If I said I was sorry…
What if I had never met you?
If I hadn't seen that ship.
If the Goresail had narrowly missed my nets.
What if they had killed you?
Sent you to the depths with the rest?
What if they had followed orders, making sure I never saw you?
But they didn't…I met you.
They let you live, and I saw you.
Do you know…know what has happened?
You've upset it all, feelings and events.
You caused me to think and to feel what I longed to forget.
But I knew it would happen…but not like this.
Would it be hard to look differently at me?
To not see me as you do now?
To see me as someone who needs you…
Who wants you…
Who is desperate…but won't say?
My pride holds me back, the pain is too great.
I can't discern what would hurt more, separation or confrontation.
What if I said I was sorry?
If I told you I never wished it on you.
What if I went down on my knees and begged for your pardon?
Would you laugh?
Would you spit and scorn?
Would you be like her?
But you have a reason…I ruined you and hurt you.
But what if I did ask for forgiveness?
Would you let me speak?
Would you give me the chance to change my ways?
Or would you simply renew your vow to hate me?
My harsh words hide my pain…I'm dying inside.
You have me confused, and I hurt when I see you.
Sometimes I wish you were dead.
You would never have caused me this confusion.
But I know that if you left…I would be lost.
I feel it inside me…
I need you…more than I needed her.
But the fear prevents me from telling.
And I never will.