Whenever people see Yamamoto Takeshi, they immediately think he's just the simple minded baseball nut who has no worries and just smiles and laughs whenever he scores a twenty on a test. They think he's a happy-go-lucky guy who brushes everything off lightly and only has eyes for the positive side of things, they think they all know him so well.
Even Tsuna and Gokudera think he's fine the way he his. But every now and then, Tsuna can admit that he worries about the other.
Sometimes, Tsuna wonders if Yamamoto is really okay.
Sometimes, Tsuna catches a strange flicker of 'something he can't name' in Yamamoto's eyes and that worries him.
Sometimes, Yamamoto's smile is forced and Tsuna isn't sure what he's supposed to think about that.
Most times, Tsuna wishes he could do something to make Yamamoto better.
His right arm.
That's the arm that Yamamoto catches with so why is he protecting Tsuna with that arm? Why is he letting white fangs sink into it, why is he allowing blood to trickle down the tan skin, why is he smiling while doing all this?
Tsuna doesn't understand and he hates himself for bringing Yamamoto into all this.
Baseball season is coming up and all Yamamoto can focus on is his upcoming fight with the white haired swordsman, Squalo.
"Don't worry Tsuna! I'll win and even the score."
He says it with such a huge grin that Tsuna finally starts to agree with Gokudera. Yamamoto does look stupid like that, does he even understand what's happening? Not even Tsuna wants to be in this mess right now and there are those familiar knots twisting in his stomach again, those pangs of regret and guilt for dragging Yamamoto into all this mafia business. It isn't right.
Tsuna can't be expectant of anything from Yamamoto when he himself doesn't even want to do any of this. It's completely unfair.
Yamamoto misses countless practices for baseball and Tsuna realizes that maybe he's in the way of Yamamoto's dream.
Maybe it's not Reborn's fault, but his.
Yamamoto would be living a better life if he hadn't known Tsuna.
There's a scar on his chin and a pool of mixed emotions that swim in his brown eyes when Tsuna first sees him, ten years into the future.
Yamamoto's both changed and remained the same. The way he laughs is familiar and warming, still with his eyes crinkled up and his broad shoulders shaking in mirth. But his eyes - they've completely changed.
And there's so much about this future that Tsuna can't seem to stand.
Yamamoto is the happiest person he knows, the most cheerful and positive person who has ever graced his life and yet, why is he so sad in this future? Why have all the horrible nightmares of Tsuna's mind come to reality here, in a place so far off and yet so close from his middle school self that can't even get to class on time.
Yamamoto's father is dead. Shigure Soen Ryu doesn't work. Yamamoto isn't a baseball star. And Tsuna isn't even around anymore either.
Nothing about this future is what Yamamoto planned for, nothing that Tsuna wanted for him either.
Yet Yamamoto still laughs and still smiles and his eyes fog over with glass when he sees Tsuna.
And there's something so heartbreaking about that.
Tsuna isn't there for it but he hears about Yamamoto's fight with Genshiki.
He sees the wounds on Yamamoto and the utter look of disappointment in himself. For the first time ever, Tsuna sees Yamamoto's smile falter into a frown.
"I'm sorry," is what he mumbles, "I'll do better next time."
There's iron in Tsuna's heart. Yamamoto doesn't have to apologize for anything. He doesn't need to do better next time because he's done enough and all Tsuna cares about (has ever cared about) is his health and his dreams and his future. Tsuna doesn't want this future to be the future that Yamamoto has to live in.
Why can't he ever say anything?
Why does he idly stand by and let these things pull Yamamoto in.
But maybe this is what Tsuna needs, maybe this is the only way Yamamoto will stay by his side.
"You shouldn't bother with me anymore." Tsuna wants to mutter so many times and yet he never does.
Yamamoto gave up his normal life for Tsuna. He gave up his dreams and his health and his future for Tsuna. He's done everything and anything for Tsuna and all the other can continue to do is cause harm for Yamamoto, but Tsuna will be the first to admit that he's too selfish to stop any of this. He probably needs Yamamoto more than he knows of.
He decides he needs to finally put an end to this.
Yamamoto is in the hospital and this time, the doctors say that even if he recovers, he most likely won't be able to use his legs anymore.
"Why do you keep doing things like this?" Tsuna says in a soft whisper by his bedside, eyes heavy with sleep and heart weighed down with black guilt. "You should just stop now. No more mafia game. I've already let you become this broken, I can't keep doing this to you."
There's a slight twitch from Yamamoto's hands, but Tsuna's too occupied with wiping away the lead like tears from the red corners of his eyes that he doesn't notice.