Disclaimer: I do not own eclipse. I do not own any of these characters. And I do not own this storyline.
Authors Note: This is my take of Edwards POV of chapter 27 of Eclipse; Needs.
I'll try my best to capture Edward, leave me feedback. :) thank you
27. Needs
As soon as Alice said the words I was on my way.
I found Bella's truck, pulled over on the side of the road. And there inside, she sat. Slumped over the seat, her face in her hands while her chest heaved, releasing heartbreaking sobs.
It was unbearable. My beautiful Bella.
I opened the truck door gently, slid onto the seat and pulled her into my arms.
I didn't say anything, I just held her while she grieved. I'd never seen her like this before, I could very nearly see her heart breaking, I could definitely feel it, as her sobs shook her.
How could this be right? How could this be the best for her? If it hurt her this much to let him go…why should she have to?
I cursed myself again for bringing myself into her life, for being so selfish.
I'd done it again; I'd caused her pain again, this time by merely existing.
She could have had it all.
"Charlie" Bella blubbered
I looked down at her, doubtfully; I couldn't take her home like this, could I?
"Are you sure you're ready to go home?" I asked
She tried to speak a few times, but the sobs didn't enable her to, when she finally managed to talk she explained that it wasn't going to get any better, and that she needed to get past Charlie before it got late and he called Billy.
She had a point. So without saying a word, I started the truck.
Keeping one arm tightly around her waist, I drove home. I drove slowly, for her, a small attempt to soothe her a little, whilst the whole way to her house, Bella fought to restrain the tears that were relentlessly flowing. By the time we arrived at her home, the howling had become quiet sobs, but the tears hadn't slowed.
"Wait for me upstairs" she said quietly, when we were standing out front of her house.
I pulled her into my arms gently and held her limp body for a short moment, trying to reassure her, and strangely myself at the same time, and then I made my way to her bedroom, where I sat and listened to Bella and Charlie.
Bella's appearance shocked Charlie, and his mind scrambled thinking of the possibilities of what had caused this, she quickly reassured him in a low and husky voice that scared him more than her tear-stained face had, but Charlie's mind was still anxious as he questioned her about what had upset her so much.
When Bella told Charlie that she just had to talk to Jacob about some things, he quickly understood and the anxiousness was replaced with disapproval.
"Was this really the best time?" I heard him ask.
I stopped listening and stared outside the window, what had I done? I thought.
The reason of my existence was miserable, and it could have been prevented if I hadn't existed.
She loved him. And because of me, she was giving that up; not just love, but life too. With him she wouldn't have to give up anything. She could live a happy life. She wouldn't have to leave Renee and Charlie and everyone she loved behind. She could marry and have children, she could go to college. She could live.
And though, I wanted her so badly to have all of that. The selfish creature that I am, couldn't allow myself to let her have it and give her up.
Because just as much as I wanted her to have that life, a bigger part of me wanted her to myself for the rest of eternity.
Because without her, I would be nothing. Just like I was before I met her.
I heard the creak in the stairs, and Bella came stumbling up the stairs, tearing at her wrist with shaky hands.
It took me a moment to realize that she was trying to take the charm bracelet with the tiny wolf carving Jacob had given her and the heart-shaped diamond I had given her off.
I captured her hands in mine "No, Bella" I whispered "its part of who you are"
And I pulled her warm body into my arms, just as the sobs began to break free again.
The night dragged on longer then the day had, as I held onto Bella whilst her tears stained my shirt. She didn't seem to be able to stop, so I didn't try to help her, I just held her in silence. At some point in the night something she had thought of had brought on a round of hysteria, which scared me more than the weeping. But in due time it passed, and the tears returned
Though eventually, she exhausted herself, and finally fell asleep in my arms.
She was restless in her sleep, and I couldn't even imagine the things she was dreaming.
I had hoped that unconsciousness would bring her some relief, but she seemed distraught, even in her sleep.
I was gazing anxiously at Bella, when she woke, and she looked up at me with finally-dried eyes and spoke hoarsely "Hey" she said, and cleared her throat
I didn't answer, I just watched her, waiting; surely the tears would begin again soon. I was ready. I had to be.
"No, I'm fine" she promised "that won't happen again" I tightened my eyes at her words.
"I'm sorry you had to see that" she said "that wasn't fair to you."
I put my cold hands on either side of her face, her warm skin heating my palms
"Bella…are you sure? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain-" my voice broke on the last word, and she put a finger to my lips, touching them softly
"Yes." She said quietly
"I don't know…" I creased my brow, frowning "if it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"
"Edward, I know who I cant live without"
"But…"
She shook her head "You don't understand, you may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that's what best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you, it's the only way I can live"
I was still doubtful, it just didn't seem right that her choice should bring her so much pain. She confused me with her next words
"Hand me that book will you?" she said, and I passed her ragged copy of Wuthering Heights to her
"This again?" I asked
"I just wanted to find this one part I remembered… to see how she said it…" she flipped through the pages and quickly found the one she was looking for "Cathy's a monster but there were a few things she got right," she muttered aloud. She read the lines quickly, to herself "if all else perished, and he remained, I would still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the world would turn into a mighty stranger" she nodded and spoke to herself again "I know exactly what she means, and I know who I can't live without"
I took the book from Bella's hands and threw it softly across the room, where it landed with a light thud on her desk, and wrapped my arms around her waist.
I smiled a little, though I could tell my forehead still showed my worry "Heathcliff had his moments too" I said, pulling her closer to whisper in her ear "I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!" I recited
"Yes" she said quietly "that's my point"
"Bella, I can't stand to see you miserable. Maybe…"
"No Edward, I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I know what I want and what I need…and what I'm going to do now" she said
"What are we going to do now?" I corrected, and she smiled and then sighed
"We're going to see Alice"
Alice was bouncing with excitement, sitting at the bottom of the porch step waiting for us. Obviously knowing the reason for Bella's arrival, I was curious to find out myself.
"Thank you Bella" she sang as we both got out of the truck. And I immediately saw Alice planning a wedding, our wedding.
"Hold it Alice," Bella warned, lifting a hand to halt her glee "I've got a few limitations for you"
"I know, I know, I know. I only have until August thirteenth at the latest" I smiled internally "you have veto power on the guest list, and if I go overboard on anything, you'll never speak to me again" Alice spoke breathlessly, the excitement over powering her
"Oh, okay. Well, yeah. You know the rules, then." Bella said, I stood in silence, watching
"Don't worry, Bella, it will be perfect. Do you want to see your dress?"
Bella took in a few deep breaths "Sure" she worked hard to keep her voice casual, but I could hear the strain.
Alice was smiling smugly
"Um, Alice," Bella said, still fighting to stay casual "When did you get me a dress?" I squeezed her hand, trying to relax her
Alice led the way inside, heading for the stairs "These things take time, Bella" Alice explained. Her tone was slightly evasive "I mean I wasn't sure things would turn out this way, but there was a distinct possibility…"
"When?" Bella asked again, Alice's mind betrayed her; she had had this dress for a long time
"Perrine Bruyere has a waiting list, you know" Alice said, her tone turned defensive "Fabric masterpieces don't happen overnight. If I hadn't thought ahead, you'd be wearing something off the rack!" she said as if that was the worse thing she could think of. Bella wasn't going to get a straight answer
"Per-who?" she said
"He's not a major designer, Bella, so there's no need to throw a hissy fit. He's got promise, though, and he specializes in what I needed"
"I'm not throwing a fit" Bella said, it was surprisingly true
"No, you're not" Alice eyed Bella's calm face suspiciously, and then they both walked into Alice's room, me, being attached to Bella, began to follow but I was stopped by Alice
"You-out" she said
"Why?" Bella demanded
"Bella" Alice groaned "you know the rules; He's not supposed to see the dress, until the day of"
Bella took another deep breath "It doesn't matter to me. And you know he's already seen it in your head anyway. But if that's how you want it…"
Alice shoved me out the door, but I didn't look at her, my eyes were fixed on Bella, wary, afraid to leave her alone. She nodded, her expression was reassuringly calm. Alice shut the door on my face
"All right" I heard her mutter "C'mon"
I stood outside the door in the hallway, leaning against the wall.
I watched Alice show Bella the beautiful dress that she would wear on our wedding day in Alice's mind. I saw Bella's expression soften and smile. "It's perfect of course. Exactly right. You're a genius" I heard her say
Of course I was happy that Bella was going to marry me, the traditional way, instead of running off to Vegas. But I couldn't figure out why. Why the sudden change? This wasn't what Bella wanted to do, and that's all that mattered, forget what I wanted.
My thoughts were interrupted by Alice's mind going in overdrive; Bella had asked her to be Maid of Honor.
"I've got so much to do! Go play with Edward; I have to get to work!" Alice said "Esme!" she yelled, disappearing down the hallway
Bella followed after
"That was very, very nice of you" I told her as she approached me
"She seems happy" she agreed
I touched her face softly, she needed something to take her mind off everything, we both did.
"Let's get out of here" I said suddenly "let's go to our meadow"
"I guess I don't have to hide anymore do I?" she said
"No the danger is behind us."
It was a quiet run to the meadow, the wind blew threw my hair, warmer now that the storm was over. The clouds still covered the sky, as usual.
The meadow was the same peaceful place it always was when I visited it, always sweeter when Bella accompanied me, which she almost always did now.
We lay on the grass, side by side, and I held her hand. My mind was still on our impending wedding
"August thirteenth?" I asked casually, after a few moments of comfortable quiet
"That gives me a month till my birthday. I didn't want to cut it too close"
I sighed "Esme is three years older that Carlisle, technically, did you know that?"
She shook her head
"It hasn't made any difference to them"
"My age is not really that important Edward, I'm ready. I've chosen my life- now I want to start living it"
I stroked her hair softly "the guest list veto?"
"I don't care really but I…" she hesitated and then continued in a rush "I'm not sure if Alice would feel the need to invite…a few werewolves. I don't know if…Jake would feel like…like he should come. Like that's the right thing to do or that I'd get my feelings hurt if he didn't. He shouldn't have to go through that"
My thoughts went back to her motives for her sudden change of heart, and I suddenly grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto my chest
"Tell me why you're doing this Bella, why did you decide now, to give Alice free reign?" I said, and she told me of the conversation she had had with Charlie the night before she'd gone to La Push
"It wouldn't be fair to keep Charlie out of this" she said "and that means Renee and Phil. I might as well let Alice have her fun too. Maybe it will make the whole thing easier for Charlie if he gets his proper goodbye. Even if he thinks it's much too early. I wouldn't want to cheat him out of the chance to walk me down the aisle" she grimaced, and then took another deep breath "at least my mom and dad and my friends will know the best part of my choice, the most I'm allowed to tell them. They'll know I chose you, and they'll know we're together. They'll know I'm happy, wherever I am. I think that's the best I can do for them"
I held her face, searching for any hidden reason that she didn't say, but I couldn't find one. She was telling the truth, she was doing what everyone else wanted, what was best for everyone else. She was doing what would make everyone else happy. Everyone but her.
"Deals off" I said abruptly, I watched her face fall
"What?" she gasped "You're backing out? No!"
"I'm not backing out, Bella. "I'll still keep my side of the bargain. But you're off the hook. Whatever you want. No strings attached"
"Why?" she asked
"Bella, I see what you're doing. You're trying to make everyone else happy. And I don't care about everyone else's feelings. I only need you to be happy. Don't worry about breaking the news to Alice. I'll take care of it. I promise she won't make you feel guilty"
"But I-"
"No. we're doing this your way. Because my way doesn't work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I've done. I've clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what's best for you, though it's only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don't trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong, so" I shifted under her, squaring my shoulders.
"We're doing this your way, Bella. Tonight. Today. The sooner the better. Ill speak to Carlisle. I was thinking that maybe, if we gave you enough morphine, it wouldn't be so bad. It's worth a try" I gritted my teeth, the thought of Bella in that much pain stabbed at me, morphine wouldn't do a thing.
"Edward, no-" I put a finger to her lips
"Don't worry Bella, love. I haven't forgotten the rest of your demands"
My hands were in her hair, my lips moving softly, but seriously, against hers.
It took her a little moment to understand what I meant, her breathing was already irregular and her hands were gripping mine, pulling her tighter to me, her mouth glued to mine.
I rolled gently, pressing her into the cool grass, careful not to let her hold any of my weight
She shook her head, needing to breath I guessed, so I moved my lips to her neck
"Stop, Edward, wait" she said, her voice weak
"Why?" I whispered against the hollow of her throat
"I don't want to do this now" she said, her voice a little stronger this time
"Don't you?" I asked, smiling I moved my lips back to hers
She seemed to force herself to free her hands of my hair to move them against my chest, she shoved against me, attempting to push me off, I got the message and pulled back a few inches to look at her
"Why?" I asked again, my voice low and rough "I love you. I want you. Right now"
She didn't respond, so I kissed her again
"Wait, wait" she said against my lips
"Not for me" I murmured
"Please" she gasped, and I groaned
I pushed myself away from her and rolled onto my back again
We both lay there for a minute trying to slow our breathing; I was having a little difficulty. Somehow our roles had been reversed, and I was the one being rejected.
"Tell me why not Bella" I demanded "this had better not be about me" I didn't want to stand in the way of what Bella wanted anymore
"Edward, this is very important to me. I am going to do this right"
"Who's definition of right?" I asked
"Mine" she answered softly
I rolled onto my elbow and started at her
"How are you going to do this right?"
Bella took in a deep breath and then she spoke "Responsibly. Everything in the right order. I will not leave Charlie and Renee without the best resolution I can give them. I wont deny Alice her fun, if I'm having a wedding anyway. And I will tie myself to you in every human way, before I ask you to make me immortal. I'm following all the rules, Edward. Your soul is far, far too important to me to take chances with. You're not going to budge me on this" she said
"I'll bet I could" I murmured, dazzling her with my eyes
"But you wouldn't" she said, she was right.
"You don't fight fair" I accused
She grinned at me "never said I did"
I smiled back, thoughtfully "if you change your mind…"
"You'll be the first to know" she promised
The rain started to drip through the clouds just then.
"I'll get you home" I said, brushing the rain drops from her cheeks
"Rain's not the problem" she grumbled "it just means that its time to go to something that will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous"
I was immediately alarmed
"It's a good thing you're bulletproof" she sighed "I'm going to need that ring. Its time to tell Charlie"
I laughed at the horrified expression on her face "Highly dangerous" I agreed, I laughed again, and reached into my pocket where I had been keeping Bella's ring "But at least there's no need for a side trip"
I took her left hand in mine and once again slid the ring into place on the third finger of her left hand.
Where it would stay – conceivably for the rest of eternity.
AN: sorry if that was long and boring and not worth reading! I was bored, and always wanted to try changing a chapters POV. So yeah, review your thoughts… much appreciated as always :)