"As strong as you were, tender you go. I'm watching you breathing for the
last time."
Carry You Home, James Blunt
My Bella was gone. I didn't really know what that meant, because I knew she wasn't dead, but her heart had stopped beating. I swore to her I would love her until then, so why did I still long for her?
'You're disgusting,' Leah whispered in her mind.
'Leah, change. Now.' She snickered.
'Why don't you? You shouldn't even be allowed to call yourself part of the pack. Not since she changed. You want her more than anything. And she is one of them now? She's what you are supposed to protect the tribe from and you'd be willing to sacrifice all of us to call her yours.' I growled, but I knew she was right. And the whole pack knew she was right. That is what hurt the most.
'Knock it off,'-that was Sam,-'Leah, it's none of your business.'
'Sam, how can you say that? He's practically your brother and-'
'I think Jacob is right. Leah, you need to change.'
Suddenly it was quiet. Leah didn't have a choice but to change if Sam told her to. It was a relief to not be ridiculed because of what happened to Bella.
'Jacob, do want the rest of us to change-give you some time to yourself?'
'Do you mind?' Right at that moment, I didn't hear any of my brothers' thoughts. It was finally peaceful. I had to remember to thank Sam. His authority was sometimes frightening, but right now, much appreciated. We weren't allowed to contradict Sam ever or we would all be in serious trouble.
I had a feeling Sam knew what I was going through. As much as Leah pissed us all off, she was Sam's first love, and truly his soul mate, but as soon as he saw Emily, Leah didn't even matter anymore. We all knew he wanted to be with Leah the way she wanted him to be. He longed to make her happy, but his relationship with Emily was the most powerful thing he had known and Emily had become his whole life. I just needed to figure out who Bella was to me.
Was Bella my Leah-the woman who I wanted to be with more than anything, but a force more powerful than love had kept us apart? Or was she my Emily-my air, my sun? Was she the one who could keep me alive, the one who I would sacrifice everything for? I knew for the good of the tribe, she should be my Leah, but I wasn't sure if that was the case.
I shook my head, disgusted with myself. I was letting my pack down and destroying everything I had worked so hard to earn. Did I truly need to do this to them to survive. I knew the answer, as horrible as it was, and I knew I didn't have a chance at making the right decision.