly the difference in their heights. And it brought a softness to his thoughts. She was so much smaller than him. It made him want to protect her…it endeared her to him. He moved now so his leg would be closer to her, so he could feel the softness of her white socked feet against his leg…and he enjoyed how it felt to have that part of her near him…even her socks were something whose touch he craved.
He did laugh now, but quickly put his hand over his mouth to once again not awaken her. He felt her body move, watched a frown come to her face as she attempted to find a better more secure position. His laughing had disturbed her peaceful sleep. Finally as his chest stopped moving from his unexpected burst of laughter, she found her new place down lower against his chest…and as her body became relaxed again…a lazy curve to her lips formed.
He had nearly laughed once more at all the activity she had used just to be comfortable again, but he managed at the last minute to keep it in…for her sake. He didn't want to wake her.
He peered downward once more to see her still in her jeans and red screen printed t-shirt, the same one she had been wearing at the game…and later when he had come to be with her. And he was still wearing his sweats, with just a white t-shirt. Last night she had helped him out of his jacket, helped him to this bed…helped him to sleep.
He had felt weak…cold and hot…muscles shaky and uncertain…hands shaking. And he had needed to be with her.
Ohhh…he didn't want to go back to last night.
But as his thoughts turned to the inevitable, he knew it hadn't been just bad. Last night he had done something he had never done before. For so long, for years he had felt lost, uncertain. His mom was away too much. His dad was too focused on winning. And now he had a brother he didn't know what to feel about-who challenged his winning performances. It was wearying sometimes…it was scary. Because he wasn't sure how far he would go himself to win.
Well he hadn't been sure…until the last week…the last days of this week. He shivered now, remembering that talk with his dad…the phone call he had made…the first drug he had let invade his body. He had felt so out of control, so frightened that he wouldn't be enough, that he had ended up doing something he had always avoided before. He filled his body with artificial stimulants, poisonous ones that he increased the level of what he took with each uncertain thought…each worry about the game to come.
And from then on he had been running hot and cold. One minute he was holding her hand near his heart in the hallway…the next he was on top of her on this very bed, undressing her more quickly than she was ready for. It scared him now to think how out of control he had gotten…how the minute those drugs had entered his body he had given up his control.
And yet he would not blame all on those drugs. He always considered people weak who did that…unwilling to take responsibility for their own faults. He had taken drugs because he wanted to…he wanted to end the pressure with his dad. It was just a stupid way to do it.
The drugs had increased partially how fast he may have acted with her, but his going too fast the other night and being non-understanding about her feelings had also been him. He was used to girls who didn't back down from sex. Being with a girl who was a bit skittish of it was something new to him. And he had wanted to be with her. That wasn't drugs. That was his body…his mind…wanting to be close to her. He just hadn't thought enough of what SHE wanted…hadn't read her signals carefully enough.
Then later, he had exploded on her, turned her away when she tried to make sense of their distance from each other. He let her know all that mattered was the game…
He nearly laughed at it now…dryly. The game…the stupid game that he had fallen at. It made him shiver more.
{Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone
Can break my fall}
He looked down to make sure he hadn't woken her with the unexpected movement….no, he hadn't. She was still slumbering peacefully. Good.
The fall was something that still he couldn't completely remember…except for some key moments. Minutes before he had landed an awesome shot, and then nearly got in a fight with someone…he had been so keyed up…so high-strung…so drugged up. He hadn't even realized all he was doing. The heat underneath the gym's lights had been making him sweat more and more as his body started to burn, his mind started to blur…and his senses felt out of control. The ball in his hand once more, he felt the opposite team player against his back, but the ball had loosened as his body finally screamed no more…it couldn't take it…his legs had curled inward like a rag doll's and he had fallen. But before that fall, he had looked up and seen three faces…his brother's…his father's…and hers.
{I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies}
Oh hers. It had been the face he tried to hold onto as his vision faded…as the darkness began to fall over his face…his body…the whole gym. He had wanted to crawl to her and ask her to let him in again…to tell her he was sorry…that she was what he wanted… 'and nothing else mattered.'
He had wanted to tell her so much, but the toll had run its course and he had simply fallen into blackness.
When finally he had woken up, it had been to white walls…and his father's face above his. He had been scared, but his father's presence had added to his security, feeling his hand gently moving over his hair had relieved him a bit.
It was only temporary though as he later listened to his father argue with the doctor…telling him his son would never take drugs.
Yeah, right dad, he thought sarcastically now.
But then, he had not enough energy to even think sarcastically. He felt fear and regret running through him. His body felt weird and alien. And he felt cold and lonely.
So he had come here…to her…found her in her room…found her using the phone to call him….her face displaying worry right away. And he had fallen into her arms…and felt her hold him…hold him up…break his fall.
"Nathan…"
He looked downward now, away from the place where he had drifted off to…the dark place he had been in last night…
To see her face, her sweet face with those big alert eyes, now only half alert, looking up at him with a slight smile and yet concern too…she was worried about him still…
It warmed a place he had never felt inside of himself before, as the sun found its way more to her room, as her face provided its own sunshine…
{Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad}
He reached out to touch her cinnamon waves again…to let his hand fall down her face gently. "Hey…"
He watched her eyes close softly as she felt his hand upon her face and she smiled, warmly and brightly now. The darkness was of last night. It was over. She brought in the sunshine. Stroking her face a bit more with his fingertips, he moved his head downward… "Morning…" he lazily whispered before letting his lips touch hers, before he gave her a morning kiss.
He heard a soft moan come from her mouth and he inwardly smiled. He was a good kisser. No girl had ever complained. In fact there had been times he had been showered with praise for how he kissed. And he had always smiled smugly at it. But now as he smiled inwardly, it wasn't a smug smile, it was one filled with warmth. That moan told him she was enjoying the kiss and that excited him. He wanted her to enjoy being with him. It mattered that she was happy…
He pulled away finally, taking in one last taste of her sweet bottom lip before releasing her completely. He smiled gently at how her eyes stayed closed for one long moment, feeling the curve of her breast against his chest as she lay on top of him. It made his smile fade a bit. Her closeness was utterly intoxicating. And yes last night he had told her he would be patient with her.
He had still been feeling sick and she had led him to her bed after responding yes to his request to stay with her. He had weakly fallen into bed beside her, but not without a few kisses here and there. And as one ended, he had seen a bit of discomfort on her face and had questioned her about it. She told him she needed him to understand about the other night…that she…
But he had stopped her, shakily laying his finger across her lips…
He remembered now what he had asked her…
~*~"Haley…are you afraid of being with me? Because I'm sorry that I scared you the other night. It was the drugs. But that wasn't all. I just wanted to be with you. This is new to me."
"What is?" She asked him quietly. "You've probably been with lots of girls before. What could be new to you?"
"Being with someone…who…"
He had stumbled on his words then, feeling shaky not only from the drugs, but also from the emotion of what he was feeling.
"Someone who I really care about…who I don't want to hurt. I told you Haley…being with you…in whatever way you're comfortable with…that's all that matters. I just don't want to be away from you..."
Tears came to her eyes again at his words, like the tears of relief he had seen her cry when he had walked up to her…came to her room and gave her his speech of what he had wanted to do before he had fallen.
"I just…I'm not scared of you Nathan. It's not that…I just…it's important to me…I'm just not ready for sex right now…"
He smiled then, his voice coming out jokingly. "Well I guarantee you I'm not really ready for it tonight either…I'd probably faint."
She laughed then before moving closer to him on the bed and gently kissing his forehead.
"Oh Nathan…" She whispered shakily. "I was so worried about you tonight…so scared when you fell. Please don't do anything like that again…"
He closed his eyes at the feel of her lips still against his forehead and reassured her as much as he could. Just a bit earlier he had told her of the drugs he had taken, watched her shocked face as he had confessed…not shocked at that he had taken them, for she had seen the signs as the game had gone on, but more shocked at his reasoning. She hadn't realized he had felt that pressured.
He tried to push it all away and concentrated now on her arms that were holding him in their warmth…those small arms that simply wrapped around to hold his head because they barely fit around his shoulders. They made him smile weakly as he felt his weariness falling over his body more…increasing his tiredness and making him want to just fall asleep in the warm haven she created.
"I won't…I learned my lesson tonight…believe me I did…I won't…thank you Haley…"
"For what?"
He heard her soft whisper as he gave her his final answer, before his weakened body finally allowed itself the rest it needed, as his eyes sealed themselves to sleep, as his mind closed down. He was safe now…he was surrounded by her warmth. It was okay now to let go as he tired answered her.
"For caring…for being there…for breaking my fall…"~*~
{I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone
Can break my fall}
He returned to the present now as her closeness continued to be a little too close for comfort. But he put away his thoughts of himself and tried to fight back his physical urges as the thought of what he could lose if he ever pushed her in the wrong direction. He didn't want to lose her…she was more than just physical satisfaction. "Nathan…"He smiled, looking back up at her. He loved the way she said his name, how she let it roll on her tongue in a lyrical way. She seemed lyrical…he wondered distractedly if she sang."Nathan…"
"Sorry. I just get lost in looking at you and I stop thinking."
She smirked. "Oh please…"
He laughed at her sarcasm. "I was being serious."
"I think the drugs affected your head too much!"
His eyebrows rose, an indignant look coming to his face…and then… "Oh yeah, you think that, well why don't we see how they've affected my tickling abilities…hmmmm…"
Her eyes widened. "You wouldn't?"
He smirked. "Oh wouldn't I?" He remembered her once confessing in one of their early tutoring sessions that she was extremely ticklish. He was thankful for her developing his memory skills now…they served a purpose even beyond academics.
"Nathan…I'm warning you!"
He laughed wickedly. "What…what are you going to do to me?"
"Nathaaaaaaaaaaan…."
He had moved out from underneath her suddenly and began his assault. His fingers easily found her weak spots as she wriggled and squirmed on the bed underneath him.
"Nattttttaaaaannn…m….mmmyyy….pppp…stop!....pare….oh god….mmmmmmmyyy parrrrrenntss…damn…listtten…nathhhannn…..myyyyypareentttttsssss!"
He laughed smugly. "They're away, remember? You told me last night that they weren't even here…" He moved his hand a little as she continued to squirm underneath him…damn girl could move like a worm…but it was damn sexy to watch too… "We're all alone. No one-OW!"
He held his aching head now watching her face full of victory as she held up her weapon, her pillow…dumb thing felt like a rock. "Haley!"
"Well you kept tickling me. I told you to stop!"
"Ohhhhh…" He moaned weakly now. His head hadn't needed that. It still wasn't feeling totally right…now it felt like it was spinning out of control. "Ohhh…" he moaned again before letting his head fall back to her bed, realizing belatedly that the pillow she had used had been the one he had been lying upon earlier. Feeling the hardness of the mattress not at all comforting, he closed his eyes.
"Nathan?"
He heard her voice but he didn't bother to open his eyes as his head still continued to spin, just a little slower now.
"Nathan?" He heard her questioning voice once again and then felt the gentle pressure of her body against his. Opening his eyes finally and looking up he saw her worried face just inches from his. "Ohhh Nathan I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" She cupped his face gently in her hands. "Nathan…"
"Say that again.""What?"
"My name. Say my name again."
"Nathan!"
He winced at her yell. "Damn Haley…it wasn't enough to hit me with a sack full of rocks…ohhh…"
She grimaced. "It was my pillow…don't you think you're over-dramatizing it a little? And if you had just listened to me…you know I don't like it when people tickle me."
He smiled. "But it's so fun to watch you squirm…and verrrry sexy."
She rolled her eyes before turning serious again. "Are you okay? You hit your head kind of hard last night when you fell. Do you need me to get you an ice pack?"
His eyes danced with mischief. The spinning was gone, but if she wanted to make him feel better he wasn't one to stop her. "No…I think I need a kiss more…right here." He pointed to his forehead.
She looked down at him skeptically. "You hit the BACK of you head Nathan."
"Yeah, but the back of my head wouldn't feel it…right here…on my forehead…and then you can do it here too." He brought his finger down to his upper lip. I'll REALLY feel it then."
She shook her head at him, but gently brushed her lips against his forehead before speaking again. "You are incorrigible."
He smiled dreamily. "Mmm…what does that mean?"
"That you're a stubborn little bratty boy who always tries to get his way."
He let the words turn over in his mind for a bit before answering with a silly smile. "I can live with that…as long as it means I get some tasty Haley medicine." He laughed at how her eyes widened…how her face reddened. She looked so adorable when she blushed.
But then she was moving down, her hands were on his shoulders and her lips had found his and were moving against them with experience that surprised him. Damn…he must be a good teacher because she was becoming a VERY good kisser. It ended with him feeling slightly out of breath as she lay her head down on his chest. He whispered quietly against her face, his breath a bit shaky. "Verrrrry good medicine…."
"Mmmm…" He could see her smiling. "Just remember that when I need some."
He moved his mouth against her ear alluringly. "Oh don't worry. I will."
He watched as her face moved up to look at him, saw the desire there, and he felt his own as he kissed her back now, reciprocating the affection she had just given him.
{So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way}
And then he watched as she let her head fall on his chest again. And he smiled.
Yesterday the skies had seemed so murky…so dark and forbidden. Today, here, in her room, he felt like he was underneath her skies…ones that were fresh and new…ones that greeted the sunshine…ones that made him feel whole and new.
{Hello, good morning, how do you do?}
She was like a breath of fresh air…she was a new rising sun…
She was the morning sunshine.
~~**~~
The End
Learning to breathe by Switchfoot
Thank you for reading. Feedback is always adored!