Note: I noticed a definite change in the relationship of Cory and Shawn after the 2nd season, they became a lot more touchy and clingy, like they would never bail on each other anymore. I wrote this ages ago and just didn't put it up… I hope you like it.
Waking up in a strange place and having no idea where you are is very scary, the room was completely white so much white that it hurts my eyes, the noise pricked of the busy room hits my ears but sounded like a low hum that you hear when you turn the t.v right down, like when you sneak out of bed and try to watch a 'M' rated show after midnight and don't want to wake anyone so you don't get in trouble.
I feel hot and sweaty on my hand, I felt a similar heat close to my face, I try to flex it but something has tight hold of it, so I crain my throbbing head and can make out a figure who pulled back as my head moved, watching them come into focus, floppy hair, dark eyes, broad smile- it's becoming very clear who the figure is.
Shawn.
"hey buddy" his voice is horse, like it gets after he gets into a fight with his father and sneaks into my room to talk late at night, his face is stained with I presume is water- it looks like tears, but Shawn doesn't cry, I've never seen him do it, so he must not have.
We do everything together, but I've never seen him look at me like that, like he might lunge over and hug me, like Morgan looks at me when I go and play with her- but he'd never hug me, he doesn't like it, he hates being touched, if I put my arm around him he'll shout it down, I tried hugging him one and he pushed me so hard I fell to the ground.
No, Shawn doesn't like to be touched.
"Where am I?" my voice sounds worse than his, it doesn't even sound like mine, it's crackly and strained like how my chain smoking aunt Cora sounds, his smile becomes sort of weak like it's going to break "your in the hospital… don't you remember we just talked an hour ago, you… you fell"
the word feel heavy, or is that just the sudden heavy sinking feeling in my chest- that can't be right… I'd remember that, right?
"I-I" he sounds so hesitant and lost, I've never seen him act like this… maybe they are tears… no. Shawn doesn't cry, "I'm going to get something to eat" his words ran together as he all but ran out of the room like what I had was contagious… wait what did I have? Maybe it is contagious.
"Shawn?"
"he was really worried about you" a muffled voice came from behind one of the curtains, it pulled back to reveal a face I'm sure I knew, her face was very pretty and she had short dark hair "it's me, Wendy"
it clicked… well not really, she looked so different, she'd died her hair… and cut it very short, but he still had that sweet face and kind eyes I remember and.. er.. I mean she had er… killer legs?
"Wendy" my voice was still Cora-esk but was much better, "you've been unconscious for 3 and a half hours" her voice was very matter of fact like, and I suddenly became much more aware of the harsh bruise on her cheek and her arm in a sling but commenting would be rude, especially how we ended our relationship not two years ago.
I stay quiet.
"it's okay" her voice sounded so far away from me, she had always sounded so full of energy she would always sounded so full of emotion now she sounded so hollow.
"he didn't leave your side once" she sounded almost jealous, of what I can't really say.
The whole time?
"w-where is Topanga?" where was she, I mean doesn't she care, I mean I know we haven't been dating for that long but I mean come on, Wendy obviously thought the same thing "I don't know, Shawn called her but she was busy… I guess you really didn't want an over attentive girlfriend" her voice was icy, I could practically see her breath her eyes were like slits.
This is so depressing.
"but what happened to you" I put my hand up to her face but she pulls her head back, sighing deeply, "my brother… again, let's just say there's not a lot of love in my house- just a whole lot of something else"
I didn't know what to say, how could… I mean? I could you? She edged closer to me grabbing my hand "it's okay" but it wasn't,
How could it be?
"how… why… is that why? With me…" I chocked out, my throat felt backed up again, but now for a new reason "yeah I guess… I mean it was all new then, and I really wanted something sure, that was concrete" her face was so sad, she looked so desperate like I was holding her life line.
We weren't close, why would she tell me, WHY?
"Why?" my voice sounded like I'd been crying, maybe I was, I felt so past it like I was in front of it.
"I mean I loved you Cory… NOT like that I mean like a friend, I want you to know that" she sucked in a breath "I think it's only right to tell the people you love that right? I guess I don't love you know but I know you understand"
but I don't understand.
I don't know why she would think…
"You have to understand right? I mean with what happens with Shawn and his step-brother…"
Everything sort of blurs out for me, as realization hits me, her voice goes on mute like a t.v and all I can see is Shawn, sneaking into my room, face red lip cut, voice horse, climbing into my bed… it's something I never questioned before.
Or how he always wears long clothing or the marks ups his arms when he does dare take off his coat.
How could I be so stupid?
I can vaguely hear Wendy tell the doctor how she fell out of a tree she'd been hiding in from a bully that had hit her in the face, and I could hear my parents rush in telling me I could go home… telling me they'd told Shawn he could go already go.
I could feel myself standing wobbly.
But I couldn't really feel, I wasn't really listening… all I could see was Shawn and all those little things I should have seen, hell I didn't even know he had a step brother… okay maybe, I think his name was Eddie, but I'd never met him.
Before I could do anything I was in my bed at home
And even with everyone around me, fussing, taking a big deal over a little concussion all I could think about was Shawn.
And as night fell he didn't creep into my bed quietly and painfully like he did every other night at around 2 am.
I was all alone
And it scared me.
The next day at school Topanga rushed me, kissing me hard on the mouth and then running into some excuse about her step mother Rhiannon refusing to take her, and grounding her for talking out the whales- she had been trying to stamp the hippie out of her with punishment.
Very effective.
Brad, a passing friend of mine asked me about where Shawn was.
I told him I didn't know
He didn't show up.
He asked how his birthday was
No one had remembered because of me.
I remembered now, Eric had thrown his birthday present up a tree to tease me, I had climbed a tree in an effort to get it and… well…
I skipped school to go to the trailer park
But first I climbed that tree again, collecting the small parcel that was left there
I didn't fall out this time though
I used my bike, it felt like my legs would fall off… I'd forgotten how far away the trailer park is from school.
When I got there…
He was sitting in the dark alone
Eyes shut
He didn't move
I switched on the lights and he stood up abruptly, his face was stained with water again- he must have splashed his face with water somehow again.
He looked shaky
I put the gift in his hands
He unwrapped it very carefully, not how I would, he didn't rip it open letting paper fly- in the almost comical way we would normaly, somehow I guess this should have been special
It wasn't
It was broken
Split in half
He looked disappointed
So I lent over and put my arms around him, encasing him almost in a tight hug
I felt him squirm under my grip, the water thicken on his face
Then he loosen
Placing his arms close around me
So very tightly.
We stayed that way for ages… I guess… time sort of lost all meaning with his arms clinging so closely to me, so clingy, so needy, so not like Shawn
So not him
I think
He let go, gingerly putting my broken present down on the table, watching the cracks split even further
He didn't look at me, but muttered
"this was the best birthday ever"
and then looked up and just smiled.