Kumquat Queen: I had the sudden and unshakable urge to write this in the shower. Daydreamed for a while, which got me bitched at by Madax for hogging the hot water. Damn Nobodys and their preoccupation with cleanliness. This started as a Soriku, mutated into an AkuRoku, before finally settling on AxelRiku, which I suspect was my intention all along. Stupid subconscious...
This one-shot is dedicated primarily to the fantastic Rosalyn Angel, because she rocks. And to my pal Infinity, for letting me read her copy of 'Legal Drug.'
Disclaimer: I own nothing
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"Riku...do I make you happy?"
I can't begin to recall the number of times I've asked myself that same question, never to arrive at an answer. And now you want one, and I'm afraid it may not be there.
But what did you expect, Axel, really? Nothing in the beginning, certainly. That was just two people, neither one who could get what they really wanted, turning to one another out of desperation. Just two bodies clinging together without love, just to escape the horrible fear of being alone.
For two years now, we've played our little game, and played it well. A comfortable arm around the shoulder, chaste kisses in plain view of our friends, make-out sessions in closets. You'd almost think our relationship was founded on affection, or something equally laughable. All the while, the true objects of our desire watch on, innocently oblivious to this charade, too caught up in their own passion to notice our deception.
We're really two of a kind, you know that? I can still remeber that first night, when Roxas told me that he and Sora were together. My heart felt like it had been crushed to powder. And then I found you, in just as pitiful a state. We watched the two of them grow closer together, and sank more deeply into our shared depression.
Even after two years, it still breaks me in two, seeing the adoration in Roxas's eyes when he looks at Sora. And I know that it kills you to see those looks returned.
So the first answer that comes to mind would be 'No.' You do not make me happy. Not happy like I want to be. In the end, I'm just a warm body to you, and you to me. That's all there is to it.
But the more I think about it...I start to think that maybe you're not so bad. I wouldn't mind seeing the adoration in your eyes instead of Roxas. And I can't say it's unpleasant, sharing myself with you.
You make me feel...wanted. Appreciated, at least. You're here for me when no one else is. I like that. It's not love, probably not even like. That's ok, though. It doesn't matter, because...
You don't make me happy.
But you could.
You could