A/N: Yet another oneshot. This is kind of my version of what could have happened if Peyton hadn't come back to Tree Hill. Basically, season 5 never happened.
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He was walking for the sake of walking. To get out of his empty house and the inspiration he couldn't find there. He could no longer sit in front of a blinking cursor, feeling like sooner or later, something had to flow to his fingertips. There was nothing he wanted to write. There was no emotion he wanted to capture or evoke. There was nothing.
So he walked. He walked to the empty River Court and sat on the bleachers thinking about nothing and everything and all the things between. When he first realized his inspiration to write had left, he'd come and sit on the old asphalt in the middle of the night, trying to capture the spirit it used to bring out in him. He used to be alive when his feet were on that court. Now it just held memories of younger days. Long since paved over signatures that only he and a few others knew had ever existed.
Now, more than ever, he needed something to hang onto. Something to grasp and let him know that he had something left. Anything left. He used to have basketball, but those days were long over, save for an occasional light pick up game. Then he had his writing. The more the days passed, the more he was convinced that was gone too.
He looked over his shoulder at the river and the down town just past its shore, then stood. He needed caffeine. He needed a jolt of energy, even if it was artificial. He walked over the bridge and onto the River Walk. Memories from the life of his younger self came flooding back. It felt like someone else's nostalgia. His feet carried him to his favourite coffee shop, where the waitresses knew him by name. He loved this small town, and though it hurt to be there sometimes, he knew he'd never be able to leave it behind. He ordered his usual, medium black coffee, and went back outside. He stood for a moment, letting the sunshine hit his skin and the breeze tickle the back of his neck, before he turned to continue his aimless journey, trying to discover something he wasn't even sure existed any more.
That's when he saw her.
She looked different. Her hair had grown and the curls he'd loved so much had disappeared. She wasn't as blonde as the last time he'd seen her. When was the last time he'd seen her, he wondered. It must have been 7 years. She'd returned to Tree Hill when his mother had married Andy. It had been hard to see her then, and it was hard to see her now. Still, he knew that if he didn't talk to her, he'd regret it. But for a moment, he just wanted to watch her.
She was with two children, about 4 years old, undoubtedly her own. A little girl with golden curls, and a boy with a short hair cut and a simple smile. She knelt down to wipe the boy's hands, and Lucas could only smile when she kissed the boy's forehead before taking each of their tiny hands in hers.
When she looked up, she saw him immediately, and a smile came to her face. He noticed her looking and smiled in return. She was as beautiful as ever. They walked towards each other and he could feel his heart tighten in his chest. He was always weak for her.
"Lucas," she said softly when they were about 10 feet apart.
"Hi, Peyton," he said with a smile. She recognized the sadness in it immediately.
"I'd hug you, but I've got ice cream hands," she said with a laugh, nodding downward at the two blondes and their multi-coloured cones. They had yet to notice that their mother was talking to someone.
"It's OK," he said with a laugh. "Come on, there's a table here."
"Thanks," she chuckled.
She lifted the kids onto the benches and Lucas could only smile at her maternal attention, tucking a napkin into her son's collar to ward off stains.
"Guys, I want you to meet someone," she said sweetly, calling their attention to the man sitting across from her. "This is my old friend Lucas."
"Mommy, he doesn't look old," the little girl said innocently, making Lucas chuckle.
"No, sweetie, he doesn't," Peyton laughed. "These are my twins. This is Avery," she said to Lucas, looking at the little girl.
"Hi Avery," he said softly.
"Hello," she said sweetly, looking at him with the same green eyes her mother had.
"And this," Peyton paused for a moment, "is Scott."
Lucas looked at her with surprise on his face. Scott. His last name. She gave him a timid smile and he turned to the boy.
"Hello Scott." It came out much softer than he wanted it too. There was a lump in his throat he couldn't explain.
The little boy moved closer to his mother and continued licking his ice cream cone without a word.
"He's a little shy," Peyton explained, wrapping her arm around the boy. Lucas noticed the simple gold band on her hand as it rest on her son's shoulder.
"Scottie's shy, but I'm not shy," Avery announced proudly, making Lucas chuckle again. He'd only been with her for a few minutes, and he could already tell the little girl was just like her mother.
"No, you certainly aren't," Peyton laughed.
"So what brings you back to Tree Hill," Lucas asked before taking a sip of his coffee.
"Dad finally sold the house, so we came down to help him pack. My room was basically untouched, so he wanted me to go through everything," she explained.
"Yeah, I ran into him a couple weeks ago," Lucas said with a chuckle. "You know he still calls me Rake Boy?"
"The man has a good memory," she laughed.
"You know my grandpa?" Avery asked, eyes still focused on her ice cream.
"I sure do. I've known your grandpa for a long time," Lucas explained. It almost hurt him to look at her. For some reason, all he could think was, 'that could have been my daughter.' She seemed content with that answer and Peyton shook her head at Lucas as she smiled.
"So where's...?" he began, but realized he'd forgotten her husband's name. He'd only met the man once, at his mother's wedding, and he'd been too wrapped up in the day's festivities to get to know him. They'd only been dating at the time. Now she was his wife. She was someone's wife.
"Julian," she offered. "He's helping dad with heavy things, so I skirted the work and got the kids out of there."
"So you're still in L.A.?" he asked. Their conversation didn't flow like it used to, and that surprised him. They hadn't spoken in so long that it shouldn't have, but they had always just been easy. Since the first day they met.
"Yeah. Well, Malibu now. How's Lindsey?" she asked. She hadn't noticed until after she'd spoken that he wasn't wearing his wedding band.
"We um...we divorced. About 6 months ago," he admitted sadly. The D-word still made him uncomfortable. He hated it. It was just another way to say that he'd failed as a husband.
"I'm so sorry," she said sincerely. He didn't deserve it. Lucas had always loved more completely than anyone she knew. He had taught her how to do it, too.
"Mommy, what's divorced?" Avery asked. Peyton cringed and offered Lucas an apologetic look.
"It's complicated, baby," she said vaguely.
"You always say things are complicated," the girl argued. Lucas could only laugh.
"Well, a lot of things are," Peyton replied with a smile. "Are you done with your cone?"
The girl had blue and red ice cream running down her chin, so Peyton reached into her bag and pulled out some wet naps and began to wipe up the mess. She turned to her little boy and did the same, taking their mangled cones and tossing them into a bin nearby.
"Wow, Mama Peyton," Lucas teased, trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah, yeah," she said, rolling her eyes and wiping her own hands clean.
"Can we play?" Scott asked. They were the first words the boy had spoken since Lucas ran into them. Something about her son reminded him of himself, though he knew that was impossible. He seemed pensive and quiet, like he had been as a boy.
"There's a park not far from here, if you want to take them," Lucas offered. He watched the kids' eyes light up as they looked to their mother pleadingly.
"Sure," she said with a smile. "Come with us. We can talk."
"Alright," he nodded.
They stood and Peyton took the two little hands in hers. Lucas smiled at how natural she looked. He had always known she'd be a great mother. Avery stood between the two adults, and she tucked her tiny hand into his, taking him by surprise. He looked down at her and smiled, and Peyton watched the scene unfold, shooting him a wink when he looked her way.
This was the life he wanted. Once upon a time with Peyton, then with Lindsey. Now he just longed for this comfort. Laughing children and watching the woman you love care for your family. He'd never felt further away from it than he did right now, holding the hand of another man's child.
They walked to the park in near silence. It wasn't far, thankfully. He knew this park well. He used to take Lily and Jamie there when they were younger and craving time away from their parents.
"OK, go play," Peyton said, releasing Avery and Scott's hands. "Be careful."
She walked with Lucas to a nearby bench and they sat down, watching the blonde twins run and giggle.
"They're beautiful," Lucas said, looking into her eyes to show his sincerity.
"Thanks," she smiled.
"You named him Scott," he said softly, looking at the little boy as he played in the sand.
"I did." Her tone matched his, and she knew he was waiting for an explanation. "You and Nathan were two of my best friends. I wanted to honor that."
"Friends?" he asked. It sounded more petty than he'd intended, and he immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry."
"You saved my life, Lucas. And Nathan is one of my best friends to this day. I'm kind of surprised that he didn't tell you," she explained.
He knew he couldn't tell her that he hadn't wanted to hear. So instead he changed the subject. "What did your husband think?"
"Well," she said before laughing, "let's just say I can be very persuasive." He looked at her with confusion in his eyes, and she continued. "He read Ravens. He knows the story. He wasn't thrilled about it at first, but I explained that he had nothing to worry about. And then he picked Avery's name, so it was fine."
"Right," he nodded.
She sensed there was something wrong that he wasn't telling her. She still knew him. It was hard for her not to just pull him into her arms like she used to. He used to say that healed him. But he wasn't hers to heal.
"Lucas, what happened to you?" she asked, concern apparent in her tone.
"What do you mean?" He was looking at his hands. He should have known that she'd see through him.
"You seem...sad. What happened with you and Lindsey?"
His eyes snapped up to meet hers and he just shook his head.
"She...um...she met someone else," he said quietly, with a shrug of his shoulders.
"What?" Peyton asked, dumbfounded. "How could she...?"
"I don't know," he interrupted. "She went to New York on business and came back and told me it was over. I tried so hard, Peyt. I tried."
She sensed the defeat in his tone and knew he was on the verge of breaking down. She knew him, and she knew that he wouldn't have opened up to anyone about it yet, other than Haley. Haley and Lindsey had been close friends, so Peyton wondered if he'd even said really let her in on everything.
"I'm so sorry, Lucas," she said softly. She reached out and touched his forearm innocently. As innocent as it was, it still sent a jolt through his body.
"I just thought she was the one, you know?" He shouldn't have said it. Not to Peyton. There was a time when he'd thought she was the one too. He'd proposed, even.
Lindsey hadn't been happy to find that out. She hadn't been happy about Peyton at all. She knew that everyone had exes, of course, but Peyton was different and everyone knew. It had taken a long time for Lucas to convince her that he wasn't in love with Peyton any more. Still, he knew that on some level, he'd always love her - the blonde girl who taught him what it even was to love. When Lindsey left, she had told him that now there was someone else in her heart, just like there had always been someone else in his.
"I know," she whispered.
She knew he'd be thinking of their proposal, and how different things would have been if he'd just stayed in the hotel room, or if she'd just said yes. But she loved her husband, more than she'd ever thought possible, and she wouldn't trade him or their two children for anything. Lucas had happened a long time ago, and he had, in a roundabout way, brought her to Julian.
"Tell me about him," Lucas insisted softly. "Your husband."
"He's a movie producer. He grew up in Portland and moved to L.A. when he finished college. He's had movies at Sundance and he loves what he does..."
"No," Lucas interrupted, shaking his head. "Tell me about him." What he wanted to say was - tell me he makes you as happy as I did.
She was taken aback at first. She wondered why he'd want to know. Then it dawned on her - he wanted to know she was happy. He wanted to know she was in love and content.
"He's wonderful. He's an amazing father. He'd do anything for me and our kids. He cried when we got married, and when they were born. He teaches them things, you know?" She looked at him and he was smiling. She could almost see the relief in his eyes. This is what he needed her to say, she knew. "I'll walk into the kitchen and he'll be explaining to our 4 year olds how an egg turns into a chicken." Lucas laughed before she continued. "He plays guitar and writes goofy songs for me. He's always got an idea in his head about something, so he has to carry a notebook around at all times. I accidentally threw out a napkin from some bar and he wouldn't talk to me for two days because it had an idea for some ad campaign scrawled on it." She looked over to him and his own eyes were fixed on his hands. "I'm happy, Lucas."
"Good," he said with a nod. "You deserve it."
"Mommy!" Avery's voice rang out, stopping Peyton from speaking. "Scott pushed me and I have a grass stain now but it's all his fault, kay?"
"OK, sweetie," Peyton laughed. They watched her run off again and Peyton turned back to Lucas. "She got a grass stain once on her favourite shirt and she's worried now every time she plays."
Lucas laughed at the thought. "She's like you."
"I guess," Peyton shrugged.
"Are you kidding? It's like looking into the past," Lucas insisted.
"Scott reminds me of you sometimes," she admitted quietly. He looked at her, wondering if she'd read his mind earlier. "He's really quiet and he's already reading, which is just insane. Julian's a soccer nut, but Scott insists on basketball. And he's just the sweetest little boy. He's really caring and gentle. He has a good heart."
Lucas watched Peyton as she described her boy, and he saw the love she had for her family. It was written on her face. He noticed a sparkle in her eye and he knew she was tearing up as she talked about her son.
"Better he's like me than Nathan," Lucas joked, making her laugh.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, just watching the kids run and play. Avery picked a dandelion and tucked it behind her ear, and Scott helped her up the steps to the slide. Lucas felt an ache in his heart thinking about the life Peyton shared with someone else.
"You'll get this," she said, never taking her eyes off the kids. She just knew he was thinking it. She always knew.
"Doesn't feel like it sometimes," he said with a sigh.
"You will. You're meant to be a father, Luke."
He turned to her and could only smile. A simple phrase from her lips and suddenly things felt right. She didn't have to argue or plead or launch into a speech about all the things that would make him a good dad. She just stated it like a fact, and he took it as one.
"Thank you," he said softly.
"Rake Boy!" a voice rang out. It could only be one man. Both Peyton and Lucas spun around to see her father and Julian coming towards them.
"Hi, Larry," Lucas said as he stood, extending a hand towards the older man.
"Good to see you, son," Larry said.
"Julian, you remember Lucas? You met at Karen's wedding," Peyton said, linking her arm with her husband as he nodded and extended his hand.
"How are you?" Lucas said as he shook the man's hand.
"Exhausted! But I'm doing well. It's good to see the other half of the tandem of brothers that my son is named after," he said with a grin. Peyton looked at him and rolled her eyes, and he pressed a kiss to her temple.
"Daddy!" Avery yelled, running towards the group of adults. Julian kneeled down and picked her up in his arms and she wrapped hers around his neck.
"Hi baby," he said, kissing her forehead. Scott walked over and the man rustled the boy's hair with his left hand. They were happy. She was happy.
Lucas was officially jealous of Julian.
"We should go," Larry announced. "The moving truck will be at the new house any minute now. Lucas, you should come by some time and we can watch a game."
"Sounds great," Lucas said with a genuine smile.
"Great to see you again, Lucas. Take care," Julian offered with a nod.
"Bye Lucas!" Avery shouted while she waved, making the adults laugh.
"Bye Lucas," Scott said, quite a bit quieter than his sister.
"Bye," Lucas offered with a smile. The two men walked away with the children, leaving Peyton and Lucas to say goodbye in private. Peyton inwardly smiled at her husband's trust, though he had no reason to worry.
"It was great bumping into you," she admitted with a smile.
"Yeah. I missed this," he said.
"Well listen, Haley has my email and everything, so don't be a stranger, OK?" she said, pulling him into a hug.
"Alright," he said softly, wrapping his arms around her. "I really am happy for you, Peyt."
"Thank you," she nodded as she pulled away. "Take care of yourself."
He just nodded and mimicked her smile before she left, running to catch up with her family, and picking up her son from behind, launching him into a fit of giggles before she put him down again. Julian wrapped his arm around her waist and she leaned up to kiss him.
She had his perfect life. And she had it with someone else.
For the first time in almost a year, he felt compelled to write. He had a story to tell. It was their story, but the real life one. He'd changed names and details, but it saw her with all the happiness she so deserved, and him lonely and longing. The ending was far from happy.
A year after their chance meeting, the book was out and he was working on its follow up. He'd been writing non stop since he saw her that day. He received an email from her - they had kept in touch, as she'd requested. This one made him smile, through the ache it put in his heart.
"You will get this..."
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A/N: OK, before you guys start throwing things at me, I am a sucker for an unhappy ending...I doubt many people will even like this story, but I had to write it. Let me know what you think! (Be nice!! Ha!)