Blitzkrieg Boys Gets a Computer !
blitzkrieg boys
feat. kai, tala, spencer, bryan, ian.
experimental
MAYorMAYNOTbecontinued.
If the Blitzkrieg Boys gets a computer and starts an online advice column via email, what would those emails say?
...Or what you get when the Blitzkrieg Boys gets a computer and starts an online advice column via email. XD
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FREE ONLINE ADVERTISEMENT ON HTTP / BEYBLADEOFFICIALWEBSITE . ORG
FEELING LOVESICK, MORONIC, IDIOTIC OR JUST PLAIN STUPID? HAVE NO FEAR, THE BLITZKRIEG ONLINE EMAIL SERVICE IS HERE. WE HAVE JUST THE RIGHT THING FOR ALL OF YOU WHO'S FEELING LIKE SHIT AT THE MOMENT. SIMPLY DROP AN EMAIL AT BLITZKRIEG-SERVICE( AT ) BEYBLITZKRIEG . ORG LISTING ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS, SYMPTOMS OR REASONS, AND WE'LL REPLY A.S.A.P WITH SOLUTIONS THAT'LL BE GRANTED TO MAKE YOU FEEL LESS OF AN IDIOT, EVEN THOUGH YOU ALREADY MIGHT BE ONE. THIS IS A FREE SERVICE, AND WE DON'T BITE. HEH.
BLITZKRIEG SERVICE
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To: blitzkriegservice (AT) beyblitzkrieg . org
From: whaddayawantyoubitch (AT) bastard . com
Subject: take this, you assholes
I have no idea what kind of sicko bunch you guys are, but I'll like to tell you that you guys sucks, and are just a bunch of stuck-up jerks who have nothing to do but lurk around the network. I'll have you know Blitzkrieg is a stupid name, and it's german, anyway, so burn in hell. You don't deserve such a cool name, and I'll spam you all i want. so flame if you dare.
btw, you suck, assholes. yes, i know there's more than one of you. and read my nick! READ IT! blind fools. as if the internet needs you bunch of bullies to stick around giving shitty advices... moronic idiots.
very sincerely,
the person who wants you all to burn
To: whaddayawantyoubitch( AT ) bastard . com
From: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg . org
Subject: RE: take this, you assholes
(replied by Spencer)
hello and goodbye.
have a nice day.
THIS IS THE BLITZKRIEG SERVICE STANDARD REPLY TO SPAMS, BULLSHIT, FLAMES, NONSENSE, AND JUNK MAILS.
p.s. we may suck, but you're not any better.
To: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg . org
From: kawaiigurlluver( AT ) yahoo . ja
Subject: bgr relationships are sooo confusing, pls help!
Hello, my name is Misa. I've been trying to get my boyfriend to stop touching me since god knows when! I hate him! He's always trying to take advantage of me when we're in dark hallways or alleys or something, and I'm so annoyed! I wish he'll think of me as something more than a sex machine, instead of someone he'll always try to get under the bedsheets for! pls help, i love him and i don't wanna break up with him. you're the only one i can count on. i really really hope you'll help and reply asap..
btw, are you the blitzkrieg boys of the beybladers?
if you are, please tell kai i'm willing to break up with my boyfriend if he'll agree to go out with me for just a week. he's so hot, he makes my knees weak! are you the blitzkrieg boys!? ARE YOU, ARE YOU!?
pls reply!!!
To: kawaiigurlluver( AT ) yahoo . ja
From: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg . org
Subject: RE: bgr relationships are sooo confusing, pls help!
(replied by kai)
...i have no idea why you're bothering me with such a trivial problem with your life. you're contradicting yourself. first you say you hate him. then you say you don't want to break up with him. hn, you're simply a walking manifestation of contradiction. if you don't like the way he treats you, then break up with him. i have no waste of time for such a useless matter.
and i'm kai.
To: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg . org
From: iloveyoghurt( AT ) yummyfood . com
Subject: HELP! I can't stop gorging myself with food!
pls help! i love to eat, and i weigh a mean 85kg when i'm only 11 year old! pls help. i love sweet things and food with high calories. i've tried to turn vegeterian, but it's not working because i find myself gorging the next day immediately! my weighing scale's broke down, and i keep spending money to buy more in order to keep my weight in check. also, i think i'm suffering from depression. it's been with me since NcDonalds just right by my apartment flat, shifted two blocks away! it's such a pain to walk all the way there, and i don't know, i hate it! pls help... i wanna stop eating, and everyone's calling me fat! what kinds of diet do you suggest?
and pls don't ask me to exercise. i hate it!
reply!!! asap!
To: iloveyoghurt( AT ) yummyfood . com
From: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkriego . rg
Subject: RE: HELP! I can't stop gorging myself with food!
(replied by Ian)
hey fatso!!
...you sound like tyson, and i'm telling you that's not a good thing, 'cause i know him, and he's fat and dumb! eat, eat, eat! is that all you know? you're so boring. go be a vegeterian or something. oh wait, hahaha, you already tried that. i guess it failed! hahaha . for someone who's only 11 to wear 85kg...hey, why don't you be a sumo wrestler? then all of your problems will be solved..
what kinds of diet? well, for me, i eat alot of carrots, but it makes my nose looks big.. hey! you didn't have to know that! why did i tell you anyway! ..go away you fatso! everyone's right to call you fat cuz you are! ahahaha
To: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg . org
From: genius( AT ) superman . net
Subject: chemistry, history, english, japanese
hello, here i have attached my high school examination papers with this email. i need it done within the next week. looking forward to your reply with correct, accurate, complete answers. please write neatly, too. i have neat handwriting, a little cursive, and i'm right-handed. i don't wish for my teacher to think that i'm not doing my own work.
DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENTS:
CHEMISTRY PAPER ONE 28 PAGES
CHEMISTRY PAPER THREE 19 PAGES
HISTORY ESSAY QUESTIONS 4 PAGES
ENGLISH COMPREHENSION 6 PAGES
JAPANESE LANGUAGE TUTORIAL WORKSHEETS 54 PAGES
To: genius( AT ) superman . net
From: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg . org
Subject: RE: chemistry, history, english, japanese
(replied by Bryan)
Kid.
Do we look like your mother to you? Your email username is bullshit. If you're a genius, i'm your mother, and I'm wonderwoman if you're superman. Take your bloody high school papers back, or we'll spam you.
and surprise, we have an attachment for you to download as well.
DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT:
BLOODY HIGH SCHOOL EXAMINATION PAPERS
to: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg . org
From: genius( AT ) superman . net
Subject: RE: RE: chemistry, history, english, japanese
The insolence of all of you to paint red paint all over my high school examination papers! you've utterly ruined your own reputation, and you solely deserve all the punishment of the demeaning of your own status. i shall choose to ignore the previous email, being the kind, understanding person that i am.
For your information, I'm the top scorer for my school in Japan. Please do not insult or doubt my intelligence. thank you very much and i wish no furthur contact with all of you.
to: genius( AT ) superman . net
from: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg . org
Subject: RE: RE: RE: chemistry, history, english, japanese
(replied by Bryan)
Hey kid. We're so scared shit that we're about to pee in our pants.
1800-547843-31789
Call that number. You look like you're in serious need of psychological and mental help. The doctor's pretty good. His clinic is one of the best in Japan.
to: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg .org
from: oldddddffountain( AT ) watershell . net
subject: i love water!
hello, i'm kina, from a water company in Europe! I'm here to promote the utilization of water! water is healthy, pls drink more water! 15 glasses of water revitalizes your system and keeps you going through the day and night! without water, one can't function properly. so drink plenty of water and buy more water from the one and only old fountain water co. pte. ltd in Europe!
here's a sample.
DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT:
OLD FOUNTAIN WATER
tell us how it tastes like asap! we'll be glad to work and hear from you!
sincerely,
old fountain water co. pte. ltd,
kina
to: oldddddfountain( AT ) watershell . net
from: blitzkriegservice( AT ) beyblitzkrieg . org
Subject: RE: i love water!
(replied by Tala)
first, your nick sounds stupid. second, you emailed the wrong person. third, do we look malnourished to you? if you think we're so deprived of water, wouldn't you think we'll be living in a sea by now? no, no, we live in a desert, and that's why we absolutely love your promotional email. 15 glasses of water? heh, are you a walking lake or does your intestines have no other functions but to digest water? you must be peeing twice the time any of us does.
are you sure your water is clean? it sounds like it sprouted out from some old fountain.. not like we care. you sound like you need more water. you don't look as if you're functioning properly.
and how do you expect us to download water from the attachment ? you must be more stupid than you look, which is worrying since you call yourself a water promoter. you must be a phoney since you sound like a cactus who never tasted water before. that's just pathetic.
so shut up kid, or i'll spam.
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to be continued...
uh, maybe.
my fingers hurt all over the place just from typing this..
apologies for unintended OOCness. oh, and for the messy structure of emails etcetera? (shifts on feet and mumbles something like "askffnet".
DISCLAIMER:
i do NOT own any of the above email addresses, and i apologize if coincidentally or not, one of them happens to be yours or someone you know. they are all randomly thought up. also, pls do not start emailing the blitzkrieg boys at the email provided above or start visiting their sort-of website! because i doubt these really exists...(or i'd have flooded their mailbox and visited their site for like the gazllionth time by NOW!!!) Oh, right, and DON'T call that sporadically sprouted up number mentioned above. It's random, really. XD
review if you like it and wish for a second chapter!! gahahaha XD i'm meanie! review, review!
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